Sleeping Jadeite 
By Julie-chan 
Rating: PG13 (this is a little ecchi, people...) 

NOTE: Okay, I've referred to the TOC ML before. It's the Tears of Crystal/Dark 
Kingdom Mailing List. (BTW, TOC is the best fic ever! ^_^) Also read the story I 
linked to on the fanfics page. Sarel is an eccentric person I know online. 
(Sary-chan, don't take that the wrong way. Being eccentric is good. I am too. 
^^) Anyways, on the TOC ML, many of us (mostly Cairnsy) think that Jadeite and 
Nephrite make a good couple. Doujinshi are amateur fan-comics, basically. Yaoi 
means male/male relationships, usually involving explicit sex. Do my fics make 
more sense now? Good. 

Once upon a time, a young prince named Jadeite was born in a fictional city 
known as "Silver Tokyo." Actually, he wasn't really a prince, just a form of 
minor nobility, and he hadn't just been born; it was really his sixteenth 
birthday. 
But let's not get technical. 
Um...anyways...it was his birthday party: 

Princess Rei of Mars of the first to arrive. Jadeite opened the door and smiled. 
"Rei, I--" 
"Where's the baby?!" She shouted, storming inside the mansion. She went all 
starry-eyed and began to search the living room for a baby. 
Jadeite sighed. "Rei, there is no baby. The idiot author got my birthday 
invitations wrong." 
Julie-chan, who was leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the room 
narrowed her eyes and glared at him. Of course, she was ignored. 
Rei sighed heavily. "Great, so now I have to spend the day at your place. Big 
whoop." She held up a package wrapped in blue paper with teddy bears. "And now 
this baby bottle is completely useless." 
Jadeite sighed and plucked the present from her hands. He set it on a table in 
the middle of the room. 
Princess Minako of Venus and Makoto of Jupiter showed up next, Minako holding a 
bag that was making faint "meow"ing sounds and bouncing around and Jupiter 
bearing cake. 
"Koooooniiiichiii waaaa Jeeeedddddaaaa-cchhhhaaaaaannn!" Exclaimed Mina, 
dropping the bag at the doorway and bounding across the room, and draping 
herself over Jadeite. 
"Uh...good to see you too, Minako," Jadeite managed to choke out as the Ai no 
Senshi slowly suffocated him. "Why don't you put some air holes in your 
present?" He suggested. 
Minako beamed. "OKAY!" She bounded back across the room, nearly knocking over 
Mako, who was struggling to carry a 14-pound cake to the table. 
Makoto and Jadeite where both gasping for breath, for the various reasons 
mentioned above. 
As Jadeite finally got some air into his bruised lungs, Princess Serenity and 
Ami of Mercury entered. 
Ami tripped over Minako's present (still in the doorway) and in the process 
dropped her own. 
Poor Jeda-chan laid himself down on a sofa and moaned. 
"WEEEEE'RRREEEE HEEEEEERRRREEEE!" Announced a cheerful voice, as Zoisite entered 
the room, enthusiastically dragging Kunzite behind him. 
Zoisite...was...um....wearing a pink party dress, and Kunzite was wearing a nice 
suit. 
Julie-chan got out her drool bucket. -_^ You know...to catch the drool in...aw, 
nevermind. 
"Hi, Jadeite," Said Kunzite, as he strode across the room and set a box covered 
in wrapping paper of mean-looking alley cats (which Zoisite had insisted upon). 
"Hey," Asked Queen Beryl as she walked in the door, "Where's Nephrite?" 
Jadeite screamed. "NEPHRITE?! WHERE?!" 
Julie informed her, "The Jed/Neph fans on the TOC ML have him paranoid now. He 
didn't invite Nephrite because he's in love with Rei--" 
"HEY!" Shouted both Rei and Jadeite at the same time, while an ever-so-cute 
blush spread on Jeddy's face. 
"--and he's freaked out by the idea of a relationship with Nephrite; despite the 
fact that his fears are completely irrational at this point," Julie gave him a 
meaningful look before finishing, "and so he didn't invite him." 
Beryl shrugged. "Oh. Well, that just means I haven't lost my lil' bed-toy yet." 
She grinned, and Jadeite trembled in fear as his eyes widened. 
"Uhm...let me go call Nephrite and invite him..." He choked out, slowly backing 
away from her. "Julie-chan, HELP ME," He whispered, hiding behind the author. 
Nephrite appeared out of nowhere. "Ooh Jeeedddaaa-chaaaaaannnn!" He called out 
seductively. 
Jadeite whimpered, and Julie grinned wickedly, pushing him towards the other 
man. 
Nephrite smiled and conjured a rose. 
"Hey!" Shouted Kunzite, looking up from where he had been making out with 
Zoisite, "That's MY trick!" 
Nephrite shrugged. "Gomen." He conjured instead a bouquet of wilted flowers and 
a box of chocolate. 
Zoisite began to pout. "How come you never do such things for me, Kunzite-sama?" 
He whined. 
Kunzite sweatdropped and muttered apologies, and after a few moments the two of 
them resumed making out. 
Nephrite grinned at Jadeite, who's face had turned an interesting shade of red. 
He was *angry* now. 
Julie patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, Jeddy. Calm." 
"DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT BEING 'CALM!!' " He shouted, causing Julie to hide 
behind Kunzite's cape, much to the disdain of Zoisite. 
Zoisite muttered to her, "Even a Zoisite shrine on your site won't save you this 
time." 
Sweatdropping, Julie stood up slowly, and grabbed Serenity's wrist, pulling the 
princess in front of her. 
"Help." She whimpered. 
Suddenly, all pervious activity in the room was brought to a rather abrupt end 
as Nephrite announced, "Seeing as I was not invited to this party," he chose 
this moment to glare at Jadeite, "I will be taking everyone in this room 
hostage!" 
With an evil laugh, he took out a remote control and hit a button. Hidden panels 
in the walls opened up, revealing terrorist weapons, which were loaded and 
cocked. 
Serenity fainted, too overwhelmed by the situation. Everyone sweatdropped. 
Ami shrugged, and kept reading. She didn't really care. "Whatever you say, 
Neph." 
Rei glared pointedly at Jadeite. This was all his fault; after all, it *was* his 
party! 
Zoisite squealed and clutched to Kunzite, who rolled his eyes and attempted to 
comfort his lover. 
Minako, one not to be phased by anything, gaily skipped around the room, 
stopping to hug Nephrite, Ami, and Zoisite (who was *not* happy about this). Her 
"present" escaped, spitting and hissing at Neffy. 
Julie-chan grinned and dumped a bucket of warm water on the cat. 
The cat turned into a young woman. 
"Hiiiiii, Shaaaammmmpoooo!" Minako exclaimed. 
Shampoo looked around, dazed. "Where am me?" She asked. "Where is husband?" 
"Hmph"ing at Minako, she stalked out the door, exclaiming, "Me go find 
Ranma-husband!" 
Julie sweatdropped, and explained, "For those who don't know, that's Shampoo 
from Ranma 1/2. She's evil and turns into a cat when splashed with cold water." 
During this interruption, Jadeite had taken the opportunity to flee. He was 
sneaking out the back door, when all eyes turned to him. 
Nephrite frowned. "Not so fast." He held up a bundle of rolled up papers. "I'm 
armed with yaoi doujinshi about you and Mamoru!" 
(...agh...the mental pictures that provokes...) 
Jadeite screamed in terror. 
Julie grinned, and held up another bunch of papers. "Better yet, I have some 
doujin about you and Neffy!" She began to read "Private Karate" aloud... 
Jadeite fainted, much to Julie-chan's extreme delight. 
The senshi, completely disgusted, had left. All but one... 
Sailormercury. (what? you expected differently? ^^) 
A printout came from her computer, and she said, "Hey, Julie-chan, could I 
borrow those and type up the rest of the text?" 
The author blinked. "Why?" 
With an (faked) innocent look on her face, Ami replied, "Uhm...no reason." 
Julie shrugged, and tossed the manga to her. 
Ami grinned wickedly, and said as she left, "Thanks, Julie! I'll return 'em 
tomorrow!" 
"Jeeeeddddaaa-chaaaan!" Nephrite called, attempting to revive Jadeite. "Waaaake 
uuuuuup!" 
Jadeite slowly came to, and threw up when he caught a glimpse of the doujinshi 
that Nephrite was still holding. 
Julie scolded him, "Hey, Neph-kun, please point that *thing* somewhere else!" 
After a moment she exclaimed, "Oh, for kami's sake, that sounded SICK!" 
The flustered author quietly departed from the fic. 
Nephrite sighed, and turned off the security system. "Well, if I can't take 
anyone hostage, I'll do something else evil. I'll put a curse on Jadeite," He 
exclaimed gleefully. 
Taking a wand with a star on top of it out of his jacket, he muttered, "By the 
power of the stars, I put this curse on Jadeite. He will prick his finger on a 
spin--no...a rose; that's so much more romantic. It will put him into a deep 
sleep, and then only I can wake him up because--" 
Julie appeared once more. "Give me that!" She exclaimed, snatching the wand from 
his hands. "The 'Star Power Wand of Power' is MINE!!" She cradled the star wand 
to her chest, stuck out her tongue, and disappeared. 
Nephrite pouted, and left. 
The Senshi cautiously returned--well, all but Ami, who had mysteriously vanished 
and was nowhere to be found--and the party continued as more guests arrived. 

* * * 

(Next morning:) 
Zoisite and Kunzite woke up to a scream. 
"What was that?" Exclaimed Kunzite, "That sounded like Jadeite!" 
Zoi rolled over and muttered, "Who cares. Go back to sleep." 
They did. 

* * * 

Jadeite backed away from his assailant. 
She was clad in scanty leather clothing, holding a whip. 
"I am the purveyor of love and bondage, exotic warrior Mistress Sarel! Neffy's 
paying me alot, so I'm here to kidnap Jadeite!. In the name of B&D, prepare to 
be puni--er, kidnapped." 
Jadeite nervously grabbed at the nearest available object...what was left of 
Makoto's cake. He flung it at Sarel with all his might. 
It missed her by several feet and landed on the floor. 
"Uh..." Jadeite giggled and mumbled something completely incoherent. He began to 
run from our "Bondage Queen." 
Sarel cracked her whip, and it caught him around the legs. 
Smiling darkly, she informed him, "Neffy said I could use whatever means 
necessary to capture you..." 
He stared at her in utter horror. 
[edit] 
"Please...no!" He shouted, to no avail. Sarel pulled the whip tighter around 
him, until it dug into his skin, drawing blood. 
[edit] 
"There, will you cooperate NOW?" Sarel asked him, finally releasing him from the 
hold of the leather whip. 
He nodded weakly. He was going to be sore for days. 
Mistress Sarel smiled, and teleported both of them to Nephrite's castle. 

* * * 

Nephrite laughed evilly. "He's mine now!" He shouted triumphantly. But then he 
noticed the welts on poor Jeddy's body. He glared at Sarel. 
She smiled innocently, and waved at the camera. 
Julie-chan whispered something in her ear, and they both edged away slowly, 
never looking away from Nephrite. 
"RUN FOR IT!" Julie shouted, and they did. 
Nephrite gently stroked Jadeite's hair, and a weird-ish glow surrounded them. 
When it disappeared, Jadeite was fully healed, and Nephrite's energy was nearly 
completely drained. 
He shrugged, and yawned. He fell asleep. Little did he know that he had 
accidentally triggered the earlier spell that he hadn't finished casting, due to 
a plot hole the size of Antarctica. 

* * * 

...and both of our bishonen slept for a hundred years, (or at least a few days) 
until a radiant maiden would come to wake them up with a kiss. 

* * * 

"Hey! You can't do this!" A random reader from the audience shouted. "It's 
called 'Sleeping JADEITE!' " 
Julie-chan whacked the person upside the head with her "Star Power Wand of 
Power," knocking him unconscious. 
"Now, where was I...?" She asked. 

* * * 

Oh yes. Anyway, on a dare, Zoisite kissed Nephrite and woke *him* up, because 
the spell mistook him for a girl. 
But we won't get into that, or the immediate effects this event had on our poor 
Kings. 
Jadeite, however, was still asleep in the topmost tower of Nephrite's palace. 
Though fan-girls from far and wide came to have a chance to kiss Jeddy, Neph-kun 
wouldn't have *any* woman so much as *touching* his Jadeite. 
And so the poor guy remained locked in sleep for several months, until one 
fateful winter morn... (meaning morning, not mourn. ^^) 

* * * 

Rei pounded on the door. "Come on! It's cold out!" 
Nephrite opened the door wide, smacking the Senshi of Mars in the face. "What do 
YOU want?" He asked sourly, not bothering to hide the obvious disdain in his 
voice. 
"Nephrite, I'm here to wake up Jeddy." She announced. 
"Go away," Nephrite pronounced, pointing to a spot far, far off on the horizon. 
Rei pushed past him. "Neffy, let me just do this. Otherwise this bad fic will 
never end, and Sailormoon won't stop harassing me." 
"I thought it was Princess Serenity in this fic." 
Rei rolled her eyes. "The plot hole, remember? Anyway, where is he?" 
Nephrite solemnly led Rei up a creaky set of stairs, all the way up till the 
room Jadeite was in. 
"There he is," Nephrite whispered, hearts in his eyes. 
Rei strode over to the sleeping man quickly, kissed him on the forehead *really* 
fast, and announced, "Okay, I'm done!" 
Jeddy didn't wake up. 
Of course, the author wasn't going to let poor Rei and Jadeite out of this 
without a big, romantic kiss. 
Rei refused to do so, however, and left in a fit of rage and humiliation. 

* * * 

"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?" Nephrite begged. 
"Oh, fine," Sighed Zoisite, "but you owe me." He grinned. "You have to clean out 
the youma stables from now on, you have to go shopping for Beryl, and you have 
to..." He shuddered. "...do the Queen's pedicure." 
Nephrite was completely disgusted, but, having no other option, accepted the 
offer, simply glad that Zoisite hadn't come up with worse tasks. 
"Oh Juuuuuliiiiie-chaaaan!" Zoi-kun called. 
Julie appeared. "What?" She asked irritably. 
Batting his eyelashes sweetly, Zoi answered, "Can you change the spell so that 
Neffy-baka can wake up Jadeite?" 
Julie went all starry-eyed and replied, "O-okay!" 
Nephrite strode over to where Jadeite lay and kissed him passionately on the 
lips. Jadeite wrapped his arms around the other man, returning the kiss. 
They continued to make out, and Julie decided to leave. 

* * * 

Epilogue: 
Jadeite had known about Nephrite's devotion to him while he slept, and so fell 
head-over-heals in love with him. 
And all the Jade/Neph fans out there rejoiced. 
And all the Jadeite/Rei fans tried to kill her. 
And--(a hand is clamped over Julie-chan's mouth so she can't continue talking) 

THE END 

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