A Dark and Stormy Night by Staci Kaufmann "See?" Staci said cheerfully. "I told you this was a good idea." "What are you talking about?" Stephanie asked. "This was my idea, remember?" "Doesn't matter. I'm your alter ego, I can take credit for anything I want." Stephanie sighed, refraining from the ages-old argument between them of 'and exactly who created who in the first place here?' "As much as I'm thrilled that you're having fun," J.D. said, moving behind Staci and slipping his arms around her waist, "You start trying to sing Kumbaya and I'll leave you out here for the wolves." Shaking her head at the two of them, Stephanie sat down on the ground and looked around their campsite. After quite a bit of tussling, the tents had been set up properly, and the campfire was ready to be lit. Before they went to bed, they'd have to get more firewood, but Stephanie didn't think that would be too big a problem. Knowing all of them, they wouldn't be going to bed until at least three in the morning anyway. She scrawled another line in her notebook for transcription later and then looked up to see Staci grinning at her. "I'm definitely afraid to ask, but, what?" "Nothing. I'm just amazed, that's all." "About what?" "That you're here and writing about our little adventure." Stephanie frowned. "What's so surprising about that?" Her red-haired twin gestured at Will. "Well, the fact that you actually got out of bed long enough to-" "STACI!" "What?" Stephanie rested her head in her hands. "That's it. I'm going to design a new alter ego. She's going to be demure, she'll behave properly, she'll-" "Be a complete stick-in-the-mud, from the sound of it," Staci chimed in. "But go ahead; it'll be fun to see how quickly I can make her have a heart attack." "Oy vey. . ." Will walked over to where J.D. was staring up at the darkening sky. "I'm curious- are all women this insane nowadays?" ******** "Okay, I think it's officially dark enough now," Stephanie said. "We can light this campfire at any time. . ." "I'm trying to find the matches, okay?" Staci said. "It would probably go a lot faster if certain people stopped bugging me." "I'll light it," J.D. offered. "No!" everyone else chorused. J.D. sighed loudly. "Nobody trusts me." "Oh, I trust you," Staci said. "However, I also know you. So . . . aha. Here they are." A few moments later the fire was burning and all of them were gathered around it. "You know what this means, don't you?" Stephanie said. "Campfire stories time!" J.D. rolled his eyes at the announcement, and Staci grinned at him. "At least we're not singing." "Yeah, that comes later," Stephanie said. "I knew I should have brought my .44." "Okay, so what urban legend do we want to tell?" Stephanie asked. "How about The Hook?" Staci suggested. "Oh, come on," J.D. said. "Everybody and his grandfather knows that one." Will just looked around at all of them, confused. J.D. glanced over at him and shook his head slightly. "Well, everybody except you." "Urban legend?" he asked. "New term for ghost stories," Staci said. "I know!" Stephanie said. "The Dead Boyfriend." "Oh yeah," Staci said. "That's creepy." Will glanced at their small firewood pile and got to his feet. "I think I can happily do without hearing these- I'm going to go get more firewood." Stephanie nodded, then turned to look at him and smiled. "You like it out here, don't you?" He grinned. "Not quite Sherwood, but it's close." And he disappeared into the trees. "Okay," Stephanie said. "This boy and girl were out on a date, driving around, and his car runs out of gas several miles out of town, underneath a tree at an old Lover's Lane." "That's convenient," J.D. said. "Did this girl happen to check the gas gauge herself?" "He was telling the truth," Stephanie said. "And he told her to stay in the car while he went to go get help. She wasn't too happy about it, but she also didn't feel like walking all the way back to town. So she agrees, and he leaves. But it doesn't take too long for her to get scared, and start thinking that she's hearing noises outside. So she locks all the car doors and hides under an old blanket on the floor of the back seat. The noises continue- once something scrapes against her window and she nearly screams- but eventually only one sound remains: a persistent, regular scratching on the roof of the car. It comes close to driving her insane, but she holds very still until morning. And that's when she nearly has a heart attack for a different reason- someone actually knocks on her window, announcing that he's a policeman. She peeks out and sees a man in uniform, and several other officers behind him. He tells her to get out and walk over to the nearest police car, and not to turn around. Glad that her boyfriend did get to the town, she opens the door and walks over to the other officers, asking about him. When they don't answer, she disobeys the first officer and turns around- And she sees her boyfriend hanging from the tree, swaying back and forth, his shoes brushing against the hood of the car. Scratch, scratch, scratch. . ." Staci shivered- she'd always loved urban legends, but they did freak her out on occasion- and then she screamed as a blade whistled by less than an inch from the top of her head. She fell to the side and futilely raised her hands to block the blow as the man raised the ax again . . . and then she realized two things. One, the man with the ax was Will. And two, both Stephanie and J.D. were laughing. When he saw the realization on her face, Will grinned and set the ax down. "Surprise." "I am going to kill you!" Staci said, turning around to face Stephanie and J.D. next. "You knew about this?" "No, but I did see him come up behind you as she finished the story, and logic took it from there," J.D. said. "Are you kidding?" Stephanie asked, still laughing. "I planned it with him." "And what exactly did I do to deserve a heart attack?" Staci asked, still trying to catch her breath. Stephanie shrugged. "I know how high-strung you are. Just seemed like fun." "Fun?" Staci asked. "'Fun' this. . ." Stephanie jumped up. "Now now- if you kill me you'll never find out where I hid the stash of marshmallows." Staci sighed. "Curse my addiction to sugar." Then she sat down again and reluctantly smiled. "All right, it was a pretty good joke. But what in the world was all that with the ax?" she asked Will indignantly. "What if you'd missed?" "I wasn't going to," he said. Then he froze, and mentioned for the others to be quiet. "I think I heard something." "Don't you dare start again," Staci said. "One heart attack per evening is my preferred quota, thank you." He gave her a quick glance, and Staci saw that he was completely serious. She hurriedly scooted closer to J.D., keeping her voice to a whisper. "Did you say that you hadn't brought your .44? Please tell me that you did." He shook his head. "I should have known. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. . ." Stephanie gave him a weak smile. "That's Clarence's line, you know." "Who?" "How far away is that car of yours?" Will asked suddenly. "Little less than a mile," Stephanie said. "Umm . . . why?" "Never mind," he said. "We wouldn't make it." "Ohhhh, I know I don't like the sound of that," Staci muttered. "Someone else is out there," Will said, picking up the ax again. "No you don't," Stephanie said. "Forget the entire 'splitting up' scenario. I've seen enough movies; I know how it goes. Everybody inside one of the tents." A moment later J.D. looked around the crowded area and arched an eyebrow. "Can I just mention that this is not the way I'd planned on spending the evening?" "Point noted," Staci said, looking around nervously. "Stephanie, where did you come up with this crazy idea again?" "What are you talking about? Two hours ago you were saying it was your idea!" "Well, I take it back." "You know what?" Stephanie said. "It was probably just another camper or something." "Yeah, either that or an escaped killer," Staci said. "Will, did you just hear one person?" J.D. asked. When the other man nodded, J.D. smiled. "Perfecto." "Now there's a word that really worries me in this situation. . ." Stephanie muttered. "He's outnumbered," Will said, reaching for the tent opening. "Excuse me?!" Stephanie whispered. "When exactly did the rest of us say we were going back out there?" Then she looked around at the other three- J.D. had picked up a long, wickedly pointed stick before he'd entered the tent, Staci was holding one of the firewood logs, and Will had his hand on the ax handle. "You are not serious," Stephanie protested. "You know what happens to people who go wandering around the woods looking for the source of scary noises?" The other three ignored her, gathering close to the tent opening. "Wonderful. I've fallen in with a group of suicidal lunatics," Stephanie said, looking around the tent for anything she could use as a weapon. She only found one stray item, and she sighed as she picked it up. "All right, I'll join you. I can beat whoever it is to death with a bag of marshmallows." Staci, who was now heavily into her 'banzai, damn the torpedoes' mode, glanced back at the others. "On three?" "Nah," J.D. said, throwing open the tent flap. All of them moved into the entrance at once- And came face to face with a raccoon. The black-and-gray animal stared at them for a moment, then raced back into the forest. The four campers came back out of the tent, laughing. "You know, for someone who spends so much time in the woods. . ." J.D. said, dropping the pointed stick. Will smiled and shrugged. He'd stayed close to the others during the story so that he'd know when to make his entrance- he supposed that the tale had somehow gotten to him as well. Then the smile faded as he looked out at the woods again. He'd been absolutely certain that he'd heard footsteps, though. . . Stephanie opened the marshmallows and then looked consideringly at the dwindling campfire. "So, do we want to stay out here, or go make S'mores in the microwave like civilized people?" "Being civilized sounds like a good plan to me," J.D. said. "There's news," Staci teased. "I'll get you back for that one." She grinned at him. "I'm counting on it." "Anyway," Stephanie said loudly, moving them all out of the story and back into her house. The tents reappeared in the closet, the campfire was instantly put out, and the car was once more in the driveway. J.D. looked around, then walked over to Stephanie. "Mind telling me why you didn't just do that in the first place?" "Umm . . . I forgot?" He sighed. "Will?" "Yeah?" "About your earlier question: the answer is no. All women cannot be this insane." Stephanie paused in her search for the graham crackers and turned around. "Excuse me?" Staci just grinned. "Gracias." "Thought you'd appreciate that." ******** Back in the forest, the man looked around the suddenly deserted campsite and frowned. He'd been counting on them to split up eventually, but they hadn't, and now they were gone. But others would come. He smiled, and ran his fingers along the edge of his knife. Others would come, and he'd have his fun then.