The Adventures of Two Pirate Lasses

Chapter One: Rum is Gewd

[When we first join our friends, both Ash and Becka are seated in a tavern. There, Ash finds the famous drink known as rum. She offers a bottle to her friend, Becka, and so our story begins...]

Ash: Rum? *offers bottle*

Becka: Shiver me timbers! Rum... I'd love some mate!

Ash: *hands Becka a bottle* Drink up me ‘eartie!

Becka: *takes the bottle* Thank ya.

Ash: *chugs own bottle* Aaaah daz good rum. *salutes Becka with bottle* Cheers mate.

Becka: Yah, it daz good fer yer soul *drinks some* Cheers!

Ash: Aye matey. Souls need good fillin'. *as an after thought* Gotta use slang as a pirate, matey.

Becka: Yah yeh do.

Ash: *chugs more rum* Welp.. *hic* wonder where the lassies are?

Becka: Oh I don't need lassies *hic* I need some manly-men *laughs and chugs some more rum*

Ash: Aye that's what I be meanin'. Lads not lassies... I'm not a eunuch.

Becka: Yer not a what?

Ash: *Ignores question* Yeah like I says before, I'm not a eunuch.

Becka: Ya some fine lads with muscles and if they look like Colin Farrell - god they are so perfect...*Drinks some more*

Ash: *chuckles* If they be lookin' like Capn' Jack Sparrow, I'll be wit em before ya can say "savvy".

Becka: *chuckles* No I would love a Will Turner if they be lookin' like him. I'd be there before you could say "swaby".

Ash: What say we quit a'jabberin' an go find us a Will and a Jack, savvy?

Becka: That will take years mate...

Ash: Yeh, I s'pose yer right, matey... *chugs more rum, realizes the bottle's empty* OY! BARTENDER! Bring me sum'or rum, will yeh?!

Becka: I think that's enough mate...

Ash: Oy matey, yeh can ne'er have enough rum *stands up and sways*

Becka: Oy yes yeh can.

Ash: Maybe you can *hic* but I kin ne'er have *hic* enough *hic* rum! *passes out*

Becka: Oy someone get me a wet cloth... *puts wet towel on Ash's head* Oy you bloody git..

Ash: *wakes up* Eh? What be happenin' mate?

Becka: Yeh passed out, ya git!

Ash: *sits up slowly* Well bloody hell... But... where's the rum?!

Becka: Shaddup wit the rum! There ain't no more rum.

Ash: *cries* WHY WHY WHY!! WHY THE RUM!?

Becka: Oy you've had enough rum fer ur life.

Ash: NO!! NOT THE RUM!

Becka: *slaps Ash* Oy snap out of it mate!

Ash: Now I did'n deserve that mate... *stands up*

Becka: You sound like Jack Sparrow matey.

Ash: Really mate? That's interestin'...

Becka: Yes, well ya prolly look like em too. *laughs* only kiddin' mate.

Ash: Mate, I'm a'gonna---- *sees rum* OY!! RUM!! HEY YOU!! COME BACK HERE WIT THA' RUM!!

Becka: Oy STOP!!! No more rum, yeh hear?

Ash: *hears cannon* Wha was tha, mate?

Becka: Duck! *flies forward* The pirates are here mate!

Ash: Oh blast!!!!

[What will happen to our heroes? Will they be killed by pirates? Will they kill the pirates? Will Ash get over her obsession with rum? Will Will Turner and CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow turn up to save the day? Will I ever stop asking these questions? Stay tuned for the continuing story, savvy?]


Chapter Two: We Caught Airselves A Couple a'Pirates, Mate

[It turns out the cannon blast was just a false alarm. It was merely an explosion in the old Blacksmith shop. Unfortunately Becka discovered a copy of their first adventure and she had a few things to say about it. Called herself and her friend Ash stupid...]

Ash: *puts hand on Becka’s shoulder and looks out into the horizon* But at least we kin be proud of air stupidness and make others laff hysterically at us.

Becka: Oy that be the truth.

Ash: Aye, yes it be mate.

Becka: Mate, tha' was tha funniest thing I ever read.

Ash: I agree wit yeh mate. We do say 'mate' alot dun we, mate?

Becka: Yeah we do mate.

Ash: *drinks MORE rum* Aaaaahhhh but I shore luv me rum, mate.

Becka: *shakes head* You and yer rum, matey. You need ter stop drinkin' the stuff.

Ash: *looks offended* How dare yeh talk bout me rum in such a way *chugs* I have a mind ta *forgets what she was gonna say* hmmm... *chugs rum*

Becka: Oy, look it's a ship, mate! *points to the sea* Yeh see?

Ash: *looks.. Sees the ship and grins* What say we "commandeer" it mate?

Becka: What? Yeh mean steal it?? Welp, mate i'd luv ter!

Ash: *gathers up several bottles of rum, stands up, swaying* TO THE HORIZON, MATE!

Becka: Can I use the bathroom firs', mate??

Ash: *chugs rum* Sure, mate. Hurry it up though.

Becka: Alrighty then mate, I shall be back. *goes off to the bathroom*

Ash: Hurry yer stinkin' hide *hic* up *drinks more rum* ooo la la la really bad eggs and such... la la la.

Becka: *returns* Oy yeh dirtbag, let's get movin *grabs some belongings and runs*

Ash: *follows. Looks around for guards* No one here, mate?

Becka: Who would be here at this hour of tha night? Do yeh think there be pirates on tha' ship?

Ash: Remember, lassie, pirates be hanged about here. We be simple lassies in disguise remember? Becka: Oy ya, I's'member.

Ash: *continues to look around* Still, thair should be at least one guard abouts here... Can' leave a boat -- ship -- unguarded... Anyone could take it...

Becka: Oy shaddup...jus' come on.

Ash: *shrugs, almost loses rum, but follows Becka onto the ship*

Becka: Oy look at this...*points at floor* Lads been drinkin' rum too...

Ash: *sets down rum* Wonder if they be thinkin' a'stealin air ship?

Becka: *shakes head* We be stealin their ship.

Ash: *hears gun shot* OY MATE! We've been spotted! Man the helm and get us outta hear!

Becka: Alright,jus' calm down mate.

Ash: *stops and burps* Sorry mate... Rum is a gewd drink, but it be causin' hysteria... *walks toward the helm* Let's get goin' then.

Becka: Oy alright but what bout these lads? They look oddly familiar...*mans the helm...* Mate? Air yeh alright?

Ash: I'm alright, mate! *raises anchor* And these blokes'll have to cum wit us fer a while.

Becka: Oy alright!

Ash: *takes hat off and waves it at the guards* Thanks for the boat laddies!!

Becka: *chuckles* Don be doin' tha', they'll shoot yeh.

Ash: *a bullet goes through Ash's hat* OY! Yeh be righ' on that one, mate. *yells to the guards* IF WE WEREN' IN A HURRY, I'D MAKE YEH BUY ME A NEW HAT!

Becka: Oy these blokes'r wakin' up *steers ship* I know who they air...They're Cap'n Jack Sparrow and Will Turner! Jus' the lads were lookin' fer!

Ash: *looks down at them* Really?

Becka: Would I lie ter yeh?

Ash: Well, yeh AIR a pirate, mate *grins* tha' was fer the 'yeh look like Jack Sparrow' remark earlier.

Becka: *chuckles* Oy that means we stole a pirates' ship!

Ash: Aye, and these be the pirates. *stops and looks up a moment* Funny, though, ain't it? How we seems ta be tha' on'y ones talkin'?

Becka: Cuz they're listen'n Ash: Aye that be true... *looks back at Will and Jack* I believe we be stealin' yer ship, mates? What yeh be sayin' bout that, eh?

Will: Stealin' our ship? Why?

Jack: The ones who be stealin' air lassies that learnt from me.

Ash: We be stealin' yer ship, cuz we be pirates, mate. Haven' yeh been lisen'n?

Becka: Oy tha's right matey.

Will: But why this ship?...What have we dun to yeh?

Ash: We been waitn' fer our 'oppertune moment' as it were.

Jack: *to Will* I taught em that.

Becka: No yeh didn'!

Ash: Yeh, we learnt it on our own. *draws sword* Yeh were no help at all!

Becka: Ash, put tha' thin' away!

Ash: He's gutta pay fer what he done to us! *points sword at Jack's throat*

Jack: Now now, poppet. Listen to yer friend. Ole Jackey's yer friend, mate. Don yeh remember?

Becka: *to Ash* Where yeh get tha' thing? *draws her sword too* Mine is so much betta.... Now Ash, chill out, I wanna kill him too bu' we can' yet at least.

Will: What did you do this time Jack??

Ash: *to Becka* Yeh stole yer's from a blacksmith, I gut mine the ole fashioned way -- from the 'eart of a pirate. *looks back at Jack* Unfortunately it weren't this one.

Jack: *shrugs, wide-eyed*

Becka: AYE!! I didn' steal this sword! Fine, kill em then!

Will: Whoa wait don' kill me!!

Ash: *to Becka* Yer a pirate, lass! Yeh not tellin' me yeh BOUGHT tha' sword? *looks at Will* Move, lad, this aren' yer fight.

Jack: *whispers to Will* Don do anythin' stupid, lad.

Will: Kill Jack not me, I'm innocent!

Jack: Oy a great pirate yeh'll make laddie! Cowerdin' out!

Ash: *puts sword closer to Jack's throat*

Becka: Jack...don' pretend yeh know us....and don' pretend everythin' we do is what you taught us or she'll kill yeh and Will! *to Ash* And I didn' steal this sword, I made it.

Ash: *ignores Becka's sword remark* Yeah, what she said.

Jack: *stands up slowly, careful to keep himself away from the two swords* Now now, lassies. Yeh know me. Ole Jacky boy.

Becka: Ya the same ole Jacky boy that left us...

Jack: I didn't leave yeh. I merely.... separated myself temporarily from yeh....

Will: Left yeh?

Becka: Oh stop the bull Jacky boy.... yeh stole me necklace an' left an I wan' it back!

Ash: *to Will* Aye, he left us.

Jack: I did'na leave yeh! An I did'na steal yer necklace, lassie!

Becka:*points sword at his throat* Give it back an' I won kill yeh!

Jack: *tilts his head slightly, away from the blade* Alrigh' alrigh'. *hands over necklace* T'was all in good fun, eh lassies? we hed some laughs.. some mugs of rum...

Ash: Did yeh say rum?

Becka: Enough rum...Gosh, Jack, Ash is hooked on it.

Ash: I am not hooked on it, mate!

Jack: Rum is rather gewd, en't it Ash? *licks his lips*

Becka: *puts necklace on* Enuff rum...none fer yeh, Jack, yeh yella-bellied liar.

Will: Rum is gewd, yes it is.

Ash: *lowers sword* Yeah, rum is gewd. Perhap we should give em another chance, mate. Aftar all, he IS Jack Sparrow.

Jack: That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.

Ash: *points sword at Jack's throat*

Jack: Or whichever yeh prefer ta call me.

Becka: Yeh jus' sayin' tha' cuz yeh fancy him.

Ash: Well yeh be thinkin' bout givin' ole Willy boy another chance, cuz yeh fancy HIM, mate.

Becka:*puts hat on* Well fine then, yeh don' want em ter die. They won' die today that is... *blushes* Oy shaddup, Ash.

Will: *turns to Jack* She fancies me.

Ash: *puts sword up* All in a day's threat, mate. *smiles at Becka* May as well steer the ship...*walks off to steer the ship*

Jack: Thank yeh, gracious lassies. I shan't deceive yeh again. *to Will* Plug yer hole boy.

Becka: Maybe we should tie em up?

Ash: *looks back at Jack* Lock em down in tha cabin, mate. Rope'sd be too easy fer em to escape.

Becka: No, we need em up here.

Ash: What we be need'n up here fer mate?

Becka: Swabbin' the deck...

Ash: Aye. Gewd idea, mate. They should be tied then... Can' have em escapin', now can we? *blows kiss at Jack, and draws hand across throat*

Jack: *grins, revealing gold teeth*

[Will CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow and Will Turner escape? Will Becka and Ash kill them? Will they find treasure? Find out in the next exciting pirate adventure!]