Blood of My Heart, Beloved of My Soul

Chapter 1
By: Kathleen

Rating: PG-13 for now. Rating changes will be noted.
Status: WIP
Spoilers: None at this time
Archive: SamandMartouf List Group and Gwen’s Fanfic Corner. Anywhere else, please ask first.

Part I

The woman strode calmly towards her objective.

Had anyone been watching, they would have seen a slender but well-proportioned female of medium height and indeterminate age. She could have been younger or older, but was probably of some middle age.

Some would call her beautiful, others simply attractive. All would have used the word serene.

At first glance, there appeared to be nothing striking about her at all...her hair was short, cut in feathery layers. It was overall a dark gold but it was laced with streaks that ranged from white to silver to a deep burnished gold. Streaks, which caught the light and glinted with each stray ray that caught it.

Her skin also had a golden color, almost, some would say, tawny as a great golden lion. Her hands were beautiful, elegantly long fingered, slender and soft. Her movements as she walked along were graceful and sensuous, bringing to mind a lithe, stealthy feline. Her mouth was full and well shaped; her cheekbones high and well-defined. All in all, no more than pleasant to look upon until, that is, one looked into the eyes.

And here beauty spoke volumes. Those eyes were the most arresting shade of violet and the slant in the shape and the blackness of the long thick lashes was exotic in the extreme. Anyone who looked into them would see more however. They would see a very old and very wise soul looking back. Depending on who was looking, they would either feel very comfortable and safe...or extremely fearful. Her clothing might appear strange to most. Made of some softly clinging fabric it consisted of a black tunic trimmed with gold lacing and black tights. Trim black boots were laced to her knees. A black gold trimmed cloak flowed from her shoulders to within an inch or so of the ground. It was secured at the shoulder by a
curious looking clasp: A gold shield depicting crossed swords and a lion rampant.

Encircling her head lay an intricately woven golden chain imbedded with various colored stones. The stones lay clasped within the graceful swirls of gold, which culminated at a deep V on her forehead. A beautiful Marquis cut Amethyst rested in the cradle of the V. Occasionally; one of the stones would glow for a moment and then return to being only a jewel.

At her side, she wore a sword with a jeweled hilt. She could have stepped out of a painting of a medieval court or a science fiction fantasy. If asked she would have simply stated that her clothing was not unusual for her people. It was a uniform, and she was a Warrior. Nothing of her inner turmoil was allowed to surface to be detected in either her features or her demeanor. However, internally, a debate raged.

Many years before the woman had been host to a Tok'Ra. Her symbiote, Siesha had become her dearest friend. Although Siesha had died many years before, the woman could still hear her voice whispering in her mind, arguing with her, helping her find answers to questions. She could hear her now as if she was still within her.

/So you are not sure this is the correct thing to do./

"No. Not entirely."

/That is what comes of wishing to please our Father./

"My Father. And Thor. Let us not forget Thor. And the Council agreed..."

/But only if you felt the cause and the potential of the species worthwhile./

"Well, we know that the cause is just. The Goa'uld must be controlled."

/Yes, and you were getting bored in our last assignment./

"MY last assignment. YOU are dead."

/Yes, but we were blended for 80 years. My passing has not stilled my voice for you, my friend./

"That is true Siesha. It hurts no one for me to keep you alive in my heart. If hearing you in my mind gives me joy then I shall do so. I know you are not really here with me, but I can wish you were." The woman sighed and continued walking. The memories of her long dead Tok'Ra symbiote, once her dearest friend, made her both sad and happy. That her internal voice sounded like Siesha was a comfort to her. She enjoyed their "talks". It was as if Siesha was still with her in some way.

"Sometimes I wish the Wiccadians were not a Clan of the Furling."

/It would not matter for you and those like you. Your mother is Wiccadian; your father is Furling./

"Which brings power and great responsibility. I know, I know."

/At 538 years of age you should./

"Must you constantly bring that up?"

/You don't look a day over 400./

The woman snorted delicately, "Thanks."

/Let's go over the whole thing again. What exactly was this request? /

"Thor came to Father and the Council of the Table with a request for a seasoned Warrior to help the Tau'ri in their fight against the Goa'uld. It was discussed at length. They need help and we, as a people, have not been active in that region of space for a very long time. The System Lords there grow bolder and stronger. From what Thor said, we gathered that the Tok'Ra, also, are having some difficulties. I agreed to shadow SG-1, analyze their abilities and
strengths and report to the Council. In addition, I was to decide if it was an assignment, I would like to pursue. Or for that matter, report on whether or not they have a snowballs chance in hell of succeeding."

/And tell me, Kataya, Warrior of Cadwaellon, what do you think you will find?/

"I believe I will find a worthy people who need us."

/And is that because of their cause and their potential, or because they are allies of the Tok'Ra and we could see our lover again after all this time?/

"Siesha, shut up...You are dead. And besides, Justin, his host, was killed and for all we know, he could also have died by now

/That is true. How long has it been since we loved as one?/

"It has been 117 years."

/We still love him greatly. And miss him deeply./

"Yes, I do. But he was not always meant to be our mate. He was not the mate of my soul...only of my heart. He was not the soul mate.

/He could have been...Father would have performed the ritual and rites./

"I know. Why, why do you cause me this anguish after all these years? Our kits are grown and are warriors themselves now. He would have been proud of them. Of us! Is this not enough?"

/The children were not very old by our standards when it was decided that the time had come for our lives to part./

"They were 30. It was time for their training as Katteri-enti warriors to begin. They had learned all they could from me in the
situation we were in. We had to leave for the home world. They have now taken their places among the Katteri-enti Warriors. Soon they will move forward in rank and join the Table as I did all those years ago. It was always meant to be so. He understood. We were together over 80 years. Our time together was not long by Tok'Ra or Katteri
standards but it was truly beautiful and fulfilling. He will Always be <the adored of my heart>, Always."

/You believe he is not dead? That he lives, breathes, and wonders what happened to you and his children? Is this not truly one of the reasons you are contemplating joining the Tau'ri? At least be honest with yourself./

"The fight in the Pegacian system was becoming boring. The system Lords there are almost defeated."

/While that IS true, I don't think that is being completely honest. You want to know if he lives. You want to see him again./

"Alright, yes, that is one of the reasons….but think. I know he took and loved a new mate after us. I should have sought him out and performed the separation ritual then but it just wasn't possible at that time. We agreed when I left that if I could not return we were each free to form other attachments. I hope he found a deep and abiding love. I have always wished him happiness. I love him enough to want what is best for him. Besides, since we are speaking truth to ourselves, the truth is that I feel the presence of my human soul mate very strongly. So if he does still live and I find him, I will perform the rite of release. The "sevesh lok twin." He deserves to be happy. I will help him to be so."

/Then you think your soul mate is among the Tau'ri?/

"Yes."

/Performing the sevesh will be painful, there will be tears of blood./

"I am not afraid of the sevesh. The pain will be temporary and the benefits great. It will be worth it to give him his heart's desire."

/You do not believe that his heart's desire is you?/

"No. I do not."

/So let us review the reasons for going ahead with this. The last assignment was becoming boring. If he still lives our lover may be somewhere among the Tok'Ra who are allied with the Tau'ri. You believe the soul mate is among the Tau'ri. The Goa'uld must be controlled. It will please Thor, for whom you have a soft spot. The Council of the Table believes it would be a good thing to do. And of course so does Father./

"That about sums it up. Now, go away, do, I don't want to think about it any more. I am about to start observing my new assignment. I don't want to be distracted."

With a slight quirk of her lips and a soft chuckle, the woman strides forward more briskly. It is true that Thor will be pleased. Her Father will smile on her endeavor and wish her `luck'. Soon she will join the Tau'ri and the Tok'Ra in their fight against the System Lords. Soon she will find that which she seeks. Doubt no longer lingers in her mind. She is doing that which is Right. Her Father is a wise man, indeed. Her destiny is waiting...