We Love as One – Chapter 16A

Disclaimer in index

Sam opened the door to her house and she stepped in, lugging the shopping bags full of clothes, she had gotten for Martouf. Flipping the light switch, she beckoned Martouf inside and shut the door behind him, saying, “Well, um, welcome to my house. This is where I live or where I’m supposed to live, seeing as how I spend all my time at the SGC working that I might as well live there and I’m rambling.”

Martouf shook his head and smiled gently. “I am sorry, Samantha, for making things so awkward and uncomfortable for you. I never wished this-“

“No, Martouf, stop.” Sam cut him off. “I have to admit that this is a bit sudden, but never uncomfortable. Right now, I’m still trying to comprehend everything that’s been thrown my way, but I’ll say this now. Hearing and seeing that you’re alive makes me feel so incredibly happy. If you’ve talked to anyone like Daniel or my dad, then you’d know that I haven’t been coping well ever since, well, you know.” Sam walked further into her house as she talked, Martouf following her and mimicking her actions as she placed the shopping bags down on the floor near her couch chair.

Stepping closer to him, Sam planted a small kiss on Martouf’s cheek. “We’ve already talked about this Martouf. I love you and you love me. I also love Lantash too and neither of us want to see him get hurt. But right now, I want you to be as comfortable here as possible since you’ll be staying here awhile. Although I may be asking the impossible, I want you to try not to think about all your doubts and all your questions and just relax.”

Martouf stared at Sam for a hard moment and then gave a little nod. Reaching out with his arms, he pulled Sam closer and buried his face in her blonde hair. “I do love you Samantha, very much.” He gripped her tighter, not wanting to let go.

Sam curved her arms around his neck and kissed his neck. “Let’s just be Sam and Martouf for awhile; no worries, no stress, no questions. Just us. There’s so much I want to show you, Martouf, like a movie, how good chocolate is, the wonder that is the microwave, a picnic...maybe we can do that tomorrow.”

Martouf pulled back, a slight question in his eyes. “Picnic?” His hands roaming her back, non-stop.

“I’ll show you tomorrow. I promise.”

Martouf nodded his head. “Ah, and will you also show me how to work a...camera, Samantha?”

“Sure. Where’d you get that from, Martouf?” Sam asked, one hand playing with the ends of Martouf’s hair and the other slid to trace small circles on his chest. He looked yummy in a dark green sweater.

“Jacob has a wonderful picture of you in his quarters, Samantha. I too, wish to have visual reminders of you. He said he had it done by way of a ca-mer-ra.”

Sam laughed a bit and promised, “I’ll just have to show you then. But for now, since we’ve already eaten and it is really late, how about we go to bed? Er, separately I mean.” Sam stammered.

Martouf feigned disappointment on his face, but laughed. “I understand, Samantha. As I said, I do not want to rush you or ask you for anything that you are not ready to give.” He bent his head and playfully rubbed his nose against hers. (Eskimo kiss! So cute. ^.~)

Sam lifted her face and kissed Martouf soundly on the lips. As he responded, Sam felt like she was going to burst from feeling so happy, so giddy. She was afraid she’d have to slap herself to maintain her composure and to resist the urge to bounce around the room, squealing like a school-girl.

Regrettably, Sam broke the kiss and stepped out of Martouf’s warm embrace. “Let me show you your room and put away your stuff. It’s been a busy, confusing, and tiring day for both of us.” She said apologetically, stooping to pick up some of the bags she had earlier deposited.

~~~~~

Hours later, Sam lay still awake in her bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Never in a million years did she think that something like would happen to her, but all the same, she was elated that Martouf, the man she loved, was alive and currently sleeping a few doors down from her. Although, he was no longer blended with Lantash and part of Sam wished he were because after all, she hadn’t just fallen in love with Martouf, there was a part of her that fell for Lantash as well.

She turned on her side and gently punched her pillow, curling up in a fetal position as her blue eyes watched the red numbers of her digital clock change slowly. Sam lay there for awhile before letting out a soft frustrated sigh and sat up in her bed. There was no way in hell she was getting any sleep tonight. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Sam rubbed at her eyes tiredly, ran a hand through her short blonde hair and got up. As she padded to her bedroom door, she opened it and tiptoed quietly down the hallway, her intention was to go to her kitchen and maybe make herself a warm milk toddy to help her sleep. At least that was what she planning to do, but the splash of light underneath the door to Martouf’s door caught her attention and Sam hesitated before raising her hand softly to knock on his door. She opened the door to peer into the room and with surprise and worry saw Martouf sitting motionless on the side of his bed, staring out the window.

“Martouf?” Sam whispered, entering his room and closing the door. “Are you okay?” Walking over to him, Sam laid a hand on his shoulder.

As she did, Martouf lifted a hand to cover hers, caressing her knuckles. “I am fine, Samantha. I am, however, unable to find rest. There are too many questions on my mind.”

Sitting down behind him, Sam hugged him from behind and pressed a kiss on his back through the dark blue t-shirt he had chosen to wear to bed. “I’m sorry, Martouf. I wish I could help you answer some of those questions.”

Martouf placed his hands over Sam’s as he continued to stare out the window and up at the night sky. “What am I to do now, Samantha? I am no longer Tok’ra. There were times when I wished that I had never been Tok’ra, now that I have this chance; I am not sure what to do. I have been a Tok’ra for hundreds of years, fighting the Goa’uld, undergoing missions, and moving from one planet to another is all I have known for most of my lifetime. It is all I know how to be. But if I choose to return to the Tok’ra, will I be able to continue my life without Lantash being there? He is, was my other half; I cannot imagine life without him. Could I stand watching Elias knowing that Lantash is now his symbiote? Could I handle being re-blended with another and having to go through the whole process of getting to knowing each other so well, like the relationship I had with Lantash?

“And if I choose not to return to the Tok’ra, what am I to do? I know you would not mind me staying with you, Samantha, love, and I would like nothing more than to be with you. That is however, up to you. I will wait for your decision, of course. But, besides being with you, what else is there I can do? Join your Tau’ri facility and fight the Goa’uld that way? There is so much about your world, your technology, your society as a whole that I am so unfamiliar with, would I be able to make the transition?”

Martouf sighed wearily. “So many questions, love.” He let go of her hands and turned fully to face her. Taking in her blonde hair, her pert nose, high cheekbones, sparkling blue eyes, and kissable mouth, he sighed again. “You are so beautiful, Samantha love. I love you so much.”

Sam heard the sorrow in Martouf’s voice and moved closer to cup his face with her hands. “I love you too, Martouf. I can only imagine the pain you feel at your separation from Lantash and I do understand how he is your other half. Without him, you feel empty and hollow. I wish so much I could take your pain away and if I could, I would gladly do so. Seeing you in pain makes me hurt as well.

“As for wanting you to stay with me, of course I do. Ever since we met, I’ve wanted you in my life always. I don’t want you to doubt yourself Martouf. You’re capable of doing so much and achieving much more. I never want you to feel like you’re alone in anything you do because you’re not, I’m here and I’ll always be here. Don’t feel like you have to do this on your own, don’t shut me out, Martouf, I won’t let you. I love you and part of that means that I will be by your side, supporting you.”  

Martouf stared into Samantha’s concerned eyes and he reacted.