Hgeocities.com/jadeite_no_miko/enjoy/bb.htmlgeocities.com/jadeite_no_miko/enjoy/bb.htmldelayedxumJ:OKtext/html̠":b.HWed, 20 Nov 2002 23:24:29 GMT[Mozilla/4.5 (compatible; HTTrack 3.0x; Windows 98)en, *umJ: King of Illusion | *evil grin* Beware... King of Illusion




Big Brother la Sailor Moon

Stumbled upon a very entertaining spoof while surfing the net and wasting my time. What you do is insert a few names, items and so on, and out comes a complete Big Brother show.

Obviously, this is silly and very OOC (except in a few cases). It was also taken from My 2p, visit to make your own Big Brother adventure!
Warning for foul language and innuendo.

Day 1 - Jadeite admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Beryl. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Zoisite is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Kunzite later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

And to think, I just typed in their names in random order ^_^ No matter what gender Zoi or Kunzy are, you just can't change them (take that, censoring dubbers!)
Random thought: I wouldn't like the look of Beryl either, she's kowai!

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organize simple chores. Nephrite creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Usagi hits him with a spoon.

Bad Neffie, if you keep that up Naru will dump you for Umino! Oh wait, she already did... never mind.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Starlight Tower out of pizza. After much persuasion by Nephrite, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

Mwehehehe... I wonder, do they mean the original look or the Dark Energy Improved? since pizza is quite slippery and messy, I'd go for Kunzite's more organic version.

4 - Training for the Starlight Tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Kunzite, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the pizza. Usagi is furious.

So that's why he never buttons up all the way!

5 - Today is the day when the Starlight Tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Kunzite farts and blows Starlight Tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Beryl cries.

If they actually sent this on television, I might even consider watching the show... occasionally.

6 - Nephrite gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

Get him!

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Beryl admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a spoon. Jadeite says he never wears condoms because they make his *bleep* sore and Nephrite agrees. Zoisite goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Kunzite sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Nephrite.

o_O;; Can we say too much information? And by Metallia, what has happened to Kunzite's good taste? Must be despair that Zoi-chan still swings the other way while at the same time suffering from DiC symptoms...

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Jadeite goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Usagi and Beryl are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Jadeite.

Yeah, get rid of the flakes and leave my Shitennou alone! Is it only me that wonder if Jeddy's been taking lessons from Mr. I'll-keep-on-lying-to-you himself, or did he just figure out how to become popular himself? Must have been during the freezing time...

9 - Usagi and Beryl are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Zoisite sings them a song - Moonlight Densetsu - to make them feel better.

Well, if Zoi-chan would still have been a he, I for one wouldn't complain. But the female voice, singing in Japanese? >_<

10 - The public vote Beryl out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Beryl leaves.

*cheers* We all knew she was sick and twisted (she fell for Endymion, duh) but not how sick...

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Beryl's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Zoisite has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Usagi is visibly depressed and is comforted by Nephrite, who tries to touch her on her odangos.

See? He does have a Lolita complex, right up there with Tuxy himself.

12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of Nephrite touching Usagi's odangos over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

And this from people who usually teleport and/or levitate to where they are going? Hope Usagi is prepared to make her part, 'cuz it will be needed.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Kunzite refuses to run because his *bleep* hurts a bit.

Told you so! He simply doesn't like mundane means of transportation.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Kunzite finally manages to run the last 10 meters of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Usagi calls Kunzite a lazy *bleep*.

Well, considering all she calls him in the NA dub... I can see the need for a bleep here, yes. And isn't it typical that the second vainest and definitely most powerful king always take the credit? Some people are just... argh!

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Jadeite tells everyone individually that he thinks Usagi is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Usagi and Nephrite are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Jadeite.

*waves little banner* Go Jeddy! You might be a real asshole here, but at least I still cheer for you! By the way, where exactly is your flat?

16 - The nominations are announced. Usagi can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Nephrite is equally stunned and turns to Usagi for comfort. Kunzite is distraught and confesses to Zoisite that he thinks he is in love with Nephrite. Zoisite says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

No, we don't know... but it's not surprising, seeing how many times Zoi-chan's gender has been screwed over. And, simply put, why is the crybaby surprised that no one likes her?

17 - The public vote Nephrite out of the house. Usagi says she is gutted and even gives Nephrite a clipping of hair from her odangos to prove how much she cares. Kunzite is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Nephrite leaves.

*snorts* As if Kunzite would ever part with so much as a strand of his turquoise tresses.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Usagi clipping the hair from her odangos. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

The public is strange... but so am I, for writing this ^_~

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Monaco in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

For everyone who's geographic knowledge limits to "I'm here, Japan is there, where will I get my manga?" I can tell that Monaco is a tiny little kingdom, bordering on France, with many policemen, casinos and a shitload of rich people.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Monaco sounds like but Kunzite says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Jadeite as the one who must complete the task.

So, does this indicates that Kunzite is filthily rich, or does he just have a thing for National Anthems?

Um, yes... good burping, Jeddy ^^;;

21 - Jadeite successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Monaco but also God Save The Queen, Moonlight Densetsu and the theme tune to Gundam Wing. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

The remaining two percent is probably made up mostly by me, myself and I... And no, I haven't got a clue to how Wild Communication would sound if burped, and I never want to find out.

22 - Nominations are due and Jadeite tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Kunzite and Zoisite are nominated.

Not surprising, since Kunzite seems to be real sob here, and Zoisite... well, would you like to spend a week with him/her/it, locked up in a house, where everyone can hear you scream but no one will care? Thought so

23 - Kunzite and Zoisite take their nominations well and sit down with Jadeite and Usagi to discuss why they voted for them. Jadeite keeps quiet but Usagi accuses Kunzite of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centered "bleep" before bursting into tears.


24 - The public vote Zoisite out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Zoisite leaves.

Aww, poor Zoi-chan. I'm sure... the aforementioned person of undetermined gender would have been much more popular had s/he only retained his manhood

25 - Jadeite becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Jadeite's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

I'd put in a really witte comment here - if it wasn't for the fact that I'm trying to keep this site moderately decent *grabs hentai thougts and throws them back into the wardrobe* Too tempting...

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of youma dung using only a spoon. Jadeite is unsure but Kunzite is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

Eww, youma droppings... And why doesn't it surprise me that Kunzy has been doing that before?

27 - Completely out of the blue, Kunzite breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the youma incident from his childhood. Usagi tries to persuade him to stay but Jadeite sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Kunzite decides to leave.

Oh dear, this almost seem to tun into one of those Jadeite/Sailor moon thingy's. God help us all. Random thought: Kunzite as a child? Kawaii, especially if he already wore a cape back then ^_^

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the youma dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Usagi from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

Rabbits, carrots... it all boils down to this.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Jadeite asks Usagi to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Jadeite nominates Usagi to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Usagi.

Once she's fallen for someone, she falls hard. This is the only reason that a certain masked hero whom we shall not mention by name can keep forgetting her and trying to kill her, and not getting Moondusted asap. *sighs* She really is too sweet, that girl... and a baka.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Usagi graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Jadeite is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Jadeite takes his 70,000 and runs away to Monaco. Nobody, including Usagi, ever sees him again.

[A note is tacked to the computer screen, reading: "Gone to Monaco to find fortune and my bish -- DM"]


Disclaimer: Sailor Moon © of Naoko Takeuchi.
This page belongs to Dancing Moon.