FALLING IN LOVE! The story of Stalking Jason Dean. By Sky CHAPTER ONE MEETING MR RIGHT It was Thursday February 17th, 2000 as I remember, and I was sitting at a desk in the campus library using a computer. I was with Betty, and we were talking about something, and this gorgeous guy, who was opposite us, made a comment about what we were saying. We asked him to repeat it, and he said something about "what you were saying made me laugh". I hadn't really noticed his hunkiness, until Betty did, and then I noticed how hunky he was. He was wearing a white shirt, and yellow shorts, and it was very hot outside, in the campus library it was freezing since their air con was so cold. Later on, while I continued noticing him, I decided I wanted to get a better look at him, and I sat diagonally across from him. He kept grinning, and would laugh at his screen. I wanted to know what was funny, and I snuck around behind him and got a look at his screen. There was nothing funny on his screen. It was just a big pond screen, which couldn't be funny to the dullest of people. I returned to my seat, and the hunk was still laughing at nothing. I had been listening to my Kylie Minogue CDs, and he had been listening to his CDs. We had eye contact a couple of times, and later, I sat next to him. I asked, "What course are you doing then?" and he said "I.T." I replied "What does I.T stand for?" and he said "Information Technology, computer programming". I asked him his name, and he said "Jason Dean, or JD, whichever you prefer." I always called him Jason Dean though, I don't seem to like shortening names. Then he said, "I'm changing it to Canvas though." I said "WHAT?" and he said, "Canvas, as in the Mona Lisa. Canvas Saunders, because its hard to say". Then he was on his email screen, and I was looking at a Michael Jackson fan site. I noticed him looking at my screen. He had been showing an interest in what I was looking at. He asked me something about his email. I think the question was "Do you know how to send an email?" and I replied, "You just click on compose over there," and he said "I'm in computer programming but I cant send emails" in a laughing manor. Then he said, "Well I haven't got anyone to email anyway" and I said, "You should go in the chat room, there are heaps of people to email in there." I asked him his age, I had thought he was about 20, and he replied "22." Well at least that is the age that he said, it wasn't the way he said it though. He answered in a way that was like "Around 22." I assume that he said it that way now, because I later found out that the 17th of February was his birthday. I said "I'm 17". Later on after our conversation, he said "I'm going to go home now, I've got nothing better to do". And he left. This was about 7.30pm. I thought that he was the best looking guy that I had ever seen. Drop dead gorgeous I described him as. He was about 6 foot one, or 182 cm. He had dark brown hair, and gray/blue eyes. His hair was dark brown, and it was cut quite short, only about 2 inches long. He wore his hair brushed up, spiked, not in a grunge or heavy metal way though. He looked like the sort that would have a good head on his shoulders. He looked like the type you would expect to go into Med. School. CHAPTER TWO GETTING ALL THE WRONG SIGNS There were many days that we ran into each other, and I'm not sure which day the next one was, It may have been Friday, or it may have been following Monday. I went up to him in the morning, while he was sitting at a computer, and I began talking to him, just small talk, and then I said, "what is your email address anyway?" Then he said, "I don't give it out", and when I asked why not his response was "security reasons". At the time I had wondered what security reasons could there possibly be, I mean the reason of email is communication isn't it? One evening shortly after, I think that it was a Thursday night. I was in the library sitting next to Jason Dean and I went to print something, and when I came back, Jason Dean had made my yahoo background bright red!!!!!!!!!!!!! After a while, Jason Dean asked me what a word in his textbook was, and I'm thinking "get real". After a while longer, Jason Dean asked me "do you play tennis?" I said "yeah" and he said "oh, because I'm thinking of taking it up" and I'm thinking, ill see what he says next hehehehehehe. The next Saturday, I went to the library, and was telling Peter about the story. Peter reckoned it was a definite hit on. That everything was totally a pick up. I wanted to believe this a lot. CHAPTER THREE ALL THE OTHER WRONG SIGNS Another morning when I was in the library, I was hoping very much to see the hunk in the library. I was using the punchers and guillotine, when the hunky monkey came in the room. There was a guy at the photocopier machines and he had asked me if I worked there. I responded "no, but I can help you anyway". I was helping the guy with his photocopying, and as I went back to my work, Jason Dean came up to me, and he said something, I don't know what, because he always mumbled like Marlon Brando. One thing he said was something like "English hey!", while looking at my work. Jason Dean went and got on a computer. The computer that he picked was actually the one that I had booked, but I didn't want to say anything, since I thought I would make the most of it by sitting next to him. Jason Dean looked at my algebra which I was doing, and he said, "algebra hey!", and he continued with what he was doing, we had a brief chat, I cant remember what about, and when he left, he left his disk in the computer. Christine said I should run after him, and give him the disk, and I'm thinking, No way, it gives me an excuse to talk to him next time. CHAPTER FOUR THE DISK/BEING SPIED ON I think that was Monday or Tuesday, because days passed and I hadn't seen him. Wednesday was my day off. I gave the disk to Martha, who would be there on Wednesday and she said she would give it to him. When I saw her on Thursday she said that she hadn't seen Jason Dean, and she gave me the disk back. I was worried that Jason Dean would be angry, because his disk had been gone quite a while, and he probably needed it for his work. On Friday morning, I was in the library, and I had Jason Deans' disk. Jason Dean came in at about 9am, and I went up to him and I said "I found this disk, I thought it might be yours," and Jason Dean had a grin on his face, and he said "thanks I've been looking everywhere for this disk". Then he paused, and in a flirtatious manor, he said "I don't think you found it, I think you stole it". Jason Dean came and sat next to me, and I was very excited". I had noticed twice, Jason Dean looking at my screen, and when I was doing to the loo, I asked Jason Dean to watch my stuff, and when I came back, I could tell that the scroll bar had been scrolled. I had a photograph of AJ of the Backstreet Boys, in my file, and my file was open, and I even noticed Jason Dean looking at that!!!!!!!!! I thought that Jason Dean definitely had shown some sort of interest. I said something to Jason Dean, and his response was weird, it was something like "I don't want to talk to you right now" and I'm not sure if it was exactly that, but it was something that sounded like that. After a while, Jason Dean said "I have to go to class now" and he left. He had been wearing a gray jumper. I had thought that all of these incidents were signs that Jason Dean liked me, and I wanted to show Martha and Betty. The two of them were coming out of the lift with me and we all walked past Jason Dean, I said hi to him, and he totally ignored me!!!! Later on we were in the library again, and Jason Dean came in, and I'm not making it half obvious I like him, I mean, sometimes I just can't not giggle. He sat down in the same spot he had been in before, and I sat where I had been. I said "I thought you said you had to go to class?" and he said "my class was cut short". I asked him to watch my stuff again, and the girls were watching to see if he did anything, and what do ya know? He didn't!!!! The girls were laughing at me then, as if he's gonna do anything when its that obvious that he's being watched!!!!! One day in a conversation with Jason Dean, I remember he said that he didn't really go to class, coz his work was easier to do out of class. One day, I was sitting with Dennis, and had been telling him about Jason Dean, he reckoned that it all seemed normal. Jason Dean came in, and Dennis was sitting next to me. Jason Dean came up to the row that we were sitting in, and looked up and down each row one by one. Jason Dean didn't look at me, and didn't smile, or say hello. Dennis said "he doesn't like you, if he liked you, he would have at least said hello. Even I say hello." I said "I didn't say hello to him, maybe he thinks I'm rude." Dennis reckoned that I was only seeing signs that I wanted to see. CHAPTER FIVE THE FIRST FOLLOWING Another Friday, I was at campus, and I hadn't seen Jason Dean in quite a while. I thought maybe he didn't come in the library very often. I found out later that I was wrong. I was sitting with my friend Brad, and we were using the computers, and then Jason Dean came in. I was so excited. And Brad wanted me to shut up about Jason Dean. When Jason Dean was leaving, I decided to follow him. Jason Dean was in his white shirt, and his shorts again. I followed Jason Dean, as he walked out of campus, across the road, and through the Robertson State library. I didn't want him to catch me. I was in the distance. He went over the Robertson State library overpass, then while he was going over the upstairs of the train station, I passed him, so it would not look like I was following him. As I passed him, I ran into one of my sisters' friends, and he got talking. Jason Dean saw me, and he passed me. Then my sisters' friend noticed I had to be going, and he said "do you have someone you have to catch up to?" and I said "yes" and I ran ahead over the Myer overpass. Then Jason Dean went around and around the upstairs of Woodridge Square, along the overpass, and then he went through Woodridge arcade. I went through City arcade and ran out ahead of Jason Dean. I ran into another guy I knew. He was busking, and he got talking to me, then Jason Dean came out of Woodridge arcade and I was so embarrassed. Jason Dean saw me with Bobby, and he passed me again!!!!! I thought, he must know I was following him. Then I said to Bobby "I can't talk now, I gotta go!" I ran ahead and followed Jason Dean, I had seen him go into Central Park, and I assumed he was just going around to get to the bus port. I ran to the bus port, but I didn't see Jason Dean. I assumed that Jason Dean had got onto a bus and gone home. CHAPTER SIX THE FIRST REAL TALKING AND WALKING On one Tuesday night, around about 7.30pm, I had just finished a math class. I think it was the first Tuesday night after the night that I followed him. It was my first night math's class that I had. I went to the library, and my friend Norman was sitting next to Jason Dean, and so I sat on the other side of Jason Dean. Jason Dean was wearing his gray jumper again, with light blue faded jeans. Once again Jason Dean was looking at my stuff, and he said "Math's homework hey?" and I said "No, this is work I've just finished in class" and he said "it's not set out very well" and I said "I know". We got chatting about things. I asked him if he could be anyone in any movie, who would he be, and his reply was "probably a blue movie, or a literature movie with Gweneth Paltrow". I said, "I would be Sigourney Weaver in Aliens". I think that's when we got talking about his name. I don't know how the subject came up, but he said he wanted to be "the jackel" and I'm thinking "WHAT". He had said that that was something to do with why he wanted to change his name, he wanted to be like the jackal. It was nearly a year ago now, so I cant remember all the details. We got talking about a lot that evening, I can't remember all of it. When Jason Dean began shutting down his computer, I shut down mine faster, and went to the lift, only I didn't press the button, because I didn't want the lift to come before Jason Dean. When Jason Dean came, he said "so whereabouts do you live?" I said "Eastern Sherwood, where about do you live?" and he said "around the city" and at the time I thought that that wasn't really answer. One thing he said was "you know a lot of people around town, don't you?" and I said "I hardly call Stanford around town." And then I thought about it, and realized that he had seen me with my sisters friend and Bobby." I said "oh you saw me last Friday night with my sisters friend, and Bobby." We got into the lift, and we were talking about something, I forget what. We ended up walking together. I had had to slow down my pace a lot though. One thing that we got talking about was, I asked, "so you were born in 1977 were you?" because I assumed that he would be 23 that year. I didn't know that I had met him on his 22nd birthday. Jason Dean replied "sometime around there." Then he said "I wish I had been born in 1980." I asked why, and he said, "It was just a good time to be born." Jason Dean and I must have been talking about where we lived or something, coz I remember him saying "I cant remember the last time I lived at home" One of the things Jason Dean asked me was "do you have a computer at home?" I said "no I don't unfortunately" and he said something else, it was really annoying how he mumbled, because half the time, if you knew what he was saying, it was really easy to forget. I asked Jason Dean if he had a computer and I have no idea what his reply was, but I'm assuming that he didn't have one, because he was always in the campus library, everyday of the week. We were walking over the top of the train station at this point and I asked him what star sign he was, which was a lame thing to ask. His response was in such a theatrical way, it was really cute, "Beyond the stars and the moon, bla bla bla" stuff like that, and then he said "I'm kidding I'm Aquarius." I was just trying to make conversation. I don't even believe in star signs! I think they are evil! Then we got to where he normally goes on ahead, over the Myer overpass, and I turn onto the escalators to go to the bus station. He was about to go on, to the Myer overpass, but then he said "You go down this way don't you?" and I said "yeah". Then Jason Dean continued walking with me. Then we got to the whitfords train platform, where you can either go on to the escalators, or turn left towards the Williams street traffic lights. I was going to go forward, but then Jason Dean said to me, "you can go this way cant you?" and I said "yeah" and I walked that little extra way with him. Then I had to get the next escalators up, and Jason Dean crossed the road at the traffic lights. I called out "see ya" and he mumbled, "bye" or something very non-expressive. CHAPTER SEVEN NEILS OPINION Another night not far after that, it may have been the following Thursday, was the next time I walked with Jason Dean. My friend Joanna had convinced me to pick up a general curriculum subject, which was a computing class. I said I would pick it up, but I wouldn't attend it that night, because I wanted to try to talk to Jason Dean again. Neil was at campus, and I had told him the Jason Dean story, and Neil reckoned that Jason Dean liked me and was playing coy. I wanted to know what Neil thought of Jason Deans' looks, so I went and took Neil to the library to see Jason Dean. Jason Dean was wearing his jeans, a yellow grotty T-shirt, and an Adidas cap. Neil was very unimpressed by Jason Dean wearing a cap, but frankly that wasn't the kind of talk I wanted to hear about Jason Dean. Everyone went to class, and I stayed in the library, maybe I showed Neil on another night, coz I'm sure that when I sat next to Jason Dean, he was wearing a white shirt, and his shorts. Well I guess what night it happened doesn't matter an awful lot. CHAPTER EIGHT OUR LITTLE CHAT/THE SECOND TALKING AND WALKING Anyway Jason Dean was in the library, and I put my stuff next to him. At this stage I was reading a lot of psychology books, and I put a pile on the table at my computer. Jason Dean had a strange look at them. I sat down next to Jason Dean and went in the chat room. I showed Jason Dean what I was doing, and he asked me "who's in there?" which I thought was an odd question. If ya don't use the chat room, why would you want to know who was in there? Anyway, I was using the name Anna Kournikova at the time, since Jason Dean may or may not like tennis. Anyway, Jason Dean and I got talking once again. Jason Dean looked at the psychology books, and he said "I hope that's just a phase". I said "reading these books is very helpful you know, it helps you understand why other people do what they do, and it helps you see things from their perspective." I asked Jason Dean, "what were you doing last semester?" he said "I was at Michigan Campus." I thought that there were many signs pointing to 'runaway'. I really thought that with the name change thing and everything else that he wanted to escape himself. My friend Alan came into the library. I went over to Alan, coz I wanted Alan to see what Jason Dean looked like. Alan reckoned from what he heard about Jason Dean that, he thought with something that wasn't his brain. Well I was most offended to hear anybody say anything against Jason Dean, and I went back and sat with Jason Dean again. I asked Jason Dean where he was from, he said "Australia". I said "one of my friends reckons you look Russian or something." He said "I suppose I do look a bit like that." I asked him where his parents were from, and he got all defensive. He said "Australia" then he said "Why am I telling you this anyway?" and I have no idea what I said then. I'm sure it was the same night that I walked with him again. CHAPTER NINE THE SECOND WALKING AND TALKING As I remember, when he walked with me the second time, he had the yellow T- shirt, and when I was talking to him he was in his white shirt, I must be confused. Well the night I walked with him the second time, he was wearing his yellow T-shirt, and his jeans, and his Adidas cap. I said to him, "I've just taken up another class, it's a computer class and it's so basic it's not funny. It's like showing you the basics of how to use word and all that." Jason Dean replied "with the time on email you spend, you don't need any basic classes." I remember one thing that Jason Dean said to me was "most of your friends are males." And I said "well I think that males are better than females, I mean they don't argue as much." I remember when we were up to the point outside the Robertson State library, where the grass goes up on a big step. I thought he was going to go over it, as guys usually do. I began to step onto it, and Jason Dean was going around it, and he said "oh, sorry, you can go around if you want". I thought that was sweet. Then Jason Dean said to me "why do you read al those psychology books anyway. People spend 3 years at Uni. studying psychology. I don't think its good for you to read those." I replied, one of my friends has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and reading the books helps me to understand her." When we got to where the Myer overpass is, Jason Dean said, "I'm going this way tonight" and off he went. CHAPTER TEN HEATHER COMES TO TOWN The next incident I can remember, was when I brought my friend Heather Lee to campus to show Jason Dean to her. Heather Lee and I went to the library and all the computers were in use, except the one next to Jason Dean. We went and sat next to Jason Dean. I can't remember if I said hi or not. Heather Lee and I sat down next to Jason Dean, and Heather Lee had said that if I went to the loo, she would make conversation with him. I pretended to go to the loo, and then I watched Heather Lee and Jason Dean from a distance. When I came back, Heather Lee said that she didn't talk to him coz she didn't get the opportunity to talk to him. "Jason Dean is listening to what we're saying" Heather Lee said. "We're whispering," I said. "He knows we're talking about him though." Heather Lee's flat mate rang her to let her know that she had found Heather Lees leather boots. Heather Lee had noticed that even though Jason Dean had headphones on, he was still listening to us, and not the music. Heather Lee began making remarks to her flat mate asking things like "Did you find the leather whip as well?" and Jason Dean was listening and laughing at what Heather Lee had been saying. Heather Lee had her diabetes tester on her. She said to Jason Dean "do you want your IQ tested with my IQ tester?" and Jason Dean said "No thanks." Jason Dean got up from his desk, when he was coming back he said to me "have you seen my bag, I left it here a minute ago?" and I said, "no I haven't Jason Dean." Then Heather Lee said to Jason Dean "Do you two know each other?" and Jason Dean replied "sort of". I thought that that was a good thing, I mean its better than, no not really. Jason Dean had been listening to our conversation a lot, and I said something about "people eavesdropping disgust me." Heather Lee thought that that was mean. Heather Lee and I left before Jason Dean. Heather Lee thought that if we stayed too long, that Jason Dean may get sick of us, and that wouldn't be any good. Heather Lee and I left, and we went to meet her boy friend at the train station. When Mark arrived, I asked Heather Lee if we could wait around. I wanted to see Jason Dean pass us as he leaves campus, before he goes to the Myer overpass. While we waited, Mark and Heather Lee wouldn't stop smooching, then Jason Dean passed us, just after 6pm. Jason Dean grinned, and he noticed us there. I think that Heather Lee freaked him out a little, coz after that day, the weird ambiguity began. CHAPTER ELEVEN NOT THE NICEST SIDE The following Monday, I went and sat next to Jason Dean. I said "hi" and Jason Dean ignored me. Jason Dean was doing work, and then he lost some data, and he jammed his disk out of the computer, turned the computer off, and he growled, "Thanks a lot Veronica." And he stormed off. He went over to one of his classmates, and left. Jason Dean had left his schoolbook that had his work in it. I was hoping that Jason Dean had left it deliberately. I took it and ran to the girls' toilets. I read the book, hoping that it would have lots of information about him in it, and it didn't. I remember on page one, it said 'week one, with 19 weeks left of this course, I cant see it going anywhere. I'll just have to use it for my Tourism in Broome.' I was disappointed to discover a) Jason Deans' pessimism and b) the fact that his gorgeousness wouldn't be present next semester. CHAPTER TWELVE A PUPPY FOLLOWED ME HOME (ACCIDENTLY) I had decided to try and get over Jason Dean, by not seeing him. I wanted to avoid him, and I went to the CAMPUS library on the weekend. I was telling Peter about Jason Dean. Jason Dean came in, and I couldn't believe it. I had thought that I would try to get over him, but I couldn't. Peter always kept me posted about Jason Dean. He would send me emails saying things like "its 4pm Thursday, and your Ken's here." When Jason Dean was leaving, I wanted to see where he went. I asked Peter to look after my bag and stuff, and he said he would. I left and followed Jason Dean. Jason Dean was a nice guy to follow, coz he never turned around. It was amazing, I don't think if I had been clunking in high heels he would have looked back. Jason Dean was a stalking woman's dream come true. Jason Dean was in his white shirt, and I forget what else. I think he was in his light blue jeans. I followed him over the bridge, and past the Robertson State library. We went over the Myer overpass and I thought "I guess he's going to the bus port, I'll see what bus he's getting, and that will give me a rough idea of where he lives, and who he is." We went over the Myer overpass, and around the upstairs of Woodridge Square. We went through Woodridge arcade. Jason Dean stopped to look at some jewelry or something at a store in Woodridge. I tried not to be seen, and I don't think I was. Perhaps Jason Dean knew where I was, and just thought he would enjoy the psychologically disturbed moment. Jason Dean continued walking, and I followed. Jason Dean went through Hay Street, and he went through Central Park. After crossing St George's Terrace, we went through the bus port over pass, which goes over Sherwood Mount road. It was the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday. When we got to the end of the walkway, Jason Dean turned right. I had expected Jason Dean to walk left. I thought 'I guess he is going to a car park, well I'll see what type of car he drives, and then I'll know what type of person he is.' We got past the car park, and I thought we were going to go to another car park. We were walking a while, down Sherwood Mount Road, and we went under Mitchell Freeway. I kept on hiding behind trees, just like a detective in a movie. Incase he looked back. Jason Dean never looked back though. I was glad I was wearing my sneakers coz Jason Dean couldn't hear me following. I was very shocked, when we got to these big apartments in Sherwood Mount Road, and Jason Dean went inside. I thought 'oh no, I'll have to run, he lives here AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! This must mean that I have followed him home. Oh no. I must run back to CAMPUS before he gets to the window.' I ran back to CAMPUS and when I got back, I showed Peter on a map how far I had gone. "You went that far just now!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!??" Peter inquired. "Yeah" I said. "Well I wouldn't have, if I had known that he lived there." CHAPTER THIRTEEN FLATTERY WINS One time Jason Dean was in the library wearing a gorgeous gray fitted top, which had two red stripes going horizontal across it. It was a Backstreet Boy's type. I was talking to Jason Dean, and I forget what we were discussing, but I remember that he was typing up a document for his schoolwork. He moved to face me, like moved his side. Ya know how you deliberately face the other way if you don't like someone, and face him or her if you do like them? Well Jason Dean was facing me. One thing I remember we got talking about, were careers. I mentioned that I wanted to be a COP. Jason Dean said "I always had a thing for women who wanted to be COPs." I remember another thing that Jason Dean asked me which I found flattering. Jason Dean asked me "do you have an older sister, my last girlfriend was 28?" and I replied "yeah, she's 34, but she's divorced though" and Jason Dean said "divorced? That's no good" after a while of talking, Jason Dean said "I've just got to do this" and I let him do his homework. There was another topic we were discussing. Jason Dean said "I'm not Christian or anything, but I really hate gays, there's just something about it." I don't know what context that was in, but I thought that Jason Dean was a gorgeous hunk. I had seen the grids on his screen, and at that time, I was very naïve when it came to computers. I said "More grids hey?" and he said "Yeah" I said, "I thought that those grids were used in business?" and Jason Dean said, "They are used in I.T as well." Once I showed my friend Tracey what Jason Dean looked like, and was unimpressed at her answer. She said "he's got a bad aura, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. His aura hasn't got a lot of orange." I didn't care what she had to say about this nonsense, I just wanted an opinion on his hunkiness. CHAPTER FIFTEEN THE POETRY I sent him an anonymous email in poetry format in the middle of March saying I try to show I like you You seem unaware Sometimes when I smile You don't seem to care You sometimes overlook me As if I'm not around Then go confusing me By doing the opposite Fearing you mightn't reciprocate A friendly act I do I only wish you'd notice me The way I notice you I had looked over his shoulder one day that was how I knew his email address. I had made a fake email address, and the address was greatexpectaions, as in the Gweneth Paltrow movie. Under sender, I had written the name, anonymous girl, that way, I would remain anonymous. He sent me a reply, which was as poetic as mine had been Some kind words to a woman Yet I don't know who you are The words may appear strange The words may fall But like all seasons I await for the call It hard to know your intention Reciprocate my friend All that is want Can only be revealed in the end Try not to be afraid on your side of the sphere Remaining there will only leave me the way I appear Please don't reply if you hesitate to this For I don't want to lead a stumbling heart I was very impressed with his response. It wasn't what I excepted. CHAPTER SIXTEEN THE CONFRONTATION I was in the cafeteria one Thursday afternoon at about 3.30pm and it was totally empty. I was reading another psychology book while I was eating a bag of mushrooms. The next time I looked up, Jason Dean was at the next table. He said something, and I said "what?" and he repeated whatever it was he said and I still couldn't understand his mumbling. "You're weird" I called out. And Jason Dean replied "How am I weird?" in the most theatrical way. I replied "You just are" then Jason Dean called out "what are you doing?" and I moved my stuff over to where he was sitting. I said I'm reading another psychology book. I said "My friend Heather Lee has obsessive compulsive disorder, and reading this, helps me to understand her." Then I said, "she was the one you met on Friday." And Jason Dean said "her, she totally freaked me out!!" we got talking about something else. After a while, Jason Dean asked me "did you send me an email?" and I said "what email?" and he said "oh, someone sent me an email." Then after a while of talking Jason Dean said "I've gotta get back to class, I'm on a break at the moment, I might talk to you later." Then he got up, and did a big detour around a pile of chairs and looked back at me in a cute way with a cheeky grin. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN THE NEXT POEMS One thing I always did wrong, was analyze things. I could never help observing every little detail in people. One time, Jason Dean was coming out of the toilet, and I was passing the toilet on the way to class, and he was in his striped shirt, tie, and jeans. He just looked at me. He paused, and just looked at me, in the most peculiar, yet significant way. I don't know why I got so mesmerized by his face. Marth and Kath had said that once, they were sitting next to Jason Dean, and they noticed him reading his email. One of them said "Who is anonymous girl?" and another said "Veronica." They said they said that accidentally. I'm sure they wanted him to know. I don't mind though. If I had only said it was me, it wouldn't have been so hard. Since the girls had said that I was anonymous girl, I decided to make another email address. This time it was bridgeovertrouble and the sender name was Human Being. I wrote Jason Dean another poem, I can't remember how it went, but I remember the ending. It went like this. I only wish you would not confuse me With the attitudes you show I really wish that I had come clean at the cafeteria that day. Everything else would have been so much easier. On Friday the 17th march 2000 I received this email from Jason Dean. Subject: Re: (No Subject) This is definitely out of the ordinary for me. I wouldn't usually ask people who they were if I didn't know them, but if your so interested you can visit me if you want. You make me feel childish asking this, I don't write personal emails, it's just the way I am. Yes I suppose I'm shy but I'm not the one being let down am I What do you hope from all this, I don't understand your interest, I'm not a cyber toy to be played with. This is beyond talking back and fourth here, so please don't write, talk to my face, its heaps better looking. On Monday the 20th of March, at 8.54am my reply was Subject: who I am Now I have to be honest I'm afraid to confront u Because I'm worried ill just look an idiot But I don't like insincerity So ill just say U questioned me about the email and I chickened out I'm sorry I lied but I was afraid of looking stupid And now I probably do lo9ok stupid, I feel stupid anyhow I'm probably going to be too afraid to look u in the face again But at least now u know who I am I have to get to class now I'm sorry for any inconvenience these emails have caused u But I didn't have the guys to talk to u face to face and still don't On Monday the 20th of March 2000 at 10.28am Jason Dean wrote Subject: Re: who ???????????????? who is this ???????????????????????? at 2.03pm my reply was Subject: Re: who hey Jason Dean u know who I am as I said before u confronted me on Thursday in the cafeteria and asked me if sent you an email I chickened out then and I am still too chicken to talk with you face to face I don't know how you may react, I mean you should remember who you asked on Thursday........ And when I said I didn't I was lying coz I was afraid of looking stupid That's why I sent the emails coz I was not bold enough to talk to u in person I'm sure you know now who I am Sincerely me At 2.43pm Jason Dean replied Subject: Re: this is final I don't enjoy having your emails sent because I told you I don't want personal information left in my mailbox. Please don't send this here, it only your disappointment, I know your uncomfortable but sometimes your to hard to understand, your endeavors should be better constructed, this is person criticism, I hope you understand. That was the end of the emails with Jason Dean, well I sent some nasty ones later that I wish I hadn't sent. I wrote a letter later on, coz I couldn't handle the worry. What if he was stupid, and just didn't know I had written the emails????? He may or may not have known, but I had to make sure. I wrote the following letter. Jason Dean, I'm sorry for my ambiguous behavior over the past few weeks, but its been because I like you and haven't known how to express it. Veronica I had planned to go and put it in Jason Deans' bag, coz he often went off, and just left his bag in the library. Then I thought that that wouldn't work. I was way too chicken to give Jason Dean the letter. My friend Ben offered to give Jason Dean the letter for me. "you wont give it to him though" and Ben said "yeah I will" Ben went over to Jason Dean and gave him the letter. I asked Ben what Jason Dean had said and he said "I went to Jason Dean and I said "I've got this letter for you. He said "is this from Veronica? I said "yeah" and he said "oh I'll read it later." I think that Ben said that Jason Dean pushed the letter to the side of the desk. I know he took it though, coz I went back later to make sure it was gone, and it was. I remember another email that may or may not have been from Jason Dean. All of the ones listed above were definitely received or written by Jason Dean. There was a few occasions though, where Marth, and Kath would get in the chat room, and pretend to be Jason Dean and hit on me, pretending to be Jason Dean. This confused matters, coz now my mind is finding it hard to remember if Jason Dean wrote this email or not. Look, I don't want to hear from you unless you are 25, you're not, so just leave. I know I read that, and Marth never impersonated Jason Dean via email, only chat room. It's just a matter of remembering in what context was that letter written. It may have been a response to my 2nd email from anonymous girl. I'm not sure. Actually, I think that it was Jason Deans' reply to my 2nd anonymous girl email. I can't remember what I wrote though. All I can remember was the last line. I don't know what my first email from Human Being was either. But the rest are accurately documented here. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN THE SIDEKICKS FOLLOW I rang my friend Bonny and told her about Jason Dean. She decided to come to Perth campus to see what he looked like. This was a few weeks after what I've talked about. Bonny arrived, and we both went to the library together. Bonny exclaimed oh my Gosh he's gorgeous." We sat down at some desks, and began doodling. When Jason Dean got up to leave, I said "come on lets follow him." And we did. We went upstairs, and Jason Dean was doing something at reception, and Bonny said "say hello to him" and I said "no." Jason Dean left, and we followed him. We followed him around the Myer overpass and along until he got to Woodridge arcade. "Let's run through City arcade, on the right side of Woodridge arcade and run ahead of him. We can sit at Central Park and wait for him to go passed, and I can say hi." We ran ahead and we sat down on some seats at central park. Jason Dean was coming, and Bonny got out her hairbrush, and began brushing her hair. As Jason Dean went passed us, I said "Hi Jason Dean" and Jason Dean just half waved his hand at me. Bonny reckoned that that was really rude. We went back to campus. CHAPTER NINETEEN THE LONG AND LOVELY WALK On another occasion, Jason Dean and I left campus together again, and I tried to walk with him. Once we had gotten to the above train station, Jason Dean was about to say goodbye, and I said, "I have to go to the bus port tonight." We continued walking and talking. We had gone over the Myer overpass, and I said "Jason Dean, can I ask you a question?" and he had a grin on his face, and he said "okay" and I said "do you consider me a friend?" and Jason Dean said "no I don't. I don't really have friends." I asked "why not?" and he said because I don't really know you." And I said "no I mean why don't you really have friends?" and he said "its just easier to go through life without them." And I asked "why?" and Jason Dean said "you wouldn't understand" and I said, "hey, I've been through the worse possible times you can think of, I think I would understand" in a very know it all tone. He had said about three times that it was nothing personal against me. I thought that that was sweet of him. I always thought that I saw a nice side of Jason Dean that nobody else saw. Whenever I described the nice side of him to people who knew him, they didn't believe me. We continued walking and talking. I forget what we talked about then, but when we were coming out of Woodridge arcade, going through Hay Street Mall, I remember what Jason Dean said to me. "have you seen the Truman Show?" and at the time, I hadn't. I said "no, I haven't" then Jason Dean said "have you seen Scrooge?" and I said "I've seen that" and Jason Dean said, "it's kind of like that." I didn't know what he meant. I said "isn't that like 'a life lived in fear is a life half lived?" and Jason Dean said "no not really." I thought that I was right though. I kept on being curios, and Jason Dean said "I'm just one of those people who wants to keep climbing the ladder." I said "do you want to be a nasty miser, who hurts and tramples people on their way to success?" and I forget what his response was, it was probably something like, how I wouldn't understand. Then I got talking about how everybody's been hurt by people and they don't go around isolating themselves. We had arrived at the bus port, at the section where he turns right, and I would turn left, at least if I actually had to get a bus. Jason Dean turned left with me, and I thought that that was nice of him. As we were talking, I asked "Jason Dean, why do you sometimes ignore me?" and Jason Dean replied "because I'm busy" and as he was turning to get the escalator down, I said "hello doesn't take up any time." At this stage we had arrived at the bus port. Then Jason Dean turned around and looked back at me, and went back his way. I went and sat down at a bus stop, and I noticed Jason Dean looking back at me. I waited there until Jason Dean had disappeared, and then I ran to the train station. I had a fair way to run, at about 9.30pm. Jason Dean had crossed Sherwood Mount road. CHAPTER TWENTY GETTING THE HIGHSCHOOL APPROACH OUT THE WAY I can't remember when what happened, but I know that in March or April, I was telling Kim and Alison about Jason Dean. They both decided to go up to him, and ask him what he thought of me. They didn't really understand me obviously, as they asked bad things instead of good. We went to the library, and Jason Dean was there. I was very nervous and didn't want him to see me. I went up the back of the library, and hid behind some shelves. I watched Kim and Alison. Jason Dean went up to a shelf in the other half of the library. Alison and Kim went up to him. I couldn't hear what they were saying. But they let me know afterward. I asked them what they had said. Jason Dean was back at his desk at this stage. Alison said "we asked him do you know Veronica?" And Jason Dean said "yeah" and then they asked, "what do you think of her?" and Jason Dean responded "she's bazaar" and Alison and Kim asked "do you want us to pass a message to her, like to leave you alone?" and he said "Okay." They were meant to ask open-ended questions. I was very disappointed, because had they rephrased the question, a different answer would have been inevitable. Alison once sent me an email saying "they say love is blind, well you must really need a guide dog." Another time with Alison, was when Jason Dean was sitting in the row of computers in front of her, but facing the same way as hers. She started calling out "hey Jason Dean!" and when there was no response, she would embarrass me, by name calling him. He didn't hear though, so it wasn't too bad. CHAPTER TWENTYONE THE SHOPPING EXPEDITION One day, Jason Dean was wearing a revolting shirt. It was white, with horizontal red and blue stripes. Jason Dean had a tie on too I think. Alison thought that it looked nice. I thought that her opinion was a bit clouded. Jason Dean left campus. Guess who followed? I don't think anyone needs to read who followed him from school this day. I had followed Jason Dean. He went through the Robertson State library and I went around the library. I followed Jason Dean into Myer. He went onto an escalator. I followed him, but because he was facing me, and I was facing him, I had to go around the big crevice in the middle of Myer to get onto the escalator. I think that Jason Dean would have seen me, coz he had a big grin on his face. And my hiding behind pillars was not very effective. He went into the men's department, and I followed. He went to a stand that had nothing but jeans. Jason Dean went and got a pair of jeans, and I went back to campus. CHAPTER TWENTYTWO THE OTHER FOLKS THOUGHT Joanna said that Jason Dean was really sexy in her opinion. And when bonny had seen him she nearly collapsed and said, "far out, he's gorgeous." When Brooke saw him in semester 2, she thought he was gross looking. Cherie, who was involved in many of the Jason Dean incidents that will be listed here later, thought that Jason Dean was the best looking guy that she had ever seen. Heather Lee said that he was good looking, but that was all there was. Nyssa thought that if Jason Dean was a nice person, maybe he would be nice looking. Richard, who was Cheries Boyfriend, reckoned that Steve (in our math class) was better looking. What I find really amusing, is that now, a year later, Emma says that she thought he was only average looking, and that she wanted to keep me happy, and that was why she said the thought he looked pretty nice. Personality wise, Nyssa said that his personality made him look ugly. John said that Jason Dean looked like the type to get on top of a Veronicascraper with a machine gun. Lee said that Jason Dean looked the type to guy someone in a fight. Nicola always liked talking to Jason Dean. She often tried talking to him, and he would respond. Nicola described Jason Deans' eyes as cold. The funny thing is, even though all this was annoying, I don't think that the year would have been as fun if all this didn't happen. CHAPTER TWENTYTHREE LIBRARY SNEAKING One time in the library, I was sitting with Nyssa and Luke. Once again, yet another poor person had to hear about my crush. Nyssa had made a suggestion, and Luke had thought that it would be funny too. Jason Dean went to the toilet, and Luke said "why don't you go and see what his log on name is?" I went and had a look. While I was there, I wanted to see what cds were on his table. I looked and I think that the cds were all LIVE. LIVE were a group that Jason Dean liked. He would always make the homepage, their webpage. I came back, and Luke and Nyssa showed me how to do a sender message. We sent his computer a message, I can't remember what it was. Jason Dean had not really been attentive of it though. I think he just deleted it. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE THE STAIRWELL AFFAIR One day, I was waiting for class outside the library, since my classes were not far from there. Cherie arrived, with her boyfriend Richard. Cherie said that since Richard had dropped her off, on the way to Uni., he had decided to come and say hi to me while he was there. We both decided to show him Jason Dean. While we were chatting, Steve came along. Steve was in our math class, and he joined in the conversation. Not long after Salin joined us, he was another guy from our math class. Cherie and I went with the boys into the library, and we were disappointed when we discovered that Jason Dean was not there. We decided to go and have lunch, and we went upstairs, to the cafeteria. We were eating, and talking, and we had to get to our class. We got up from our table, and went out the cafeteria door. There were lifts on the left, and stairs on the right. We always seemed to prefer the stairs, especially since it was only one flight. We all started going down the stairs. Steve was ahead of me, and Cherie, Richard, and Salin were not far behind. As we turned at the half way mark of the flight of stairs, I nearly walked into someone. I was about one metre in front of them, before I realized who it was. I couldn't believe it, I had nearly walked into Jason Dean on the stairwell. I nearly fell down the stairs I was laughing so much. Jason Dean was turning to go up the stairs, and I was whispering loudly, "Richard, Richard, Steve, Steve, Richard," and I was pointing rapidly at Jason Dean. Jason Dean looked back and his face was completely red. Cherie and I thought that it was one of the funniest situations that we had ever come across. When we got out of the stairwell, Richard said that he thought that Steve was better looking, Cherie and I disagreed though. Salin wouldn't shut up about how red Jason Dean and I both were. Another time, Cherie and I went and sat next to Jason Dean, and we were talking, I forget what about, and it was really funny, coz Jason Dean was over hearing us, and we both knew that he liked eavesdropping on us. I remember at the end of the semester, Jason Dean was losing patience with us, well he wasn't really losing patients with Cherie, but she didn't annoy him as much as I did. Once she sat near him, and began talking to him, and she asked him if he liked me, and he said no, but she couldn't really remember any of the context, at least she didn't mess everything up like Alison and Kim. CHAPTER TWENTYSIX CAUGHT OUT THERE One time, he was wearing this ghastly outfit. It was a blue shirt, which would have looked gorgeous had it been hanging out. The tucked in way he wore it was totally geeky though. He had a blue pair of trousers that matched, and he wore them with his shirt, tucked in. it looked totally dorky. He had this terrible outfit on often, and it really was revolting. Anyway, I was hanging around in the city, and I had seen him in Woodridge arcade. I was compelled into following him, to see where he went when he was not on campus. He had something in his hand that looked like a fish. At the traffic lights on William's and Hay Street, he turned into William's street and went towards McDonalds. I don't know when he saw me, but I know he did coz he went down William's street, and turned around. I thought he may have seen me, and I hid behind a cat bus stand. Then when I looked out, I think he was looking towards my way, and I dived into McDonalds. I bought an ice cream to at least provide myself with an alibi. I tried to find him when I came out, but I didn't. I'm not sure if it was the same night or another I followed him, in the same outfit, down St George's Terrace. He had a fish or something in his hand, and in the other was a bottle. I had been very intrigued to discover what he was carrying. If I hadn't had this curiosity, I wouldn't have followed. I wanted to know if he was carrying alcohol. I'm not sure what he was carrying. Instead of him crossing the road at the bus port, he went down further, which he sometimes did. He went and crossed the road at Mill Street. I noticed him look back at me, and I hid behind a big woman. I was worried that the woman would think that I was mugging her, and I said "don't worry, I'm not mugging you, I'm hiding from a hunk." CHAPTER TWENTYSEVEN OFFENDING MR HUNKY One time, Jason Dean was sitting near Norman. I sat next to Norman. Norman was talking about Sex in the City. Norman was talking about very impure things that appear on this show, and how one woman's sexual machinery had broken down. Norman wouldn't shut up about this woman and her vibrator. Jason Dean said "can you two be quiet, this is a library" I replied "sorry Jason Dean." Jason Dean said, "well you're talking about vibrators." Later on when I was getting into the lift with Jason Dean, I said "hi Jason Dean." Jason Dean said "hi." I said "I'm sorry about Norman, if what he said was offending you." Jason Dean said "oh no, its not that, I just wasn't in a good mood" or something like that. We got into the lift. Another time, Norman was sitting next to Jason Dean, and I don't know why, but Jason Dean was always quite opposed to Jason Dean. Once, Jason Dean said to me "can you tell that Norman guy, if he sits near me again, I'll belt him." I just said, "I didn't think that you liked Norman very much." There were many incidents with Jason Dean that would make you think he was a madman. Once he was sitting there, in the library and Ivan went to put his stuff on a table. Jason Dean started waving his arms around, like he was being aggressive. Jason Dean then stood up abruptly and aggressively. I was worried that he may hit Ivan. I noticed what was going on. Ivan just moved away, and didn't bother arguing. Later I tried walking with him. He was upstairs, in the lobby. He was doing something, and I waited so that I could catch him. I went up to him, and I said "hey Jason Dean, what were you and Ivan fighting about?' I don't remember what he said, I think he said something about "nothing really." I tried walking with him, and I said "you know I wouldn't try to fight Ivan if I were you. He is a security guard and he could knock you flat." Jason Dean said, "I don't like fighting." When we were coming out of the Robertson State library, I said, "I'm starting to realize why you reckon its so much easier going around without anyone." Jason Dean snapped "you always try to find reason to everything." And I decided to shut up. Then I said "so how long have you been a loner?" Jason Dean replied, "I'm not a loner, at least I don't think I am until someone keeps saying I am." At that Jason Dean stormed off. CHAPTER TWENTYEIGHT I FOLLOWED HIM FROM SCHOOL ONE DAY One time near the end of semester, I wanted to try to walk with Jason Dean again. I went upstairs, to the north wing on level 3, which is where the computing labs are. Jason Dean was in his class, looking gorgeous, as usual, in his gray jumper. One of his classmates, Gavin, was outside, and began talking to me. He was very interested about my crush on Jason Dean, since he reckoned that Jason Dean was a deranged man. Gavin had to meet a friend in the cafeteria, and wanted to hear the story, while he waited. When his friend didn't turn up, he went back up to his class with me. That's where I met Jeff. Jeff had finished a test, and was waiting outside for his next instructions. Jeff began listening in on Gavin and I, and he joined in. Jeff reckoned it was very funny what I was saying about Jason Dean. At that stage, Emma came out of the classroom. "what's all this about?" Emma asked. I was telling Emma about my crush on Jason Dean. Everyone thought that it was very funny. Emma was busting to know what was going on. "what's all this about?" she squirmed, jumping up and down. I thought that since she was about my age, that she would spill the beans, and I wasn't gonna say anything. Emma promised that she wouldn't say anything, and when she heard what was going on, she cracked up. What I wanted to do, was try and walk with Jason Dean on his way when he was leaving. I was gonna watch him, and hide if he looked like he might see me. Gavin was sitting opposite the door of the class, and he was watching Jason Dean. When Jason Dean began getting up, Gavin, Jeff, and Emma all said "he's coming, he's coming." I thought that they were only joking. I wasn't gonna hide, but they kept on insisting that he was coming. I ran and stood beside a locker, and Jason Dean was walking toward the locker. The locker was on the same side of the hallway, as the classroom that he had come out of. I was on the left-hand side of the locker, and the room was on the right hand side. I realized that Jason Dean was heading towards me, and I came out from the side of the locker, and walked casually past him. Jason Dean looked back at me in the strangest way. I knew he was looking, coz I was looking back at him. I thought that he had good reason to look oddly at me, since I had been behind a locker. Later on, when Jason Dean had finished class, I got into the lift with him. The rest of his class got the stairs down. They were laughing their heads off. I said "hi Jason Dean" and Jason Dean said "Hi how's the study coming along?" and I said "good" When we got out of the lift, there was Jason Deans' class, coming out of the stairs, only a bit behind us. They were laughing, and I couldn't help but laugh. I tried walking with Jason Dean. We were crossing the road, at Francis street, and I asked "what are you doing next semester?" and Jason Dean said "tourism, not at Perth though." I said "where are you doing it?" and he said "at Fremantle" and I said "I think that CAMPUS sux, I mean, doing work out of class is better than doing it in class, and Jason Dean said "no, CAMPUS is good, it's the people there." I said "I know what you mean, like you ask a question, and you get an explanation to something that you already know." We didn't really speak about a lot, I was just happy to be around him. Once we got to the train station overpass, I asked "what is tourism, isn't it like travel salesman?" Jason Dean said "no." I asked "what is it then?" and Jason Dean replied "it's a little out of your league" I asked "are you saying I'm dumb?" and Jason Dean said "I'm not saying anything" I continued walking with him, coz I liked his company so much. I was gonna just try to talk to him, but he made it so difficult. He crossed over to City arcade, and he said "I'm going this way Veronica" now if that isn't the most ambiguous phrase you ever heard, then what is? I went with him, to try to talk to him more. Jason Dean then said "can you like not follow me home all the time?" I said "What? I'm not." And Jason Dean said "why cant you just get the bus home like normal people?" I said "I do." I think that that was the last time I got to talk to Jason Dean this year. I will miss his mumbling and weirdness. Monica reckoned he scared her. Garth reckoned he was a weird, messed up, good looker. CHAPTER TWENTYNINE HATED BY A HUNK Once I went on a Wednesday afternoon, I forget why, coz I didn't have Wednesday classes at that stage, but I was in the library in the afternoon. Jason Dean was wearing his jeans and gray top, with red stripes. My friend Kristina and I sat next to Jason Dean, she sat between us. We were talking, and Jason Dean had a go at us, saying, all we ever did was email, and talk. We started talking quieter, and then Jason Dean complained that I always sat next to him, and I said "ya know Jason Dean, the world doesn't revolve around you ya know" and Jason Dean said "I'm gonna count to three, and if your not gone, I'll report you." I wasn't gonna move, and then Jason Dean got up. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but my friend Nyssa came in at that time. She was gonna meet up with us, and she over heard Jason Dean talking. She heard him say, "How do you have someone, not expelled, just removed from the library?" the librarian had suggested a formal complaint form, but Jason Dean didn't have any grounds. CHAPTER THIRTY NICOLA OPENS HER MOUTH There was another time, when Nicola came into the library, and she said to me "hey, I've never seen you in a dress before, you look really nice." I said "thanks" and Nicola said, "I cant imagine you wearing a dress" I said "what can you imagine me doing, running around after people hitting them with a baseball bat?" and Nicola replied, "no but I can imagine you hitting Jason Dean on the head with a baseball bat." At that stage, I had seen Jason Dean quite nearby, and I had been mouthing, "be quiet, he's in here" at Nicola, and then Jason Dean must have heard us, because he mouthed some verbal abuse at me. Nicola and I thought that that was bad timing. CHAPTER THIRTYONE A CASE OF BAD TIMING/LITTLE JOGGER GETS CAUGHT Once, in August, I was meeting Bonny for late lunch to give her her birthday presents. We decided to go and sit at a nice place. I suggested the bus port. We got on the cat bus, and were on our way to the bus port. Bonny was pregnant, so when we got on, I looked around to see if there were any seats for her to sit on. We got on the bus and sat down. I was telling bonny about how I was gonna write this book, and she thought that it was weird. I was saying how Jason Dean had said, "can you not follow me home all the time" and how coz Jason Dean used those words, it meant it wasn't stalking. Bonny had been insisting that her and her dad thought I was a stalker. I thought that they were using the term out of its proper context. I was saying, "stalking is only stalking if the person being followed says its stalking, and Jason Dean says its not." Then when the bus arrived at Sherwood Mount hospital, guess who got off? Jason Dean had a grumpy look on his face, which could easily be just a regular face on him. We don't know when he got on the bus, or if he heard us or not, but it was very embarrassing. Once when I was waling to Kings Park one night, a jogger was running towards me. I was gonna say hi, coz where I come from, joggers are the friendliest hello type there are. As the jogger was approaching, he seemed different to other joggers. He didn't seem like the common jogger. I just moved aside and let him pass. Then I realized that it was Jason Dean. CHAPTER THIRTYTWO TWO LITTLE FOLLOWERS One time, just recently, in February 2001, there was a funny incident with Jason Dean. Emma and I were talking about Jason Dean, and then we saw him, on the outside area outside the museum street entrance of campus. We wanted to walk past him. As we were coming out of the doors, Jason Dean saw us together. It was the first time he had seen Emma and I together, and I don't know how he would have taken it, or what he would have thought, coz Emma was in his semester one classes. As we were passing him, he went to the effort of getting up, and going inside the campus, which we both thought wasn't normal, even if he had hated our guts. Jason Dean went inside, and turned right. I assumed that he was going into the library. We went around planning to go to the Robertson State library and sit outside there. As we were coming towards the Francis Street entrance of Campus, who should be coming out of the doors? We both burst out laughing. It was really funny. We had both been discussing him, and there he was. He crossed Francis Street, and went over to the Robertson State Library steps. He actually began to start running to get away from us. When I've changed campuses I didn't know if I would ever see Jason Dean again, but I new I would never forget him. Now I'm back on campus, and I see him quite often, in the library. He sits there, alone, isolating himself from all of human society. He just ignores me now. He looks the other way. I've said hi to him, but he ignores me. He pretends that I'm not there. I wonder if things would have been any different if I had just admitted that I sent himt he email. I wonder if I could have won his love. He was very tolerant of the things that I did. I can't believe the crazy side of me that he saw. He does not respect me, or does he? He doesn't talk to me, but he has never started any fights or anything. He never even filed any complaints against me, even though he had plenty grounds to. I miss him. Now it's 18 months since I've met him, and the feelings are still there. The feelings are mild, and they don't dominate my life anymore. I really like seeing him, but he just looks the other way. He ignores me. He doesn't like me. He reminds me of somebody. Somebody that I saw once on the news. I will never know, if he ever had any feelings for me, but I know that the feelings that I had for him, were totally unique.