"But wait!" You exclaim in confusion. "How can you make a Pimpernel version of The Scarlet Pimpernel! You must've made a mistake!" Well, thanks for your vote of confidence. And no, for your information, I did not make a mistake. This page is dedicated to my version of The Scarlet Pimpernel if the songwriters and lyricists were like me (Far too lazy for their own good!) and decided to simply steal songs from other musicals. "But that would never work!" You exclaim again. I tap my foot angrily and impatiently. You want to see me try? Just watch. *Note: Most songs are not altered, but a few have a few words changed or are edited in size. Most are not, though.*
The musical starts with a dark theater. Nothing can be seen through the darkness, until the light comes on. A single lone figure stands in a dark theater, wearing a skimpy black dress. Marguerite. And, as the rest of the Comedie Francais comes into view, she begins to sing.
What good is sitting alone in your room
Come hear the music play
Life is a cabaret, old chum
Come to the cabaret
Put down the knitting, the book, and the broom
It's time for a holiday
Life is a cabaret, old chum
Come to the cabaret
Come taste the wine
Come hear the band
Come blow your horn start celebrating
Right this way
Your table's waiting
No use permitting some prophet of doom
To wipe every smile away
Come to the cabaret, old chum
Come to the cabaret!
The song ends, the theater is closed, Marguerite betrays St. Cyr. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Y'all know the drill. Anyway, Chauvelin clutches the paper evilly, feeling a song coming on. As he does so, two small girls appear playing hopscotch by the side of the stage. They pause a moment, then start shrieking. "The guillotine tumbrel is coming! The guillotine tumbrel is coming!" The song begins.
O ho the guillotine tumbrel is a-comin’ down the street
Oh please let him pass my door
O ho the guillotine tumbrel is a-comin’ down the street
I wish I knew who he was coming for
O ho the guillotine tumbrel is a-comin’ now
I don’t know how I can ever wait to see
It could be some aristos who are no relation
Or it could be
Yes it could be
Someone who knew me!
All this high faluton fun is over now, and we turn our gaze to England where Percy and Marguerite are getting married. Oh, how sweet.
I have dreamed that your arms are lovely
I have dreamed what a joy you'll be
I have dreamed every word you'll whisper
When you're close
Close to me
How you'll look in the glow of evening
I have dreamed and enjoyed the view
In these dreams I've loved you so
That by now I think I know
What it's like to be loved by you
I will love being loved by you
The wedding continues, but a visit from Dewhurst and an unspoken acceptance of betrayal by Marguerite leaves Percy sad and depressed. He sends her to bed alone, then for some reason starts singing with a deep French accent. Also, the lighting gets really weird - the color really wacked.
One dream in my heart
One love to be living for
One love to be living for
This nearly was mine
One girl for my dream
One partner in paradise
This promise of paradise
This nearly was mine
Close to my heart she came
Only to fly away
Only to fly as day
Flies from moonlight
Now, now I'm alone
Still dreaming of paradise
Still saying that paradise
Once nearly was mine
His friends arrive the next day, startled to see such a different Percy. After sorting out the details of becoming the first double identity heroes in history (Hey, that takes planning. You don't just jump into something like that!) they launch into a song, while waving around a big scarlet flag.
Do you hear the people sing
Singing the song of angry men
It is the music of a people who
Will not be beheaded again
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of a drum
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes
Will you join in our crusade
Who will be strong and stand with me
Beyond the cricket field is there
A world you long to see
Then join in the fight that will give you the right
To be free
Do you hear the people sing
Singing the song of angry men
It is the music of a people who
Will not be beheaded again
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of a drum
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes
Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance
The blood the martyrs will
Water the meadows of France
Do you hear the people sing
Singing the song of angry men
It is the music of a people who
Will not be beheaded again
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of a drum
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes
Ropespierre isn't very happy with this development. He sends Chauvie out to find this blasted Pimpernel! Chauvelin bursts into song himself, determined to show these boys up. After all, if they can steal Les Mis songs, so can he! He grabs his large stick and pulls on his black overcoat and hat.
There
Out in the darkness
A fugitive running
Fallen from grace
Fallen from grace
God be my witness
I never shall yield
'Til we come face to face
'Til we come face to face
He knows his way in the dark
Mine is the way of the Lord
Those who follow the path of the righteous
Shall have their reward
And if they fall as Lucifer fell
The blade, the sword!
Stars
In your multitude
Scarce to be counted
Filling the darkness
With order and light
You are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Keeping watch in the night
Keeping watch in the night
You know your place in the sky
You hold your course and your aim
And each in your season returns and returns
And is always the same
And if you fall as Lucifer fell
You fall in flame
And so it has been
And so it's written
On the doorway to paradise
That those who falter and those who fall
Must pay the price
Lord, let me find him
That I may see him
Safe behind bars
I will never rest
'Til then
This I swear
This I swear by the stars
As the song ends, we get a quick little number from Percy (The real end of Stars, as sung by Gavroche) dressed as Grapplin.
The servants are gossiping about this Pimpernel and Percy has way too much fun with it. Almost as much fun as I had altering this song... (Although I think the fog around the side of the stage is a bit much... I'll have to have a talk with the props guy...)
Servants: In sleep he sings to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me
And speaks my name
And may I dream again?
For now I find
The Scar------ let Pimpernel is there
Inside my mind!
Percy: La, those who have seen his face
Draw back in fear!
Servants: He needs no mask to wear!
Percy: It's me, m'dears!
Servants: Great spirit and sweet voice
In one combined
The Scar----- let Pimpernel is there
Inside my mind!
Percy: (In a hoarse whisper) He's there
The Scar----let Pimpernel!
Beware!
The Scar----let Pimpernel!
Servants: In all my fantasies
I always knew
That man and mystery
Armand: (Just arriving, and teasing Percy) Were both in you!
Servants: And in this Reign of Terror
Where night is blind
The Scar------let Pimpernel is there
Inside my mind!
Armand arrives, Marie paints, Marguerite suffers severe bouts of depression. All recorded for posterity through song while she gathers flowers that just "happen" to be in this room. I don't know why. Must I explain everything? Go ask someone who actually knows something.
Once I was loved
I knew I was loved
I flew through my days
In fanciful ways
Secure
And sure there'd always be
Endless love
For me
Gone is that love
My fanciful dove
Has tears in her eyes
She no longer flies
And yet, my heart will not despair
For it's there
Just a memory away
Once I was loved
So always, come what may,
Love's happy memory
Ever will be loving me
Chauvelin shows up, pulling Marguerite from depression into a puddle of goo on the floor. Whoops, sorry. I'M the puddle, not Marguerite. Although how anyone can listen to "Where's the Girl?" and NOT be a puddle is beyond me... Besides, Chauvelin looks so hot in that mask...
I have come here
In pursuit of my deepest urge
In pursuit of that wish which 'til now has been silent
Silent
I have brought you
That our passions may fuse and merge
In your mind you've already succumbed to me
Dropped all defenses
Completely succumbed to me
Now you are here with me
No second thoughts
You've decided
Decided...
Past the point of no return
No backward glances
The games we've played 'til now are at an end
Past all thoughts of 'if' or 'when'
No use resisting
Abandon thought and let the dream descend
What raging fires shall flood the soul
What rich desire unlocks it's door
What sweet seduction lies before us
Past the point of no return
The final threshold
What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn
Beyond the point of no return...
Marguerite sends him away, while the rest of us attempt to peel ourselves from off the carpet. Fortunately, we get a little sweet song to help, for Armand shows up saying that he must go to Paris. "Armand, do you think I'm odd?" "My sister, odd? Where'd you get an idea like that?!?" A happy little family moment follows.
Armand: No matter what you do
I'm on your side
And if my point of view is
Somewhat misty eyed
There's nothing clearer in my life
That what I wish and feel for you
And that's a lot
No matter what
Marguerite: No matter what they say
You make me proud
I love the funny way you
Stand out from the crowd
Armand: It's my intention
That we will show the world out there one day
Just what we've got
Both: No matter what
Armand: Now some may say all brothers just exaggerate
Marguerite: That every sister's great
Armand: You are
Marguerite: And every sister tends to say her brother's tops
Armand: She pulls out all the stops to praise him
Both: And quite rightly!
Armand: No matter what the pain
We've come this far
I pray that you remain exactly
As you are
This really is a case of brother knowing best
Marguerite: And sister, too
Armand: You're never strange
Marguerite: Don't ever change
Both: You're all I've got
No matter what
Percy and his men must convince the Prince of Wales that their only care is fashion. They seem downhearted and worried about this task, until Percy turns on the radio in time for the Iodent Hour! (Okay, so they didn't have radios back then. So sue me!)
Hey, hobo man
Hey, dapper Dan
You've both got your style
But brother
You're never fully dressed without frou-frou!
Your clothes made be
Like Chauvelie's
They stand out a mile
But brother
You're never fully dressed without frou-frou!
Who cares what they're wearing
In Paris or London's Row
It's what you wear with lace
And faaaaabrics
And not the fashion sense
That ma(aaaahhhh)tters (Can't you just see Doug drawing this out?)
So, citizen
So, Elton
So long for awhile
Remember you're never fully dressed
Though you may wear the best
You're never fully dressed without frou-frou!
Percy goes off with the Prince to fix his wardrobe, and Chauvelin approaches Marguerite to warn her to find the Pimpernel or Armand will be killed. Chauvie and Marguerite have a quick conversation in song format.
“Eponine’s Errand” (From "Les Miserables")
Chauvelin: Marguerite, who is this man?
Margot: Some heroic, wonderful guy!
Chauvelin: Marguerite, find him for me!
Margot: What will you give me?
Chauvelin: Anything!
Margot: Got you all excited now
But I'd never do this thing
Aren't you all delighted now
No, I don't want your money, sir
Chauvelin: Marguerite
Do this for me
Discover where he lives
But careful how you go
Don't let the Bounders know
Marguerite,
Armand's lost until he's found!
Marguerite: You see, I told you so
There's lots of things I know
Marguerite, she knows her way around.
This short thing over, they launch into the final number of the first act. However, the color gels in the lights once more get messed up, and the colors go funky on us. Oh well. On with the song.
Marguerite: You've got to be taught
To hate and fear
You've got to be taught
From year to year
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught
Percy: You've got to be taught
To be afraid
Of people whose accents are oddly made
And people whose clothes are a different shade
You've got to be carefully taught
Chauvelin: You've got to be taught
Before it's too late
Before you are six or seven or eight
To hate all the people
Your relatives hate
You've got to be carefully taught
All Three: You've got to be carefully taught!
End of Act One!
"Edelweiss" (From "The Sound of Music")
Pimpernel
Pimpernel
Every morning you greet me
Small and bright
Scarlet fight
You look happy to meet me
Blossom of dawn
May you bloom and grow
Bloom and grow forever
Pimpernel
Pimpernel
Bless my homeland
Forever
Mum, I know you'll think I'm foppy
But this time, I've really found her
Margot's what they call Parisian
Have to tell you what that means
Her idea of an evening
Is a ball or a play opening
I make up a poem
And act really foppy
I save Frenchies
And must travel
So at home I like relaxing
But lately Margot and I
Have been off on the wrong foot...
(He stops dictating to his mother, and starts singing from the heart)
I have never felt like this
For once I'm lost for words
Her smile has really thrown me
This is not like me at all
I never thought I'd know
The kind of love she showed me
Now, no matter where I am
No matter what I do
I see her face appearing
Like an unexpected song
An unexpected song
That only we are hearing
I don't know what's going on
Can't work it out at all
Whatever made her choose me
I just can't believe my eyes
She looks at me as though
She couldn't bear to lose me
Now, no matter where I am
No matter what I do
I see her face appearing
Like an unexpected song
An unexpected song
That only we are hearing
An unexpected song
That only we are hearing
Extra
Extra
Hey, look at that headline
Historical news is being made
Extra
Extra
They're drawing a red line
Around the biggest scoop of the decade
A barrel of charm
A fabulous thrill
The biggest little headline in vaudeville!
So, let me entertain you
Let me make you smile
Let me do a few tricks
Some old and then some new tricks
I'm very versatile
And if you're real good
I'll make you feel good
I want your spirits to climb
Just let me entertain you
And we'll have a real good time
Yes, sir
We'll have a real good time
Drink with me
To days gone by
Sing with me
The songs we knew
Hastings: Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads
Dewhurst: Here's to witty girls who went to our beds (TONY!!! I am so ashamed! I hope he's referring to their wives!)
Here's to them
And here's to you
Elton: Drink with me
To days gone by
Can it be
You fear to die
Will the world remember you when you fall
Could it be your death means nothing at all
Is your life just one more lie
All: Drink with me
To days gone by
To the life
That used to be
At the shrine of friendship never say die
Let the wine of friendship never run dry
If I die
I die with you
Percy: Do I care if I should die?
Now she's gone across the sea
Life without Margot means nothing at all
Would you weep, Marguerite, should your husband fall
Will you weep
Marguerite
For me
We turn our attention to the prison cell where Marguerite is again suffering from bouts of depression. *Why am I not surprised?* As she sings, she draws her cape around her, getting a rather dazed look on her face.
Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" (From "The Phantom of the Opera")
You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and husband
Then my world was shattered
Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed
If I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here
Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you
Won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could
Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental
Seemed for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle
Too many years
Fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive
Teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories
No more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say goodbye
Marguerite and Armand escape. Chauvelin shows up. Percy shows up. Chauvelin and Percy duel. Okay, we'll just push fast-forward since everyone knows what happens. *Bzzseptzzbrrrnnmpt* (Fast-forwarding noise) Chauvelin is tied up and Marguerite and Percy are happily in the other's arms. Hey, this calls for a song!
"So In Love" (From "Kiss Me, Kate")
Strange, dear
But true, dear
When I'm close to you, dear
The stars fill the sky
So in love with you am I
Even without you
My arms fold about you
You know, darling, why
So in love with you am I
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there
In love with my joy delirious
When I knew that you could care
So taunt me and hurt me
Deceive me, desert me
I'm yours 'til I die
So in love
So in love
So in love with you
My love
Am I
And, as the musical closes, we get a final reprise with Percy and Margot cast in white light, the rest marching in place behind them.
Do you hear the people sing
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people who
Are climbing to the light
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest night will end and
The sun will rise
They will live again in freedom in the garden of the Lord
They will walk behind the plowshare, they will put away the sword
The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward
Will you join in our crusade
Who will be strong and stand with me
Somewhere beyond the guillotine is there
A world you long to see
Do you hear the people sing
Say do you hear the distant drums
It is the future that they bring when
Tomorrow comes
Will you join in our crusade
Who will be strong and stand with me
Somewhere beyond the guillotine is there
A world you long to see
Do you hear the people sing
Say do you hear the distant drums
It is the future that they bring when
Tomorrow comes
Oh....
Tomorrow comes!