Destiny

A Sailor Moon fanfic by Dancing Moon 
Mail: dancing_moon@hotmail.com 

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, and I'm only playing with her 
characters for a while. 

Note: This is what happens when you stay up late watching depressing (but oh so  
beautiful) anime with the Shitennou on your brain. 
Please send comments, since this is a kind of writing I'm very unfamiliar with. 
I can take critique as long as it's delivered somewhat politely ^_^
More of my writings can be found at http://go.to/dancing_moon

Warnings: None really. A bit of angst and somewhat surreal.
No spoilers.

---------------------------

Does destiny exist?

*They* serve it. Our former allies, now turned bitter enemies. Not by a choice 
of their own, but in accordance to that damned destiny.
Such a glorious kingdom it is, beautiful, overflowing with power... and still, 
it will live and die for a law, an utterly meaningless law which has no purpose 
but to create a morrow that might, or might not, be what they wish for it to be. 
A pointless future because they shall surely not live to see it! Why, how can 
anyone accept this? Because it's fate... their destiny, and therefore they will 
willingly accept whatever befalls them, because in the end fate will triumph 
and the best of worlds will be here. 

It's hard to be a doubter. I used to wish I could just resign myself over the 
path I would eventually walk. 
Because do not make the mistake of thinking that I truly believed I could ever 
change anything. 
I was alone, completely alone in my quest to escape that which lay ahead of us, 
and what can one human do against the holy queens of the Silver Millennium? I 
even begged *him* do try and to something. Oh yes, I argued with my prince until 
I nearly lost my voice, trying desperately to convince him to stop this 
foolishness before it destroyed us all. And when he refused to acknowledge my 
words, I swore in my heart that I would stop it myself, that this single drop in 
the ocean of mankind would be enough to turn the tide. Of course, I didn't 
actually think I could do it. I was a fool back then and still am, but I have 
never been completely clueless. 
Instead of changing the way of the sea, I was swept away, and even as I form the 
words in my mind, I know this will be my final moments of peace, before I drown 
in evil.

He, my oldest friend, has always claimed that his part in this great game was to 
hold the knowledge of fate.
For some reason, I do not think he's telling the truth. Whether intentionally or 
because he has learned to lie even to himself, I can not tell. 
Maybe it is because I can not shake the feeling that his words are only the 
latest attempt to convince me to forget the past, and obey. Constantly the ask 
this of me, to obey. Bow your neck, accept your bitter end, because it will 
create the best future and besides, it's fate. It has already been decided. 
I asked him *why* once, why he believed that such an impossible concept as a 
preordained future was indeed real, but all he could give me was his never-
wavering belief and the wisdom of the merciless stars. 
I do not trust them, these stars, who seem to know so much and yet tell us so 
little. But then, that is my fault, is it not? That I have never been able to 
trust or believe.

Only one person stood against them and their beliefs. Only SHE refused to accept 
this world, and eventually took it upon herself to remodel it.
She is called the Queen of Demons, whose red tresses are dyed in blood. 
Sometimes known as the Witch, whom they have expected and feared in ages. How 
they ridiculed her when she first appeared, and how they will pay for those 
words! So very soon, she will claim payment for every derogatory comment, and 
she will claim it in blood. The white moon will be flooded by read streams, and 
her armies will turn the Sea of Serenity into a field of death. And now she will 
laugh at them, the fools who dared to stand in her way.
My mistress...

Beautiful princess, how I loved you once. You, my fiery spirit, meant more to me 
then life itself. Your mirth was my joy and your flaming eyes never burned me as 
they did so many other, your temper merely warmed my lonely self. My princess 
whom I still can't bear to hate, you were the only one I never doubted. 
She claims now that I have been stolen from her, even when she must know it is 
impossible. My fiery spirit, who always believed that we would take the correct 
path. They all did, but how could she, how could any of them, know what kind of 
road I was meant to wander? 
We never told them the ominous words that were delivered by Earth itself, nor 
about the apocalyptic dreams that swept over the Elysian fields, proclaiming the 
future for me and my companions. 
Everything must balance, light and darkness, and she was my shining light while 
I acted as her comforting shadow.
Now however, my darkness will soon extinguish her light, precisely like the 
darkness which surrounds me is about to destroy all that which still manages to 
shine in my soul.
But she fights on, my fiery spirit, fights to the end as I knew she would. She 
and her friends struggle so hard, and so hopelessly, against the folds of evil 
that envelope our time. 
Were I not so drowsy that I could not even feel my body anymore, I would smile 
at the irony. To think that a servant of destiny, won't believe what I, the 
eternal doubter, so easily accepts.
It would be foolish to dare oppose this vile power, and therefore I degrade 
myself before the corrupt goddess that has come from the shadows of the sun. 
Sadly, I found it easier than I believed to bow before this daughter of chaos. 
It was a relief to let go, and to know that the solitary struggle I have been 
fighting for so long was finally over. I am weak, unworthy of my princess, and 
this darkness is all I deserve.
Once man realizes how to embrace the death that lies within all living 
creatures, they will too see that there is no way out, that entropy will triumph 
in the end, and that hatred is the only power in the universe that can survive 
eternity. I have learned my lessons well, and soon my Queen shall lead me, and 
we will teach all of the universe what destruction truly means.

If there really is a fate, and it is aware of what happens, then by the 
darkness, how it must enjoy itself! 
I can hear it now, a cruel laugh, sounding more like the grinding of sword 
against bone, the moaning of the wounded, the hatred of the mob as they watch a 
hanging then a real laugh. How strange... it also reminds me of my mistress. 
Is she perhaps my fate, the reason for me being brought into this existence? Or 
am I only hallucinating? I do not know, and am far to exhausted to think 
clearly. Only my craving for enough reassurance to destroy my gnawing doubt is 
keeping me moderately alive. I wish to understand all what is happening around 
me, but that is most certainly *not* my destiny.

Precious prince, how I admire your strength and nobility, and how I envy your 
security in trusting fate, no matter what blows it hands you.
He cried for us. Endymion, my prince and mortal enemy, his tears fell even for a 
faithless bastard like me. That small gesture broke my heart, I felt myself shatter 
to dust with every teardrop, but still... he cried for *me*, and the thought alone 
is enough to bring a weak smile to my lips, even now.
It is gone soon enough, replaced by a slowly burning anger that brings more hurt 
then I wish for. If we betrayed ourselves, he has betrayed the entire Earth and 
all who inhabits it. For daring to refuse my mistress and for striking an alliance 
with the white moon, for that I will kill him, unless one of my companions get him first. 
He broke the sacred bond with his planet, with his guardians, and why? Partly 
because of the love he has for that girl, but mostly because the Earth has given 
him it's own prophecies, telling its master more about the future then any man 
should know. And if fate says that we should struggle, even when it's hopeless, 
then he is not the man to argue. How I despise this destiny that rules our every 
moves, forcing us to suffer for nothing.
The prince of Earth, my former lord, protector of the Elysian fields, he who 
rules all of Earth including the shadows beneath the surface. And yet, he still 
retains the innocence to weep as we failed him,  and became Kings of Darkness. 
How I love him for those delicate tears. How I hate him, for not joining us and 
forcing me to oppose him. And by all that is high and mighty, how I wish and 
pray and hope and beg to everything in this world that I will remember him after 
my death. Cruel fate, let me keep that single mercy.

My companions, or rather the few shards that still remain of their true selves, 
they all believe so strongly in destiny. 
The stargazer for his own unfathomable reasons, reasons he has often tried but 
never managed to make clear for me.
Our impressive and collected leader, stuck-up idiot as he can sometimes be, 
imagines that he controls fate. Ha! He does not see that he is nothing but a pawn, 
and that he in his quest to control that which man was never meant to rule is 
losing himself, slowly but surely.  
The last to join us here in the world of darkness, he whose thoughts and actions 
lie closest to mine, believes in our damned fate out of desperation. His love 
was foretold and he dares not oppose the future since he could never stand to 
abandon his heart. Such a sweet fool he is, our dear flower.
I shall miss them all greatly, once I have been reborn. Or rather, I will not 
miss them nor remember them, but let a dying man blabber in peace. 
The only one who ever wavered in faith was I. 
What a ruckus it created when I voiced my doubts in the open, and how angry they 
were when I fought against the unchangeable with all my might. And then...
My treacherous heart was the first to fall to the lure of her words. I still 
feel no regret, although I by now, truth to be told, feel very little at all. 
Of course I am aware that within a very short time the person I refer to as "I" 
or "me" will stop existing. My self has already begun to dissolve like mist in 
the sunshine, only this sun is black and is slowly turning me into a being 
without remorse, a horrible creature with no goodness inside. 
But I will finally be free. If I do not know my end, if I can in no way remember 
my destiny, then all the pain and suffering I will endure is worth it. For the 
first time since I was born my life will belong to no-one but *me*. 
Naturally, my actions will be in the hands of my mistress, but I will have no 
doubts again and there will be no feelings of dread as I see myself in the 
mirror and wonder how soon I am going to turn against everything I love, because 
I will already be that mirror-creature that has haunted my dreams for such a 
long time.
But as my corporal body draws its last breath and my soul, instead of leaving 
this world as it should, is drawn into the shell she created for me a long time 
ago, my doubt rises again. Is this the right thing? Have I fooled fate by going 
into the darkness willingly, and thereby breaking the prophecies, or have I 
fooled no-one but myself? 
I do not know, and my uncertainty is the only thing left of the being which once 
was the first amongst the shining Kings of Heaven. I wonder for a moment if she 
will let me keep my name, this last shred of my person? After the holy jade they named
me, hoping I would gain it's strenghts and smoothness. What a dissapointment I must be. 
And then my tortured soul falls into a restless slumber while my mistress continiues 
to perform her dark magic, and I know I shall never more awake to light or happiness.

Demons fear her, devils serve her and the holy goddess of the Moon despises her. 
Mistress, you came, begging for his love and received nothing but scorn. You 
fought for him, and even if he did not choose you, he was impressed by your 
strength, the strength that is evident in every motion you make, in every word 
you say.
No need to beg in front of me, certainly not, you didn't even have to ask for my 
aid. I came to you instead, my heart filled with disappointment and sorrow, 
which you turned into anger and bloodlust. I came to give you all I had, in my 
last attempt to foil the fate I would never agree with, and in my heart I 
believed I could fool also you, that it would be possible to go back if I 
changed my mind. And then... Oh, then your eyes burned their way inside me, 
replacing all love I held for other with worship for you and removing any 
lingering loyalties. 
Dangerous and cruel you are, making it a thrill to serve you. Failure is not an 
option, therefore I shall not fail. 
I have pledged my corrupted soul to you, but not because I thought I could stop 
fate. No, my mistress, my queen, I serve you because you have the strength to 
change everything, and because we both desire the same thing. Freedom. And 
freedom we will have, a dark and cruel freedom, but if nothing else I shall not 
doubt any more, because we will have shown the world that destiny can be 
changed, and therefore the future is not absolute. 
You will prove that the human spirit has the strength to crush Gods, alter the 
fate written in stars, even destroy the eternal kingdom and conquer the Imperial 
Silver Crystal and I will never doubt anything again, because there will be 
nothing left do doubt! Let the devils own power flood the universe, destroy all 
who stand in out way! We will kill all foolish mortals who oppose you, 
annihilate light and love, and sink the cosmos into never ending chaos.

I am drowning, crying, dying... My rebirth as a servant of evil is approaching, 
no, it is happening in this very second. And as time is drawn out, into a final 
moment before it will loose its hold over me for good, I realize what I have 
done, and I see the horror and suffering that my decision will bring. With a 
mental scream, an anguished cry of regret, I finally fulfil the prophesies as my 
struggling soul is drowned in evil, and the voice of Heaven is forcefully 
silenced for ever. 

All signs said that the Kings of Heaven and the Lords of Darkness would 
accomplished their goal, and perish because of it.
To late did I understand what it meant, but I know that it is to late to change 
anything, if there has ever been any time at all. This is my relentless fate, 
and if I have brought it upon myself... 
Then so be it. At least I end my life with the certainty that it was my own 
choices and mistakes that brought me here, and not an unfathomable destiny!

I am Jadeite, first of the Four Kings of Heaven, and servant of Metallia. And as 
I open my new eyes and look upon my new Queen, I feel no regrets. 
No doubts.

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Hope you liked this surreal piece, and please direct your C&C towards dancing_moon@hotmail.com 
I will accept anything from praise to flames, happy to know that someone was at 
least moved enough by my writing to send a mail.

This isn't how I think things really happened in the Silver Millennium, but it's 
one possibility. 
The stuff about them knowing what would come in the future came when I thought 
about how odd it was that neither Sailor Pluto, Sailor Mars, Nephrite or other 
possible soothsayers had an inkling of what was about to happen with Beryl. 
Here, everyone knows bits and pieces but not enough to actually do something. 
(except maybe Pluto, but since she thinks it will all work out for the best...)
I'm aware of Jadeite contradicting himself here and there, but he's in the process of 
being brainwashed, so let's give him a rest, 'kay?

And, if you don't mind me asking, how long did it take to figure out who the 
speaker was?

/Dancing Moon 

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