We Love as One – Chapter 14

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It had been quite a battle with the High Council to grant Martouf permission to visit the Tau’ri home-world, but in the end, Martouf emerged victorious and he was set to leave within the next hour. Jacob, however, had not been allowed to undertake the journey with Martouf as he was still under suspicion by the High Council.

Walking Martouf back to his quarters, Jacob grumbled, “Of course they’re willing to let you go to Earth and they wouldn’t care even if you were a spy. The Tok’ra don’t care too much about Earth to warn them about any danger. This is a perfect way to see if you really *are* a spy.” He grimaced and then continued, “Stop with the yelling Selmie and don’t say I’m bitter. I’m not bitter. And of course, I’m upset that I won’t be able to see Sam so soon nor will I be able to support Martouf when he goes there. He’s going to need someone to smooth things out with Sammy.”

Martouf smiled and laughed quietly. At least that had not changed during his absence. Though Martouf wished that Jacob would be coming along, he’d need a supportive presence when talking to Samantha. On the other hand, without Jacob’s watchful eye, maybe Martouf could use the private time with Samantha to both tell and show her how he felt about her.

Entering Martouf’s bare quarters, Jacob looked around and smacked his head. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot!” Hurriedly explaining as Martouf raised a questioning eyebrow, “When you came back, I mean, when the decision was made to pull you out of stasis, I came and packed up your stuff. I didn’t want them to be thrown out; I was thinking of maybe giving some stuff to Sammy, but I hadn’t decided. It’s packed away in my quarters. When you return, I’ll give it back to you. I was just so angry when I heard the High Council’s decision; I came in here and didn’t want anybody disposing of your belongings.” Jacob shrugged, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk.

  Martouf nodded in gratitude, relief apparent in his grey eyes. “Thank you for doing so, Jacob. Many of those things hold sentimental value to me. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and I also appreciate your friendship; it has changed me in many ways.”

“Yeah, you’re not so much of a stoic stick in the mud anymore.” Jacob grinned, knowing that Martouf wouldn’t understand what he was saying. Jacob was infinitely glad that his plan had worked and Martouf was alive; he was the closest thing he had to a close friend in the entire Tok’ra community. With Martouf, Jacob felt like he didn’t have to watch his every move or what he said and he enjoyed teaching Martouf little things about Earth. Of course, Martouf was naturally curious about Earth and was always eager to learn new stuff; Jacob knew that being able to talk to Sam without being confused most of the time was Martouf’s main motivation behind learning. Though Jacob had to admit, *he* was from Earth and he didn’t understand half the stuff that came out of his daughter’s mouth.

Martouf adopted his familiar puzzled face as he heard yet another Tau’ri term from his friend, but did not ask. His mind was so focused on the hours to come, when he would step through the wormhole and come face-to-face with the woman who would determine the outcome of his life.

“Martouf, promise me something will you?” Jacob asked.

Martouf, still puzzled and concerned about the seriousness of Jacob’s voice, nodded.

“Go easy on my kid, okay? She’s been through so much and with this newest shock about Lantash being alive and all, she’s not doing so well. I can only imagine what seeing you will do. She’ll be confused, upset, hurting, and frightened, but I’m hoping that once you explain everything,” Here Jacob raised his eyebrows, hoping that Martouf understood what he meant by *everything*, including Jacob’s own part in Martouf’s resurrection. “Sam’ll be a bit happier. I’m just asking that you be gentle with her. Treat her carefully. I’m her father and I don’t want to see her become wrecked and unbalanced by all this. But even so, I know that this has to be done and that she’s strong enough to handle it all. Since I can’t be there, I’m asking you to be her support, alright?”

“I promise, Jacob.” Martouf vowed, understanding Jacob’s plea. “I also, do not want to cause Samantha further pain by my presence. I will merely tell her of my circumstances as well as my feelings for her and then leave the rest up to her. I will not put any undue pressure upon her and I will not ask anything of her that she does not feel she can give. I love her too much and I do not want to lose her. If she asks for time, I will give it to her and I will gladly wait as long as it takes for her to come to terms with what *she* wants. I care about her so much, Jacob, I would die for her, and I want you to know that. My feelings for Samantha are not fleeting nor are they not genuine. If given the chance, I will cherish your daughter.” Martouf finished, staring intensely at Jacob, hoping to convey his honesty.

After seeing the sincerity in Martouf’s eyes, Jacob leaned back in his chair and nodded satisfactorily. “Good, good. That’s all I need to know.”

Both men turned their attention to the doorway of Martouf’s quarters as someone cleared their throat. Looking up, Martouf tensed as he saw Elias standing there and Jacob coughed uncomfortably.

“Well,” Jacob sprung up from his chair, rubbing his hands on his pants. “I must be going. I’m sure there are some things you two need to discuss. But I’m warning you two now, if you’re going to argue over my daughter, be sure you don’t hurt her or I’ll hurt you, understand?” Jacob wagged his finger warningly, his threat softened by the small grin on his face. Martouf and Elias nodded solemnly, both used to Jacob being over-protective of his daughter. “Martouf, I’ll be there to see you off at the Chappa’ai in awhile then.” With a wave, Jacob scurried out of the room, gladly leaving the growing cloud of tension in the air.  

Caught up in a staring contest of grey eyes, Elias and Martouf were motionless until Elias’s eyes flashed and Lantash emerged. Martouf’s heart constricted as he was confronted with someone who had been his other half for centuries. Lantash knew everything about Martouf and vice versa. Martouf swallowed hard. This was going to be difficult, knowing that although they no longer shared the same body, they still shared the same feelings for Samantha. Never had Martouf dreamed he would be competing with Lantash in anything, but most importantly, in the affections of one woman.

“I have heard that the High Council has granted you permission to visit the Tau’ri.” Lantash stated quietly, still standing rigidly by the doorway.

Martouf nodded. “Yes, I will be leaving soon.”

Ducking his head for a moment, Lantash asked, “You intend to seek out Samantha and tell her of your feelings for her?”

Again, Martouf nodded. Lantash lifted his head and Martouf saw the exact same pain in his eyes that was in his own. How had this come to pass? The question echoed through both their minds.

Swallowing hard, Lantash continued, “I must make aware to you that I have informed Samantha of my feelings toward her when we talked. My host, Elias, is perhaps being influenced by my strong feelings for her as well. We left Samantha, making it abundantly clear that we wished to develop a relationship with her in the future. She did not respond positively instead, she asked us for time. We are willing to wait. She is confused right now and no doubt will continue to be confused.

“I will not ask you to deny your own feelings for Samantha or to remain silent where she is concerned. Your feelings are just as strong as mine are toward her. We both love her very much. It is not a question of which one of us she chooses, but that she is happy in her decision. Her happiness is the only thing Elias and I wish for her to have and I know you believe the same. In the end, I want Samantha to no longer feel the pain of what happened several months ago and for her to be able to move on. So...saying this all to you, I wish you good luck in your endeavor and for you to tell Samantha that I will abide by my promise to wait for her decision and that...I miss her.” Lantash whispered, anguish evident in his voice.

Martouf clenched his jaw as he listened to Lantash. No matter what decision he made, he would end up hurting someone. If he remained silent about his feelings for Samantha, he would only hurt himself, Samantha, Jacob, and even Lantash who would know he sacrificed his happiness for someone else. If he revealed his feelings for Samantha and she *did* choose him over Lantash, could Martouf willingly return to the Tok’ra and still be able to look into Elias and Lantash’s eyes? Martouf felt like he would be betraying them. What was he going to do? The pain in Martouf’s eyes grew as he realized the painful consequences of his decision. But it was something he had to do; Samantha deserved to know and Martouf deserved a chance to tell her he loved her.

Shaking his head sorrowfully, Martouf sighed. “There is pain in every decision I make. I did not mean for this to happen, to anyone.”

“We cannot help what happens in our life, Martouf. Although this is admittedly the hardest thing I have had to experience, there is nothing you or I can do except live through it. I know you do not mean intentionally to cause anyone grief and that you are also confused, trying to sort out everything in your life now. I understand and I do not begrudge you.” Lantash made a move to step further into the room, but stopped, instead taking one step back.

Martouf’s grey eyes were full of remorse and pain as he said, “I’m sorry, my old friend. Truly I am.”

Lantash nodded quietly, murmuring, “I know. I am too.” With a bow of his head, Lantash left, leaving Martouf wallowing in guilt. Both their hearts were breaking.