Pulling the Trigger of Life

By Daisy

Slowly, I crouched behind a crate and sat motionless, watching his every move. I carefully aimed the gun at his head, which seemed rather small from the distance I was at. My least favorite part was about to come. The earsplitting crack of the pistol firing, and the feeling of life getting sucked out of the body at that very instant because of the movement of my very own finger. Mentally preparing myself for what was about to come, I closed my eyes and squeezed my finger hard against the trigger. Hearing the crack, I arose quickly. Not even glancing back, my long legs carried me swiftly away from the crates and the pier and the bloody, lifeless body lying on it.

I wasn’t afraid of getting caught. In fact, the thought had never even occurred to me. I had been told to do something, and, without even thinking, I had done it. Just like all the other countless times. I just hoped that no one would do something like that to me. Not that I had an ounce of fear in me, because I didn’t. I wasn’t afraid. I had only known the emotion once in my entire life. I just didn’t want to be killed. I had duties to do and I did them. Gip told me what to do and I never once objected. I had no reason to. I just took it all in and let it out just how I was told. Gip told me how to do things. Granted, I had heard of people who cared about others and were considered “nice” but Gip wasn’t one of those people. However, he was the only thing I knew so I just accepted him. I had no reason not to do what he told me. He helped me escape the bulls every time that I committed a crime for him. Although it wasn’t hard to escape the absentminded bulls, it was always a little exhilarating and nerve-racking.

I couldn’t stop running. I felt that hour upon hour had passed. The bulls would surely be on the scene now and tracking every detail. I needed to get to Gip. He always knew what to do. Turning a corner, I pushed my legs to go faster and make it to the warehouse quicker than before.

“Gip,” I called. I wasn’t out of breath when I arrived but I was a little exasperated. “Gip, I’m back.”

“Did you do it?” I heard his gruff and husky voice call before he entered the large room in which I had just entered.

I nodded. “Yeah, I did it.”

“How was it?”

“Worked okay,” I said. “I need a cigarette.”

“You made it back in good time,” he said, handing me one from his pocket.

I nodded, putting it between my lips and lighting it with a spare match. I sucked in the smooth smoke. I felt it permeate my lungs. Slowly, I let the breath out. I loved smoking. It calmed me down after a really tough murder. “I tried. The bulls there yet?”

He shook his head. “Haven’t heard the sirens yet. You’re getting good, Kid. Real good.”

I smiled, nodded, and leaned against the wall, taking another long, smooth drag off of my cigarette. “You need me for anything else?” I smiled. “Not that it matters. I’m tired and I’m planning on sleeping. Got any objections?”

“I need you to do someone else,” he said to me. “Tonight.”

I shook my head and let the smoke out of my mouth again. “Can’t, Gip. Get Sack to do it.” Sack was the one person I considered a ‘friend’ and he was good at what he did. Quickly, easily and with no regrets was his motto. He had been with Gip since as far back as I could remember and Gip held him in very high regard without actually saying so. He always knew what he was doing.

“Sack can’t,” he replied, his eyes darting and looking away from mine.

“What do you mean Sack can’t?”

“I mean he’s still out looking to do someone in.”

“Still? He’s been gone for days.”

“Yeah, still. Sometimes it takes a long time.”

“Sure.” I shook my head again. “Listen, I’ll do it some other time.”

“I need you here now. I’ve got more work for ya.”

“I said I need my rest. You got that, Gip?” I stared and pointed a finger at him.

His eyes narrowed but he didn’t object. Then, a smile crept across his face. “You’re tough as nails, Kid. Tomorrow. I need you ready by tomorrow, got it? I can’t afford to lose you for more than a few days.”

“I got it,” I said, dropping my cigarette on the ground and crushing it with the heel of my boot. “Where’s my dinner?”

“I ain’t got no money, Kid,” he said.

I looked at him blankly. “What?”

“There ain’t gonna be no dinner tonight, maybe not even tomorrow. I’m broke.”

“No food? Great,” I said sarcastically. “Just great. Damn it, Gip, when are we going to eat? We haven’t had food for two days and I’m hungry. ”

“I know. I’m as hungry as you are. I just ain’t got the money so I ain’t got the food.”

“I’m going to sleep,” I said rolling my eyes. “Once again on an empty stomach. You know, maybe I’ll wake up to the smell of sizzling bacon and fried eggs or juicy sausages…”

“Don’t even start with me. Why don’t you make some money and buy your own stinking food.”

“Hey, Gip, maybe I will,” I said. “You know, I just might.”

“I’d like to see you try. What are you going to do? Get a job? Become a newsie in your spare time?” he said, laughing.

I glared at him and shook my head. “I just might. You’d be surprised.” Then, I turned around and walked toward my bed.

“You’re here tomorrow,” he commanded, yelling after me.

“Yeah, yeah. Bright and early,” I replied.

The warehouse was big. Rectangular in shape, it was mostly bare, open space with a few broken pieces of old furniture lying around. Cigarette butts littered the floor. There were doors on each end and, at the far end of the room, a small sleeping area. There were three tiny mattresses and a few lumpy couches and chairs sitting around, most of which had been found rotting in the junkyard or sitting outside a house, waiting to be junked. The sleeping area was where all three of us slept and it was what I called my “home sweet home.” At the foot of one mattress was a tiny old suitcase that held all of my belongings.

I yawned, took off my boots, and wiggled under the big wool blanket, hoping for a full night’s sleep. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off into a fitful, and much needed, sleep.

~*~

“Get up, Kid! Get up,” Gip’s voice awoke me.

“What do you want?” I said crabbily, rubbing my eyes and wiping away the sleepiness and already knowing the answer to the question.

“I need you to do someone in.”

“Of course you do. Who is it this time?” I asked.

“Spot Conlon. He’s a Brooklynite,” Gip replied.

“Brooklyn again? You’re asking me to go out of my way, Gip,” I said jokingly.

“There ain’t anything that’s out of your way. I need it done in 3 days, at the most.”

“You know that I can do it in an hour. I don’t need no deadline.”

“We’ll see. I heard he’s rough, Kid. A real smooth talker and as tough as nails.”

“I can handle him, no sweat. Don’t doubt me so much, Gip. I’m as good as Sack is, if not better,” I said getting off of my lumpy cot and stretching. “So what did this Conlon guy do?”

“Made someone mad, I guess. Conlon beat the brains out of some guy and his friend is repaying him.”

“So, who is this ‘friend’ that wants him out of the picture?”

“A guy named Blyce. He’s a newsie from Queens.”

I laughed. “They sure hate each other don’t they?”

“Who?”

“The newsies. Always out to get each other, especially Brooklyn and Queens.”

“They’re my main source of business. Always holding a grudge with each other.”

“Hey, if I do get Conlon tonight and Blyce pays you, that means that we’ll get dinner tonight, right?”

Gip shrugged. “Maybe.”

I smiled. “When I get back, I’ll be expecting a nice ham and some mashed potatoes.”

“If you’re lucky you’ll get some bread and butter, too.”

“Oh, butter! That sounds good.” I thought of the imaginary feast and realized how hungry I really was. “I’ll get on this guy today and he’ll be gone by tonight.”

“I like that attitude, Kid,” Gip said smiling. He handed me a pack of bullets and a small revolver.

“Brooklyn, huh? I can do that,” I said loading the gun.

“Blyce gave me this picture of Conlon,” Gip said handing me a drawing.

“Did he sketch it himself?” I asked taking it from him. “It’s good.”

“Blyce says he knows everything about Conlon. He supposedly hangs out on a pier right after you cross the bridge with all them other Brooklyn newsies.”

“I’ll find him,” I said, lacing up my boots. “Don’t worry.” I grabbed my small sack and swung it over my shoulder as we walked over to the door.

“I’ll be back at dusk.”

“Just as long as you kill him,” Gip said.

I stuck the gun in my pocket. “You know I will. Have I ever failed ya?”

“Don’t get smart, Kid. Just do him in and don’t get too cocky.”

The sun hadn’t even risen and I could feel the cool, moist morning air on my face as I walked out the door. I glanced at the drawing of Spot once again, stuck it in my bag, and began walking without hesitation.

~*~

The trip from Harlem to Brooklyn seemed to go by very quickly. I hitched rides on carriages and wagons. I tried not to drift off to sleep as I rode one carriage. Once again, I had missed a full night’s sleep and a meal and my energy was running low.

I jumped off a carriage a little over a mile away from the Brooklyn Bridge and began walking. I took the drawing of Spot Conlon out of my bag and carefully unfolded it. I stared at the picture for a while trying to stamp the picture in my mind. Then, I stuck it in my pocket.

Suddenly, I felt someone run into me. I lost my balance and fell to the ground.

“I’se sorry. I’se really sorry,” someone breathed.

I looked up and saw a tall boy with blond hair. “Why were you going so fast?” I snapped, ignoring his apology.

He smiled. “A little test for da bulls.” He glanced over his shoulder and let out a sigh of relief and looked back at me. “Did I hoit ya?”

“No,” I said standing up and brushing off my pants and shirt. “Maybe you should watch where you’re going next time.”

He nodded absentmindedly.

I glanced at him. His blond hair was slicked back against his head and his eyes were a gorgeous shade of green. Around his neck hung a black cowboy hat. “What are you, a cowboy?” I asked sarcastically, nodding at the hat.

He smiled and touched his hat. “Naw, wish I was.”

“You need a horse to be a cowboy,” I said.

He nodded. “Yeah. Don’t got one.”

“Figures,” I replied.

“Are you a newsie?” he asked.

I laughed. “Fat chance!”

“Oh,” he replied.

“What, are you?” I asked sarcastically.

He nodded.

I laughed again. “A newsie? You are a newsie?”

“Yeah.”

My laughter subsided. “Do you make lots of money?”

“Not really. It’s enough to live off of, if that’s what you mean. A penny a pape.”

I nodded. “You ain’t rich, then.”

“Naw, I gave up that dream a long time ago. Are you?”

“Does it look like it? I got no money to save my life. If I did I wouldn’t be livin’ like I do. No food, nothing nice to ever look forward to. Damn, if I had any money I’d be…” I stopped and looked up from the ground, “I’d be in better condition is all. I’m just wasting my breath. Like you give a damn about me.”

He shrugged. “What do you do?”

“Ain’t none of your business.”

“Listen, I don’t know anything about you but if you need some food, you can come over to the Lodging House. You’ll get a meal and a decent place to sleep. You know, if you’re interested.”

“Hey, Cowboy, I don’t need you to be sweet on me. I can fend for myself.”

“I’m just offerin’ you somethin’ out of the kindness of my heart,” he said putting his hand over his heart sarcastically. “Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll leave it.”

“Suit yourself. I gotta go. Where exactly are you headed?”

“Why do you care?” I retorted.

“Why are you so uptight? I’m just trying to be nice. It looked like you were headed towards Brooklyn and I thought I could give you some pointers. They really ain’t too nice over there. Well, pushy and belligerent, really.”

“Belligerent? That’s a big word for a newsie, ain’t it?”

He smiled slyly. “I read it in a newspaper once. Do you know what it means?”

“Hell no. I only use the basics of this language. Nothing big. Anyway, I ain’t headed for Brooklyn.”

“Good. Spot woulda had a hay day if a pretty girl with an edgy temper came into his territory.”

“Spot Conlon? You know Spot Conlon?”

“’Course I do.”

“You don’t happen to know where he is, do ya?”

He nodded. “You looking for him?”

“I might be. What’s it to ya?”

“But you’se said you weren’t headed towards Brooklyn.”

“So? You think you know me?”

“No and I don’t really want to.” He paused. “I know where he is though.”

“So, where is he?”

“Why do you care? Was he was your boyfriend?”

“No.” I glared at him “You’re nosy, did you know that?”

“I can’t help it. I’m a newsboy. I like the news,” he said with a smile.

“You’re pathetic.”

“Do ya still like him?”

“What? Did you hear what I just said? I just told you I didn’t.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“Why the hell are you acting like you know something that I don’t?”

“You are perfect for him, that’s why. And he’s perfect for you.”

“The hell he is! Why are you telling me this?” I folded my arms across my chest.

“The way you keep going on about him…” he started.

“You know what? Is it so wrong to look for someone? I didn’t ask you to tell me if he was right for me. I just asked if you knew where he was. If you can’t give me a straight out answer, then I don’t want your help.”

“He’s comin’ to the Lodging House tonight.”

I turned my head. “What? Really?”

“You can see him then.”

“What’s your name and why the hell are you being so nice to me?”

“I’m Jack and I have no idea. Who are you?”

“I guess now you could call me an acquaintance.”

“Seriously, what’s your name? I told you.”

“You’re the fool.”

“You’re a wise ass.”

“You’re a horseless cowboy.”

“You’se got me there. It’s too early in the day to have a fight, especially with one of Spot’s ex-girlfriends. I’ll tell you what. Follow me around until I sell all of my papes and then I’ll take you back to the Lodging House.”

“I don’t like the way you tell me to do things. I’ll do what I want.”

“Well then, what are you going to do?”

“I’ll follow you around until you’re done. Give me some of them papers. They can’t be too hard to sell.” I grabbed a handful. “Meet me back here in five minutes.” I walked out onto the street and found a rich kid playing marbles.

“Hey, kid, wanna buy a newspaper?” I asked.

The boy looked at me. “Naw. I don’t touch things that street folks sell.”

I dropped the newspapers on the ground. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’re dirty but you ain’t deaf.

“Listen, punk,” I grabbed his collar and pulled his face close to mine, “you’d better buy this or your brains will be on the sidewalk. Understand?”

He smiled slyly.

“You think I’m kidding?” I made my hand into a fist and hit him across the jaw. “Let’s try this again. Would you like to buy a newspaper?”

He nodded and handed me a penny.

I snatched it from him.

“Keep your damn paper.” He slapped my hand away and touched his bloody lip.

“Poor little rich kid gets it from a street girl. I can see the headline now,” I said. “Have a nice day,” I yelled, turning around and coming face to face with Jack.

“That was smooth,” he said.

“So you gotta better way?”

“How about selling the papes, eh? Not your fighting skills.”

“I don’t like you.”

“I don’t like you, either.”

“Why the hell are you helping me out then?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “You know, why don’t you go and find your own way to the Lodging House? I don’t have time to watch some girl act all tough around the paying customers.”

“That’s a good idea,” I shot back.

“Aren’t you gonna thank me for my help?”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” I said.

“Fine. I know why Spot broke up with you now. Your looks can’t make up for your attitude.”

“Your damn hat don’t make you much of a cowboy, either. You assume too much.”

“I hope you get lost.”

I turned around and began walking toward the Brooklyn Bridge.

“I know I shouldn’t tell you this because I hate you and all, but that ain’t the way to the Lodging House,” Jack said.

I ignored him and kept on walking.

The Brooklyn Bridge was huge. It was a whole new concept, building a bridge connecting Manhattan to Brooklyn. I walked across the bridge, kicking a pebble and watching it fall down into the water. I needed to find Conlon by tonight so I could eat. If Jack was telling me the truth, I could get him on his way to the Manhattan Lodging House.

“Hey, mister! You got the time?” I yelled to a rich man when I reached the end of the bridge.

He looked at me and then glanced at his expensive wristwatch. “A quarter to noon.”

I kicked at a loose pebble on the road. I had time to spare. I walked over to an empty alley and sat down. The tall wall in front of me blocked the hot afternoon sun. I wanted to close my eyes so bad. I hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep for a long time. I inhaled deeply and could smell the salty air of the nearby ocean. I yawned and closed my eyes.

~*~

When I opened them, the sun was behind me and I could see the street venders on the wharf packing up their goods and heading home. The air had gotten quite a bit colder and the pinkish color of the sky hinted the black night that was about to come. I got up, stretched, and walked out of the alley.

“You got the time?” I yelled to the nearest street vender.

He pulled out a pocket watch. “Five sharp,” he yelled back.

I walked to the bridge. Conlon probably left a long time ago to get to Manhattan by dinnertime. I decided to try my luck and go to Manhattan and, hopefully, cut him off. I took out the drawing once more before the sun set so I could imprint it in my mind.

“You looking for him?” someone came up behind me and asked.

I whirled around and came face to face with the drawing I held in my hand. “Excuse me?” I stammered.

“You looking for the guy in the picture?” he asked again.

I stared at him for a while, not realizing that I had just been caught with the victim’s picture by the victim.

“Who are you?” he asked after a while.

I snapped out of my daze. “I knew I’d find you here,” I said.

He looked at me blankly. “What are you talking about?”

“You look so much better in person than in the picture,” I improvised. “Spot Conlon. I’ve heard such good things about you.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know who I am, Spot.” I put my hand in my back pocket to make sure the gun was still there.

“I don’t know who you are? How do you know me?”

“Stop it!” I said jokingly. I took a step closer to him. “Don’t you remember me, Spot?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Let me try to refresh your memory.” I kissed him on the lips, long and hard while trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. When I let go, I saw him looking at me in a weird way.

“Follow me,” I whispered. I walked to the alley I had just left. All of the street vendors had gone home and there was no one around.

His curiosity obviously overcoming him, he followed me into the alley. I pulled him close to me and kissed him again. I reached into my back pocket and took out the gun. I put it close to his side and put my finger on the trigger. Suddenly, I felt his hand sliding up my shirt.

“Spot,” I said.

“Sorry,” he said between his lips that were still connected to mine. His kisses lingered down my neck. “Why did you come back?” he asked.

Ignoring him, I prepared myself for the ear-splitting crack of the gun. I closed my eyes tight and took in a deep breath. Then, I heard a muffled laugh. I knew it wasn’t Spot so I opened my eyes and looked at the entrance to the alley. I saw the profile of a boy with a cowboy hat.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I said in disgust.

Spot looked up at me in surprise and then followed my gaze to Jack.

“Jacky-boy,” he said, surprise lingering in his voice.

“Heya, Spot,” he said, taking a drag off his cigarette. “Hey, you.”

I glared at him. “Why are you here?” I said again.

“I was just comin’ to see my friend and walk him to the Lodging House. What are you doing here?”

I didn’t say anything.

Jack smiled and muffled another laugh.

“What’s so funny?” I said.

He shook his head. “Aw, nothing, Miss ‘I’m not headed for Brooklyn.’”

Spot broke the silence. “So, uh, you wanna come to the Lodging House with me?”

“Uh…” I couldn’t think of an answer. “Yeah. Yeah, sure I’ll come.”

Spot took my hand in his and started walking.

“He thinks I’m his girl,” I said to myself.

“So how’s it rollin’ Jack?” Spot asked.

“Good. I sold a hell of a lot of papers this morning.”

Spot grinned. “Good.”

“I helped him,” I butted in.

“You did not,” Jack retorted. “You couldn’t sell a paper if you paid someone to buy it.”

“Don’t talk to her like that, Jack,” Spot said.

“Thanks, Spot.” I smiled sarcastically at Jack.

“How do you guys know each other?” Spot asked.

“We met this morning,” Jack replied. “So what made you like her again, Spot?”

“What?”

“Jack I told you to stay out of my life. It’s a very personal time between me and Spot. We haven’t seen each other for years and you came in and interrupted us in the ally while we were…” I trailed off, clueless of what to say, to make up on the spot, next.

He stifled a laugh. “While you were what?”

“Getting to know each other again,” I said. “He doesn’t even remember me.”

“I remember you, Violet. I remember it all,” Spot said.

I was astonished to see that my plan was working. “I’ve changed a lot, Spot, since the last time we were together. It would be a lot easier to tell you if Jack wasn’t here.”

“Jack, you did interrupt us at an important time. You walk up ahead and I’ll meet you at the Lodging House.”

“You’re Violet?” he looked at me. “God, I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot! I remember you from when I first became a newsie and was friends with you, Spot. She was your first girlfriend. I didn’t know you very well but I always heard good things about you. You remember me, right?”

“Well, I guess you can hear it too,” I said. “I don’t remember you, Jack except from this morning. And the only reason I remember Spot is because…” I stopped and began to cry in order to stall time and think. “Oh, Spot! Why did we break up?” I was improvising. I had no idea who or what Violet was. All I could do was talk and make up a life that I had no idea existed, while grabbing a few straws along the way.

“I don’t know. We were sitting at Tibby’s one day and then you said we shouldn’t see each other any more because you were in love with someone else. I never figured out what happened to you after you left on that buggy and I never knew why you fell for another guy. Why are you asking me this? Don’t you remember?”

I shook my head. “No. In fact, I don’t really remember anything about my life. You see, apparently, after I broke up with you that buggy that I was in got in an accident and I got a concussion. When I woke up, I was in the hospital and my brother was there. He told me what had happened but I didn’t even know that he was my brother because I didn’t remember anything. The only thing he told me about was you, Spot. But then, he was murdered and I don’t know why because I didn’t remember anything! The people in the hospital wouldn’t tell me about my past and they wouldn’t let me go up until a few months ago when I first started to look for you. You’re the only person I knew about that could tell me a little about my past. I’m hoping you will because I’ve waited so long to talk to you!” I was impressed by my own story. “I thought that by kissing you it would help you remember me.”

Both Spot and Jack had stopped to look at me in awe.

“If you don’t want to or if you hate me so much that I broke up with you, I’ll understand.”

“I wouldn’t do that since you came so far to see me,” Spot said. “I’ll tell you as much as I know about you.”

“Was there anything special between us, Spot?”

“Yeah, there was. I loved you, Violet. I really did.”

“How long has it been?” I asked.

“4 years. I thought I’d never see you again. It’s just that, you look so different to me. Doesn’t she look different to you, Jack?”

“I don’t really remember her much,” Jack responded.

“The buggy accident really ruined my face,” I said quickly. “Do you know much about medical procedures?” I asked curiously, not trying to sound too suspicious.

They both shook their heads. “Can’t say I do,” Spot said.

“I got one and they practically rearranged my face. That’s why I look so different.” I had no idea what I was talking about but they didn’t seem to notice. They just bought it and nodded sympathetically.

We all stood speechless for a while, me, impressed with my on-the-spot improvised story, and Jack and Spot still thinking about it.

Jack broke the momentary silence. “Anyone hungry? I think we should go to Tibby’s and celebrate.”

“I am,” I said.

“We can tell you about your past there,” Spot suggested. He took my hand again.

I shuddered. I need to kill him but I am so hungry. Maybe if I eat a little, I will have enough sense to get out of the situation I’m in.

We walked along the road, the sun setting in the distance. I glanced over at Jack. He put his cowboy hat on and glanced at me and smiled. I turned away quickly but then looked back at him. His profile seemed so flawless in the setting sunlight. He glanced over at me again and I looked away.

“Jack? Spot?” We turned around.

“Mush? What are you doing here?” Jack asked.

“Me and Crutchy, Bumlets, Race, Skittery, and Blink was out selling. Tough day.”

“Yeah?” Jack said.

Mush nodded absentmindedly, eyeing me. I slipped my hand out of Spot’s quickly. The rest of the boys came up to Jack, Spot and me.

“We’se going to Tibby’s. You guys wanna come?”

They all nodded and we began walking.

“I’se Mush,” the curly-haired boy said to me.

I nodded, trying bluntly to act like I didn’t care about what his name was. He didn’t take the hint.

“So you’re Spot’s goil…”

“No,” I said quickly. “I mean, um, sort of. Well, I used to be. It’s, uh, a long story,” I recovered poorly.

He nodded, confused.

“What are you talking about?” Spot asked, approaching us and taking my hand.

“Will you stop it?” I practically yelled, snatching my hand away. The group turned towards me. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m not really ready to do that yet.”

In my mind, I was yelling at myself for not keeping up with character. This new person I had created was my idea of the lowest possible being and I hated having to act like her.

“Here we are,” Jack said to me.

“Damn.” I covered my mouth with my hand and looked at Jack. “I don’t have any money.”
He smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll cover it.”

We sat down at the booth, Jack and Spot, who had aggressively pushed his way through, sitting next to me on either side.

“What’s your name?” a boy with a cigar hanging out of his mouth asked me.

“Dis is Violet,” Spot butted in, “my old goilfriend.”

“Violet? As in the Violet who dumped you…” Race blurted.

“Yeah, Race, but she’s different now. She got in an accident and can’t remember anything about her past. She came here so that I could tell her about it.”

“Are you serious?” Racetrack asked.

“Yeah, I’m serious, Race.”

“Well, aren’t you still mad at her because…”

“You’re asking for it, Race. You’ve been pissing me off ever since you tagged along us coming here.”

Racetrack put his hands up. “You gots me, I’se sorry.”

“You look different,” another boy said to me.

“She got a medical thing and it rearranged her face,” Spot said.

“Will ya let her talk?” Mush said.

“He said everything,” I added quickly. “So, what is there to eat here?”

The waitress came right then and asked us what we wanted to eat. I was so hungry I could hardly stand it.

“She’ll have the same thing,” Spot was saying to the waitress.

I turned to him. “What did you say?”

“I ordered for ya,” he replied smiling.

I turned my head and rolled my eyes in disgust. “No wonder Blyce wants to kill him,” I said to myself.

I spaced everything that the boys were saying out of my head as I was thinking of ways to get my job done so I could get back to Gip and get out of this mess. I glanced at Jack. His hair had fallen across his forehead and he combed his fingers through it.

I came out of my daze with the shouts from the newsies claiming the food that had just arrived. Spot set something in front of me. “Does this remind you of anything?”

“Should it?” I asked.

“Just eat it,” he replied.

I ate it quickly. My stomach was thinking more than my mind.

“Well?” Spot nudged me.

“Well what?”

“Does it remind you of anything?”

“Oh, um, I’m not sure. Well, yeah. I remember the taste, I guess.”

“Yeah?” He smiled. “That is what you always used to get when we came here.”

“Really?” I tried to sound amused. “I’m still a little foggy. It didn’t really help much.”

“Oh,” he replied.

I gulped down my water.

“Violet, where are you staying?” Race asked.

“Well, I’m not really sure…” I started.

“If you’se need a place, the Lodging House will take you for a while,” Jack said to me.

“Yeah, okay,” I said before I could stop myself.

“We better git home before the Lodgin’ House closes for da night!” Racetrack exclaimed.

The newsies all nodded and rose from their places and headed for the door.

“Put it on da newsies tab,” Racetrack said to the waitress.

“When are you going to win at the track, Race? We need you to pay soon because your tab is adding up,” she replied.

Race shook his hand at her. “Soon enough. Don’t worry.”

She rolled her eyes and began to clear off the table.

Outside it was dark and we set off in the direction, I assumed, of the Lodging House.

“Hey, Violet. How about tomorrow I take you around the city and tell you about your past?” Spot said to me.

“Sure,” I said.

We reached a building that read ‘Newsboys Lodging House’ above the door and we walked inside. It seemed empty.

“Where is everyone, Kloppman?” Race asked.

An old man looked up from a newspaper. “Medda’s. They got free admission, I guess.”

“’Night, Kloppman,” Blink said.

“’Night,” he replied as we all trudged up the stairs

“We’se got a room for girls,” Jack said.

“We never get any though so it ain’t clean,” Race replied.

“I don’t need my own room,” I said. “Just give me someplace to sleep and I will.”

“Okay,” Jack said, opening the door to the bunkroom. “There’s an open bunk under mine.”

“Fine,” I said, sitting on the bunk. I looked out the window. It was dark except for a few glowing street lamps.

“Anyone up for a game of poker?” Race said, looking around the room with a smirk across his face.

“Ya feelin’ lucky tonight, Race?” Blink asked.

“You bet – how about 5 bucks?”

Blink laughed. “I ain’t seen 5 whole bucks at one time in my life!”

One by one, they all nodded and were dealt into the game.

I laid down on the bunk and closed my eyes. Then, before I knew it, I fell asleep to the sound of my new name being invited into the game.

~*~

When I opened my eyes, it was pitch black and I could see the dark lumps of the sleeping newsies in their bunks. I got up off the bunk and followed a small stream of moonlight coming from a window. I climbed out onto the roof and stared up at the moon. “What am I doing here?” I asked myself. Spot was supposed to be dead and I was supposed to be sleeping on my mattress in the warehouse right now. Everything had begun to go awry when I saw Jack’s hair fall across his forehead. “What’s wrong with you? You are becoming such a girl!”

I sat down against the wall and thought about how I could kill Spot and get out of here.

“Violet?”

I gasped and my heart nearly stopped. “Jesus Christ! What the hell do you think you’re doing? You scared the…” I trailed off.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, stepping onto the roof. “What are you doing here?”

“I woke up.”

“You fell asleep pretty quick. Spot wouldn’t let us wake you up because he figured you had had a pretty rough day trying to find him and all.”

I laughed unexpectedly because the thought of Spot saying this struck me as funny.

Jack laughed too. “Now that you’re back he doesn’t want to lose you again. Spot is my best friend but sometimes he’s so damn protective. ‘Course, I bet you probably knew that already.”

“I don’t know anything, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” he laughed and then looked at me. “You’ve changed since I met you this morning.”

“Oh,” I said. “I came off as a little rough around the edges.”

“Yeah,” he said. “If you don’t mind me saying, I think you’ve gotten prettier since I saw you last.”

I was speechless.

We sat in silence for a while.

“I should go back to sleep,” Jack said.

“Yeah,” I replied.

He got up and slipped into the window.

“Hey,” he whispered, sticking his head out. “I’m glad you came back.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well. Night.”

“’Night.” I waited a while until I was sure he was inside. Then, I climbed over to the fire escape. As silently as I could, I got myself down to the ground and started off in the direction of the pier. The streets were deserted and there was an eerie silence that seemed to be following me.

I walked for what seemed like hours and then, finally, I reached an area of Brooklyn that I recognized. As I approached the pier, I saw a figure of a man pacing up and down the middle of it. I slid behind a spare crate so I had a clear view of him.

“Where have you been?” I heard him say suddenly.

“Where do you think I’ve been?” someone else replied coming out of the darkness and walking onto the pier. “What is so damn important?”

“I was right. He found out. I don’t know how but he did.”

“Well, did you take care of him?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“He ratted us out, then?”

“Not exactly but we don’t have a lot of time before the bulls piece the clues together. Luckily I got him when I did or he could have blown everything.”

“This really throws everything off.”

“You don’t have to tell me. Anyway, there’s obviously a change in plans and we’re going to need to get out of here soon. I got some money comin’ in tomorrow and then we’ll be gone – outta here for good.”

“What about the girl?”

“What about her?”

“What are you gonna do with her?”

“I haven’t worked that out yet. I could take her with or I could leave her here.”

“Or you could kill her. She’d be nothin’ but trouble. I mean, she’d probably end up ratting on us anyway. You know the job’s bound to get to her sooner or later.”

“You’re right. I’ll see. Don’t you worry about it because I’ll take care of her in whatever way I see fit. Just get the tickets and I’ll meet you back here, same time, same place, in 2 days. From here we’ll beat it. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it. You sure you got everything worked out? I mean, one mistake and we’re done for. We’re dealing with the big boys.”

“Youre damn right we are. Don’t worry - you leave this to me and everything will work out smooth. But don’t tell a soul. If you even open your mouth and utter a damn word our cover can be blown. They’re on our tails and if we don’t play our cards right, they’ll tear us up. Tim, we’re up to our necks in hot water, you know that. But if you trust me, it’ll work out.”

“Yeah.”

Silence.

“You know if we pull this off, we’ll be heroes in the eyes of hoodlums everywhere.”

“Don’t think about that. Just keep your eyes on the prize and that is getting out of here alive and without cuffs on our wrists. Two days, Tim. Play it well until then.”

“I will.”

I heard footsteps coming off the dock and I crouched as low as I could behind the crate. The footsteps faded and I stared down the street that the two men had gone and then split up. I stayed where I was just to be sure that no one was around. I knew that I had to tell Gip and Sack what I had just witnessed.

Looking around to make sure no one was around, I started running to the Lodging House where I could be safe. And with Jack.

~*~

“Violet? What are you doing out here so early in the morning?” Mush’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

I turned to look at him. “I was watching the sunrise.” It wasn’t completely a lie. I had been running back from Brooklyn and had lost my way a few times. When I finally found it and reached the Lodging House, the sun was just beginning to rise.

He nodded. “So, you really lost you’re whole memory?”

I swallowed. “Yeah. Can’t remember a thing.”

“I read about something like that one time in a pape. Is it weird not knowing who you are?”

“Yeah, I guess. Listen, is Jack or Spot around?”

“Yeah, they’re up in the bunkroom.”

“Thanks.” I got up from the ground where I was sitting and headed towards the door of the Lodging House. “See ya.”

The bunkroom was filled with half-sleeping newsies getting ready for another day of selling papes.

“Good morning, Violet,” Spot said to me. “You’re up early.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Can I talk to you outside?”

“Sure.”

I turned around and began to lead him out the door.

“Hey, Violet, are you gonna sell with us today?” Jack asked, stepping in front of me.

“Hey, yeah! That will remind her of her past,” Spot said enthusiastically.

“Well, I guess,” I said, looking at Jack. “Will you teach me how?”
“You mean you want to sell better than yesterday?” he asked sarcastically.

I smiled shyly. “I’m embarrassed about that.”

He laughed. “Don’t be. You didn’t know…” He trailed off.

I gazed at him. His teeth were visible when he smiled and he looked so happy when he showed them. I had never seen anyone that looked like him before and, yet again, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

“Violet,” Spot said, “we can go back to Brooklyn and I can introduce you to all the other newsies. I’m sure they’ll remember you.”

“They can tell me about my past!” I exclaimed and nearly bit my tongue off. I was getting too carried away with my character. I was digging my own grave by staying here. “Kill him,” I reminded myself. “That’s why you’re here!”

Suddenly, the quite obvious fact hit me like a ton of bricks and nearly knocked the wind out of me. I was getting “involved.” It was what Gip and Sack had warned me against ever since I could remember.

“You’re a girl. Girls can’t do this job.”

“I may be a girl but I can be tough like a boy, I swear.”

“You can’t get involved, Kid. You just can’t. You gotta forget everything you do and never look back. You can’t have a past and you can’t have feelings. You got it? Never feel anything.” Gip had said to me.

“I don’t got feelings,” I had said. “I lost ‘em all a long time ago ‘cause I didn’t have a use for ‘em. I ain’t gonna get involved, Gip. I ain’t.”

My feelings were coming back.

“Hey?”

I snapped out of my daze as if someone had splashed cold water on my face.

“Are you ready to go?” Spot asked.

“No,” I said. “No, I think I’m going to stay here.”

“What? Why? You just said…”

“I’m not feeling well and I’d rather stay here and think about things than go outside.”

“Are you sure? What about learning about your past?”

“Yes, I’m sure. My past can wait.” I said.

“Okay,” he replied shakily. “I’ll be back soon.”

Jack came up to us. “C’mon guys, we’re leaving.”

I stared at him. “I…I’m staying here.”

“Are you sure?” Spot asked again.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, a little impatient.

“We’ll see you in a few hours, then,” Jack said.

I nodded and watched them, as well as the other eager newsies, file out the door and disappear down the stairs.

I put my head in my hands. For the first time in a long time, I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek. I had never felt this way about anyone and it scared me. And the fact that I was scared scared me. My head was swimming with emotions and feelings that I hadn’t felt for so long and before I knew it I was off the bunk I was sitting on, out the door, and running aimlessly through an alley that I somehow supposed was in the direction of Brooklyn. I wanted all the voices in my head to stop and I longed to be back in the warehouse where I didn’t have emotions and where I could get away from all of this confusion. A memory flashed through my mind.

“Please take me. I got nowhere else to go. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Please, I got no one else to turn to.”

“You think I can help?”

“You can give me a job.”

“You think you can handle this job?”

“I can handle anything, sir. I saw it all happen and I ain’t afraid to do it.”

“You weren’t afraid?”

“I’m not now. Nothing can scare me.”

He looked at me and I straightened up. “You’re a tough kid and you drive a hard bargain.” He scratched his head and took in a breath. “You gotta forget everything up until then - love, care, compassion. Everything they showed you, you must forget.”

“It’s gone.”

“And you’re name?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“It’s Kid from now on. Nothing fancy.”

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“And I’m Gip, not sir not anything else.”

“Got it.”

“And whatever you do, don’t get attached – to anyone. I’ll protect you but don’t even get attached to me.”

Another memory brushed through my head like a gust of wind.

“I love you, Anna. You’re my little baby doll.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”

“We’ll get away from here soon enough. Don’t be afraid. I’ll protect you.”

“I’m not afraid.”

She smoothed my hair back and kissed my head. “I’ll always protect you.”

Through the sound of my running feet hitting the road, I realized that I needed Gip.

Suddenly, as though something had read my mind, Gip appeared out of one of the dark alleys heading towards me. I stopped running and looked around to see if anyone was lurking, although I already knew that there wouldn’t be anyone in an abandoned alley.

“Hey,” I said, nodding. “What are you doing here?”

He looked shocked to see me and after staring at me for a while, said, “Have you done it?” He looked down and fidgeted in his pocket and took out and lit up a cigarette. I noticed that his fingers were shaking the whole time.

I watched him for a while before looking at the ground and shaking my head. “Not yet but I’m workin’ on it.”

“Damn it! I thought you said you’d have it done in no time.”

I tried not to look guilty, which was one of the many confusing emotions clouding my head. “Yeah, well it’s taken longer than I’d expected.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You’re a wuss now, ain’t ya? The job finally getting to ya?”

“No, it hasn’t gotten to me,” I said, avoiding his eyes. He seemed to be overreacting as if someone had agitated him. “I’ve just been distracted.”

“Distracted? What the hell does that mean? You’ve changed. I mean, you ain’t tough anymore. You’re letting your job slip through your fingers, you know.”

“Calm down. I’ll get it done, okay? Why are you here anyway?” I said, taking the cigarette out of his fingers and sticking it in my own lips. Somehow, I felt like I was becoming my old self again, seeing Gip and smoking a cigarette.

“I’m was the neighborhood.”

I laughed a familiar laugh, a tough laugh. “That’s a lie,” I stated, blowing out the smoke. “You followed me or something?”

“God, I give you a simple job and you can’t even do it. I knew that’s what I’d get with a girl.”

“Hey,” I said, “you know that I’m damn good at what I do. And why are you so uptight? You’ve never followed me on a job before.”

“Just get him, okay?” Gip said. “Just get him by tomorrow. We need the money.”

“I will.”

“Meet me at the warehouse at noon tomorrow. You can do it by then, I’m assuming?”

I nodded, took another drag off of his cigarette, threw it on the ground, and crushed it with the heel of my boot. “You know it.”

His gaze lingered on me for a moment and it seemed as if he were trying to analyze me.

“What?” I said.

He shook his head. “Nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

He turned around abruptly and walked briskly out of the alley.

I watched him and kept standing where I was. I knew what I had to do. It was, after all, my job and practically my whole life. It’s just that my feelings were clouding my head and I couldn’t think. My mother had loved me. My brothers had loved me. Somewhere, deep down, my father had loved me, too. And the fact that love could exist in such a dark dwelling made me think that it, most definitely, could dwell in me and was ready to burst out at any moment.

I needed to kill Spot and get back to Gip and, just like I had promised 10 years ago, forget my past. And forget about Jack, which was going to be by far the hardest and most painful thing to let go.

The Lodging House appeared in front of me before I could even remember walking out of the alley and back to Manhattan.

The Lodging House appeared to be empty. I planned on getting my gun, going into the deserted “girls’ room” and watching out the window and waiting for the newsies to get back so I could get Spot and run.

I pushed the door to the bunkroom open and my heart nearly skipped a beat.

Jack was sitting on my bunk, his hands folded between his legs and his head hanging down.

All the strength that I had built up came shattering apart like a glass vase falling and crashing to the floor.

He looked up at me and I couldn’t move because I was frozen.

“You’re not Violet,” he whispered to me.

“What?” I said. “Of course I’m Violet.”

“No, you’re not. I…” he looked down again and trailed off.

“What?” I said.

He laughed, almost as if he were embarrassed. “I didn’t sell today because I went back and looked at old newspapers. Violet died a few weeks after she broke up with Spot. Apparently the guy she left him for killed her or something. I mean, it’s not like we newsies really read the articles – just the headlines. That’s why Spot doesn’t know.”

My head clouded over and I could barely speak. “Jack…”

He looked up at me. “The weird thing is that I don’t care. I don’t know why you’re lying and pretending to be somebody that you’re not but I don’t care! I can’t get you out of my head. I mean, I haven’t even known you for a day and all I can think about is you. It’s like… it’s like I love you or something.”

I couldn’t see straight. He had said love.

“I love you, Anna. You’re my little baby doll.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”

“I… I love you, too,” I stuttered and immediately clamped my hand over my mouth.

“This is crazy!” he said. “How can we love each other and only have known each other for less than a day?”

I plugged my ears and ran over to my bunk. “Don’t say it! Don’t say that word again!” I rummaged through my sheets and under my pillow, grabbed my gun and stuck it in my pocket without, I hoped, Jack seeing what it was. I took my sack and swung it over my shoulder.

I could hear Jack asking what I was doing but I ignored him and ran out the door to the abandoned and messy “girls’ room.”

Then, I saw him out the window. Glancing around me, I kneeled at the window and took out my gun. I aimed and put my hand on the trigger. There was no one around. It was perfect – all I had to do was pull and it would all be over. I swallowed. I couldn’t pull it, my brain wanted to but my finger wouldn’t obey. I tried again but my finger wouldn’t move. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled my hand out of the window. I sat against the wall and dropped the gun on the ground. Tears poured out of my eyes uncontrollably and I sobbed and sobbed. Pulling the trigger wouldn’t have only killed Spot, it would’ve killed me, too.

I got up and pushed open the door. Jack stood outside the bunkroom.

“Where are you going?” he asked as I pushed past him.

I ran down the stairs, avoiding every newsie in my way. I crashed through the front doors and stumbled outside. I saw Spot and some other newsies out of the corner of my eye and ran harder.

“Violet? Violet, where are you going?” I could hear Spot’s voice grow softer and softer.

As I approached the middle of town, I could hear only the sound of my own feet and the beating of my own heart. My face was wet and sticky and I wiped it with the back of my hand and kept on running.

It had grown hot in the afternoon and then cool again at dusk when I finally reached Harlem, a little out of breath.

I pushed myself to run harder through the alley to get to the warehouse’s hidden doorway. I banged on the steel door as hard as I could.

“Gip, open up! Open up this damn door! Let me in!” I shouted.

After a while, Gip came to the door. “Did you do it?”

I brushed past him and walked in.

“I said did you do it?”

I turned around, put my hands on my hips, and shook my head. “No, I didn’t.”

“You didn’t kill him? Why the hell are you here then?” he asked.

“I came to tell you that I quit. Everything I’ve been living is a lie and I want it to stop. I want to live, Gip! I want to feel things. I want to love and be loved. I want to have fun and I want to…”

“You told me you had forgotten about all of that,” he interrupted.

“I thought I didn’t need it! My mom and my brothers were gone and they were the only people that loved me. That emotion was gone. I was only afraid once – the time between my mom’s death and the time that I came to you. My mom told me not to be afraid because she’d protect me from my dad but when he killed her I was scared! Then you told me that you would protect me and I wasn’t scared! That emotion was gone. Gip, I listened to you because you took me in and took care of me! I didn’t think for myself but now I am. I realized that I do have a mind of my own and it is sick of taking other people’s lives away just to give me some bread and something to do! I want out of this.” I wiped my face. “I’m here to get my stuff and to tell Sack what I know.”

He laughed out of his nose. “Sack already knew what you realized, Kid.”

I looked at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I didn’t think that you, of all people, would let the job get to you. I thought that you were a sure bet, an unfeeling, unwanted, street kid who needed something to do and couldn’t think for herself. I even thought I could take you along.”
“Take me along where?”

“Nevermind.” Gip shook his head. “I really didn’t want to do this to Sack and I really don’t want to do it to you but you’re too risky. You’ll tell.” Gip took out his gun.

My heart started to beat rapidly. “Gip, what are you doin’?” I asked.

“You were really good at what you did,” he said.

My eyes filled with tears and I shook my head as his words sunk into, and then pierced, my ears. “You killed him? You killed Sack?”

“He let the job get to him and he told the bulls about my business. I can’t be discovered, you know that.”

“You horrible, stupid jerk! I hate you! I hate you!” I realized I was screaming. “How could you kill him?”

“Gip? What’s going on?” someone said, running out of a room. “Are you okay?”

Gip lowered the gun. “Tim, I told you to stay in there and work on the details.”

“I heard someone screaming…” He looked over at me. “Is this the girl?”

Gip nodded.

“You’re gonna kill her? I thought you said you were bringing her with.”

“I was going to but now she tells me that she wants to quit. We can’t take her now that she has realized.”

“Oh, God,” I said, covering my mouth with my hands. “You’re the ones – the ones on the pier.”

“What are you talking about?” Tim asked.

“I saw you there yesterday night but I didn’t know it was you…”

Gip smiled halfway. “Leave it to Kid to eavesdrop on our secret conversation.”

“That’s why you were there this morning. That’s why I saw you in the alley.”

“Yeah, so what? You’re a detective now, huh?” Tim said.

“Shut up, Tim,” Gip said raising the gun and pointing it at me.

“I won’t tell the bulls, Gip, I swear. I’ll stay silent the rest of my life. Please don’t kill me.”

He hesitated.

“What are you waiting for? Shoot her brains out,” Tim said.

Gip looked at the gun he was holding.

“You’re involved, aren’t you, Gip?” I said slowly. “You can’t kill me because you’re involved in my life, aren’t you?”

“I can kill you,” he said.

“You’ve always been like the father I never had and I’m like a daughter to you, aren’t I?”

“That’s crap,” he said, laughing. “I never liked you – I only liked what you did for my business ever since the day that you came here asking for a job.”

“Then kill me,” I said. The wire that I was walking on was thin – but it was working. “Kill me.”

His eyes darted around the room and then out the window. His eyes narrowed. “You said you didn’t kill him?” he asked suddenly.

I nodded. “Yeah, he’s not dead.”

Gip walked over to a window and opened it slightly. “The idiot followed you. You fell in love with him and that’s why you couldn’t kill him, isn’t it?” He aimed his gun out the window.

“No, Gip!” I screamed. “You can’t kill him!”

Tim grabbed my arms as I ran at Gip. “Let go of me!” I yelled, trying to squirm out of his grip.

He covered my mouth. I grabbed at the gun in my back pocket and aimed for Gip’s shoulder. I pulled the trigger just as Tim tried to pull the gun from my hand. I heard another shot as I watched Gip fall to the floor.

“What the hell?” Tim said. He let go of me and then turned around and punched me across the face.

I fell to the floor and grabbed for my gun as he ran over to Gip.

“You killed him! You crazy nutcase! You killed him!”

I aimed for his shoulder and pulled the trigger. Tim fell, holding his shoulder.

I got up off the floor and ran outside, through the alley and onto a small street where I saw a boy with red suspenders lying face down. No one was around and I ran up to him and turned him over.

“Spot, are you okay?” I asked. His back was bleeding heavily. “Spot!” His fingers moved and I could just barely see his chest rise and fall in a quick and painful way.

“I’m getting help, okay?” I said. I got up and ran back to the warehouse. I saw Tim lying painfully on the ground, still clutching his shoulder and Gip, lying motionless, next to him.

I ran up the stairs to Gip’s room and, surprisingly, found a telephone sitting on top of a box next to his mattress. I picked up the receiver.

“Yes?” someone on the other end said.

“I need help!” I cried. “There are three injured people that need help.”

“Where?” she said.

“In Harlem in a big warehouse. There’s a door in the alley that you can get in through…”

“We’re going to need more information than that.”

“I don’t know what else to say,” I replied.

“What’s your name, dear?”

“My name…” I said.

“Yes, I’ll need your name.”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“You don’t know your name?”

“Listen, I’m not the one who needs help. Get the bulls here now! These people are dying and I think one of them might be dead.” My voice cracked on the last word.

“It’ll be okay. I need more information concerning where you are located.”

“In Harlem in a warehouse,” I repeated. “It’s by a street.”

I heard a siren in the distance. “Thank you,” I said to the woman. “Please help them. Don’t let them die.” I hung up the phone as the operator was demanding to know my name.

I ran down the stairs and out the door, avoiding the sight of Gip and Tim. I took out my gun when I got outside and ran over to Spot.

“Help is on the way and everything is going to be fine,” I said to him.

I raised my gun in the air and fired the rest of the bullets so that the bulls could hear and know where he was. Then, I broke into a run back for Manhattan. The sun had set and it was dark out as I ran full speed to the Lodging House. I had goosebumps all over my arms as it had turned out to be a very cold night. I hid in an alley as some bulls passed by on the road. I ran, for what seemed like, all night.

I reached Manhattan in the dead of night and the pale rays of light put off by the street lamps had more hope promised in them than I did. I ran to the back of the Lodging House where I climbed up the fire escape into the bunkroom.

The newsies were all asleep and I tiptoed over to Jack’s bunk. Someone stirred in their bunk as I gently shook him awake.

“Jack, wake up,” I whispered into his ear.

His opened his eyes groggily. “What are you…”

I covered his mouth with my hand and, mouthing the words “come on,” pointed towards the window.

He got out of his bunk noiselessly and followed me out the window.

“What are you doing here?” he asked once we were outside.

“I had to come back.”

“Why?”

“Because I had to talk to you.”

“Why did you run out on me today?”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know.”

“I have so many questions, Violet – or whatever your name is.”

“I don’t have very many answers for you. I don’t have many answers for myself, in fact.”

“Who are you and why did you pretend that you were Violet?”

I laughed. “That’s a really broad question. Can I ask you one?”

“You just did.”

I ignored his joke. “Am I still in your head?”

“What?” he asked.

“You know how you told me that I was in your head? Am I still?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I can’t get you out of it.”

“Me, too,” I said. “I mean, you’re in my head, too.”

Silence.

“If I tell you about me, will you just listen? I just need someone to listen and I hope you’ll be the one to do it.”

He nodded.

I leaned against the wall and slid down it until I was sitting. “You’re in for a big story.”

He sat down next to me and took my hand. “I’m ready.”

I took in a deep breath and swallowed. “It starts out as kind of the same story as ones you’ve probably heard before. I had a mom, a dad, and two brothers. We were poor. My parents had come over here to America from Ireland before my oldest brother, Will, was born. My dad worked in a factory and my mom stayed home and watched Will and then soon Jamie and then soon me. We were all really close in age so we had a pretty happy childhood until my dad realized that he could buy alcohol instead of bringing the money back to his family. He’d start coming home drunk and yelling and cussing at us.” I glanced at Jack who was looking at me and listening intently.

“One night, he came home really drunk and hit us. When he went to bed, probably sure that he had scared us nice and good, my mom told us that she’d get us out of there some way or another. But she never got the chance. The next night he came home with a gun and shot her and my two brothers who had ‘gotten in the way.’ He told me to get out and never come back. So I did. I was seven years old and out on the streets alone and I was scared.

“One day this boy named Sack came up to me and asked if I needed a job and I said that I did. He brought me to this guy named Gip, who had a business, telling me to ‘act tough’ and ‘don’t flinch.’ I guess I was tough enough and he gave me a job. He told me to forget about my past and forget all my feelings and all the feelings that people had showed me. He even changed my name to disguise my old identity. So I did and I dedicated my life to doing what he told me to do.

“I forgot all of my feelings for 10 years until I came here and met you.” I looked up at Jack. “They all started coming back.”

He smiled at me. “I know just what you mean. I had to hide my feelings after my dad killed my mom and was sent to the state penitentiary and I had to become a newsie. But why would he make you forget about your past and make you change your name? What did you do for him that made feelings so forbidden?”

Out of the silence of the night, I heard a siren.

“Did you hear that?” I asked.

He nodded. “Someone must be in trouble.”

I listened. It sounded again, this time, much closer. My heart began to beat fast and I knew, in the back of my mind, that someone was on my tail.

“I gotta go,” I said, standing up.

“Why?” he asked, taking hold of my hand.

“I can’t explain right now.”

The sirens blared again.

“Are you running from the bulls?”

I looked at him sorrowfully. “I’ll tell you later.”

“Stay here. They won’t find you here.”

“They’re already here,” I said. “I’ll tell you everything later, I promise.” I pulled my hand out of his and ran down the stairs.

“Come back, Viol – I don’t even know your real name!” He ran after me down the stairs but I was much faster.

I ran down the street and turned a corner, not knowing where I was going. There, in front of me, on the open street, was a big line of bulls. Before I could stop running and turn around, one of them yelled, “There’s someone!” and began to chase me. I knew I could easily outrun him and looked behind me to see where he was. When I turned my head around, three more bulls were heading me off. I turned right and ran around a corner and ran straight into another carriage.

Before I knew it, my body had frozen and someone’s arms were holding my hands and putting cold metal cuffs around my wrists and leading me to the front of the Lodging House where all the bulls were waiting for me.

I looked up into a window. Boys’ faces were peering out of the glass and making foggy circles around their mouths.

Jack’s face appeared in the window and I wanted to shout to him and tell him my name. But I couldn’t talk. All I could do was succumb to the bulls and get in the back of the carriage and be led off to the refuge.

~*~

“You gotta hell of a sentence in front of you,” the bull said to me. “Killin’ people for more than half your life. And you’se a girl, too! Boy, oh boy!”

I glared at the plump officer through the metal bars that separated us.

“You know how we knew everything? We got a call late at night from the Newsboy’s Lodging House in Manhattan saying that there was a girl there claiming to be someone that she ain’t. We saw a picture, hand drawn, may I add, of the injured guy outside, lying on the floor of a warehouse where we received a call from a girl a few hours before along with 2 dead guys, a parcel, and a note from some newsie in Manhattan addressed to Violet. That was the same name Mush, I think the boy’s name was, said that you had been answering to the past day or two.” The officer laughed and took a sip of his steaming coffee. “It was just too easy.”

“You need it to be easy, don’t you? Otherwise you just can’t figure it out for the life of you. Doesn’t take much to become a bull – only an empty mind and a big stomach.”

“Miss, insulting an officer may not be the best choice on your part, given the situation that you’re in.”

“Thanks for the advice,” I said, “but it can’t get any worse. No one is going to believe a word I say. I probably won’t even be given a fair trial.”

“You know your rights,” he said sarcastically.

“Yeah, do you know yours?” I retorted.

“I’m warning you…” he said, pointing a finger at me.

“Sorry,” I replied. “It’s just too easy,” I added under my breath. “What was a letter doing there?” I asked.

“It’s a shame you didn’t get to read it. It said something like. ‘I love you despite everything.’ I would have brought it for you but we’re saving it for evidence.”

I sat back against the cold brick wall of the cell. I looked at my hands – and the dull metal cuffs around my small wrists – and I longed to put one back into Jack’s and curl up in his arms and be safe and warm and happy – something I hadn’t been for a long time.

~*~

It was pitch black outside. Occasionally, footsteps could be heard on the street but otherwise an eerie silence captured the room. I gazed outside the window and watched all the nothingness that was going on outside. It was like someone looking into my soul – closed off with metal bars and darkness covering the lack of everything.

All I could think about was Jack.

I heard some footsteps outside and dismissed them as just some poor person running around, scrounging for supper. I glanced over at the sleeping bull. He had said I would probably be tried for all the crimes I had committed for Gip, at least 2 counts of murder, and one attempted murder.

“I didn’t try to kill Spot,” I had objected.

“Tell that to the jury,” he had said back.

“I didn’t try to kill anybody,” I said, realizing later the irony in my statement.

It hadn’t even been a day that I was in jail and I was already feeling hopeless. In the back of my mind I knew that there wouldn’t be any good that came out of this. I would probably get the death penalty, if I was lucky. It was what I deserved, I knew that much.

The bull began to snore and it sounded as if he were talking in his sleep. I leaned closer to hear what he was saying.

“Hey.”

I listened again.

“Hey, Violet? Where are you?”

My eyes widened and I looked out the window. “Jack?” I whispered frantically. “Jack, is that you?”

“Yeah, where are you?”

“I’m right here.” I stuck my hand out the window and soon felt somebody take hold of it.

“Hi,” he said.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked, my eyes suddenly filling up with tears.

“How do you think? This is where they brought me when I got arrested.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay. Listen, I don’t know what you’ve done, I heard the other guys talking about you being a convict. You know they just figured out that you really aren’t Violet? Spot’s gonna be mad when he finds out. I mean, if he finds out.”

I was speechless, staring at Jack’s dark face. “What do you mean if?”

“I’m goin’ to Santa Fe. I mean, we’se going to Santa Fe.” He squeezed my hand. “I’m gonna bust you outta here and we can go off and live in Santa Fe together.”
“What? Are you crazy? Didn’t you hear what I did?”

“I don’t care what you did. I started runnin’ after you before I could hear anymore. I don’t care about what you’ve done. We can start fresh. Everything’s different in Santa Fe.”

“You can’t get me out of here…”

“I can! I’ve done it myself. Tomorrow night I’ll come and get you. Watch out for me, okay?”

“Jack, this isn’t a good idea. You cold get caught.”

“I don’t care. I just want to be with you.”

“I don’t know…”

“Don’t you want to come?”
“Yeah I do.”

“Then I’ll be here tomorrow night.”

“Okay,” I said. “Okay, I’ll be waiting.”

He squeezed my hand again and began to get up and then stopped. “What is your real name? I can’t keep calling you Violet.”

“I can’t tell you my old name if we’re going to make a fresh start, can I?”
“Your right. Tell me tomorrow.”

“I love you, Jack.”

“I love you, too.”

Then, I watched him run off into the darkness.

~*~

Light poured through the single window above my cot as I opened my eyes. I sat up and stretched.

“Yeah, she’s in here,” I heard someone say. I looked at the door and watched 3 men walk in.

“What’s your name?” one man asked me, looking up from his papers and sitting down. The other two men pulled up chairs and sat down in front of my cell.

“Shouldn’t you know that?”

He smiled. “Yeah, I should but it seems that you have no identity. According to some papers found in your current home, you were referred to as Kid.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Gip told the bulls that I was dead so who I had been didn’t exist anymore. I don’t have a name. Who are you anyway?”

“My name is Charles Baker and I’m here to try and figure everything out.”

“What do you know about me so far?”

“Not too much. I’m still trying to piece everything together. I’ll need you to answer some questions.”

“Hey, listen. Are you on my side?”

“I have no side. I’m just gathering the facts. Do you have a lawyer?”

I shook my head. “No. Everyone knows I’m guilty, don’t they? What would be the use in having a lawyer?”

“Well, you’re entitled to a fair trial.” He wrote something in his notebook and then looked up at me. “You’ve been living an interesting life, haven’t you?”

“Depends on your definition of interesting.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you know about me and my interesting life. I don’t want to tell you something you already know. Mister, I’m not gonna lie to you. I’ll tell you what I know, which, I might add, really isn’t all that much.”

“Who have you been living with and where?”

“I’ve been living with Gip for about 10 years now in a warehouse in Harlem.”

“How did you make money?”

I inhaled deeply. “People would give Gip requests to kill someone and he would get either me or Sack to kill the person. That was my job. I killed people.”

I told him the whole story. I didn’t need to hide it. I was leaving to go to Santa Fe tonight and I figured that the bulls might as well know the truth. I think Charles Baker was surprised that I told him everything, including as many names as I could remember of who had given us requests. He told me that I had killed around 20 people in my “career.”

They left after I told them all that they needed to know to arrest some people. He neglected to mention what I was looking at as a punishment, although, I pretty much already knew.

~*~

I awoke and realized I had slept all afternoon. I looked out the window and the sun was setting.

“All I have to do now is wait,” I said to myself.

So I did. I waited and waited.

“Something happened to him,” I kept telling myself as the night dragged on. “He’s still going to come and get me out. I know he is. He loves me! He’s gonna come. All I have to do is wait.”

He didn’t come. All night I waited and he never showed up.

~*~

It was 5 o’clock when they brought me dinner. I hadn’t done anything all day except sit in the corner and occasionally glance out the window.

I ate the tasteless food slowly, not knowing why I was eating it.

Then, I glanced up from my food at the door and saw Jack standing next to the plump officer. My heart began to beat a mile a minute and I thought I was hallucinating. I stared at him for a while. I couldn’t even swallow the food that was in my mouth.

“You got a visitor. Make this quick. Visiting hours are almost over,” The officer turned and walked down the hall.

Jack walked in the door and my eyes filled with tears. “Jack!” I ran to the front of the cell and reached my hand out to touch him. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

He stopped and backed away from my hand. His eyes didn’t meet mine.

“Jack, what’s wrong?”

“I never want to see you again,” he said softly and, almost, casually.

“What?”

He shook his head.

“Jack, talk to me.”

“I’m goin’. I’m goin’ all by myself.”

“But you told me that...I thought you said…”

“I know! Do you think this is easy for me? It’s not. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my whole damn life.” He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. “I found out what you did, you know, what your story is. It’s all over the papers and everyone’s talkin’ about you. I can’t get you outta here. You’re a criminal! You were gonna kill Spot – damn near succeeded! You lied to me, too.”

“You said you didn’t care that I lied to you. You said you didn’t care what I did!”

“Yeah well I do now.” He looked at me. “Spot’s sick. He’ll probably die because of you.”

“I didn’t do that to him, Jack. I didn’t…”

“I can’t listen to you. Everything has been a lie. Hasn’t it? You didn’t tell me anything true, did you?”

“No, Jack…” I shook my head, tears streaming down my face.

“I hope you… I hope you never get out of here. I hate what you did.”

“Jack, please get me outta here. You don’t know how I’ve changed! You don’t know!” I wrapped my fingers around the cold metal bars. “Please get me outta here and I’ll tell you everything. You don’t know it all.”

“That’s what love’ll do to ya, huh? Makes you stupid. Makes you not think. Well I’m thinking clearly now. I’m going alone and I ain’t never going to think of you again. I gotta go,” he said. “Have a nice life.”

“Jack, wait. Please don’t go! I have to talk to you. Please, Jack!” I watched his eyes drop to the floor and his body turn around and walk out the door. “I love you, Jack!” I screamed. “Don’t ignore me now, Jack, please! I need you to come back!”

Tears streamed out of my eyes as I heard the footsteps fade down the hallway.

“I love you!” I screamed again, pulling the bars and shaking them. “If you care, Jack, you’ll turn around. Don’t leave me now! You said we could start fresh! You love me, I know you do and you can’t just walk away from me! I’ve changed, Jack! I’ve changed!” I shook the bars again. “I love you, Jack, and you love me!”

The footsteps stopped.

“Can I go back?” I heard a faint voice ask down the hall. I looked up hopefully.

“I’m sorry but visiting hours are over. You can come back tomorrow.”

“I can’t come back tomorrow – I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, son, rules are rules and I didn’t make ‘em.”

“You don’t understand! I just made a huge mistake…” The voice was growing larger.

“Hey, don’t make me call the warden. Do you want to end up here? The door is over there. I expect you know how to use it.”

I heard some words that I couldn’t make out. Then, I heard footsteps fade into nothing and then, the closing of a door. I stood speechless, staring out the door. My life flashed before my eyes and my whole body was overcome with the worst sense of sinking and the ultimate despair. I sat down on my bed and wept silently into my hands.

~*~

“Good morning,” the plump officer said to me as he came in and took a seat at his desk.

I looked at him. My eyes were puffy and my face was sticky as I had been crying for a long time.

“You look like hell,” he said to me.

“I fell like it, too,” I replied.

“I don’t blame you. I’d be depressed too after living your life.”

“You have a handkerchief?” I asked.

“I can’t give you my handkerchief even if I did have one. I’m not even supposed to be talking to you. They say you’re real dangerous.”

I nodded. “Yeah, you’d better stay away. I may bite.”

He turned his head to the side, almost sympathetically. “Rules are rules.”

“Say, what’s your name?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Come on. Sargent what? Sargent….” I inquired.

“Willard. You can call me Sargent Willard.”

“Well, Sargent Willard, since you really aren’t even allowed to talk to me I’ll just talk to you. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? I’m not breaking the law, am I?”

He shook his head.

“I’m seventeen and I’ve been killing people for 10 years. I used to not care, I mean, I only did it for the money, right? I only did it so I could eat. My life had no purpose anyway, considering both my parents were dead – my mom physically and my dad mentally. I had to do it, I didn’t have a choice. Gip took care of me. He was my damn father, for God’s sake and he taught me what I needed to know to survive in his world. Your father probably taught you right from wrong, Willard, but not mine. I didn’t know right from wrong if one of them would have bitten me in the face. I never asked Gip why but when and where. That was my childhood.

“Then, I met Jack and everything was turned upside down. I was supposed to kill his damn best friend and I damn near did it too, Gip just finished it up and then I finished Gip up, just like that. Anyway, I fell in love with him, right? He said he loved me too but that was before he found out that I was only there to kill his friend. He’s never gonna talk to me again and I’m glad. He’s sparing himself of some pain. That’s all I am. Pain. They asked me my name yesterday and it’s not Kid it’s Pain! Damn, I got nothin’ to live for now. I’m high and dry.”

“Are you drunk?” he asked after a while.

I laughed. “Naw, I’m not drunk. Just hopeless. If nothing else, thanks for listening, Willard. I won’t be here much longer anyway. Life in jail, electric chair – that’s my fate. Either one is a punishment I deserve. I’ve earned it.” I wiped my quiet tears from my face.

Willard got up from his desk. “I’m going to go see if I can’t find you a handkerchief to keep for yourself.”

“Thanks but I got no need for one. Wasted tears don’t need to accumulate in a single hankie. I got a perfectly good hand right here, see?”

“Listen, if I could tell you something it would be to never give up on hope. That’s what gets you through,” he said.

I smiled and looked at him. “I never had a chance. Hope gave up on me first.”

~*~

I looked out the window for what seemed like hours. Time seemed to pass uneventfully and all I could do was wait.

I was glad Jack had left. The least I could do was wish the best life possible for him – even if it didn’t involve me. I knew what I deserved. It was my debt to society.

It was late in the middle of the night and, just like the night before, faint noises could be made out. The wind rustled the littered paper on the ground and blew on my face making me shiver.

Suddenly, I heard running footsteps and squinted into the night. They reached my window and stopped.

“Who’s there?” I asked into the darkness.

“Shhh,” the voice said.

“Jack?”

“Shhh,” the voice said again. He began to work at cutting one of the metal bars.

“No, Jack. No, you can’t ruin your life…”

“Will you be quiet!” With a forceful pull, one of the bars came off leaving a big enough space that I could squeeze through.

“C’mon get out!” He motioned with his hand.

“I can’t…”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“It’s not only escaping out of jail, Jack. I can’t escape from this – my life! This is who I am and there’s no changing that.”

“Do you want to spend the rest of your life in the refuge? Behind bars? Dead even? If you don’t go now they’ll catch you and kill you, I know they will. It’s your choice.”

“I can’t just run away from it all!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” I said. I wiped the hot tears off of my cheek. “Because, Jack. I just can’t.”

He stared at me. “Then I can’t help you out.”

“Jack, you don’t understand.”

“You won’t let me understand! I’m here for you. I’ve always been here for you. You know what, you’re right. I don’t understand. All I’ve ever tried to do is help you out. From the moment I saw you I tried to help you out and that’s all I am trying to do right now. If you wanna stay, then stay. If you wanna keep killing people, then keep doing it. If you wanna keep running from the bulls and running from yourself and running from people who care about you, then keep running. If you want to get caught, go right ahead. If there is something so important holding you back, then stay. I’m just offering you a way out.” He took a step closer to me. “I know you’re a good person deep down. If I didn’t know that I wouldn’t be telling you this.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Come with me. Please come with me.” He took my hand. “I care about you. I do whether you like it or not. Do this for yourself. Do it for me. Please, I’m asking you.”

I stared at him, speechless, not believing and unwilling to take in everything he had just said. “Jack, why did you change your mind?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.”

I sat for a while, staring at him.

He inhaled. “You better come with me now before you get caught – or before I change my mind again.”

I took his hand and crawled through what used to be the metal bars.

“Thank you,” I whispered, throwing my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around my waist. I turned my head and looked him in the eyes.

“We should go,” he said.

“Wait,” I said taking hold of his face and putting my lips on his. My hands were in his hair and his hands were moving back onto my waist and pulling me close.

After our lips parted, I put my hand on his cheek, smiled, and took in a deep breath.

“Okay, now let’s go.”

Then, taking hold of his hand, we ran with each other down the alley in the direction of the train station.

~*~

Grand Central Station was lit up and busy with life despite the late hour. I could feel the excitement of our impulsiveness circulating in my body. We approached the stairs leading up to the grand doors.

Suddenly, Jack’s footsteps slowed.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked.

He shook his head and stopped running. “I can’t do this. I can’t just leave!”

“Sure you can,” I said. “I am!”

He stood motionless.

“Oh, Jack. Don’t change your mind.” I put my hands on his shoulders. “Please, don’t change your mind. Not now! We’re here and we can leave and start over!”

“I don’t want to start over. Not yet.”

“Jack?”

He took me into his arms. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I can’t go with you.”

“Why not?”

“It isn’t right.”

“What do you mean? This is perfect! It’s just you and me heading out of here to start our new lives together! What isn’t right about it?”

“I don’t know.” He took my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “It will be, though.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out some bills. He jammed it into my hand.

“No, Jack. I’m not taking this.” I shoved it back at him not even glancing at the bills.

He pushed my hand away. “Take it and go to Santa Fe.”

My eyes filled with tears. “No, I’m not going without you.”

“I’m coming right behind you. I have to stay here a little longer, though. If it’s right, we’ll meet each other again.”

“What if we don’t?” I asked.

“We will.”

“But Jack…”

“Don’t worry.” He wiped the tears from my face. “Now, I’ve taken you this far. You have to go from here.”

“What if we don’t…”

“Don’t think about us anymore. You have to be strong. I know you can be. Just go to Santa Fe and start over. Start over alone, okay? Can you do that?”

I nodded. “Yes, I can.”

He smiled at me. “This will work. Trust me.”

“I do trust you.” I draped my arms around him. “I do.”

He hugged me back.

“Jack, I don’t understand. This is all so complicated. I mean, not just now but ever since I first met you. I have so many questions!”

“I do too. Listen, I’ll tell you that I haven’t figured everything out yet. Ever since I met you, I’ve had questions. That’s why this is the best way. Do you understand?”

I shook my head and laughed a little. “No, I don’t but I’ll trust you.”

We both looked up as a loud train pulled into the station. Our eyes met and we both inhaled.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Okay,” I said and smiled. “I love you.”

He placed his lips on mine. “You better go and make your train.”

I shoved the money he had given me into my pocket. “I’ll see you around then.”

He nodded and squeezed my hand. Then, I turned around and ran up the steps into the station, not even glancing back.

~*~

I looked at the money that I held in my hand. I unfolded each of the bills, straightened them and adding each to the pile sitting on my lap. Reaching into my pocket again, I took out some more bills. As I unfolded one, a piece of paper dropped from one. I picked it up and opened it. Scribbled onto the note was a small message:

We’ll meet again as strangers. There won’t be any past that connects us. We’ll be new and fresh and free. Don’t worry about who we were. I let you figure things out and you have to let me figure things out. No one’s perfect. That’s life. Forget about Jack and forget about yourself. You’ll never need to explain anything to me. Everything’s new and different in Santa Fe. Past is exactly what it is – passed. Forget about it.

~Me

I read and re-read the note but it didn’t seem to make sense to me not matter how many times I read it. I glanced out the window at the passing land and I knew that everything was passing by me. The tracks behind the train seemed to show no purpose after it had crossed over them but I knew that if it wasn’t for those seemingly meaningless tracks, the train wouldn’t be as far as it was. It was taking me, with each passing track and each passing second, a step closer to freedom.

I looked at the note again. I figured it would make sense later on. I folded it up and stared out the window once again, looking forward to reaching Santa Fe.

~*~

~*~

~*~

The children ran out of the room at the sound of Joanna Thompson’s voice emitting the word “dismissed.”

She turned around to the blackboard and began to erase the day’s lesson. It was her very favorite – the Lewis and Clark expedition. She smiled as the words of the past were wiped away, creating a clean slate for the happenings of tomorrow.

“Excuse me, Miss Thompson?”

Joanna turned around and smiled at the small child standing before her.

“Yes, Matthew? Can I help you with something?”

“I was just wondering…”

“Yes? What were you wondering about?”

“Well, I dislike learning about history. I just don’t seem to see the point.”

“Matthew, history is very important. We wouldn’t be where we are if it wasn’t for our history.”

“Yes but why must we learn about it? Can’t we just accept it?”

“In order to accept it, we must first know what we are accepting, don’t you think?”

He nodded slowly.

“You see, the history of our country is over and done with. You could forget about it if you choose to. But the past, when it has improved your life and the lives of others, is worth learning about. I believe that the future is indefinitely a result of the past.” Joanna bent down so that she was eye level with the boy. “Matthew, I teach history because I think it is important to know where we came from, despite all circumstances. However, the most important reason that I teach history is because it can help change the course of the future. We can learn from our mistakes and try to make things better. I can even forget about my past and the things that have happened in it but the thing that I can’t forget about is the fact that what happened in the past has brought me to where I am today. So, you can choose to forget about the details but you can’t forget about the effects that it has had on you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do. So, I don’t have to remember Louis and Clark’s expedition but I have to remember that they are the ones who opened up the west to the Americans?”
“Yes, that’s right. But, here is a word of advice.” Smiling, Joanna said to him, “You may want to know a lot of the details for the test.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” she said standing up straight.

She packed up her belongings and walked toward the door.

Her third year teaching was proving to be not only the most enjoyable of the other two but also the most rewarding and educational for her as well as her pupils.

The November air was brisk as Joanna walked to the library to read up on the lesson she was about to teach in the upcoming week. She glanced over at a black horse galloping up alongside her.

“Hello, miss. You wouldn’t happen to know where the nearest library is, would ya?”

“Why, yes. It’s about a quarter mile up this way. I’m headed there right now, as a matter of fact.”

“Are ya?” the man tipped his black cowboy hat up over his eyes to get a better look at the young schoolteacher. “Tell me, what’s your name?”

“Joanna Thompson,” she replied, studying the man’s face carefully. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, you can.” The man smiled and removed his hat and let it hang loosely on his back.

Joanna’s eyes filled with tears which spilled over onto her cheeks.

The man dismounted and took her hand in his. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Joanna let out a small laugh. “And I you.”

He smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Joanna Thompson. My name is Cowboy.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” she said to him.

He wiped a tear off her face. “Don’t cry, Joanna. We’ve only just met.”

“I’m so happy to see you again,” she said. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“We’re together now.”

She nodded and touched his face.

“Can I ask for a kiss, stranger?”

She nodded again. “Tell me something first. I had a friend a while ago and he told me to forget about the past. Do you think that the past can be forgotten?”

“I think,” he said, taking her other hand, “that the past cannot be completely forgotten. It can, however, be overlooked.” He shrugged. “We all learn from our mistakes. Mistakes don’t mean that life can’t go on.”

She put her arms around his neck.

“Does that answer your question?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, it did. Now, about that kiss you had inquired about…”

Their lips met in a long awaited and long anticipated embrace that was the beginning of a beautiful and fresh start.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

THE END