NOW THAT YOU'RE DEAD By Brandi Johnson NOTE: THIS STORY IS A CROSS-OVER STORY BETWEEN HEATHERS AND BEETLEJEUCE Veronica and JD were in Heather Chandler's bedroom. What Heather didn't know was that instead of a concoction to get rid of her hangover JD was really holding a mug that contained a morning wake up cup full of liquid drainer. Veronica herself unaware of the Hull Clean, she thought it was milk and orange juice. "Just give me the cup jerk." Heather snapped. JD handed Heather the cup and she downed it quickly. Heather then began clawing at her throat. "Corn nuts!" She weezed before she crashed into her expensive glass coffee table dead. "I've never seen milk and orange juice do that before." Veronica said. "The mugs must have gotten switched." JD said even though he knew a long time ago that Veronica had picked up the wrong mug. "I knew you messing with that bottle of Hull Clean was gonna lead to trouble!" Veronica yelled. "What are we gonna tell the cops, fuck it if she can't take a joke sarge?" JD asked. "Cops, god I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to SanQuenton instead of Stanford." Veronica said. "No you don't, I...I can handle this, all we have to do is make this look like a suicide!" JD yelled. "What?" Veronica asked. "Oh come on Ronnie don't be stupid, you can do Heathers handwriting as good as your own so write the damn suicide note!" JD yelled. "Fine just stop yelling!" Veronica yelled. Veronica nervously got out a piece of stationary and a red pen out of Heathers vanity drawer and began writing the note. JD helped her with the notes content and soon it was finished. Veronica then looked up at JD. "This is never going to work." Veronica said. But suprisingly it did work. Veronica found it odd that nobody figured it out that Heather Chandler would never in her right mind commit suicide but the people of Westerburg High School along with Heather Chandlers friends and family weren't all that bright. At the funeral Veronica was fidgety. She was sure that someone knew about what her and JD did and were waiting for just the right moment to yell it out. Then the cops would come and Veronica and JD would have to rot in jail for the rest of there lives. Veronica was so worried in fact that she didn't even notice that the funeral was over and people were leaving. "You okay?" JD asked. Veronica didn't say anything. She suddenly ran outside and vomited into the bushes. When she was done she got on JD's bike and they rode off to Veronica's house. Over in the country where Veronica and her parents would soon be moving Barbara and Jack Maitland were driving home from the general store. After they got back in their car they drove to the covered bridge. Barbara was talking to Jack when she swerved to miss a dog and crashed into the wall of the bridge and after a few seconds crashed into the river. A few hours passed. The Maitlands walked into their house only they couldn't remember how they got to their house. Jack found a book lying on the coffee table that he had never seen before. It was titled: Handbook for the recently deceased." That's when they realized they hadn't made the crash. Back with Veronica she was in her darkroom developing some photos of JD she had taken the other day. "To bad he's a murderer." Veronica said sadly. Then she got that thought out of her head cause she had been just as much a part of Heather Chandler's murder as JD had. She then hung her pictures up to dry then went upstairs to her room. Before she went to sleep though she walked over to her closet. Veronica noticed that all of her clothes were black except for a few blue numbers. She even had a black gunslinger coat like JD's. Veronica pulled out the clothes that were blue and flung them out the window. She then walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth when she frowned at her brown hair. She opened the medicine cabinet, pulled out a bottle of black hair dye and dyed her hair. She then dried it with her hair dryer, smiled at the results, walked out of the bathroom and fell asleep on her bed. ONE WEEK LATER...... Veronica had just been on a date with JD. When she walked in the door she noticed her house was full of packed boxes with her parents packing more. "What the hell?" Veronica asked. "We're moving out to the country tomorrow dear." Mrs. Sawyer said. "We're what?" Veronica asked. "We're moving the country tomorrow morning dear, but don't worry you can finish high school in Westerburg." Mr. Sawyer said. Veronica walked out of the house to find JD smoking a cigarette on the steps. "We're moving to the country tomorrow morning but the good news is I still get to go to Westerburg!" Veronica said sarcastically. She then handed JD a small scrap of paper with her new address and phone number on it that her mother had just given her to give to JD. For a moment she considered not giving it to him. She figured if she broke up with him now then they wouldn't have any more deadly Bonnie and Clyde hijinks. A clean slate JD would have called it. Veronica decided to scrap that idea cause she knew that her and JD were an unstoppable force and Heather Chandler's death was only the tip of the iceberg, and their was nothing she could do to stop it. "So I guess I'll see you later." Veronica said. She didn't wait for JD to answer though, instead she went in the house quickly and went up to bed. The following day Veronica was in a daze the whole way to there new house. She just kept picturing Heather smashing into her glass table over and over and over again. When they arrived at the house Veronica was surprised by how big the house was. When she got out of the car she snapped a couple of pictures of the house with her 35millimeter camera. That's when she noticed Barbara and Jack in the window. She snapped another picture then looked walked in the house. Up in the attic Barbara walked over to Jack who had left the window and was reading the handbook. "That little girl saw us!" Barbara said happily. "That's impossible, the book says the living won't see us." Jack said. "Can't or won't." Barbara asked. "It just says won't." Jack said. On that note Barbara sat down on the sheet covered couch, and dust flew into the air. Veronica walked into the house and looked at a spider web complete with a large black spider that hung on the staircase. She snapped a picture of it. "I could live here." Veronica said. Suddenly she heard a crash behind her. To her disgust her parents fat interior decorator Otho climbed into the window. "Why can't you ever use a door?" Mr. Sawyer asked. "Bad karma." Otho said then him and Mrs. Sawyer walked passed Veronica. "Mom why can't we leave this house like it is?" Veronica asked. "And live in green acres, please." Otho said. "Then why did we move here in the first place?" Veronica asked. "So your father could relax dear." Mrs. Sawyer said then her and Otho continued walking through the house ready to change it. Veronica quickly ran up the stairs to scope out the rest of the place before her mother destroyed it. That's when she found the attic door. She opened it up and walked inside amazed at the model Jack had made of the entire town. "Whoa." Veronica said walking over to the model to get a closer look. Jack and Barbara were downstairs trying to scare the other members of the Sawyer family, but cause they couldn't be seen by the living they couldn't scare them so they headed back up to the attic where they lived. Veronica found a skeleton key lying next to the model so she pocketed the key and there handbook for the recently deceased and went back downstairs to her room. Later that night Veronica could hear moaning coming from outside her room. She walked over to her wall and banged on it. "Knock it off I'm just a kid for god's sake!" Veronica yelled. In the hall Barbara and Jack were trying to scare The Sawyers again, only this time they were wearing sheets. Veronica's door suddenly swung open and the Maitlands came into her room. She immediately snapped polaroids. "If you guys are gonna do that weird sex stuff do it in your room." Veronica said. She picked up a picture off the floor and noticed they didn't have feet. "You're ghosts." Veronica said. "Yeah and we're trying to scare your family away." Barbara said. "Good luck, that is of course you're really scary under those sheets." Veronica said. Barbara and Jack removed the sheets and Veronica looked surprised. "You guys aren't scary at all." Veronica said. "You can see us?" Jack asked. "Of course I can see you, your standing right there." Veronica said. "But you're not supposed to see us, the book says you can't." Barbara said. "The book says won't, only the strange and unusual can see you, being that I am strange and unusual there's your answer." Veronica said. Suddenly JD came into Veronica's window. "You guys better go back into the attic." Veronica said. Barbara and Jack did and Veronica turned around to see JD. "Who were you talking to?" JD asked. "The TV was on." Veronica said. "You don't have a TV in here Ronnie." JD said. "Oh right, the radio then." Veronica said pointing to her radio that wasn't even on. Suddenly though it came on playing some old song Veronica had never heard of. "Guys knock it off!" Veronica yelled. "There you go again, who are you talking to?" JD asked. "The ghost in this house, this house is haunted, look." Veronica said holding up one of the Polaroid. "No feet." JD said. "See I told you this place was haunted." Veronica said. "I have something to tell you to, remember that double date you went on with Ram so Heather Macnamara could go on her date with Kurt?" JD asked. "What about it?" Veronica asked. "Well they're going around saying...Then JD whispered the rest of his sentence in Veronica's ear. "Eeww, I did no such thing!" Veronica said. "I know, and that's why I brought these." JD said dropping some unloaded guns on Veronica's bed. "Uh uh, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over." Veronica said. JD grabbed Veronica by her arm. "Wait a second, do you take German?" JD asked. "French." Veronica said. "Well these are ICH LUGE bullets, they're like tranquilizers they break the surface of the skin enough to cause blood but no real damage. "And we shoot them when?" Veronica asked. "At dawn in the woods behind the school, make the phone call then we'll leave." JD said. Veronica quickly dialed up the phone and called Kurt. She told him to bring Ram and meet them at the woods behind the school. "That's done, do we leave now?" Veronica asked. "Not yet, you have to write another suicide note." JD said. "JD no, you said these were like tranquilizers, and tranquilizers do not kill people." Veronica said. "The note is the punchline to the whole joke, now I got some homosexual artifacts to go along with it so hurry it up so we can go." JD said. Unknowing to JD or Veronica Barbara and Jack were still outside Veronica's door. "Oh she's not going to do that she's a good kid!" Barbara said. "She's only going along with it cause that JD character is making her, I say we scare him away." Jack said. "And how are we supposed to do that, he can't see us either and we can't use sheets!" Barbara said. That time Veronica heard them and she walked to her door. She opened it and frowned at the Maitlands. "Guys I can handle this, it's only a prank." Veronica said. Then she slammed the door and handed her note to JD. "Let's go already!" Veronica growled. They then left the house and Barbara and Jack retreated to there attic. When they got inside the attic there TV turned on. A decaying dead guy named Beetlejuice but spelled Betelguese was on the TV talking about how he was a bio-exorcist and he could scare the living out of there house. "That's who we need to get rid of the Sawyers and that JD guy!" Jack said. Barbara agreed even though she had to admit she liked Veronica and she said Beetlejuices name three times, they were instantly transported into Jacks model of the town. Back with Veronica she was standing in the woods with Kurt and Ram standing in two circles she had made with sticks. "Now when I count to three strip, one two... "Three!" JD interrupted while coming out from behind his tree. He shot Ram in the neck and he went down fast. Veronica shot at Kurt but she missed him completely. "Can't you shoot?" JD yelled. "It was worth it two see the look." Veronica said. "I'll get him back for you." JD said. He ran into the woods and rounded up Kurt. Veronica shocked by the fact that this wasn't a prank anymore ran over to Ram and poked at him. "SHIT!" She yelled. JD chased Kurt over to Veronica. "NOW!" JD yelled. Nervously Veronica shot Kurt and he fell to the ground dead. "They don't look so good." Veronica said. "Just remember that Kurt's left handed." JD said. Veronica slipped her gun into Kurt's cold dead hand and they ran back to Veronica's station wagon. They drove to the school parking lot and Veronica pushed the cigarette lighter. "We killed them right?" Veronica asked. "Yeah." JD said. "I can't believe I believed those were tranquilizers!" Veronica asked. She took the cigarette lighter out and slammed it into her palm burning it. She screamed and JD lit his cigarette in her hand. She pushed his hand away and looked out the window. "You believed what you wanted to believe." JD said. "I DID NOT WANT THEM DEAD!" Veronica said. "You did to." JD said. "I DID NOT!" Veronica yelled. "DID TO!" JD yelled. "DID NOT, DID NOT, DID NOT!!!!!" Veronica yelled. "Veronica it's not like they contributed anything to society except for date rapes and AIDS jokes." JD said. "Fine, can we stop and get some ice before the funeral?" Veronica asked. Back at Veronica's house Barbara and Jack had just gotten back from there meeting with Beetlejuice. "Well he's no help at all, let's never summon him up again." Barbara said. "I agree, let's see if we can make since of our handbook to solve our problems." Jack said. He flipped through the handbook and stopped at a page where it said draw a door. "Your going to draw a door?" Barbara asked. Jack ignored her. He drew the door, knocked 3 times and the brick wall/door opened. They walked inside and after waiting a long time they met with Juno there caseworker. She was an old lady who was smoking a cigarette, smoke was billowing out of a hole in her throat. After a few seconds they realized they were standing in there house, only it had been re-done by Mrs. Sawyer and Otho. "How long have were we waiting?" Barbara asked. "Three months I suggest you read your handbook to scare the living, in the meantime show me what you plan to do." Juno said. Jack stretched his face and put his eyes on his fingers. Barbara stretched her face, stretched her tongue out and put her eyes in her throat. "Now go scare them!" Juno directed. NOW THREE MONTHS LATER AT THE SAWYER HOUSE..... Veronica was wearing her black veil with one of her many black dresses. Her mother was getting ready to have a party, they were going to talk about the ghosts that Veronica had told her mother about a month ago. Right now Veronica was heading up into the attic to ask Jack and Barbara about breaking up with JD. When she got in the attic however she couldn't find either one of them. But Beetlejuice was standing in the cemetery in the model. "Have you seen the Maitlands?" Veronica asked. "They left, gone to the spirit in the sky." Beetlejuice said. "What, but they would've said something!" Veronica yelled. "I can give them a message if you want." Beetlejuice said. "I don't know, are you a friend of theirs?" Veronica asked. "That's the funny thing I can't tell you my name, but are you good at charades?" Beetlejuice asked. "Yeah." Veronica said. Beetlejuice thought to himself about how he could make the sign for a beetle, but he decided to make a beetle materialize and he pointed to it. "Beetle!" Veronica said. Then Beetlejuice made a carton of orange juice and a glass materialize, the juice poured into the glass and Veronica looked stumped. Eventually she got it and she said Beetlejuice. She was about to repeat it again when Barbara came and stopped her. At the sight of Barbara's horrific face Veronica screamed. Barbara changed back into her normal form and Veronica told her what happened. "Don't call him ever again he's not good news okay?" Barbara asked. "I'm sorry, it's just that I needed to talk to you and AAHHH!" Veronica screamed again at the sight of Jack's appearance. Jack changed back to his normal form and Veronica heard her mother coming up the stairs. "You guys better scram, I'll see if I can distract them." Veronica said. Barbara and Jack hid and Veronica opened the attic door. "The ghosts aren't here anymore, they...they left." Veronica said. "Well we want to see them, and no ghosts can stop me." Mrs. Sawyer said. Mrs. Sawyer pounded on the attic door. "OPEN THIS DOOR YOU DEAD PEOPLE OR WE"LL BUST IT DOWN AND DRAG YOU OUT BY THE ROPES YOU HANG YOURSELVES WITH!" Mrs. Sawyer yelled. "They didn't commit suicide." Veronica said. Suddenly the door flew open so Mr. Sawyer, Mrs. Sawyer, and Otho walked in. Mr. Sawyer got excited about Jack's model and he ran over to it. Otho grabbed the handbook for the recently deceased and hid it in his coat pocket. "Well there's nothing up here, I guess we'll have to check back later." Veronica said. The others reluctantly agreed and they walked out the door closing it. Jack and Barbara climbed out of the window where they were hiding and sat on their couch in the attic. While walking down the stairs Mrs. Sawyer noticed that the railing turned into a snake. Beetlejuice laughed and grabbed Mr. Sawyer with the rattle of his tail and held him in mid air. "Let him go!" Veronica yelled. Beetlejuice dropped Mr. Sawyer onto the floor that was at least one story down. Barbara and Jack appeared behind Veronica. Veronica thinking that they were the snake ran away from them and downstairs to see how her father was. The party ended and Veronica later retreated to her room. Barbara and Jack soon came in and she told them to go away angrily. "But Veronica it wasn't us, it was Beetlejuice." Barbara said. "That makes sense." Veronica said. JD climbed into Veronica's window and Veronica told Barbara and Jack to skedaddle. "Talking to ghosts again?" JD asked. "You're not funny, I don't care if you don't believe me... Oh I believe you, it's just a little weird." JD said interrupting Veronica. "What are you doing here anyway?" Veronica snapped. "I came here to see you, I thought you'd be happy." JD said. "Well I'm not!" Veronica yelled. "I bet I know what's making you mad, I heard that Heather Duke is pissing you off." JD said. He pulled a cigarette out of his coat and lit it up. "I say we go do what we do best." JD said. "Get out." Veronica said. JD ignored her and sat on her bed. "Man you are in a pissy mood tonite." JD said. "I'm not killing anybody else and I'm not going to go out with you anymore SO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!" Veronica yelled. "Fine, but you'll be back, it's only a matter of time." JD said. "GET OUT!" Veronica yelled. JD glared at Veronica and exited her bedroom. Veronica sat on her bed crying. Barbara and Jack came in her room, sat on her bed and looked at her sympathetically. "You're better without him honey." Barbara said. "Yeah we'll get you a good guy." Jack said. "Thanks you guys but I just want to be alone right now." Veronica said. So the Maitlands left her room and Veronica fell asleep. Sometime later JD came back into her room and sat on her bed. He held up Heather Duke's copy of Moby Dick and was reading underlined passages. When he was done Veronica glared at him. "Get off of my bed you fucking psycho, do you think you're a rebel, do you actually think you're a rebel, you're not a rebel you're fucking psychotic!" Veronica yelled. "You say tomato, I say tamato, how bout' you underline something?" JD asked. Veronica took JD's pen and underlined the word eskimo. JD rambled about how much he thought the word was great and mysterious and before Veronica knew it they were both at Heather Duke's house. JD got a dirty knife out of the kitchen cupboard and held it up to Veronica. "What do you think?" JD asked. "That knife is filthy if Heather was to slit her wrist that knife would be spotless!" Veronica yelled. JD wiped the knife with a dishrag and pointed it at Veronica. "Can you see your fucking reflection in the thing?" JD asked angrily. "Well I'm not writing you another suicide note." Veronica said picking up a pen like a visual aid. JD grabbed her hand and wrote "LIFE SUCKS" on a piece of paper. "It's perfecto, now if you excuse me." JD said then he ran away from Veronica and into Heathers room slamming the door. "NO!" Veronica yelled trying to open the door. She couldn't though it was jammed. Veronica awoke suddenly. She immediately walked over to her Diary. "Dear Diary; This suicide thing has gone out of control, I have a feeling he wants to kill me so let's see what the asshole does when he finds a suicide he didn't perform himself. And with that last line Veronica threw her pen and walked over to her bed. JD came in a few minutes later to find Veronica hanging from a rafter on her ceiling. "I didn't think you'd actually go threw with it, god Veronica I loved you, I mean sure I was coming up here to kill ya...then JD smacked his hand with a revolver. "First I was gonna win you back with this project I've been working on it's a petition to get BIG FUN to play at our prom, to bad that's not what the students of Westerburg really signed." JD pulled a switchblade out of his coat, cut a small square of paper out of the petition and read aloud. "We students of Westerburg High will die, today our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society that degrades us, Fuck you all, it's not very subtle but neither is blowing up a school now is it?" JD asked. JD soon left and Veronica unwrapped the sheet from around her waist. She fell on her bed and caught her breath. She couldn't sleep at all that night she was so worried about JD's "little project." The next morning she left the house early carrying a small handgun. After searching for JD in the school she found him in the boiler room. "Can I see your hall pass?" Veronica asked. "I knew that loose was to noose, I mean noose to loose, god damn you woman!" JD yelled. After a scuffle, Veronica being knocked out and JD losing a finger he drove the switchblade he was holding into the bomb stopping it. JD then fell to the ground dead and Veronica wearily walked outside. To her surprise JD slowly followed her. "Color me impressed, you...you got power, power I didn't know you had." Then JD opened up his coat revealing the bomb. "Slate is clean." JD said. "Pretend I did blow up the school, all the schools, now that your dead what are you gonna do with your life?" JD asked. Veronica pulled a cigarette out of her pocket and put it in her mouth. JD chuckled, switched the bomb on and threw his arms in the air. The bomb stopped and Veronica laughed this time. JD fixed the problem threw his arms in the air again and blew up. Veronica wearily walked down the steps of Westerburg, got in her station wagon and drove off for home. When Veronica walked into the door everyone was sitting around the table hands clasped together. They were in the middle of a séance' and not a one of them noticed how beat up Veronica was. Barbara and Jacks wedding clothes rose up from the table and the Maitlands both appeared in them. "What are you doing to them?" Veronica asked as she noticed the Maitlands were aging rapidly. "YOU'RE KILLING THEM!" Veronica yelled. "Nonsense dear they're dead they can't feel a thing." Mrs. Sawyer said. Veronica noticed the hurt in the Maitlands eyes. "That's not true they're dying!" Veronica yelled. "Otho can't you stop this?" Mr. Sawyer asked. "It's too late, I'm sorry." Otho said. Veronica ran up to the attic and found Beetlejuice sitting on two tombstone models. "You have to help them, you have to!" Veronica said. "I'd love to darlin', but the only way I will is if I can get out of here permanently." Beetlejuice said. "Fine Beetle.." Veronica started. Beetlejuice interrupted her. "The only way I can get of here is if I can get hitched these aren't my rules, as a matter of fact I don't have any rules but if you want me to help you...Beetlejuice said. "Fine, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!" Veronica yelled. She ran down the stairs and Beetlejuice followed. The Maitlands were still decaying on the table. Beetlejuice stuck his arm in the air and they fell. Otho tried to run away but Beetlejuice stopped him and made his expensive suit turn into a cheap powder blue polyester jumpsuit. He ran out the door leaving the Sawyers and the Maitlands[who were know back to there old ghostly selves] in the house. Veronica ran to her parents just as Barbara stood up. "Beetlejuice!" Barbara said. Beetlejuice put his arm in the air again and Barbara's mouth became a zipper. She unzipped it and said his name again. Beetlejuice zapped her and Jack into the attic where he locked the door with his ghostly powers. Veronica suddenly had on a red wedding dress. The fireplace stretched into a doorway and an impish creature with two large black holes for eyes came out of it holding the bible. "Do you Veronica take Beetle..No use of the B word please." Beetlejuice said. "Fine, do you Veronica take this man to be your lawful wedded...NO BEETLE...Veronica interrupted. "She's a little shy, I'll speak for her." Beetlejuice said. He covered Veronica's mouth with his hand and in her voice said yes to marrying Beetlejuice. Suddenly Barbara and Jack burst out of the attic and yelled Beetlejuices name three times. Beetlejuice disappeared and the creature went back into the fireplace which shrank to it's normal size. 7 MONTHS LATER Mrs. Sawyer remodeled the house to how the Maitlands had it before they moved in. [By the way The Sawyers and The Maitlands were now good friends ] Barbara was holding a thick brown envelope. "You got something in the mail today." Barbara said happily. Veronica tore the envelope open and was pleased to find that she was excepted to Stanford University. In the receptionist office that the Maitlands had gone too once before Beetlejuice sat waiting. A dead guy with a shrunken head sat on one side of him and the head hunter sat on the other side. As the NOW SERVING number was only on 3 Beetlejuice noticed he had a number that was in the hundred thousands. But the Headhunter had the number 4 so he switched the numbers. This made the Headhunter angry so he sprinkled dust on Beetlejuices head and shrunk it. After this he never bothered the Maitlands or the Sawyers and was never seen again cause he got in serious trouble for all the trouble he caused. So to bad for him. But hey everything else turned out okay. THE END