Lily has really been taking Patches’ death hard. It kills Sketch to see her so miserable but he’s too shy to say anything. What happened to Will that night in the alley still haunts me and I’m afraid it always will. I can’t even get to sleep at night because all I can do is lie awake wondering “Why?” or “What if?” and when I do fall asleep, most nights I relive what happened and wake up terrified. Nothing comes close to bothering me the way Will’s death does, except for my father’s. I’ve always been able to accept these things, even when I watched my own father die, but suicide is so much more mysterious and haunting than even murder. When someone commits suicide it’s like there’s a little voice in your brain, always wondering why it happened, if you could have stopped it, and reminding you of all the things that person will miss. Some days I think I’m finally forgetting what happened, and others I think the scene in the alley playing over and over in my brain will drive me crazy.
Sketch’s POV
I walked to Harlem instead of going to the circulation center the next day. Lily looked up as I walked in the door. “What’re ya doin’ heya?”
I blushed. “I came to see if you’re okay.”
She glared at me. “I’m fine. Just leave me alone. It ain’t like ya really came heya cause you’se worried ‘bout me.”
I stared at her indignantly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh give me a break. Ya think dat if ya come heya while I’s upset an vulnerable, maybe ya’ll ‘ave a chance wit me.”
I glared at her. “Hey, don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t come here to get laid alright? I just cared and I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to. I guess I was wrong.” I walked back outside and considered going back to apologize, realizing I had let my mouth get carried away and had been rather rude. ‘Nah, she’ll just hate me even more’ I thought as I walked back to Manhattan.
I shoved my hands into my pockets as I walked up to Echo’s selling spot. She smiled tremulously as she saw me. “Sketch! Where did you go?”
I shrugged a little and rubbed my shoe into the dirt. “Aw, nowhere. I just thought I’d go talk to Lily.”
A disappointed frown made its way onto her face. “Are you okay? She didn’t say anything to upset you, did she?”
I smiled, knowing Echo would be upset if she knew what Lily had said to me. “No. I just never realized how hard she was taking this.”
Echo nodded. “Yeah. I was afraid she might have hurt you because she’s so sad she doesn’t realize half the stuff she says… she doesn’t mean it though.”
I shrugged. “Maybe not.”
Echo frowned a little. “No, she really doesn’t mean the stuff she says. I know she doesn’t.”
I smiled fondly, noticing Echo’s naiveness kicking in there. “Yeah… you goin’ ta the poker game in Brooklyn tonight?”
She shrugged. “Probably not… I just feel like being a hermit tonight.”
I stared at her askance. “Is Jack going?”
She was silent for a second or so, trying to think of an answer. “I don’t know. I guess I just wasn’t listening to the guys talk about it.” She looked away as I stared at her skeptically. I knew she was still upset about Patches death, and she knew I knew, but she was trying her hardest to hide it and get on with her life. “Let’s go to Tibby’s.” She said, and a little annoyance tinged her voice. I guess the fact that I was trying to analyze her was getting on her nerves a little.
We were the first to walk into Tibby’s. Echo seemed to want to talk about anything but Lily, and I had no problem with that, so we talked about everything but what was on both of our minds. I think it was the first time I hadn’t been able to talk to Echo about something. Sometimes it seemed like we were drifting apart. Fifteen minutes after we got there, Dutchy and Bumlets walked in. They sat down beside us and started up another conversation. I tried to get into it but part of my mind was on Lily and another part was concentrating on the fact that Echo was stirring her sarsparilla with a vacant look on her face and not paying any attention to the conversation. “Yer not sayin’ much, Echo. Somethin’ wrong?” Bumlets asked and we all looked at her expectantly. She kept staring out the window. “Echo?” Bumlets said again.
She slowly turned back to face us again. “Yeah?”
“Are ya doin’ okay?” Bumlets asked, looking a little concerned.
Echo nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She crinkled her forehead a little. “Hey guys, I’m gonna go now. See ya later.”
I jumped up. “Mind if I come along?”
She shook her head. “Not really… but I’m just going to walk around, nothing exciting.”
I shrugged. “You never know.”
She smiled a little and we walked outside. “So, anywhere in particular you want to walk?” She asked as she stopped a little.
I shrugged. “Not really, I just wanted to get outside.”
She nodded. “Wanna go to the tracks?”
“The tracks? Have ya been around Racetrack a little too much?” I said teasingly.
She laughed and shook her head. “No, I was just thinking about the territory. Don’t you ever miss riding horses… I’d like to see some horses running and the track is the only place I can think of that I can do that.”
“Yeah… you think we could get into the stables?” I said, smiling a little.
She sent me a strange look. “We’re not supposed to go into the stables.”
I smirked. “Since when have we worried about what we’re not supposed to do? I seem to recall a time when you had no problem doing stuff we weren’t supposed to do… you know, like swimming in the river, tying Andrea (Awn-dray-u) Moncrief’s hair in knots-“
“Throwing her in the river when the snobby little twit called us vagabonds.” She said with a slight smile. “I thoroughly enjoyed that. Maybe someday I’ll visit the town and have the pleasure of torturing her again.”
I laughed. “Funny you don’t feel the least bit guilty about that.”
She shrugged. “The little English snob deserved everything we did to her… she shouldn’t have said anything about the Irish, or your parents, or mine-“
“Or the confederate army, or my dog, or that horse, Thunder…” I said with a laugh. “The girl just couldn’t keep her mouth shut.”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
I sighed a little. “Echo, ya think you could help me wit somethin’?”
“Yeah, sure… what?” She asked quietly.
I cleared my throat. “Well, Lily.”
Her eyes narrowed a little. “Is she being-“
I rolled my eyes. “No, she’s not being mean to me.” I lied, knowing that’s what Echo was about to say. “I just want to know… well, how can I impress her?”
She sent me one of her condescending looks. “Sketch, do you think I know anything about girls? I mean, aside from the fact that I am one? Have I ever, just once, understood them? Those giggling, shallow, boy crazy things?”
I sighed. “Well, first of all that was back home. I know you never got along with those girls. This is New York and Lily is nothing like that. You get along with her just fine. Secondly, you know more about them than I do.”
She nodded a little. “Okay, yeah… but I don’t know what Lily likes. All I know is that you should try to be your own sweet, funny self, and don’t spend every waking second around her, you’ll scare her.”
I smiled as we walked into the stables. “Well, that would help if I could pull it off.”
She walked over to a black horse and started petting it’s nose. “This one looks like my old horse.”
I put an arm around her shoulder. “What’d you do with that old nag anyway?”
She frowned. “Thunder was not an old nag, he could win a race against any horse in that town… and I had Ryan Price keep him, you know, the guy who used to help us catch snakes?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I remember him. He probably races Thunder all the time, wouldn’t be surprised if he broke the horse’s leg.” I frowned, remembering that I never had liked that guy.
She smiled a little. “You’re just jealous.”
I shook my head. “Nah, I just never liked him.”
She sighed a little and hugged me. “I miss the old days Sketch, why can’t things just stay like that forever?”
“I dunno, Chris. As bad as things were, I miss them too. When I finally left that place, you were my only regret.” I kissed the top of her head. “I like having you as a friend. Hey,” I said and stepped back to look at her. “You aren’t gonna stop talking to me when you and Jack get married are you?”
She hit me softly. “Who says we’re getting married?”
I smiled mischievously. “Well you better after what happened on the roof.”
Her mouth gaped open and she grabbed some hay and threw it at me. I laughed a little and started a hay war with her until we were kicked out of the stables. I laughed a little as we started back to the lodging house. “Sketch? Echo?” I heard Racetrack ask and we turned to face him. He stared at us quizzically. “What’re ya doin’ heya? An’ why’re ya covered with hay?”
Echo laughed. “We were looking at the horses in the stables and got into a hay fight.”
He raised an eyebrow but nodded a little. “So, ya goin’ ta da poka’ game tonight?”
I started to shake my head. “I don’t know..”
“Lily’s probably gonna be there.” Echo said with a slight smile.
I winced inwardly, remembering what had happened earlier today. “Uh… then I guess I’ll be going.” I said hesitantly, not wanting to disappoint my all too romantic friend.
She smiled, obviously not noticing my lack of enthusiasm, and we marched off toward the game in Brooklyn. Racetrack and Echo both talked congenially all the way there and I tagged along behind. Spot was standing on the bridge as we approached and he sighed a little. “Hello Race, Sketch… Echo.”
She smiled gleefully, knowing Spot was waiting for her to get her usual greeting over with. “Hello Rover, how are you?”
He shook his head a little as we walked towards the warehouse where the game was being held. “I’d probably be betta’ if you weren’t heya.”
She laughed a little as we walked in and waved at Lily enthusiastically. Lily glowered at me but walked our way. “Hello Echo.” She said dryly, glaring at me.
Echo seemed to notice the glare and frowned a little. “Is something wrong?”
“Nah, course not.” Lily said after a second or so. “The game’s just about to start. Come on Sketch if you’re ready to loose your money.”
I drew a deep breath, she was challenging me and I knew it. “We’ll see.”
Echo frowned again and grabbed my arm, whispering just loud enough for me to hear, “What’s going on Matthew?”
I smiled a little and ruffled her hair. “Don’t worry about it, Christina, everything will be fine.”
The worried look didn’t leave her eyes but there were too many people around to carry on a confidential conversation. I winked at her as I sat down at the table where Lily was sitting. “So, what’s the game?”
The dealer started rambling off what kind of poker we were playing and which cards were wild while I kept my eyes on Lily. She was out of the game in no time at all and she walked outside. I folded and followed despite the fact that I had a great hand. “Lily?” I asked, as I saw her sitting on the docks.
She looked up and glared at me. “I told you to leave me alone.”
“I know.” I said, ducking my head a little. “It’s just… won’t you give me a chance? I know you’re upset about Patches but you have to let go of the past.”
“What would you know?!” She spat angrily. “You don’t know anything about my life. You keep telling me that you know what I’m going through but you don’t know anything. Maybe it’s easy for you but it’s not for me… so just go back to your perfect life and leave me alone.” She stood up and walked back to the warehouse. I sighed a little and slumped my shoulders, staring at the water of the East River. An angry voice muttered, “The nerve.” , and I looked up as I heard footsteps going to the warehouse, seeing Echo disappear inside. I jumped up and followed, ducking behind a pier just as Lily stumbled out the door. “What are you doing?!” She yelled angrily as Echo walked out the door.
Echo peered around cautiously and grabbed Lily’s arm. “We need to talk… now.” They walked far enough away that I wouldn’t have been able to hear them if I hadn’t followed.
Echo finally stopped at the end of a dock near the bridge and Lily glared at her defiantly. “Well, what do you want?”
“Only this.” Echo said calmly as she shoved Lily vehemently into the chilly water.
Lily sputtered indignantly and screeched a little. “You witch!”
“No more than you.” Echo said unsympathetically as Lily climbed back onto the dock.
“What is your problem?!” Lily yelled, obviously ticked off.
Echo bristled at the question and pushed Lily back a little. “What’s yours? What makes you think you have the right to talk to Sketch like that, huh?!”
Lily rolled her eyes and started ringing her hair out. “Oh, is that what this is about? If that friend of yours would leave me alone I wouldn’t have to talk to him like that.”
Echo made a noise in her throat. “You are pathetic. Do you really think that your life is so much worse than everyone else’s? Get over yourself.”
“How dare you!” Lily said, shocked at Echo’s uncharacteristic lack of sympathy.
“Oh stop it. Everyone was upset about what happened to Patches and Will, okay? But most of us don’t use it as an excuse to hurt perfectly nice people like Sketch.”
Lily glared. “Have you ever thought that he might have changed since you knew him before? He’s just like every other guy out there, they only care about one thing.”
Echo drew a sharp breath, about to loose her temper. “Is that so? Well, would you like to hear a story about that ‘typical guy’ and his so-called perfect life? Well, would you?!”
Lily shook her head. “I think I’ll pass if it’s all the same to you.”
She started to walk away but Echo grabbed her arm and shoved her onto a pile of crates, forcing her to sit. “You’re going to listen whether you like it or not. You know why Sketch left home? I’ll tell you why. His parents died when he was just a baby, and he was raised by his aunt and uncle. You say he doesn’t know what you’re going through? Then I guess the fact that he had a twin sister who died when he was five years old doesn’t count, does it?” Lily looked up, shocked by the statement but Echo went on. “Or that he ran away because his uncle was a drunk who almost beat him to death more than once? Is that the perfect life you had in mind when you told him he didn’t know what you were going through?”
Lily shook her head, on the verge of tears. “I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t know, you didn’t take the time to listen.” Echo said in disgust and turned to leave. “You make me sick.”
Lily burst into tears as Echo left and I approached her quietly, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
She pulled back. “Leave me alone, just leave me alone.”
I kneeled beside her. “No, I won’t. You’re upset.. I really should apologize. Echo shouldn’t have said what she did.”
She looked up, confused. “Why are you being nice to me?”
I wiped away a tear. “Because I like you.”
She sniffed a little. “I guess I was wrong, huh?”
I shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not… How about I walk you back to Harlem and you find out for yourself if I’m such a bad guy?”
She smiled and nodded a little. “I’d like that.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey Sketch.” Echo said as I walked into Tibby’s the next day. “How are you?”
I sighed a little. “You shouldn’t have told her, Chris.”
She blinked in surprise. “You heard?”
“Yes, I heard.” I said angrily. “I’m not deaf ya know.”
She frowned and looked down. “Well someone had to say something to her.”
“Maybe, but you had no right to go blurting out my past. Did you ever think that maybe there was a reason I hadn’t said anything?”
Her jaw trembled a little as she stood up. “I’m sorry, okay? I was just trying to help.”
“Echo-“ I said, trying to apologize, but she was all ready gone. I sighed a little and sat down, burying my face in my hands.
“Geez Sketch, what’d ya say ta dat goil?” Spot asked as he walked in.
I looked up briefly, then cast my eyes down to the table. “Nothing.”
He cleared his throat a little and sat down at the table. “Echo don’t react like that ta nothin’.”
I sighed a little. “I know… maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Uh-huh.” Spot said dryly. “What was your first clue?”
I sighed and frowned a little. “Is she rubbing off on you Spot? I could swear she’s the sarcastic one and you’re the tough guy with an ego.”
“You want me ta go talk ta ‘er?” He asked, ignoring my last comment.
I frowned, not happy with the suggestion. “I’m the guy who’s been her friend since she was a kid, not you.”
He shrugged. “Meanin’?”
I glared a little. “Meaning that I’m the one who should be talking to her… you don’t even get along with her.”
He sighed a little. “Well, sorry if ya don’t like it Sketch, but I’m gonna go talk ta dat friend of yers I don’t like.”
I laughed a little, even though I wasn’t in a humorous mood. “This is so wrong. Look, when ya talk to her, just tell her I’m sorry. Okay? I’m gonna go talk to Lily.”
Spot scowled a little but nodded as I left and headed towards Harlem. Lily was selling in her usual spot and I waved at her as I came closer. She smiled and walked up to me. “Hey, Sketch. Still chasin’ after me?”
“Yeah, and I don’t intend ta stop. So, ya wanna go get somethin’ ta drink?” I asked and offered an arm.
She rolled her eyes and accepted my arm. “You’re so persistent it makes me sick… but okay.”
I laughed and she gave me directions to a place nearby where we sat and talked for a few hours. After I walked her back to her lodging house she kissed my on the cheek and whispered, “Maybe Echo wasn’t wrong about you.”
I smiled and watched her walk inside then did a jig and whistled a cheerful tune as I walked back to Manhattan. I continued smiling all the way back to the lodging house, until I saw Echo talking to Spot on the steps. She looked up at me as I walked closer and waved. “Hello, Matt.”
I forced a smile and nodded at them both. “Hey Spot, still talking to ‘er?”
He shook his head. “I gotta get back ta Brooklyn. I’ll see ya around.” He said with a slight wave and walked off. Echo turned around and walked up the steps without another word and I hurried to follow her. “Chris, I’m sorry.”
“I know, don’t be.” She said shortly. “I shouldn’t have said anything… but face it Sketch, if I hadn’t you wouldn’t have been able to go out with her tonight.”
“You don’t know that.” I said indignantly.
She smiled and shrugged. “You don’t know I’m wrong.”
I smiled in spite of myself and ruffled her hair out of habit. “Right. So, is there a problem?”
She looked away and shook her head, flushing guiltily. “No, I was just worried about you.”
“Echo,” I said, tilting her head up and looking her in the eye. “What’s really wrong?”
“Nothing.” She said firmly, breaking away and trudging up the stairs.
I followed solemnly up the stairs and walked into the guys bunkroom. Over the course of the next few weeks I continued going out with Lily, and I’ll never forget everyone’s shock when they heard she was my girl. One night I had been out especially late and I crept up the fire escape about an hour before dawn, only to find Echo sitting at the top. “Matthew William McClareny, where have you been?” She asked sternly.
I sighed in aggravation. “How long have you been out here?”
She leaned against a rail tiredly. “Since Kloppman locked up. Were you out with Lily all this time?”
I frowned, noting the disapproval in her eyes. “Yes, and you don’t have to wait up for me. I’m a big boy now, Chrissy.”
She glared and looked away. “What would you do if I was out with Jack all night?”
“What do you mean, what would I do if? It’s happened.” I said mockingly.
She gaped at me angrily. “Oh, you know nothing happened! It’s bad enough when you tease me about that but when you say it as if it were true… Oh! I could spit on you!”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Go ahead. I’m want to get inside so hurry up.”
She flinched a little and drew her knees up to her chest. “I just worry about you, that’s all. You’re my oldest friend and my father loved you like a son, I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you.”
I hugged her with one arm. “I like Lily, I really do, and I think she likes me. So don’t worry… and stop looking out for me, it’s annoying.” I said, only half-joking.
She nodded and sighed a little. “Okay… You better not bring the roof up again after this though.”
I ruffled her hair, knowing it would annoy her, and climbed in the window. “As you wish moi dear owd gal.” I said with a wink, making sure to add in an English accent. She rolled her eyes but I could see a glint of amusement in them and knew she wasn’t really angry with me. As I sat on my bunk as quietly as I could, I picked up my sketchbook and opened it slowly. After a few minutes of thought I decided to do an Echo-like thing and started writing the events of the past few days.
Natalie Wood gave her heart to James Dean,
a high school rebel and a teenage queen,
standing together in an angry world,
one boy fighting for one girl.
I wanna be loved like that,
I wanna be loved like that,
A promise you can’t take back,
If you’re gonna love me,
I wanna be loved like that.
Papa never gave mama a diamond ring,
Mama never wanted for anything,
What he gave her it came from the heart,
In a bond that was never torn apart.
I wanna be loved like that,
I wanna be loved like that,
A promise you can’t take back,
If you’re gonna love me
I wanna be loved like that.
An old man kneeling all alone,
Plants his flowers in a garden of stone,
For seven years now she’s been gone,
But his devotion is still going strong.
I wanna be loved like that,
I wanna be loved like that,
A promise you can’t take back,
If you’re gonna love me,
I wanna be loved like that.
(I Wanna Be Loved Like That, Doug Stone)