Blood of My Heart, Beloved of My Soul

Part V

Spoilers: Stargate-The Movie, Upgrades, Emancipation, and Children of the Gods parts 1&2.

It was at times like these that Major Samantha Carter wished that the armbands, which, Anise had used on SG1 in an experiment, not long ago, had turned out to be something that would work. She could use some superhuman strength, energy, night vision and speed right now. It would have made their whole situation easier to deal with. Unfortunately, she didn't have one, and they only worked once anyway, so wishing was pointless. She would have to get them out of here
without them.

`Here' being at least 2 hours from the Stargate on a nice day, with no Jaffa, no hostile natives and no injury. Their circumstances were slightly different; it was night, it was raining, there was a party of Jaffa around and at least four of the natives appeared hostile. Sam had had an arrow in her thigh to prove it. Sam thanked whatever deity was listening, that it wasn't a poisoned arrow and that it hadn't gone in deep. The rain hadn't been coming down long. It was a warm mist rather than a cold downpour, so they wouldn't freeze to death or even get very wet if they could find permanent shelter soon.

For the moment, they were taking a short break. Sam had fashioned a makeshift bandage around her leg while she took stock of their situation.

They had spotted the Jaffa earlier. It looked like either a hunting or scouting party, as there were only six of them. Not a lot, but enough that logic decreed they stay undetected if possible and try to get back to the stargate. Evidently, the Jaffa had already been on the planet when SG1 arrived. There had been no evidence of them around the gate. It was lucky that they had moved `Fred' away from the gate and camouflaged it, a habit they started recently.

Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c had seen a small party of Jaffa earlier, too. So, there were probably a dozen on the planet. After a short radio con, they had decided to head for the Gate. O'Neill and Teal'c would break up the base camp and get rid of any evidence that they had been there. Since the area seemed to be riddled with caves, the Colonel and Teal'c would stay in one near the Gate tonight.

Sam and Daniel were to do the same after making sure no one could tell they had been at the ruins. They would use the radio only when necessary. The Jaffa appeared to have come through the gate, but they didn't know for sure, there could be a ship in orbit. Radio silence was a precaution.

Unfortunately, Sam and Daniel had run into a group of natives just after they left the temple. Since they immediately started brandishing weapons, Sam had decided that it might be in their best interests to retreat. Luckily, only one of the arrows had found its mark, and it hadn't done a lot of damage. So here they were, hiding from two hostile enemies, wet and injured. They needed to find a cave soon.

"I don't think the natives are truly hostile, Sam," Daniel whispered. Sam looked pointedly down at her leg. "Really? You couldn't prove it by me, Daniel," she whispered sarcastically back. "Look, we need
to find some shelter for the rest of the night. How much farther to
that cave you remember seeing?"

"Not far. If we can skirt around the bottom of the cliff over there, I think it was just beyond that point jutting out." She looked in the direction Daniel indicated; she could just make out the cliff. She remembered passing it that morning on their way to the temple ruins.

Squinting at the night sky, she saw that there was very little moonlight. One of the two moons of this planet hadn't risen yet. The other was in its quarter phase. They were less likely to be spotted in the dim light; on the other hand, it was going to be harder for them to find the cave.

Sam indicated to Daniel that they should move cautiously toward their goal. They moved quietly through the underbrush, which grew right up to the bottom of the cliff. A few straggly bushes were clinging to the cliff face. At least it would afford them some cover.

"It's up about twenty-five feet and to your left, Sam," Daniel breathed into her ear.

"Up?"

"Yeah. There are some old foot and handholds in the rock face. From what I noticed this morning, they've probably been abandoned for a very long time. You should be able to see them if you look closely."

Sam studied the rock face. "I think I can make them out."

"Good. Now let's tie a rope between us."

"We don't need a rope, Daniel."

"If it weren't for your leg I'd probably agree, but we shouldn't take any chances. Besides with my fear of heights I'd just feel better."

"Okay, I always forget your thing about heights. I'll go up first."

"Are you sure you can do this with that leg, Sam?"

"Yeah, it's really not bad, Daniel. I've had a whole lot worse."

"Yeah, I guess we both have."

"All right. Here we go." Sam slowly started the climb, searching carefully for hand and footholds. Falling was not an option. Not only would one of them end up hurt, but also the sound of falling rocks could be heard for a long way.

She finally reached the ledge that led to the cave entrance. It wasn't a very large opening…she would have to bend over to go in. She decided to crawl. She brought her zat up in case she needed a defensive weapon. It wouldn't make much noise. The cave appeared deserted. She couldn't hear anything, but she couldn't see very far inside either. Daniel joined her.

"Stay here and watch our backs, Sam. I'm going to go in and follow the wall around…see how big it is. Hopefully, it will have some little areas off to the side like the ones the temple was built into," he spoke so softly she barely heard him. "I'll be okay. It's just like a creepy tomb and I'm used to them." He was gone before she could disagree with him.

It didn't take long for him to get back. "It's empty and fairly small. There are two side caves far enough back to shield our light from the outside."

"Great. Let's go. I'm starving."

Daniel led the way. He was right. It was small but perfect for their needs. No one could enter without them knowing it and their lights couldn't be seen from outside. They quickly set about making a meal. "Mmm. Chicken. My favorite."

Sam looked at Daniel and grinned. "You always say that. It came about from the meal you guys had that first trip to Abydos,
didn't it?"

"Yeah, they brought out this cooked animal-thing and Kawalski more or less dared me to try it. It really DID taste just like chicken, too. For that matter, all the MRE's really taste like chicken, too." He laughed softly, remembering that first trip through the wormhole. It seemed so long ago. Then he noticed that Sam was trying to take care of the wound to her leg.

"Here, Sam, let me do that."

"No, that's okay, Daniel. I can do it."

"I know you can, Sam. But, it would be easier if you just held the light and let me do it. Besides, you've patched me up often enough; I'd like to return the favor."

She chuckled softly, "Oh, well, okay, since you put it so nicely, how could I refuse?"

"There don't seem to be any broken pieces in the wound. I'll just clean it out. This'll hurt."

Sam hissed and gasped. "Yes. It will," she said through gritted teeth. "Damn, that smarts! There should be antibiotic cream and some oral antibiotics in the med kit. You should put some gauze over the wound after you put the cream in and then wrap it. It might start to bleed again tomorrow but not bad…nothing vital was hit. There should be Ibuprofen, too.

"Ok. All done.” Daniel listened to Sam's instructions while he worked. "It's already done, Sam. You can relax now. Here are the antibiotics and the Ibuprofen. Sure you don't want something stronger?"

"Thanks, Daniel. No, it would just probably make me mellow and goofy. I need to be alert. I'll take first watch. My leg's still
throbbing enough I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway."

"Right. Wake me in a couple of hours, then." She could hear him sliding into his sleeping bag and then all was quiet except for the sounds of the night creatures that drifted in from the outside.

Daniel rolled over onto his left side. Seconds later, he rolled over onto his back. Then, Daniel rolled over onto his right side for a few minutes before sitting up. "It's no use, Sam. I can't sleep." She could hear him dragging his sleeping bag her way and she felt him settle in beside her, leaning back against the wall of the cave. They'd had had a very small fire. The few embers that were left allowed her to see his silhouette, nothing more.

This was her friend and something was bothering him. "We've been up since early this morning. It's very late now. We spent hours hiking and then climbing all over a temple and its ruins. We've been dodging natives and Jaffa for hours now, too. You should be exhausted." She paused slightly. "What's wrong, Daniel?"

"Hmm?" he queried. "Oh, it's nothing, really."

She tilted her head and looked at him quizzically. "Since when does `nothing really' keep you awake on a mission?" He grinned in the darkness. She felt him duck his head in that little boy gesture he had when he had been caught in saying
or doing something, he wasn't supposed to be doing. Like not telling Sam what was up. Daniel seemed to be trying to get his thoughts in order. "You know, Sam. I really loved Sha’uri. I told her I did, too. In every way, I could think of. It's the one thing I don't feel I have to regret. I `know' she knew how much I loved her." He grinned again briefly. "Like the song says, every day, in every way."

Suddenly Sam found herself asking. "Do you think you'll ever fall in love again?" She gasped, appalled at herself. "Oh, God, Daniel. I'm sorry. I have no business asking you that."

"Hey, Sam, it’s okay. We're the best of friends aren't we? I've felt for a long time that we can discuss absolutely anything. Anything, Sam."

"I'm glad, Daniel. You know I've felt the same way about you, too. Like I could confess or tell you anything and you wouldn't stand in judgment of me, but would continue to care about me just the same. I hope that's how you think of me, too."

"I do. To prove it, I'll answer your question. Do I think I'll ever fall in love again? Yes, I think so. I don't think Sha’uri would want me to be alone forever. In fact, I'm pretty sure of that." He paused and Sam could tell he was debating with himself. He cleared his throat, "I, um, I keep having this recurring dream lately."

"What's it about?"

Daniel took a deep breath and then spoke softly. "Sha’uri is there in the dream. She's dressed in the type of robes we wore on Abydos. She's standing beside me. There's a woman on the ramp to the Stargate. I think she's wearing some kind of dark blue robe or dress. I can't see her face. There are two men standing in front of her. I don't know them. There is another man standing off to one side. I can't see his face, but I get the feeling I know him well. Sha’uri touches my face and she says, "The time has come to release me, my Dan'yel. `She' is here. She has come to you. Do not be afraid. Go to her.’”

“I ask Sha’uri, ‘Who's coming, who is `she'?’ She answers with the most beautiful smile on her face. ‘The Woman. The other half. You need to accept that which must be.’”

"’I don't understand,’ I say. ‘Release me into your memories, my Dan'yel. It is time for you to go to the Woman. The mate.’" Daniel sighed. "Then I wake up."

"Is that all of it? I mean, are you leaving anything out? Sha’uri didn't say anything else?"

"Well, actually," Daniel cleared his throat and Sam could tell that he was hedging.

"Come on, Daniel. I need to know it all if I'm gonna try to help you figure it out…although I think it's obvious anyway. But you really need to tell it all to me."

"Okay, okay." She could tell he was smiling. "But I only dreamed this part one time, so I don't know how significant it is." He
thought of a way on how best to phrase what he was about to disclose. He sighed. "Okay. Here goes, but you have to
promise not to shoot me." He didn't wait for a response but hurried on. "You remember the blue dress the Shavadii gave you?

"Yes, I remember it Daniel, but I never wore it on the ramp to the Stargate."

"I know. Do you remember that hot blue number that Janet wore last year to the Christmas party?"

"Yes, she was a knock-out in it."

"Yeah, she was. Anyway, I got to thinking about those two instances one day and I, um, that is I, thought, um, wondered, if maybe the dream could mean you or Janet." The last part came out in a rush. "That night I had this variation of the dream and I've only had it that one time.

"In the dream that time, I asked Sha’uri if it was you or Janet. She said that although loving friends could sometimes become lovers of the heart, it wasn't meant to be in our cases. She said that Janet was meant for someone else and that," he stopped suddenly and then continued slowly. "She said that you were already bonded in your heart but that you refused to acknowledge it."

Sam gasped, and then managed to choke out. "Did she say who I was `bonded' to?"

"She didn't have to tell me the answer to that, Sam. As soon as she said it, I knew."

"Really? And who do you think I'm `bonded with' Daniel?" Sam asked in a low tense voice.

Daniel answered softly. "Well, unlike the rest of the SGC, I know that while you feel a great deal of loyalty, respect and the kind of love one friend feels for another, for Jack O'Neill, you don't love him in `that' way. Nor do you love Teal'c or me in that way, although you do love us very much." He stopped speaking and she could feel him looking at her.

"So who did you decide it was then?" She asked hesitantly.

"You love Martouf and Lantash, Sam. In my dream, Sha’uri agreed with me. How much longer are you going to deny both yourself and them, Sam?"

"Those are Jolinar's feelings, Daniel," Sam snapped.

"I don't think so, Sam. You have some of Jolinar's memories and feelings but I think that if you look deep into your heart you'll find Martouf and Lantash there."

"I don't know, Daniel. I feel so confused when I think about them. Sometimes I'm afraid that it isn't really me feeling those things. At other times, I think it is. I just don't know what to do about it."

"Just remember one thing, Sam. The one thing I don't have to regret is telling Share how I felt about her. Don't let it go until something happens and you can never say it to them."

Sam shook her head, "We're supposed to be talking about your dream, not my non-existent love life. I think it means that your subconscious is telling you that you're ready to move on with your life."

"I think you're right." He paused. “I think I'm right, too, Sam. Your love life doesn't have to be non-existent and neither does mine."

Sam sat still, not moving and barely breathing. Then, Daniel caught the tiny catch in her breath that indicated that Sam was trying to rein in wayward emotions.

"Daniel?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Daniel," she whispered brokenly. "You're right. I love Martouf and Lantash so much it scares me. Daniel…Daniel, what am I going to do? He's Tok'Ra. I'm on Earth, he's God only knows where. I worry about him all the time. I can't wait to see him when I know the Tok'Ra are coming to Earth. I'm disappointed if he isn't one of them. When he does come, I get all tied up inside and can't make myself make a move on him. I want to so badly, but I just can't bring myself to do it. He's not `safe', Daniel. I could get so terribly hurt. I just don't know what to do," she repeated.

The anguish and uncertainty in her voice shocked Daniel. "I don't know right now, Sam, but we'll both think about the
situation. I'm sure it will work out. We'll make it work out. Now that you've admitted it to yourself, you'll figure out what to do. The most important thing though is to tell him."

"But what if he doesn't love me back? Me, Daniel, not Jolinar. How will I ever know for sure?"

"I believe he loves you for you. My God, Sam, the man's face lights up like a Christmas tree just at the mention of your name. You walk in the room and I swear we don't need electricity to light the SGC or power the Gate. And, Sam, it's not just Martouf. On the rare occasions when Lantash takes control, I've seen him look at you with hunger in his eyes, as if he wants to carry you off and never let you go." He stopped speaking again; obviously trying to think of how he wanted to say what was on his mind. "Sam, do you remember when you came through the gate to Abydos to get me?" he finally asked.

Sam was puzzled. "Yes I remember." Where in the world was he going with this? Sometimes, Daniel's mind worked so far outside of the box that even Sam couldn't follow him.

"Then do you remember that last kiss Sha’uri and I shared?"

"Well, yeah, Daniel. I mean, that kiss Sha’uri gave you seemed to put your brain in neutral. I thought we might have to send out a search party for it. I don't think you even knew where you were," she teased him gently.

"So I've been told. My point is that I have a feeling that if you'd just kiss Lantash and Martouf the way Sha’uri kissed me that day, we'd find them wandering around the SGC in a daze. If they could even move at all. I'm serious, Sam. I really believe that man is seriously head over symbiote in love with you." He coughed. "If you need more proof, just look at the way Jack reacts to Martouf and Lantash. He practically foams at the mouth."

"Daniel, the Colonel is not in love with me."

"I know that, Sam. But, you know as well as I do that he does love you in his own way. We're family. All of us. And Jack can't seem to separate the Tok'Ra from the Goa'uld. Intellectually, he can do it, but not emotionally. So he's not happy at the thought that Martouf and Lantash love you in `that' way."

"I know. It's just one more thing that I have to give thought to before I do anything."

"Sam, in the end, the only thing that really matters is if you love them and they love you. And you do. I think this will all work out in the end. I'm not saying that just because you've admitted it, everything will suddenly be okay. Your situation will take a lot of work to make it last. If anyone can do it, it's you, Sam. You're going to have to trust Martouf and Lantash too. Between you two, you can do this."

"I don't want anyone to know anything, Daniel. Promise me this is just between us."

"You're not going to say anything to Martouf and Lantash," he stated flatly.

"No, no, not yet. I want time to think this through first. I mean, I've just now confronted myself with this and admitted it. Do you understand?"

"Yes. But don't think too logically about it. Feel the answer in your heart, Sam. Because in the end, that's the only thing that really counts."

"I know. You've taught me that." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, Daniel."

Daniel turned, took Sam in his arms and kissed her back gently. "You're welcome, Sam. Anytime. I'll always be there for
you. Promise."

"Me, too, Daniel. Anytime." She cleared her throat and sat up straighter. "Well, I should to go do a quick perimeter check. Why don't you get a couple of hours sleep? I'll wake you in two."

"I don't think you should go outside, Sam. If the other moon is up you'd be plainly visible in the moonlight."

Sam sighed. "I'm the soldier here, Daniel. I'm just going to check to see if I hear anything and take a quick look around. I need to make sure there isn't someone prowling around. Shish, you're worse than my father."

"All right, but I'll wait until you get back before I go to sleep." He chuckled. "Just like Dad."

She threw him a slightly exasperated but affectionate look, nodded, and silently slipped away. Within minutes, she was back. "It's completely quiet out there except for the normal night sounds you'd expect, which, of course, is good. I really don't think we'll be bothered tonight. The natives obviously didn't follow us and the Jaffa don't seem to know we're here. I hope that come morning, we can head for the Stargate. "I'm going to contact the Colonel. Let him know we got held up and it'll take longer than we thought to get back."

"Probably a good idea."

Sam keyed her mike but didn't say anything. She did it three times in a row and then waited. If the Colonel or Teal'c were okay, one of them should have heard it and would answer.

"MajorCarter, is that you?" She heard Teal'c ask as quietly as possible.

"Yes," Sam responded in an equally soft tone. "Are you clear to talk?"

"Yes. Are you and DanielJackson well?"

"Sort of. We ran into some unfriendly natives. I got a puncture wound in the thigh. It isn't bad, but it will slow us down a
little. I just wanted you to know we are still probably 4 or 5 hours from the gate because of it. "Other than that, we are both doing fine. Are you both all right?"

"Yes. We have had no difficulties. We are within an hour of the Stargate. We still plan to rendezvous near the Fred if it has not been discovered. If it has been, then we will be in the caves in the hills behind the Stargate."

"Roger that, Teal'c. Carter, out." Sam released the button on her radio and turned to Daniel. "There're fine, Daniel. Get some sleep."

"Night, Sam." She could hear him snuggling down into his sleeping bag. Morning was still a long time away. They had a long night ahead on this planet. Sam settled into her watch `mode'. Now if she could just keep herself from thinking, she'd be fine. Something inside her said that wasn't going to happen. If that was the case, then she might as well indulge herself with a little bit of fantasy with Martouf and Lantash as the leading men. It was an easy dream to slip into. She'd been there hundreds of times before. The difference was that this time she could add her love to the lust that usually took center stage. She smiled and figured the next two hours would go by pretty fast…and they did.

Before she knew it, three hours had passed. Sam leaned over to Daniel and shook him awake. "It's been three hours, Daniel. It's time for your watch."

"Why didn't you wake me earlier, Sam? You must be exhausted by now."

"I had some thinking I needed to do, Daniel, but I am tired. I think I can sleep now. Morning should be here in about three hours…think you can last that long?"

"Yeah. Is that coffee I smell?"

"I made some a while ago. If you do get sleepy, wake me in two."

"I will if I need to, Sam."

"I just checked everything again. Not that there's much to check.

Still seems normal out there. Night Daniel."

"Night, Sam."

She was asleep almost before her head touched her jacket that was serving as her pillow.
~
Colonel Jack O'Neill was pacing. It was mid-morning and they had heard nothing from Carter and Daniel. Where the hell were they? "Are you sure they were okay, Teal'c?

"Indeed, O'Neill. MajorCarter said that her wound was slight and that they were safe. She expected it would take them several hours to reach us today. Particularly, since she would be traveling slower than usual and they would have to be on the lookout for both Jaffa and natives."

"If they don't show up soon, I'm going to look for them."

"I do not think that would be wise, at this time, O'Neill. We must give them time to make their way here safely. If we go to look for them we are much more likely to run into the Jaffa or the natives ourselves."

Jack O'Neill scowled at his Jaffa friend and sighed. Then he paced some more, knowing that Teal'c was right. If they left their hiding place and attempted to find the Major and Daniel, they could cause more problems. It wasn't late enough yet to be really concerned. The Major and Daniel would be going slow and being careful.
He just needed to relax, as he sat down. He would think about hockey. Or fishing. Yes, he would plan his next fishing trip. No Thor, this time. He'd take the whole team. They'd have a great time. Speaking of time, what time was it? Oh, ten minutes since he'd looked last time.

They hadn't heard a thing from Thor's `surprise'. He figured they'd backed out and hadn't told Thor. Or Thor hadn't told them. Just as well. He didn't need some alien who would try to take over his command and cause problems.
He'd bet she was some politically correct Daddy's girl. No doubt about it. Must have pulled the wool over Thor's eyes. Bet that didn't happen often. Probably the only thing Thor really knew about her was what her Daddy had told him. He probably trusted the old guy and didn't realize that parents sometimes thought their kids were better at stuff than they really were. That mental telepathy-empy-thing would have come in handy though. However, it probably wouldn't have outweighed the downside. They'd have to baby-sit her and make sure nothing happened to her that would cause an intergalactic incident. Yup, he definitely hoped something had happened to stop that little plan from taking place. He was in
no mood to coddle some politician's daughter. He didn't have time for that. And speaking of time, what time was it? A whole thirty minutes later than it was before. He'd give them a little more time. The sun was up early here. Set early too. He wished he had his yoyo.

"I believe someone approaches O'Neill."

Watching from their hiding place, they saw Carter and Daniel move unobtrusively toward the Fred. Teal'c and O'Neill stood up.

"Hey, Carter, about time you showed up. You ready to blow this place?"

"Yes, sir. Sorry it took so long. It looked like the Jaffa had all gotten back together, unless there are more than the ones we all saw. They were all together and headed toward the temple. They're in for a surprise when they get there though. Must be a couple of hundred natives waiting for them."

"How do you know that?"

"Well, we also ran into those native from before. After listening for a while, Daniel figured out what language they were speaking. He talked to them, told them about the Jaffa, and they assured him that the Jaffa wouldn't leave this place to go back to report to their God. They came back with us part of the way and that made the journey a little faster, not having to watch out for hostile natives as well as Jaffa."

"Great. Let's get a move on, campers." They got the `Fred' moving and headed towards the gate. "How's the leg, Carter? Thought you said the natives shot you?"

"Yeah, they did," Daniel answered. "Turns out they were just trying to scare us away, so we wouldn't be in the temple when the Jaffa got there. One of the warriors was kinda young and his aim wasn't the best. They weren't trying to hit us. Seems he needed more practice. They apologized profusely."

Sam was grinning by now. "Yeah, he was really embarrassed. They were teasing him pretty bad, I guess, from what Daniel was saying. My leg's not bad at all. Daniel cleaned it up for me last night. We also managed to get the mineral samples and the video of the temple ruins before we saw the Jaffa, so we even managed to complete the mission successfully. The natives assured us that the Jaffa won't come back for a long time again after today, so we're welcome to come back if we want to."

They maneuvered the `Fred' into position. Colonel O'Neill made a wide sweeping gesture with his arm toward the gate. "There's no place like home. Dial us up Daniel. To Earth."