The Adventures of Bump Bottom Girl and the Newsies

By: Coneflower

Part 1: Bump Bottom Girl to the Rescue!

The day was going normal for the newsies. They had gotten up to sell da papes as usual. But, something was odd, like the Delancey bro's. They had somehow gotten bigger over night and were walking straight for the newsies.
Jack grew wide eye. "Uh…"
"Is that Oscar and Morris?" Kid Blink asked, cocking his head like a puppy dog.
Jack just stood there going 'uh….'
"Mu ha ha ha ha…" was heard right in front of them. The newsies looked up at the Delanceys. Davey squealed like a girl then ducked into a protective ball then rolled away down the street.
"We're scarin' dem already, Morris" Oscar remarked.
"Yeah, dis expanding formula Uncle Weas takes really helped!" Morris said.
Oscar grinned evilly. "Now for some newsie crushing time!" He picked up Jack by the collar as something flew by him. It was so fast that he didn't see what it was. All the sudden, a girl around 10 with pink underwear on top her head with two pigtails hanging out the legs with a newspaper as a cape and a blue t-shirt that read "Mud, Sweat, and Tear". She appeared out of no where and seemed to be floating in mid-air.
"Wha' da heck?" Oscar exclaimed.
"I am Bump Bottom Girl here to fight evil in the name of all good and newsies." 'Bump Bottom Girl' smiled proudly. "You unhand that newsie right now, you bad boy, you!" She said, shaking her finger at him.
"And why should I?" Oscar replied in a panty-waist voice. Jack whimpered.
"Because…" Bump Bottom Girl threw her cape off her shoulders. "I'll do a little jiggy for you if you don't." She was about to start her 'jiggy' dance when Oscar streaked, dropped jack, and ran down the street tramping innocent chickens. Bump Bottom Girl flew under Jack and caught him with ease.
Jack smiled gratefully. "Thank you so much for saving me, uh…" he stuttered to remember her name.
"I am Bump Bottom Girl!" She replied letting go of Jack and standing ((uh…floating)) proudly with her hands on her hips. Jack fell on top Les. "Opps, sorry about that!"
"That's okay" Jack squeaked out, rolling off of Les who had been flattened from the fall. All the newsies gather around Jack and Blink helped him up.
"What is that?" Blink asked, licking his hand. It seemed Blink was going through 'animal' stages.
"Is it a bird?" Mush asked, wide eyed.
"Is it a plane?" Dutchy asked.
"Wha's a plane?" Specs said. Dutchy covered his mouth. He had said too much about the…*stops self* ack! I'm saying too much now. "No, it's…" she flow in front of them, with the cheesy 'dun dun' music following her. "…Bump Bottom Girl!" The newsies watched as the hero stranger flew off into the city flying right into a building.
"Ouchies! That's gonna leave a scar!" she exclaimed, rubbing her head.

Part 2: There's Jiggy Everywhere

After all the excitement of the day, the newsies headed to Tibbys to cool off with some break dancing lessons from Wally, the dancing waiter. They were fixing to walk in when Jack ran into someone.
"Excuse me." He looked at the person who was wearing a gray newsie hat, but the rest of her clothes were questionable.
"Yo pops! How's it hangin'?" the person greeted. The newsies stared, it was a 10 year old girl. "Can I join your clan?"
Jack scratched his head. "Uh…okay. Ya got a name?"
"Kourtney. Putter there!" The girl hacked up some flem from the back of her throat which took about 10 minutes. The newsies started to get antsy. Skittery was gagging from the sound of the hacking. Finally, the girl spit it in her and held it out to Jack.
Not even Jack wanted to shake her hand after that. he made up an excuse. "We stopped spit shaking yesterday. Not sanitary." *slaps Jack on the back of the head* Stop being mean to my cousin!
*Jack rubbed his head* "All right! I'll shaker her hand!" He shook Kourtney's hand and through his hand over Davey's shoulder. "How ya doin' buddy?!" He wiped the fleme off - secretly - on Davey's shirt.
Kourtney caught sight of Davey and grinned evilly. "Yo chick! What's up?" she rushed over to him. Jack started to back away.
Davey scrunched his face up. It took about 7 seconds to process what she had called him. Y'know the 7 second syndrome that Dr. Wisecracks discovered that only occurs in Jacobs family members. "I'm not a chick."
"Yeah. Whatever! Wha's up?"
"What are you talking about?"
Kourtney snorted. "Let's skip the small talk. Wanna jiggy with me?" She started to do her jiggy dance.
Davey just watched with his mouth hanging open. "No, I do not."
Kourtney frowned. "So, little lady" she said in her best Texan accent. "Wanna go out tonight?" She jumped on Davey and kissed him on the cheek. Jack had the pry her off.
"I don't like this" Davey whimpered.
"Fine then!" Kourtney jumped into a marshal arts poses and started swirling her arms around then she kicked around hitting Les in the head. No damage done though. Les didn't have a brain, or at least, a very small one.
Les suddenly came to life. He had just been staring blankly into space b/c he is stoned! "Wow! You know Tae Boa?" he shouted.
"Sure do!"
"I use to take that, but the instructor had to be put in an insane asylum. I don't know why. He blamed it on me though when they were carrying him away in a straight jacket. All I did was lit his pants on fire and put tobasco sauce in his soup and sent mad dogs chasing after him. That's all I did! Oh, and the time when I pushed him off the Brooklyn Bridge but he recovered! Sort of."
"Uh…" Kourtney scooted behind Davey. "Thanks for the info, babe. I'll stay over here."
"Who wants ice cream?! I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!" Jake screamed at the top of his lungs. It was only a stunt to get attention that he never got. And he really wanted some ice cream.
A bell rang from down the street. It was the ice cream man! "WOO HOO!" Jake cried. He totally forgot about getting attention from anyone and attacked the ice cream man - hurling him off his little bike/scooter thingy. "MUHAHA!" he evilly laughed, biking down the opposite way of the street with his ice cream.
Okay…back to the actually story…well, it's not really anything, but whatever!
The newsies all sat in a booth together. Jack was piled under them and couldn't breathe. "Get off…get off…" he squeaked. For some reason, all the newsies would follow him around like a litter of pigs following their mother. If any of them tried to suckle him, Jack was out of there. Of course, that would be disgusting so I shall not put that in my fic.
"So, Kourtney, wha' brings ya heah?" Jack asked, after all the newsies were crow-barred off of him.
Kourtney, who was making goo-goo eyes at Swifty just to confuse him, realized someone was talking to her. "Yo pops, you asked me something?"
Jack rolled his eyes. This girl was being difficult. "Wha' brings ya heah?"
"I just wanted to…" Kourtney layed back, pulling her pants up. "…hang out with the guys." She smacked Mush on the back, making him choke on a carrot.
"I…can't…breathe…" Mush tried to get out. He jumped up from the booth, turning red.
"Oh, Mush, your hilarious!" Blink said, shoving food into his cheeks to store for later. Hey, it's what hamsters do. He looked around suspiciously knowing he'd escape from the cage…'er lodging house that night.
Jack throw Kourtney an odd glance. She leaned close to him. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm really a girl." He only nodded.
Mush pointed to his throat. No one really cared to watch him hopping around the restaurant. Wally, the dancing waiter, was recording Mush's spiffy moves. Just then, Coneflower burst into Tibbys. She gave Mush the hymlic which made the carrot come up. He spit it into Skittery's lap, and Skittery let out a screech of horror. Cone proceeded to give Mush mouth to mouth. It really wasn't necessary, but let me have my fun!

Part 3: Somewhere Over the Rainbow…

Pulitzer sat in his cloud throne. He was king of all that was newspapers and New York. He'd crush the city with his band of merry men, I mean, evil doers! Muhahaha! His right hand man was Side-burns Seitz, who could roll his eyes with the best of them. He usually faltered between good and evil though. Then there was Weasel the Jigglypuff, who would knock people out with his belly. Another evil doer was To Wong Fu Jonathan, who spread purple across the nation. The last on the todum pole were the flying Delancey Monkeys. They flow around just causing trouble with the newsies and drinking their Uncle Weasel's "expanding" formula. That's what made his belly all jiggly like jelly. Finally, the only female in the group was CoRny - Coneflower's evil twin - who was actually the only real evil dooer of them all, but she keep quiet and keep Pulitzer in line. She would succeed from the imbeciles one day.
Now to get away from all that icky describing junk. Pulitzer was bored one day in his cloud throne. He knew the newsies were running around in *his* city and he had to try and stop them. He called on To Wong Fu Jonathan.
"Yes sir" he said, crumpling up like a plastic bottle. Pulitzer's wrath was not fun.
"I…I…" he repeated the letter "I" for about 20 minutes b/c he has an obsessive compulsive disorder for repeating things over and over again. Jonathan was asleep with flies buzzing around his head. "I!" That woke him up. "I need a way to get rid of the newsies. You know that, I know that, everybody knows that. Any ideas?"
Well…" Jonathan started playing with his purple frilly dress.
"Have some answers by tonight!"
"Yes sir…"

On the streets of New York…
"I feel danger is afoot!" Kourtney threw herself on top of Jack.
"Wha' are ya doin?" he asked from under her.
"I sense danger…" she replied whispering.
"HELP ME!!!!!" they all heard Davey cry. He was being carried away by the flying Delancey Monkeys.
"MY CHICK!" Kourtney screamed. She shot up and announced. "This is a job for Bump Bottom Girl!" Then she disappeared.

Meanwhile on a jet train…
Coneflower and Damsel were playing their favorite game "Poked by Pulitzer"!
"Poke" Damsel started and poked Cone.
"Poke" Cone threw back.
"Poke!"
"Poke!"
"POKE!"
"POKE!"
"Pokey!"
"Pokey!"
"Po-key" Damsel said in a ditzy voice.
"Pok-ey" Cone mirrored.
This went on for about 3 hours. They finally broke after drinking 5 cokes each. By then, they were bouncing off the train walls…literally! Dutchy and Specs hide under the seat as their friends - who they claimed not to know at the moment - were doing flips down the aisles. Poor Snipeshooter was the unfortunate victim of being pushed out of his seat by an old guy who said his luggage needed to sit there. Snipes was ran over by four bouncing feet.
Dutchy and Specs stayed in their hiding place. Just then, someone peeked under the seat at them. "Hi boys! Wanna hug?" They screamed and jumped out the train window when they saw it was Cone and Damsel's grandma.

Somewhere around Memphis…
Jake had biked all the way to Memphis, Tennessee. He'd always dreamed of going there especially with his ice cream. He huggled it as it melted on his clothes. That's when he saw Graceland!
"AHHHHHHH! ELVIS!" he cried, running into the gates of Graceland. "If anyone can get Elvis out of his hiding places, it's me and my ice cream!" He skipped happily around the grounds doing pelvic thrust when he came across a crowd.

Saturday on a Jet Train…
It was Saturday morning and everyone on the train was waking up to the distruction caused by two hyperactive cousins. The ticket taker was counting the casualties. Cone and Damsel were sitting comfortably in the lounge car. "Oh look!" Damsel said, pointing to the tv on the wall. "A show to watch!"
"Yay!" they both cheered, scooting right in front the tv.
Cheesy music came out of on where and a guy in a white smock appeared. He was turned around facing a canvas and holding a palette. "Hello everybody" The guy turned around. Cone and Damsel's eyes bugged out when they saw that it was……Dutchy!
"Is everyone ready to paint? Okay. Today we'll be making pictures out of poop. It's my FAVORITE project." He picked up something brown and gushy and smeared it on the canvas. "We'll make a kitten first. Isn't it pretty?" He started to make a kitten out of it. "And you don't even have to go out and buy supplies."
Cone and Damsel screamed and ran back to the passenger car taking out a few more innocent by-standers.

Part 4: Nobody Knows the Trobles I've Seen

In the Sky…
Kourtney a.k.a. Bump Bottom Girl flow over the city. She had lost sight of The Delancey Monkeys with Davey in their evil clutches. She sat onto a pine tree and sighed.
"I'm suppose to be a super hero! Why can't I find where those butt uglies that have taken my chick?" she complained, throwing a pine cone down.
Patrick's mom sang, "Patrick…darli…" The pine cone hit her in the head and knocked her out instantly.
"Psss…" a little voice came from beside her. Kourtney looked to her side to see a hamster sitting there. "Hey you, kid." The hamster had a German accent, and had very enlarged ears and teeth.
"Who are you and what are you?"
"I am a German spy hamster from France. My name is Henrietta."
Kourtney scrunched her face. "You sound like a boy."
"I am a boy!" the hamster lashed out. "Can't I be named Henrietta? You got a problem with that?!"
"Oh no, no no…" Kourtney scooted back. "Henrietta is a good name." The hamster mumbled something in German. "Why are you in a tree?"
"I'm in this tree to help you."
"How are you gonna help me?" Henrietta rolled his eyes. He had been a spy for years. This was the first time he'd dealt with a kid.
"Just listen, kid. You are looking for a newsie, right?" Kourtney nodded. "Then just look up."
Kourtney looked up to see a big, 'Las Vagas' looking sign that said "Pulitzer Land". "Whoa, how tacky."
In the lodging house…
"Hey, Itey! Whatcha got?" Snitch asked, as Itey walked into the room. On his arm was a wooden dummy.
"I got this from Medda's joint. I'm gonna be a ventriloquist!" He danced around in a circle.
Snitch watched this and became scared. "And…why?"
Itey stopped dancing and grew angry. "Haven't you even noticed?!?!?! Your suppose to be my best friend! Being a ventriloquist has been my life long dream!" By now, Itey had gotten in Snitch's face, knocking him over.
Snitch just shrugged. "Okay, whatever!" He got up and brushed himself off.
Itey sat down his dummy on their bed. "I named him BOB! He's wonderful!" Itey sighed thinking of 'Bob'. Snitch ignored him as Itey went on about how great his dummy was.
Just then, he felt the presence of eyes watching him. Snitch glanced over at Bob, but everything looked normal…if you can define normal. Snitch went back to brushing himself off. That's when he felt the eyes on him again. He hurried to look at Bob to see his eyes move back into normal place.
"ITEY!" He attacked his friend. "Your dummy is looking at me!"
Itey looked at him like he was crazy. "What? Bob can't do that. He's just wood, but wonderful wood!" He petted his dummy. "Why don't you touch him. He won't bite."
Itey walked off. Snitch thought this over for a moment then went to touch Bob. Closing his eyes, he slowly layed his finger on him. Nothing. Snitch breathe a sigh of relief. "Okay, maybe it was my imagination."
"Maybe not…" a sing-sang voice said. Snitch looked down to see Bob smiling at him.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Snitch flew out the window and onto the street.
Itey ran in to see what was wrong, but found nothing but Bob smiling as he normally looked.

Outside…
Les was just standing outside for no reason - we do not know - when something hit him in the head. He didn't even noticed he'd been hit in the head…just keep standing there. Until he saw something on the ground. It was a neatly wrapped present that had in big letters - "LEASSSQ". Les jumped up and down. He knew the present was for him b/c that's how he spelled his name.
"Oh BOY!!!!" He ripped the present open. "A Superman costume! Just what I asked for, for Kenny Rogers day! WOO HOO!" He grinned evilly. "Now I have super powers!"
In the alley there could be heard snickers from Boots and Snipeshooter as Les put on the costume. "Now I can fly too!" The snickering turned into laughs. Les ran to The World building, climbing all the way to the top. "Geronimo!" He screamed as he jumped.
Geronimo looked up from running the New York City marathon. "Someone call name?" He saw Les falling down toward him. Geronimo throw his magic rainbow head-band at Les and made him disappear.

Part 5: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!!

To the Bat Cave…
Bump Bottom Girl flow into Pulitzer's cloud throne kingdom Las Vegas place. She stared around. Empty. No one was there. I wonder where the nimrods could be. Kourtney tiptoed to a nearby closet and opened it. "Peek-a-boo!" The Delancey monkeys shrieked, and ran out. "I guess you guys are coming out the closet! Now where's my chick?!"
"Wese not tellin' you" Morris said, sticking out his tongue.
"Oh yeah!" Kourtney was fixing to kick some ugly butt when she heard something.
"Uh……Bump Bottom Girl! I'm over here!" It was Davey! He was waving his arms frantically.
"David!" Kourtney flew over to him. The Delancey monkeys smirked. That was their plan. They were finally going to complete an evil plan all their own!
"Hey Morris, when will the evil plan start?" Oscar laughed.
Morris scratched his head. "I thought you were suppose to make the evil plan."
"No, you were!"
"WHAT?! You dingbat, you were!"
They Delancey monkeys started fighting, and Kourtney flew off with Davey back to the Newsieverse.

In Central Park…
"Why is Les rolling around in a plastic bubble?" Racetrack asked, as Les rolled by in a plastic bubble.
Jack shrugged. "Weirder things have happened." Blink all the sudden ran up to him with a stick in his mouth. "Like that."
"Jack! Jack! Throw the stick, Jack! Please! I'll burst unless you throw the stick! NOW!" Blink hopped up and down like a little puppy dog with a stick in his mouth.
"Jack" Race leaned in. "I think you should throw the stick."
"All right" Jack whined, and threw the stick.
"YAY!!!!!!" Blink ran off to fetch it.

Graceland…
Jake started to cry on the doorstep of Elvis' mansion. His ice cream had melted and he hadn't found Elvis yet. It was a sad time.
"Uh huh…uh huh…yeah yeah yeah" Jake looked in back of him. Elvis was standing there in his white jumpsuit. "Why the long face, son?"
"My ice cream melted and I couldn't find Elvis" Jake frowned.
"You need ice cream? I got tons of that in my freezer. I am Elvis."
"REALLY?! You looked like you blotted up like a fish."
"Uh huh huh" Elvis sang. "That’s only my cover, son. Now let’s get some ice cream."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, sittin’ on the front porch swingin’ with Blanch…I mean, next scene!

Jack and Race played fetch with Blink. "Y’know, dis may not be dat bad" Jack said, throwing the stick. "He can go get our shoes in da mornin’ and fetch our papes."
Race shook his head. "Yeah, but is he potty trained?"
Just then, Bump Bottom Girl and Davey flew by. "Hey Jack! Race! I’m all right. Bump Botton Girl saved me!"
"Well, isn’t dat a shocker" Jack commented, not very enthused. "Yep" Race echoed.
Kourtney landed safely on the street and set Davey down. "It looks like we have to part, my chick."
"Fiddle dee dee, how can I ever repay you?" Davey said in a southern accent.
"Well little lady" Kourtney replied, with a smoking pipe in her hand that appeared out of no where. "You’ve already repaid me by just seein’ you all right."
"Will we ever meet again?!"
"Maybe not today maybe not tomorrow, but how ‘bout a date on Thursday?"
It took Davey 7 seconds to answer, but he said yes and they all lived happily ever after.

THE END!