"Schmendrick attempted a few simple spells for escaping, but he could not use his hands, and he had no more heart for tricks. What happened instead was that the tree fell in love with him and began to murmur fondly of the joy to be found in the eternal embrace of the red oak. 'Always, always,' is sighed, 'faithfulness beyond any man's deserving. I will keep the color of your eyes when no other in the world remembers your name. There is no immortality but a tree's love.'
'I'm engaged,' Schmendrick excused himself. 'To a western larch. Since childhood. Marriage by contract, no choice in the matter. Hopeless. Our story is never to be.'
A gust of fury shook the oak, as though a storm were coming to it alone. 'Galls and fireblight on her!' it whispered savagely. 'Damned softwood, cursed conifer, deceitful evergreen, she'll never have you! We will perish together, and all trees shall treasure our tragedy!'"
-The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle
"You roasted several trolls back in the wheat field. As a rule fair maidens remain helpless until properly rescued." -Galahad in K.A. Applegate's Everworld #3
"How do I tell a legend that I have to pee? ... I was thinking I'd try something Shakespearian, you know, 'Pritthe, milord, but I must fain squat in yon bushes, else will I dampen thy attractive knee," -April in Everworld #3
"The most professional curse ever snarled or croaked or thundered can have no effect on a pure heart." -Schmendrick, The Last Unicorn
"'I will have a woman's blood in my veins, in my heart,' Galahad grumbled. 'I will no longer be a man.'
'Yeah, that's pretty much how it works,' I snapped. 'You get female blood and your willie falls off.'
He looked worried. So did Merlin."
-Galahad's reaction when he finds out April is giving him her blood (blood transfusion) in Everworld #3
"I was crying. 'Not exactly right, is it? We barely knew him. And we won't die because he's dead. We barely knew him. So why... is it just that he was nice and good-looking and brave? Why does it hurt me, him being gone?'
'He was a legend,' David said. 'We didn't know him, but we knew what he represented. He was good standing up against evil. He was the strong man defending the weak. He was brave when the odds were against him. What else is a man supposed to be? What else is he supposed to do?'
''We shall not see his like again,' Shakespeare, I think,' Jahleel said."
-April, Jahleel, and David talking about Galahad in Everworld #3.
"I was born mortal, and I have been immortal for a long, foolish time, and one day I will be mortal again; so I know something that a unicorn cannot know. Whatever can die is beautiful--more beautiful than a unicorn, who lives forever, and who is the most beautiful creature in the world."
-Schmendrick, The Last Unicorn
"I don't suppose it's occurred to you or to my honoured and pedantic brother that sometimes it might, just might be better to think of it as a real unicorn's horn and that unicorns might exist somewhere in the world, than to do as Simon does and say it's only a fish's horn exploiting the gullible. Maybe unicorns are only a dream of the ancients, but dreams are good; it's dreams and imagination that make you human and different from horses and cattle and sheep..." -Francis in Pamela Belle's Moon in the Water
"'I wish unicorns did exsist.'
'Well, perhaps they do,... In the deserts of Africa or the forests of Muscovy or dancing in the mountains of Hy Brazil - imagine your unicorns! White, I think, with a sort of shine on them like watered silk, and horns of mother-of-pearl, and tiny mother-of-pearl cloven hooves like a deer's... And long, long legs like a deer's, or the Arabian mare's, and a mane and tail all rippling like the waterfall with the light shining through, in the tapestry in the gallery... And all made of water and light and ice and fire!... How dare you say such a creature of wonder does not exist?'
'It does,' I said, and tapped my head. 'My unicorn's in here.'" -Francis and Thomazine in The Moon in the Water
"Anyway, we know it's a real unicorn's horn and there's always the possibility that if we get up very early one morning, even before daylight, and go out to the woods, we might see one - only a glimpse because they're very shy. But if you went alone they'd come to you and lay their heads on your lap to be stroked, just like Drake." -Francis, Moon in the Water (Drake is a dog)
"I love whom I love . . . You have no power over anything that matters."
-Prince Lir, The Last Unicorn
"'For God's sake, man, what devil's got into you?'
'None that was not there always,' Francis said cheerfully."
-Francis and Simon having a sibling war in The Moon in the Water
"'Is it a joke to profess atheism? To meddle with your foul expirements? To swim in the river in open defiance of the vice-chancellor's orders?'
'Ah, that was harmless enough!'
'Harmless, you say? One lad nearly drowned!'
'I should know, I pulled him out.'"
-Continuation of the sibling war...
"Everything dies . . . It is good that everything dies. I want to die when you die. Do not let him enchant me, do not let him make me immortal. I am no unicorn, no magical creature. I am human, and I love you."
-Lady Amalthea/Unicorn, The Last Unicorn
"'... is it so harmless to return to our rooms more drunk than sober two nights out of three, and you scarcely sixteen? To boast of laying with half the whores in Oxford--"
'-That's a lie, I"ll swear it's only a quarter!'"
-Sibling war from Moon in the Water again...
"'I have no desire to see you end in Hell...'
'That's out of more concern for the family name, I fancy, than for me.'"
-Sibling war again.
"A girl who is seventeen is much more of a woman than a boy who is seventeen." -An example in my English book of what they call an illogical juxtaposition, and what Andra her friends and I call a melism.
"No wonder nobody comes here--it's too crowded." -English book example
"This book has too much plot and not enough story." -English book example
"Include me out." -English book example I'll have to start using, it sounds nifty
"Our comedies are not to be laughed at!" -An example in our english book said by Samuel Goldwyn, head of MGM a long time ago.
"I never liked you, and I always will." -Samuel Goldwyn
"Ninety-nine percent of this game is half mental." Yogi Berra, Yankee catcher... English book example
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." -Mark Twain, another example
"Now I will believe that there are unicorns." -Shakespeare, The Tempest
"My lady . . . I am a hero. It is a trade, no more, like weaving or brewing, and like them is has its own tricks and knacks and small arts. There are ways of perceiving witches, and of knowing poison streams; there are certain weak spots that all dragons have, and certain riddles that hooded strangers tend to set you. But the true secret of being a hero lies in knowing the order of things. The swineherd cannot already be wed to the princess when he embarks on his adventures, nor can the boy knock at the witch's door when she is away on vacation. The wicked uncle cannot be found out and foiled before he has done something wicked. Things must happen when it is time for them to happen. Quests may not simply be abandoned; prophecies may not be left to rot like unpicked fruit; unicorns may go unrescued for a long time, but not forever. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story . . . Heroes . . . Heroes know about order, and happy endings--heroes know that some things are better than others . . . You were the one who taught me . . . I never looked at you without seeing the sweetness of the way the world goes together, or without sorrow for its spoiling. I became a hero to serve you, and all that is like you."
-Prince Lir to Lady Amalthea/the unicorn, The Last Unicorn
"'Do something.' he said. 'You have power. You changed her into a unicorn--do something now to save her. I will kill you if you don't.' He showed the magician his hands.
'I cannot,' Schmendrick answered him quietly. 'Not all the magic in the world can help her now. If she will not fight him, she must go into the sea with the others. Neither magic nor murder will help her.'
. . . 'Then what is magic for?' Prince Lir demanded wildly. 'What use is wizardry if it cannot save a unicorn?' . . .
Schmendrick did not turn his head. With a touch of sad mockery in his voice, he said, 'That's what heroes are for.'"
-Prince Lir and Schmendrick, The Last Unicorn
" 'Have you forgiven me, lady, for all I have done, and not done?'
'There is nothing to forgive - for it all comes from you, yourself, and if you were not to your own self true, I would not love you, and so I take the rough with the smooth, the worse with the better, and love you the more, for you and your heart and soul will never change - they are the rocks beneath the sea.'"
-Francis and Thomazine *sigh* in Pamela Belle's The Chaints of Fate (highly recommended book but it's out of print)
"You shall seek all day ere you find them: and when you have them, they are not worth the search." -Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice
"Those have most power to hurt us that we love." -Beaumonte and Fletcher, The Maid's Tragedy
"No, not a stupid idea. But deffinately a stupid word. I mean, it sounds like 'doody.' I mean, puh-leeze. I had to go and get killed because of something that sounds like you're talking about what dogs do on the lawn." -Rachel in Animorphs talking about duty.
"'Chill?' Mean Rachel screeched. 'You called me 'psychotic'! How can a 'psychotic' person chill?'
'I meant 'psychotic' in a nice way,' Marco said."
-Mean Rachel and Marco in Animorphs
"As for you and your heart and the things you said and didn't say, she will remember them all when men are fairy tales in books written by rabbits."
-Schmendrick to Prince Lir, The Last Unicorn
"'We are Coo-Hatch of the Third Forge. You?'
'Um . . . Humans,' I said.
The main Coo-Hatch blinked slowly. "Two legs, two arms, small eyes, fur on head, clothed. Human,' he said, adding an unspoken but implied 'duh.' 'Which humans?'"
-Christopher and a Coo-Hatch dude in KA Applegate's Everworld #2.
"'Yeah. That's it. So our Excaliber is going to be some two-inch-blade Swiss Army knife? Great. Hold up there, Big H, while I unsnap my teeny-tiny knife and trim your evil toenails. Yo, Loki, call your monster wolf-son back or I swear I'll shave off some of his fur!'" -Christopher (the sarcastic one) in Everworld #2.
"'I don't have an attitude towards black people, I have an attitude towards punks. Punk.'
'Yeah, right. Just so happens all your friends are white.'
'Hey! It just so happens I'm trapped in hell with a black guy, I spent last night with a black guy! I'm sleeping with him right now in-'
I stopped. About two-dozen words too late."
-Christopher and his little brother, Mark in Everworld #2.
"'Trojan Horse. You know, war of Troy, Greeks against Trojans.'
'The Greeks fought against condoms?'"
-Jalil and Christopher talking in the first Everworld book (it's a series) by KA Applegate
"You're dead!"
"Rachel! You're dead!" I agreed.
"No, I'm not." Rachel said.
"Yes, you are. I saw it!" Tobias cried.
"I am seriously not dead."
"I am convinced she is not dead." Ax said.
-Ax, Rachel, Tobias, and Cassie arguing over whether or not Rachel is dead right after Tobias kisses her (She seduced him, he's mine!) in Animorphs
"What's real man?" the female wondered. "Real is just like... it's like... you know, like whatever, right?"
"Right on."
"Love man. Love is like. . . you know. Like reality, right?"
"Huh?" the male asked.
"Um, what?" the female asked.
The two of them nodded in unison.
-Two hippies in Animorphs (Echo: Another excursion through time.)
"Oh, man, the colors, man!" A "hippie" had come up to admire the Time Matrix's shimmering globe.
"Right, the colors, woa! Cool! Go away. We're trying to figure out the space-time continuum here."
-Marco and a hippie in Animorphs (Echo: They are getting slightly annoyed by those hippies.)
"There's lots of kinds of chains," he continued. "You can't see most of them, the ones that bind folks together. But people build them, link by link. Sometimes the links are weak, snap like this one did. That's another funny thing, now that I think of it. Sometimes when you mend a chain, the place where you fix it is strongest of all." -Thomas the tinker in Into the Land of the Unicorns by Bruce Coville (Echo: Awesome book... but this Thomas guy is obsessed with chains.)
"Never was a chain that couldn't be broken. Sometimes it's even a good idea." -Thomas the tinker again.
"Things that cannot be broken are generally a bad idea," -Thomas again
"Chains," said the Tinker, coming up behind her. "They bind us, whether we want them to or not. But a heart without chains, would have nothing to hold it, might simply blow away." -Thomas the tinker again
". . . they refer to Jews as Nazis. . . " -Newspaper article (Echo: Think these people have a slightly altered sense of reality?)
"And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,
And sing, while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep,
And I will purge thy mortal grossness so,
That thou shalt like an airy spirit go."
-Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream
"I'll follow thee, and make a heaven of hell,
To die upon the hand I love so well."
-Helena, A Midsummer Night's Dream by Shakespeare (she's talking about *sigh* Jack... oh, I mean, Demetrius. Jack plays him in the movie!)
"Humans are clearly weaker than chimpanzees. But their brains are much more capable. Well, somewhat more capable." -Ax in Animorphs
"But what I have here is a makeup paper cubed. It's a makeup paper for a makeup paper I was supposed to do for my first makeup paper." -Marco from Animorphs
"Cows? In a slaughter house? Does anyone else have a problem with that? Show of hands: Who would like to be a cow in a meatpacking plant?" -Marco in Animorphs
"In that case, I did enjoy watching The Simpsons. I assume they do not represent some variant species of humans but are in fact humorous pictorial exaggerations of humans?'
'Yeah, they're cartoons.'
-Ax and Tobias "engaging in irrelevant conversation" to distract themselves from fear in Animorphs
"Chimpanzees are a species closely related to humans but slightly more attractive." -Ax in Animorphs
"'One hundred percent success has been achieved, thanks to the genius of Visser Three!'
'How exactly do you program a computer to kiss butt like that?'
-Tobias wondering something I would also like to know, in Animorphs
"The shorter shows that are displayed between the longer shows. These messages. They are often my favorites. 'Zestfully clean! Zestfully clean! You're not fully clean unless you're Zestfully clean!' So much information condensed into so brief a format. So much emotional intensity." -Ax scaring Rachel with his views on comercials in Animorphs
"'What is animal testing?' I asked.
'They get a bunch of animals together and give them quizzes from magazines,' Marco said. 'You know like, 'How Shy Are You' and 'Is He Mr. Right?'" -Marco and Ax in Animorphs
"'And by the way, why are you not in school, young man?'
'Hey, I can't be controlled by 'the man's' arbitrary schedules. I come and go as I please. I am free. No one holds me down.'
'Teacher conference?' Tobias asked.
'Yeah, they let us out early. So. What's on the tube? Is this . . . Woah! Who's that? And does she always walk around wearing a towel?'" -Marco, Tobias, and Ax watching The Young and the Restless (Soap Opra) in Animorphs
"'The men who are young and restless do not wear shirts. I am young. And I am occasionally restless.'" -Ax explaining to Marco why he isn't wearing a shirt in Animorphs
"Obscenity and profanity had no meaning as such among those people. They were emotional expressions of inarticulate people with small vocabularies" -A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
"... when Francie heard themselves called lousy bastards, she smiled tremulously at the kind man..." -A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
"'She has skin like a magnolia petal.' (Johnny had never seen a magnolia.) 'Her hair is black as a raven's wing.' (He had never seen such a bird.) 'And her eyes are deep and dark like forest pools.' (He had never been in a forest, and the only pool he knew was where each man put in a dime and guessed what the Dodger's score would be and whoever guessed got all the dimes.)" -A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
"Ahh. The human scientific method." -Ax talking about the drawing straws... Animorphs
"Chee self-destruct disabled. And we are sorry to say that the hostility containment program has been activated.What a shame to spoil our lovely time with fighting. Once repairs have been made on all the injured parties, we will have to ask you to leave the ship." -A polite ship in Animorphs during a battle scene
"'I'll kill you all! I'll take this ship apart piece by piece! I'll be back and nothing will stop me! You'll die, all of you, Andalite and... and whoever runs this ship! I'll kill you all!' Visser Three said. Repeatedly.
'We're so sorry you had a bad time,' The ship said 'Perhaps we can meet again and enjoy some pleasant activities together.' -Pemalite ship and evil bad guy Visser Three in Animorphs
"'... Keep an eye out for me.'
'I always will.'"
-Tobias and Rachel in Animorphs (Echo: Hey! He's mine! Stay away from him Rachel!)
TV: Please stand by. "Psycho Chef" is currently experiencing technical difficulties.
Garfield: "Technical"?
-Garfield comic
"I grovel before the mighty Helmacron captian, most mighty of the mighty, undisputed champion of the world in the dust-weight category! We grovel like the pitiful loosers we are! We grovel like a guy who hasn't got a date the day before the prom and the only girl around is the head cheerleader, that's how much we grovel." -Marco in Animorphs (Note: the Helmacrons are like... microscopic they're so small, they just happen to have HUGE egos)
"Oh, shut up. Just shut up. I mean, shut... up. Shut up! You aren't the masters of anything! You're lice, for crying outloud. You're fleas. You couldn't go mano a mano with a maggot and hope to win. And that's sad, because a maggot has no manos." -Marco in Animorphs
"Dandelions and butterflies. We are nothing more than dandelions and butterflies in the end." -Adept Havelock, and insane guy in The Mirror of Her Dreams by Stephen R. Donaldson
"To thine ownself be true." Hamlet, by Shakespeare
"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." -Hebrews 13:2
"'I will go back to my forest too, but I do not know if I will live contentedly there, or anywhere. I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, though I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret.'
Schmendrick hid his face like a child, though he was a great magician. 'I am sorry, I am sorry,' he mumbled into his wrist. 'I have done you evil, as Nikos did to the other unicorn, with the same good will, and I can no more undo it than he could. Mommy Fortuna and King Haggard and the Red Bull together were kinder to you than I.'
But she answered him gently, saying, 'My people are in the world again. No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy--save one, and I thank you for that, too. Farewell, good magician. I will try to go home.'"
-The unicorn/Lady Amalthea and Schmendrick, The Last Unicorn
The following were sent in by Becky from "Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging":
"James trod on Angus who, as usual, went berserk. Actually, it would be more unusual to say “Angus went calm.” Anyway, he ran up the curtains and finally got on top of the door and crouched there, hissing (Angus, that is, not James). We tried to get him down and also we tried to get to the bathroom but he wouldn’t let us. If we tried to get through the door, he strike out with his huge paw. I think he is part cat, part cobra. In the end Mum got him down with some sardines. (James is her cousin)
"At our stupid school you have to wear a beret with your outdoor uniform. It’s a real pain because as we know, everyone—and especially the French, who invented it—looks like a stupid prat in a beret. "
"He bent down to Libby who, true to form, gave him one of her scary “I am a crazy child” looks. She said, “I am the Queen,” and he said “Are you?” Then Libby said, “Yes, I am the Queen and Georgia did a big poo this morning.”
"Libby is insisting I am a huge bee. If I say, “Look, it’s your bedtime now,” she just goes, “Bzzzz bzzz,” and looks cross. I have to say, “Bz bz bzzy buzz buzz,” and point at her bed with my feelers before she will go. "
"I got Jas to dump Peter for me. I said for her to let him down gently, so she told him that I had a personal problem. She asked what, and she said that I thought I was a lesbian. Cheers, Jas. (Jas is her best friend)
"Libby spotted us on the window ledge and said, “Libby see.” I said, “No, Libby, I’m coming down,” but then she started saying, “No, no, bad boy, bad boy . . . me see,” and hitting me with her blankie so that I had to lift her up. Honestly, I’m being bullied by a three-year-old and a Scottish wildcat. I lifted her up and she snuggled down between me and Jas. She spotted the couple kissing under the lamppost. “Oohh, look! Manlady manlady!!! Hahahaha!”
"Angus looked nice in his tinsel crown until it annoyed him and he ate it. When we had our lunch Mum made him a special mouse-shaped lunch in his bowl out of cat food. He ate its head and then sat on it. Heaven knows what goes on in his cat brain."
"Mum came up to talk to me. “I just took an hour off to discuss the final details about the living room with Jem.” I said, “He’s taken about a hundred years to decorate one room. Libby thinks he is our new dad.” Mum laughed. “Don’t be so silly, why would you think she thought that?” I said, “Because she calls him ‘my new dad’.” (Jem is the guy who is decorating her living room while her dad is in New Zealand.)
"I can’t find Angus. Libby came into bed with me. “Where big pussy tosser?” she asked me. I almost cried. I really cuddled her but it made her too cross and she bit me on the chin." (Tosser = prat, idiot, dork more or less)