We Love as One – Interlude 2

Disclaimer in index

Martouf’s gone, but Lantash is still alive…and in a new host. Elias. How twisted was this? I think to myself. Was it possible to be in love with two men…er…one man and one symbiote? I shake my head wearily as I sink deeper into my couch, champagne in hand.

I fell in love with both Martouf and Lantash; they each had qualities that combined to form the man I love. Argh! Having them in one body was so much simpler. Lantash is with Elias now and I know that it wouldn’t be the same. With Jolinar’s memories still floating sporadically through my head, I know that it was the combination of Martouf and Lantash together that I fell in love with.

I’m so bloody confused and the large amounts of champagne I’ve been having isn’t helping my mind much. Could I have a relationship with Elias and Lantash? Not right now, that’s for sure. I’ve only just met Elias and while he expressed some feelings for me already, they’re minuscule and he’s most likely being influenced by Lantash.

The only reason I felt so strongly about Martouf the first time I met him was because of Jolinar, it could take forever for me to establish a comfort level and that kind of bond with Elias, if I want to, that is. I’m not sure. Ah! I’m not sure about anything.

Knowing that Lantash is inside Elias makes me want to try for something, whether it’s friendship or something more. Elias, however, despite everything, is still a virtual stranger. I know nothing about him. I love Lantash. I love Martouf. But Martouf…is gone. I sigh. Being in love with identical twin brothers would be easier than this.

So what have I concluded from my twisted and confused way of thinking? That I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do and that thinking about this only gives me a headache.