The Christmas Gift -  Part 4

As the family sat around the fireplace - everyone fully content after the huge Christmas dinner they'd shared and busy checking out the gifts they'd received - Daniel stood by the window and watched the snow drift down outside. He felt someone behind him and turned to look over his shoulder. Jack's smile greeted him.

"Want a top up?" The older man asked, holding out the coffee pot to him. Daniel twisted and presented his cup for his friend then muttered a 'thanks' as Jack walked away, leaving him to return his attention to the snow outside. After a few moments he felt the presence behind him again and looked over his shoulder, this time it was Susan. He shifted a little to face her now, but his eyes remained on the snow-crusted scene beyond the windows. She smiled at how blue his eyes seemed to be, reflected by all the white outside.

"It's so beautiful," Daniel said, finally shifting his eyes to look upon her.

She smiled as she agreed, "it has a certain charm."

He scoffed as he indicated to the snow-crusted mountains and the river rambling below them at the base of the hill. "You are kidding, right? It's probably the most beautiful place on earth," he told her. She laughed as she folded her arms across her chest.

"To a stranger, I guess it is. I've grown up here and to me, it's just home," she told him as he leaned her shoulder against the window frame, her back to the view now but facing him straight on. "We used to come up here all the time with Grandpa and then sometimes Mom brought us up here during the summer breaks..." Her voice trailed off softly as her eyes grew misty. Daniel diverted his eyes from her to give her some privacy for a moment. She inhaled a long, deep breath then gave an embarrassed smile. "Sorry."

"When Jack invited us to his family's cabin.. I never expected.. this!" He held his hand out to the room. Susan's smile grew wider.

"We still call it the cabin, because that's what it used to be in Grandpa's days. Over the past few years, since dad's retirement, he's been up here with mom, adding rooms to it until-" She shrugged then rolled her head back against the window frame. "I think he and mom intended to retire up here permanently once it was ready..."

Daniel's eyes shifted around the room, at the older O'Neill sitting with his young grand-daughter beside him and laughing with Claude.

"It's hard to lose someone you love very deeply.." He said.

"You talking from experience?" she asked. He nodded then gave a sad smile as he ducked his face.

"I lost my wife last year," he confessed then narrowed his eyes as he looked out the window once more, diverting his gaze from her.

"That's sad," she said then reached out and touched his shoulder.

He bit his lip quickly before saying, "Everyone moves on though - usually.."

"Oh?" Her voice lightened slightly. "So you have..?"

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he tilted his head to the side slightly while saying, "I've tried to.."

She wasn't sure what he meant by that so she asked, "But it's too painful?"

Blinking quickly he said, through a slightly embarrassed laugh, "Actually, it's more a case of moving 'on' to the wrong people.."

Susan dropped her face as a smile kissed her lips. "Oops, I see."

He sighed as he watched the snow falling outside. "Do you think we'll be able to drive out of here tomorrow?"

She followed his gaze, and noted the sudden change of topic. "You're with Jack, he'll get you out of here."

Daniel slotted his eyes to look at her. "What's that mean?"

She shrugged. "Well, two things, I guess. I've never known Jack to have trouble driving in any kind of weather. He's a good driver. But I guess what I really meant was that he doesn't like these family events, so he's probably champing at the bit to go even now."

Daniel turned to see his friend sitting on the sofa, head bowed and one arm resting along the back of the sofa as he read the book in his lap. He was dressed in a cream hand-knitted sweater and the same denim jeans from yesterday. Again he looked gorgeous to Daniel.

The anthropologist shifted his eyes back onto Susan. Referring only to his behavior with his family, Daniel said to her, "He seems fine to me."

She nodded then smiled brightly. "Actually, I think that's largely to do with you being here. You're probably his buffer, without even knowing it."

This puzzled Daniel. Jack was so quiet about coming up here in the first place so Susan's comments were intriguing him even more. "What makes you say that?"

Susan slanted her eyes towards the room as she lowered her voice and told him, "Dad and Jack have had this uneasy peace between then the past few years but before that, well... Dad wasn't around for us, let's put it that way." She looked at him now.

"Well, I kinda noticed a little... strain.... between them last night, but today.." he looked over at the two of them, then back at her, "they both seem fine."

"Yeah, well, the peace has definitely been kept so far today..." Susan told him, quirking her brow in much the same way Jack had of doing it.

"But you don't expect it to last?" Daniel asked, bowing his head as he spoke to her.

"To be honest?" She answered that by screwing her nose up as she shook her head quickly. "I'd love it to, though. It would be nice to think they'd reached some kind of peace - especially now that Mom's no longer around to be the buffer..."

She smiled at Daniel now as she lifted her chin slightly. With a curious look in her eye she said to him, "Maybe you 'are' his calming raft?" Suddenly Amy called to her mother, waving her hand over her head for her immediate attention. Susan patted his arm and walked over to her daughter who was frantically beckoning her.

Unbeknownst to her, her words had sent a shiver along Daniel's spine. If he was Jack's calming raft, enough so that even his family could see it, then what did that mean about the dynamics of their friendship? Considering the conversation with Jon last night, and now this, Daniel wondered, too, at his ability to buffer Jack from his family. Could it mean more? Or was this just hopeful thinking on his part?

A sobering thought hit him though. He wasn't the only one invited this weekend! What might have happened had Sam come, for instance? Would things be different? Certainly Jon would not have had the same conversation with her. In fact she probably would have been treated by everyone as if she were Jack's girlfriend, and knowing the two of them, it would be something they suffered through - even played along with - just to keep everyone happy and off Jack's back.

Wouldn't that have confused Jon? Probably nearly as much as it confused him at the moment! If Jack was gay - as Jon seemed insistent upon - what about Jack's confession to him about kissing Sam during the looping? Did that really happen? Or was it something Jack made up, for reasons known only to himself? So maybe Jack was bi-sexual, and Jon - a self-proclaimed ignorant - didn't know the difference? Daniel sighed as he returned his gaze out to the snow outside. Bi-sexual, meaning, of course, that Jack's attraction to Sam, which seemed to be growing more and more obvious of late, might just be real. Again Daniel recalled how Jack had told him that nothing would happen between him and Sam so long as he was her commanding officer.

But up here- away from the prying eyes of the military and in a setting as romantic as this - how would Jack have treated her? When they were in private? During times like the wood shed last night? Times when they were alone and didn't have the prying eyes of his family upon them even? What then?

Daniel's golden lashes fluttered as he diverted his eyes to the rich red and blue rug under his feet as he pondered that. He knew from Jack himself that he found her attractive enough to kiss - even if it was at a time of absolutely no repercussions, as was Jack's excuse. Would they have done things differently this weekend? Surely she would not be over by this window, deliberately keeping a safe distance between herself and Jack - as he was doing. She would, he imagined, be sitting right beside him on the sofa - and they would be talking and sharing anecdotes with his family that would make Jack blush. He smiled inwardly as he thought about that. What if he and Jack were lovers and Jon's acceptance of it was upheld by all the family? So much so that they were treated much like any couple? So much so that they could be sitting there now, swapping amusing anecdotes about the man they all loved to varying degrees...? That thought warmed Daniel's heart and sent tendrils of gooseflesh down his back.

But he and Jack were just friends - that was the sobering truth of it. Even if Jon thought otherwise, and he'd hoped otherwise, Jack's actions this morning were clearly driving that point home to the anthropologist.

It was too strange to even try to hold conversation with him at the moment; they were both abrupt and seemed to have a lot of trouble meeting the other's eyes. The last time they were alone was when he gave Jack the present, and that was awkward enough. He wasn't sure what he wanted or expected when he gave the gift over. A hug as a 'thank you' perhaps? Jack had often hugged him in thanks before, but Daniel distinctly noted the lack of hug this morning. Was he self-conscious about his father or that others might see it? Or was he now afraid of giving him the wrong impression?

Daniel knew they needed to discuss it but everything he wanted to talk about could not be said in front of other people. Breakfast was hard enough; merely asking for the ketchup without meeting the brown gaze was tough going. There was so much he wanted to ask Jack, so much he felt they needed to talk through, to resolve in order to keep the friendship, if nothing else. Yet Jack was making no attempt to get him aside to talk anything through. He kept himself in the heart of the house, only getting up to go to the bathroom or to refill his coffee cup, but he didn't appear to be sulking or withdrawn either. In fact, he looked better than Daniel could ever recall him looking in a long time as he laughed and joked with his siblings, and got on the ground to wrestle with his nephews. Dressed in thick winter clothes - a hand-knitted beige sweater (a present from Sara last year, as it happened), denim jeans and thick white socks - Jack looked 'fresh'. Even his face was different up here - bright, with a smile that Daniel wished he'd had opportunity to use more back at home.

Susan returned to him and smiled when she followed his gaze over to Jack.

"You're a thinker, aren't you?" She said with a slight tease in her voice as she looked back at him.

He blushed a little then lowered his face. "Sometimes there's a lot to think about," he told her honestly.

She gave a soft laugh as she patted his shoulder. "Well, it's Christmas Day. You're surrounded by good food, good beer and, hopefully, good company." Her smile was so like Jack's that Daniel had to respond to it with a smile of his own. She reminded him of someone too, but he wasn’t sure who it was. Perhaps it was Jack, but thinking about it, Daniel knew that wasn’t quite who Susan put him in mind of.

"Yes." He nodded, suddenly feeling foolish for ostracizing himself from the others. "You're right."

"I'm an O'Neill, of course I’m right. Hasn't Jack taught you that yet?"

Daniel laughed as he crinkled his nose. "He tries, though I'm not sure we all buy it.."

Susan arched her throat as she laughed deeply. "Oooh, I'm sure he'd love to hear that."

"Just-" He broke through their jocularity with a quick raise of his finger - "I was just curious about what you were saying about him earlier."

"About?"

"How he's normally different, uptight, with you all. The Jack I see here today is so.. well, relaxed," he said, with a sweet smile of sincerity kissing his lips. "I just think you should know that."

She looked at him a moment then asked, "He is?"

Daniel nodded then shrugged. "Just thought you might like to know that, to know that he's not 'feigning' anything with you. I've never seen him so relaxed, and I spend a lot of time with him, on duty and off.."

After a few moments she nodded. "Thank you." Then a grateful smile curled her lips as she admitted earnestly, "You've no idea how much that means, to me especially." He saw how important that was to her by the look in her eyes. With a faint smile she sighed shakily then gazed out of the window. In a small, somewhat sad, voice she admitted to him, "In the past, they'd have been at each other's throats before now." Her eyes shifted onto his brilliant blue gaze once more. "Maybe Jack's just behaving himself in front of you.."

"Oh, I doubt that," Daniel muttered with a wry smile. "He's never bothered in the past.."

Susan chuckled at his honesty and broke her own melancholy. "Oh, so you 'do' know my brother well then?"

Daniel snorted softly as he wiped his finger across his closed lips. "Yeah! Hang around him way too much sometimes..."

Susan's brown eyes shone warmly at him in the reflective light from outside. "It's good. It's nice to know he has friends.. like you."

Daniel wet his lips then bowed his head. "Jack's got many friends.. " he told her but the look she gave him in return clearly told him that she found that hard to believe. With a bashful chuckle he said, "Well, okay, a few 'good' friends then!"

She smiled and nodded, seeming to find that easier to believe. Daniel found the familiarity with her comforting, but a little confusing at the same time. She was so much like Jack in so many ways; in the quirk of a brow, the same way of speaking, the same wry smile and no-nonsensical manner. She patted his arm and, with no words of parting, turned and went across the room to her family in front of the fireplace once more. Watching her go Daniel took the opportunity to shift his gaze across the room to where Jack was, once again reading his book - one hand cradled a coffee cup on his bent knee while the other rested, at his wrist, across his ankle. As he lowered his eyes he caught Jon's gaze and froze. The older O'Neill simply raised his glass then turned his attention to Claude, who was sitting beside him. Daniel nibbled his bottom lip as he shifted to look out of the window once more.

"Hey! Daniel!"

He turned from the window and saw Jack, still sitting on the sofa but leaning back now, a devilish glint in his eyes. "You gonna stand there all day?"

A little embarrassed that the entire room seemed to have stopped what they were doing to look at him, Daniel shrugged then wrapped his arms across his chest. This made Jack laugh as he pushed himself up off the sofa to cross the room, waving his hands at everyone else and jokingly telling them to go back to their business, that there was nothing to see. By the time he reached Daniel's side the younger man was pink in the face.

"Sorry," Jack whispered, nudging him with his shoulder. Daniel gave a quick smile then nodded. "Just wondered what was so fascinating out there," Jack continued, peering out the window to all the white outside. Raising a brow quickly he shifted his eyes to look at the man beside him. "And.. I'm 'still' wondering what.. is so ... fascinating...out there.."

Daniel's nose crinkled as he smiled and turned back to the window. Jack looked over the profile of his friend then asked, in a soft voice and somewhat sincerely, "You having fun yet?"

Daniel turned towards him and nodded as his eyes scanned the domestic scene around them. "It's been great, thanks."

"Even if the potatoes were burnt?" Jack laughed.

"I like my potatoes well done."

Jack scratched the back of his head as he said, "Yeah, but mine were black, what color were yours?"

Daniel chuckled and lowered his face. "Black."

Both men laughed now and Jack patted Daniel on the shoulder, "Come on," he said, stepping away. Daniel frowned.

"What?"

Jack jerked his head and simply said, "Come on."

Daniel, a little curious and somewhat bemused, pushed his hands into his pant's pockets and followed Jack through to the back of the cabin, wondering if he was finally going to talk to him about the revelations last night. But, as they stopped by the back door Jack started taking coats off the rack, passing one to Daniel without saying a word, the confused young man looked at the coat then at his friend. Jack indicated for him to put it on, so Daniel did.

"You said you brought your snow boots, right?" His friend asked. Daniel nodded so Jack went back into the cabin and into the bunkroom, soon returning with two pairs of thick snow boots. He dropped Daniel's at his feet then leaned against the wall and pulled his own on.

"Am I to gather we're going.. outside?" Daniel's heart thudded in his chest. Was he really ready for this yet, despite all his ponderings?

Jack tilted his face up and nodded. "You're so damn fascinated by it, thought you'd like to see the boat shed."

"Boat shed?" Daniel's blue eyes blinked quickly as a touch of nervousness strained his words.

Jack sighed and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, Danny, I'm not going to take you 'out' in a boat. Half the river's frozen over anyway.."

Daniel was about to protest, to admit that that thought was furthermost from his mind at the moment, but Jack shot him a silencing smile. "I know Teal'c told you about our boating mishap when we were up here earlier this year," he said. Daniel raised his brow high, feigning innocence (for Teal'c had), but Jack wasn't buying the act. He laughed then patted his friend's arm good-naturedly before stamping his feet into his boots to secure them. "I just want to show you the boatshed. I used to go there with my grandfather all the time when I was a kid.."

Daniel smiled at that thought. It was hard to imagine Jack as a 'kid' despite the photographs around the cabin that proved that he once was. Daniel had only seen the one photo of Charlie, Jack kept it in his office back on base, but while he was looking at the wall of family portraits Daniel couldn't help but note the similarity between Jack and Charlie when they were both eight years old.

"Did you ever come up here with Charlie?" he asked without really thinking about it. Jack stopped buttoning his jacket and raised his face to look at him.

"Couple of times," he told him, his voice still sad whenever he spoke of his son. Daniel nodded then lowered his face to concentrate on his zip.

"We'd sit on the jetty just out there and toss in a line -just kicking back," Jack went on,, wistfully - a gentle smile lit his face as he recalled the warm summers he spent here with his family. Jack looked at Daniel then jerked his head towards the back door. "Ready?"

The anthropologist nodded and tugged on his thick gloves before following his friend out of the back door.

*

The snow was only lightly falling, and the white blanket on the ground was soft and difficult to walk through. The two of them headed towards the small wooden shed on the other side of the cabin from the jetty.

Unbeknownst to them, Jon was standing at the window back up in the house on the hill, watching the two men trail footprints in the virgin snow. He lowered his face, staring down into his hot coffee as he thought about what his wife had told him a few weeks before her death - that it was important to have love in your life, no matter where it came from and no matter who it came from. He was angry at first, outraged that his son might be 'queer' but Maude's words kept flooding back to him, over and over, that no matter who he loved, Jack was always Jack and that Jon should be proud of him for that. And Jon was proud of his son. He took pride in Jack's military achievements and the fact that his son had made Colonel while still a relatively young man. He began to wonder why Jack hadn't advanced from that ranking in the past few years, but Maude had told him that Jack had explained to her why he hadn't. He'd told her that he was in a 'good' place in his life; he had a good home, a good job and a good team to work with. He didn't need anything more. Jon looked at the two men, still making their way across the icy ground towards the boat shed, and wondered if Daniel was part of Jack's contentedness. He wasn't crazy about the notion that Jack preferred men, but it wasn't his place to voice an opinion on that, and from what he'd observed about Daniel, he hoped he might be the sort of person Jack could or would, spend the rest of his life with. The boy seemed like a nice 'man'; quietly spoken, well mannered and intelligent - everything Jon liked in a person, so why wouldn't Jack? He just avoided thinking about the physical aspect of the relationship between the two strapping men. It was easier that way.

Susan came up and hooked her hand over her father's shoulder, breaking his thoughts before they went to a place Jon wanted to avoid at all costs. Father and daughter exchanged smiles as she said to him, "Penny for them."

Jon shook his head then sighed. "Just missing your mother, I guess."

Susan rubbed her father's shoulder before reaching up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek lightly. "She'd have loved this Christmas, wouldn't she?" she asked, her eyes tearing up. Jon nodded, brushing his lips across his daughter's forehead as he sighed sadly.

"She sure would have. Seeing everyone happy.."

Susan threw her arms around her father and hugged him tightly and he buried his face into her neck, accepting the cuddle from her, not sure who was comforting whom.

End of part 4