Television and Movie Quotes


Tim: Jimmy, she blew you off.
Jim: She's playing hard to get.
Tim: She's playing impossible to get!
Jim: I never turn my back on a challenge.
-Jim (Edward Kerr) and Tim (Ted Raimi) in Sea Quest

Acorn: What you seek may be down there.
Virginia: What do you mean?
Acorn: I don't know. I've just always wanted to say that.
-Acorn and Virginia in the truly awesome NBC mini-series, The 10th Kingdom!!!

Tony: I used to read you Grimm fairy tales. Remember the one about the donkey that only ate thistles?
Virginia, almost nodding: No, that was House on Pooh Corner.
-Virginia and her dad, Tony, in The 10th Kingdom.

"I saw my daughter in love with an intelligent, rich man and I encouraged it... damn me!" -Old lady on some show called Single Guy

"I knew that loose was too noose." -J.D. (Christian Slater) in Heathers.

Kid: Go ahead, make my day.
Bully: Oh, I'm supposed to be scared of a water gun?
Kid: There ain't no water in this gun.
Bully: So, what's in it?
Kid: Pee.
-A little kid on a tricycle and a bully in The Boy Who Could Fly

Brooklyn (Clarence): You saved my life and now you owe me something.
Joe: I saved your life and now I owe you something?!
-Brooklyn (Frank Sinatra) and Joe (Gene Kelly) in Anchors Aweigh (Very cool movie)

"Quick rub off your DNA" -Shawn (Rider Strong) in Boy Meets World

"Life's tough, wear a helmet." -Cory (Ben Savage) and Eric (Wil Friedle) in Boy Meets World

Game show host: Name something that doesn't work when it has a hole in it.
Old man: A donut!
-The game show host and an old man on Family Feud

"When you say others do you mean.. others?! More than one others?!!" -Cary Grant in Arsonic and Old Lace

[Dad walks in and sees Mark with a goatie, kid tells dad that Mark is playing Othello in school play]
Mark: Yeah. 'To be or not to be. That is the question.'
Dad: No, why is Othello saying Hamlet's lines? That is the question.

"In the darkness is the light, to surrender wins the fight." -Theme song to So Weird

"Poverty makes being poor even worse." -Nun in a play called Nunsense

"We write our lives on paper; Only God uses stone." -Denton was supposed to say that in the original script of Newsies. (Thanks Breeze!)

"What page are you on Wes cause we aleady got there." -Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) to Wesely (Don't know real name) Thanks Charm!

"Love makes you do the wacky." -Willow (Alyson Hannigan) Thanks again Charm! :)

"I don't handle rejection well, funny, considering all the practice I've had." -Xander (Nicholas Brendon) This quote compliments of Charm...

"All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?" -Oz (Seth Green) Charm again..

Ray: Is that the same leg they shot you in?
Frasier: Yes.
Ray: The same leg they stabbed you in?
Frasier: Yes.
Ray: Does your country give you medals for being wounded like that?
Frasier: No.
Ray: Then I think you should have this.
Frasier reads paper Ray taped on him: 'Please shoot other leg'? Now that's really not amusing Ray.
-Ray (?) and Frasier (Paul Gross) in Due South

(In a cheerful voice) "Sometimes you have to slap them in the face to get their attention." -The ghost of Christmas something or other played by someone in Scrooged

Ray: He's probably a police officer and has instincts and those instincts tell him they're shoplifting.
Frasier: Well, I'm a police officer and I have instincts and my instincts tell me they're not in a store and there's nothing to steal.
-Frasier (Paul Gross) and Ray in Due South. (Quote may not be exact)

Brody: Feeling hostile are we? Because we only got 62 on our final exam?
Henderson: It had to be a mistake. How can you flunk a woman in a sexual harassment seminar?
Lucas: Uh, I don't know. Maybe uh, 'Been there, done that, know where to kick them next time' is a bit too brief of an answer for the essay part of the exam.
-Henderson (Kathi Evison), Lucas (Jonathan Brandis), and Brody (Edward Kerr) in Sea Quest

Dude: What are you?! Some kind of retard?!
Molly: No, I'm an irregular retard. And you?
Dude: Wise ass.
Molly: Oh, a wiseass retard! I've never heard of that kind.
-Elizabeth Shue and some dude in a movie called Molly, the quote may be wrong, I just saw it on a preview

"Maybe you shouldn't tell me how to pick my friends. I'm pretty good at that. I picked you, remember?" -Dexter (Don't know the actors name) in Aspen Extreme

"If I didn't know who ya was, I wouldn't know who ya was!" -Some old pirate on The Princess and the Pirate (Bob Hope movie, but that's not who said the line)

Brad: I've learned the "E" means empty and not "extra ten miles".
Tim: If I'd designed this car, it would have an extra gas tank.
Mark: Dad, if you had built this car, we'd be taking the bus.
-Home Improvement... last episode

"Hey Ortiz, whatta ya got there? A Cuban kitchen knife?" [Ortiz swings sword at Piccolo] "Hey, just kiddin' man!" -Piccolo (Micheal Deluise) in Sea Quest

Dr. Smith: Today he's a gorilla, tomorrow he'll be a pussy cat.
Bridger: Mr. Ortiz, if you do not surrender, you will be shot on site.
Lucas: That goes way beyond gorilla, doesn't it?
-Dr. Smith (Rosalind Allen) Bridger (Roy Scheider) and Lucas (Jonathan Brandis) in Sea Quest. (I skipped a few lines so it's not exactly like in the series, but it's about the same)

"This is crazy. A psychiatrist is telling me it's okay to stay on duty as long as I keep my imaginary friend in place." -Ford (Don Franklin) in Sea Quest.

Brody: Why do we have to do this?! Lay on the couch like.. like some loon. I mean, talk therapy went out with group sharing and past life recollections.
Lucas: Yeah. You know, I think I was uh.. Fred Flinstone in a past life.
Ford: You can't be a cartoon in a past life. It's like the movies, it'd be like saying you were... Jonny Depp in a past life.
Lucas: Yeah, you know, I might have been, though, actually. Because I remember I had an aweful lot of girlfriends.
Brody: He's still alive, genius.
-Lucas (Jonathan Brandis), Brody (Edward Kerr), and Ford (Don Franklin) in Sea Quest

Brody: I hate this.
Ford: What?
Brody: Being a B.
Lucas: A B? B as in what? Bumble?
Brody: As in book report. When I was in school, I always had to give mine first. Right after Addleson and Anatelli, was Brody.
Ford: That's third.
Brody: Yeah. Well, it felt like first.
Lucas: Doctor Smith is just updating the crew's psychological profiles, Jim. It's not like your gonna remember that you killed the paper boy or something.
Brody: That's easy for you to say. I mean, you're a Wolenczeck... a W. By that time, the teachers were asleep.
-Same guys in Sea Quest.

Bridger: You're next Lucas.
Lucas: Uh... Doctor, whatever happened to the B's?
Dr. Smith: Well, we'll talk about them along with the birds, how does that sound?
Lucas: Embarrassing.
-Captain Bridger (Roy Scheider), Lucas (JB), and Dr Smith (Rosalind Allen) in Sea Quest

"I've got nothin' ta hide! I just.. don't like rememberin' stuff I'm tryin' ta forget." -Brody (Edward Kerr), Sea Quest

Piccolo: Gee... the, time flies like the wind, huh?
Dr. Smith: Yes it does.
Piccolo: And fruit flies like bannanas.
-Piccolo (Michael Deluise) and Dr. Smith (Rosalind Allen), Sea Quest

"I'm not a freak. I'm a prototype." -Dagwood in Sea Quest (Peter Deluise)

Glasspool: I was hoping to find you sober.
Morgan: I was hoping to be passed out by now Mr. Glasspool.
-Glasspool and Morgan Adams (Geena Davis) in Cutthroat Island

Shaw: I'm not fond of heights!
Morgan: Then let go!
-William Shaw (Matthew Modine) and Morgan Adams (Geena Davis) in Cutthroat Island (Awesome movie made in about 1996)

[Dog growls]
Frasier: Uh-uh. Watch your language.
-Frasier (Canadian mounty on Due South, don't know actors name) giving his pet wolf a lecture on how the city has made it soft and it needs to get off it's addiction to junk food, then telling the dog to watch it's language...

The Shadow: The sun is shining.
Scientist, agent of the Shadow: But the ice is slippery.
-The Shadow and one of his agents and their retarded secret code.

"Do not attempt to grow a brain!" -Bad guy (don't know his name, he was on WaterWorld too) in Speed

VERY scared security guard: We're closed.
Con: Join me or die.
Terrified security guard: Excuse me?
Con: Join me or die.
Security guard is now scared senseless: This is private property.
-Security guard and bad guy in The Shadow

Bad guy: You need fuel.
Cab driver looks at gas gage, which is on F for full: Oh, I need gas!
-Cab driver and bad guy in The Shadow

Some dude: Margo, you don't return my calls anymore.
Margo Lane: That's not true, I never did return your calls.
-Margo Lane and some dude (Tim Curry) in The Shadow

"It's impossible, but do-able." -Sean Connery in Entrapment

Marco: Time to use the weapon.
Ax: Visser Three, we have something here. We have maple flavored oatmeal.
Marco (sarcastically): Oh, he's shaking now.
-Marco (Boris Cabrera) and Ax in the TV show Animorphs

Porter: Oh come on, your teacher wouldn't give you more homework just because of us.
Porter's son reading a word problem his teacher gave him: A train runs over a freak professor and his looser brother...
-Porter and his son (can't remember the kid's name.. blanked out) in Brother's Keeper... don't know the actors names

Bobby: I'm not the one who keeps frozen worms in the freezer.
Porter: Those are for the fish.
Bobby: They are? ..... You're out.
-Bobby and Porter, Brother's Keeper

Eric: If there's one thing I know, it's people. I've lived among them, I know. It's like a fifth sense.
Jack: You mean, sixth sense?
Eric: No, that's smell. You have to be lucky to get that.
-Eric (Wil Friedle) and Jack (Matt Lawerence) in Boy Meets World

Claire: The devil?
Andy: Not scary enough.
Claire: A clown?
Andy: Too scary.
Claire: The clown from hell?
Andy: Aren't they all?
Andy Lawerence and Claire in Brotherly Love trying to think of a Halloween costume

Matt: You think The Sound of Music is the scariest movie ever?
Lloyd: The hills are alive? How scary is that?!
-Matt and Lloyd in Brotherly Love

Darma: He's a human being!
Greg's friend: No he's not, he's a Denver Bronco!
-Darma and a friend in Darma and Greg

"Kick 'em in the butt!
Pop em in the nose!
49r's rule
and Denver blows!"
-Darma in Darma and Greg

"How am I supposed to swing dance with a girl, if I haven't practiced with a coat first?!" -Duncan (David Moscow) in Zoe Duncan Jack and Jane

Jane: It's not a camara. It's a necklace.
Ms. Bean: Oh! Then you can use your necklace to take a picture of me kicking your ass!"
Jane and Ms. Bean in Zoe Duncan Jack and Jane

Game show host: Who do you think has it easier, men or women?
Actor: There are 5 women to every man now right? Well then, I'd have to say cats.. I mean, men.
-Game show host and an actor on this old show called Tattle Tales

Joe: Faries? You're played a farie?
Matt: Not just any farie... King of the faries.
-Matthew and Joey Lawerence in Brotherly Love

"Let me get this strait. Matt can walk around in a sheet, Lloyd can walk around naked, and I'm the one you're worried about?!" -Andy Lawerence in Brotherly Love

Joe: Matt, I have to ask. What's in the sack?
Matt: Farie dust.
Joe: So, how many faries did you have to grind up to fit in there?
Matt and Joe in Brotherly Love

"As a matter of fact, right now, under these clothes... I'm naked. Nude, nude all nude live!" -Lloyd in Brotherly Love

"Man, you are the worst brother ever! First you tell me I need to go after something, then you laugh because the thing I go after is stupid, and now you want to punch me in the face!" Matt in Brotherly Love

Matt: I'm a gutless farie.
Joe: Matt, listen to me. Yesterday you were a gutless farie! Today you're king of the faries! When you snap, the other faries hop to!
-Matt and Joe in Brotherly Love

Eddie: Are you still an angel?
Howard: Are you still a juvenile delinquent?
-Some guys in this movie, Heaven Sent

Old Woman: You're grandmother should be reported to the social service.
Devon: Yeah? Well someone should report you to the Orkin Man.
-Some movie... don't even remember the name... Cop and a Half

"It's smooth, like Mayonnaise... only it's solid. And it doesn't taste good when you put it on sandwiches." -stupid guy in an art video

"What was that? Oh wow! It's sandpaper!" -same stupid guy in the art video

"My shirt is blue." -different stupid person, same video, purple shirt

Mitchell: Popeye. Now there was a great man. Do you know why?
Wiley: Because he ate his vegetables?
Mitchell: Bzzz. Wrong. Because his motto was, "I am what I am."
-Mitchell (Shane McDurmott) and Wiley (Seth Green) in Airborne

Brody: It's not an oxymoron.
Miguel: Yes it is.
Brody: No it's not.
Lucas: Well, maybe we should stick with moron.
-Brody (Edward Kerr) Miguel (Marco Sanchez) and Lucas (Jonathan Brandis) in Sea Quest

"Hell is a place, not an expression. Watch your language." -Howard in Heaven Sent

Jane: Oh look, Ana Cruze has been staring at you ever since you walked in.
Duncan: How can you tell?
Jane: I don't know... because she's looking at you and hasn't stopped?
-Jane (Azura Skye) and Duncan (David Moscow) in Zoe, Duncan, Jack, and Jane

Lucas: You know, I'd expect a little more compassion from a guy whose had friends hitting on his own mother.
Piccolo: This from the friend who hit on her?
Lucas: Wait a minute. I didn't exactly hit on her. It was uh ... it was a misunderstanding.
Piccolo: Aren't they all.
-Lucas (Jonathan Brandis) and Piccolo (Micheal Deluise) in Sea Quest

Dagwood: Why do people keep telling you what to do?
Brody: Well, I think it's probably because they care Dag.
Dagwood: Well then you get a lot of rest... damnit.
-Brody (Edward Kerr) and Dagwood (Peter Deluise) in Sea Quest

"Why can't they just outlaw all the illegal stuff?" Melissa Joann Heart, Sabrina

Gabby: Is it true that you threw that vanilla shake in Val's face?
Brink: Chocolate.
Peter: How did it feel?
Brink: It was cool and it was SA-WEET."
-Eric Von Detton, Peter and Gabby in Brink

"The man who is hated by everyone knows who his friends are. The man who is loved by everyone, has more enemies than most." -The guy that played Walter Winchell in the movie Winchell

Jack: I guess I can't be somethin' I ain't.
Dave: What, scab?
Jack: No... smart.
-Duh!

"It's this brain of mine, it's always makin' mistakes. It's got a mind of it's own!" -Again... duh!

"Imagine, seven million people all wanting to live together. New York must be the friendliest place on earth." -Paul Hogan as Mic in Crocadile Dundee

Bridger: Are you the Ben that painted the Army mule yellow at homecoming?
Ben: No... pink.
-Bridger (Roy Scheider) and Benjamin Krieg (Dan Aquino) in Sea Quest

Sean: I've been working at the docks since three a.m. Do you have any idea how cold it is at three a.m.?"
Cory: Nippy?
Sean: Yeah, nippy... do you wanna see me break my ear off?!"
-Sean (Rider Strong) and Cory (Ben Savage) in Boy Meets World

Sean: You're working for the mob.
Cory: But... the nice mob.
-Sean and Cory in Boy Meets World

[UEO inspector talking to Bridger... both are guys]
"Flat gut and the buttock of a sixteen year old... you don't believe me, do you? Feel for yourself! You think I'm kiddin'?! I've cracked walnuts with these cheeks!" -Sea Quest

"Are you pulling the sheep over my eyes?" -Dagwood (Peter Deluise) in Sea Quest

"It's the same sun as here!" -you know who said this, I shouldn't have to tell you

Rose: You have a gift Jack, you do. You see people.
Jack: I see you.
Rose: And?
Jack: You wouldn't have jumped.
-Leo and Kate in Titanic (I just think that's funny because she's acting like he's about to compliment her and he just starts contradicting what she was saying before.)

"You only say never because no one ever has before." -Cary Elwes in The Princess Bride

[Buttercup kisses King of the cheek]
King: What was that for?
Buttercup: It's just that you've been so nice to me and I won't ever see you again since I'm killing myself when I get to the honeymoon suite.
King: Oh, that's nice. [to Queen] She kissed me!
-King and Buttercup (don't know real names) in The Princess Bride


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