Willing – Chapter 2

Sam blinked her eyes fuzzily as she slowly moved her head from side to side, checking her surroundings and her condition. She groaned aloud as she attempted to sit up and pressed her hands against the floor to support herself. She bowed her head and shut her eyes firmly, trying to stop the pounding headache that she knew was coming.

Sam turned her head to one side and reached out a hand to feel Major Mansfield’s pulse. There was none and her hand fell limply down to the ground. Sam did a mental check that she had sustained no injuries before making a move to stand.

Remembering what had taken place before her fall into unconsciousness, Sam tentatively called out in her mind, (Lantash?)

She hoped that nothing had happened to Lantash, but her worry increased, as she heard nothing in response.

(Lantash, please…answer me.) Sam pleaded mentally, hoping and waiting.

<Samantha…what have you done?> Though she knew what would happen, Sam still felt startled when she heard Lantash’s voice in her head, but she also felt a sense of relief that he was still all right.

(The right choice, Lantash, the only choice I could have made.) Sam replied, unsure of how communicating with a symbiote was to be done. She hadn’t had a lot of experience when Jolinar was inside her; Sam was too afraid, angry, and confused actually to do anything except want Jolinar to leave.

<You are doing fine, Samantha.> Lantash replied and Sam felt reassured at once at Lantash’s calmness. <Now back to my original question: why did you take me out of the chamber and place me within you?>

This was incredibly strange. Sam thought to herself. She was feeling feelings that weren’t hers. Thinking of Lantash’s question, she surprisingly sensed no anger in Lantash’s voice, only curiosity, gratitude, and a feeling of warm comfort and…joy?

(What was I supposed to do? I saw the room crashing in and that piece of crystal hading towards your chamber. Was I just supposed to watch it smash the chamber, letting it kill you?) Sam asked incredulously, picking her way through the debris and walking over to the still body of Re’nal. She checked the Tok’ra female’s pulse and was dismayed to find her dead.

<Re’nal was a good friend. I am sad that she has gone.> Lantash said, looking at the fallen body of his fellow Tok’ra through Sam’s eyes. <You should not have gotten angry with her Samantha for the Tok’ra High Council’s decision regarding both Martouf and I. It was the right thing to do.>

Sam snorted silently, making no response. She checked the pockets of Re’nal’s uniform and took out the crystal with the Tok’ra poison with her, placing it in her vest pocket before standing up and walking to the still body of Lt. Elliot.

<As for your last question, although I am extremely glad to still be here and with you, I hope you do realize the ramifications of what you have done?> Lantash mutely tried to offer comfort to his new host as he felt her sadness over the loss of a comrade.

Sam let her hand drop from Elliot’s neck where there was no sign of a pulse and sighed. She stood up and scanned her surroundings, mentally answering Lantash’s question. (It means that I’m a Tok’ra now, yes, I know. You’re still incredibly weak and asking you to leave my body would kill you. Since I have no intention of losing you, we’re stuck together. I’m going to have to leave my friends, my family, and my world and live here.) Sam answered tiredly, knowing all she was giving up and feeling incredibly upset over it.

She would have to say goodbye to her lab and her experiments, handing them over to some rookie. No more late-night talks with Daniel, no more going on missions with SG-1, her family. Mark would have to hear some fantastical story about her dying or something. Her house, her neighbors, no television, no good food, no coffee. No more hanging out with Janet or taking Cassie to the park or the zoo. She’d have to sell everything she owned except the stuff she’d take with her.

Her life would now consist of planning new attacks and ways to undermine the Goa’uld, taking risky subterfuge missions for months on end, eating Tok’ra food, living in blue underground crystal tunnels, moving constantly, and wearing Tok’ra uniforms. Sam winced as she thought of that one.

(At least I’ll still have dad around.) She added thankfully.

<I am sorry Samantha, for causing you so much pain.> Lantash said remorsefully, assaulting Sam with waves of pain, regret, sorrow, and guilt.

Sam shook her head and began walking toward the exit, grabbing her walkie-talkie. (Don’t be sorry, Lantash. I’m upset that I’ll have to leave everything behind, but I care a lot about you. If giving up my life on Earth saved you, then I’m thankful. The coming months will be hard and it’ll take some time to adjust, but I know that throughout it all, I’ll have you.) Sam stood outside in the hallway, her eyes taking in the excess damage of the Goa’uld attack.

<And I will be here for you Samantha, always.> Lantash promised.

Sam smiled and started walking in the direction of that the Colonel and Teal’c had taken to get to the ring transporter.

A movement caught Sam and Lantash’s eye right before she bumped straight in Colonel O’Neil and Teal’c.

“Carter!” The colonel exclaimed, his brown eyes showing his concern. Inside, Sam felt an extremely odd sensation. She felt a tinge of anger and irritation. Sam frowned as she knew *she* wouldn’t be feeling any anger or irritation toward her commanding officer, which would have to mean that *Lantash* was feeling these things.

(Lantash, what-?) Sam began before the colonel drew her attention to more immediate matters.

“Carter, what happened?” The colonel asked.

“The ceiling in the lab collapsed, sir. Re’nal, Mansfield, and Elliot are dead.” She reported regretfully.

“As is Aldwin.” Teal’c said, giving Sam a scrutinizing look.

 <You must tell them now, Samantha, what has also happened. Your Jaffa friend is sensing my presence within you.> Lantash said softly, knowing that Sam was finding it hard to tell the colonel about her new status.

Sam grimaced. “Sir, there’s something else.” Sam hesitated before taking the plunge. “Sir, its Lantash. I- he, I mean,”

Colonel O’Neil made an impatient sound. “What is it, Carter?”

Sam glanced over at Teal’c and knew he had understood what happened when he nodded at her, smiling slightly. “Lantash was about to be killed, so I-, it was a spur of the moment thing, sir, and I really wasn’t thinking, but- but I’ve become Lantash’s host.” Sam refrained from biting her lip as she waited for the colonel to erupt.

<It is all right, Samantha. If you wish, I will explain our circumstances.> Lantash offered, feeling very over-protective of his host. He still felt intense feelings for her. He loved her. And with that one thought, he revealed all to Sam, his feelings, Martouf’s feelings as well as his many accumulated memories over the past centuries.

“What! Carter, what the hell did you just say?” Colonel O’Neil opened his mouth to continue his rant, but stopped when he say his 21C gasp and stagger, clutching her head.

Teal’c stepped forward quickly and placed a supporting arm around Sam’s waist as she continued to sway.

“Carter, what’s wrong with you?” Colonel O’Neil’s tone conveyed his anger and worry.

“Too many memories, too many feelings. All at once.” Sam gasped, still holding her head and leaning against Teal’c for support.

“What?”

Suddenly Sam straightened and stepped out of Teal’c grasp. Her eyes flashed and both Teal’c and the Colonel were momentarily transported back to the day so long ago when Sam had done the exact same thing, but it was Jolinar that time.

“Samantha is merely feeling slightly overwhelmed by my presence and my accumulated memories, Colonel O’Neil. It is fleeting and will subside briefly.” Lantash replied, sending soothing waves of comfort to Sam, feeling her fear at her position. She was definitely not used to taking up a secondary position in her own body. After a few moments, Sam calmed down enough for Lantash to recede into the recesses of her mind, letting her take control of her body once again.

Sam closed her eyes and breathed slightly. She opened them and sent an apologetic glance at the disbelief present on the colonel’s face.

“I’m sorry colonel, what Lantash said was true, I was a bit overwhelmed. As for becoming Lantash’s host, there really wasn’t much time for me to make a choice, sir. I just knew that I couldn’t let him die. I just couldn’t.” Sam explained, gesturing with her hands helplessly.

Teal’c, Sam, and Lantash watched as a vein threatened to pop from the colonel’s forehead and his jaw clenched. Sam thought she heard his teeth grinding together and mentally winced.

<I understand that Colonel O’Neil is your friend and comrade, Samantha, but you should not let his reaction affect you so. It was your decision and he has no choice but to accept it.> Lantash observed and again Sam felt a twinge of anger and irritation in Lantash’s tone.

(Lantash, why are you angry?) Sam asked, puzzled, her attention divided between watching the colonel try to contain himself and her inner conversation with Lantash.

Immediately the feelings of anger and irritation dimmed as Lantash evaded her question. <It is nothing, belove-, Samantha. Nothing for you to concern yourself with.>

Sam frowned. (Lantash, if we’re going to be in this for the long run together, then you’re going to have to be honest with me. It wouldn’t be good if we kept secrets from each other.) She chided.

Lantash ‘sighed’. <I will explain it all to you at a later date, right now; Colonel O’Neil looks as if he is going to say something.>

Sam continued to frown even more when she heard how Lantash pronounced the colonel. Did the he have something to do with Lantash’s irritation? It was true that the colonel tended to belittle Martouf whenever he was around and be overly sarcastic. Sam felt like she was seeing the colonel’s interaction with Martouf from a whole new perspective, Lantash’s, and judging from what she was ‘seeing’, she could understand Lantash’s irritation with the him.

Colonel O’Neil unclenched his teeth long enough for him to ground out. “We’ll talk about this later, Carter, right now; we’ve got other stuff to worry about.”

Sam nodded mutely and hefted her P-90.

The colonel nodded to Teal’c. “We’ve got a better chance on the surface. Let’s go.” He turned abruptly and started walking away.

Sam felt a hand at her elbow and she looked into Teal’c’s face. He smiled gently at her and bowed his head before following the colonel. She sighed heavily and started walking.

<We will get through this Samantha.> Lantash said quietly, ‘burrowing’ himself deeper in the warm, comfortable recesses of Sam’s mind, content at his current position. He was with Samantha.

(We have no choice.) Sam replied shortly.

The End

Ok, this is how I intended to end this story. Actually, it was meant to be a drabble but if you know my stories, and me I’m incapable of writing anything short. But it occurred to me that I could possibly write more like when they get back to the SGC and the general’s reaction, etc. But I’m not sure. Tell me if you think I should or if you would enjoy reading more extensions to this story. Personally, I’m picturing writing a great scene of Jacob’s reaction when he finds out that his daughter is now a Tok’ra and host to Lantash!