Author: coffeeplease
Rating: YTEEN (some curses)
Category: post-ep for Third Day Story, Humor, AU
Spoiler Info: Third Day Story, No Exit, Gaza, Memorial
Day, Leadership Breakfast, Debate Camp, Election
Night, The one where Toby talks about Miss Julia
Child... okay, everything up to Third Day Story.
Disclaimer: WB, NBC, John Wells, Aaron Sorkin....
owners. I just lease and try not to stain the carpet.
Lawsuits dont look good on me.
E-mail address for feedback: jamhandy1@yahoo.com
Archiving permission: Sure, just tell me first
Notes: See Part One
We did it.
Yes, Josh.
We actually did it.
Well, were not quite done. According to this, we
have to baste with the pan drippings.
But the chicken is in the oven. We can see the finish
line. And it actually looks... I dunno... like food...
we have to baste?
It says baste occasionally. It says nothing about a
finish line.
Occasionally is pretty vague.
Yeah.
Good Housekeeping kinda skimps on the important
details.
I think they assume a basic familiarity with cooking
terminology in writing their recipes.
*****************************************************
Toby and Josh joined C.J. and Donna in the living
room.
Wheres our food? C.J. asked.
Toby and Josh looked at each other. We were supposed
to be making... you... food? Toby asked mockingly.
Im thinking of the pork Moo Shu, C.J. Donna teased.
Maybe some spring rolls and scallion pancakes, C.J.
added.
Its in the oven, its heating or post-heating or
whatever, we just have to baste it occasionally...
C.J., put away your cell phone. Josh settled further
into his armchair.
So its chicken and... Donna asked.
Vegetables. The men chimed in.
And...?
And what?
A side dish of some sort, usually a vegetable,
sometimes a starch? C.J. took a sip of wine.
Toby and Josh stared at the two women, mouths agape.
There were side dishes involved in the deal? Josh
asked incredulously.
Chicken breasts and vegetables wont feed four
people, boys. C.J. said.
I think you underestimate the amount of breasts that
are currently basting in my oven, Claudia Jean.
Wow, that sounds wrong, Donna giggled.
A side dish, Toby muttered.
No, no, no... there were no side dishes mentioned...
dinner, floppy hats.... Josh stuttered.
A side dish is part of dinner, mi compadre. Im sure
if we called the President, who, by the way, can cook,
he would no doubt give the two of you a nice, long
lecture on the importance of starch in a meal.
Maybe a side salad instead of a starch, Donna added.
We havent even lost the bet yet and youre already
starting in on the salads!?! Josh screeched.
Go back into the kitchen, boys. C.J. pointed to the
kitchen door.
But... we want some wine, Josh... whined.
To the kitchen!
You could have just bought her some damn chocolate,
Toby muttered.
And chocolate would be lovely, Toby. For dessert. But
now we want a side dish. Donna stated sweetly.
I still fail to see how this was part of the original
deal.
Go! C.J. yelled.
Go! Donna yelled.
Go! The two woman yelled and pointed in unison.
Weird sense of deja vu here, Toby muttered as he and
Josh stalked dejectedly towards the kitchen.
Get out in that kitchen! C.J. continued.
Rattle those pots and pans! Donna added. Both women
began to giggle.
Im a hungry woman! C.J. finished, laughing.
Great, weve got Bill Haley and her little comet out
here, Josh muttered as he opened the kitchen door.
*****************************************************
I think all these side dish recipes call for
ingredients you dont have.
Since I dont have anything, youre probably right.
Toby flipped quickly through the book. Josh sighed
dejectedly.
Weve lost. Face it, Toby. We were caught unaware by
that whole side dish thing and now were gonna lose,
theyre gonna mock us forever, were gonna have to eat
salad with low-fat dressing and Donna will never date
me.
I doubt your ability to cook is the deal breaker with
Donna.
Still...
You want to impress her.
I want to make her happy.
Again, you flew to Germany...
But that... Toby, that was different. I want to make
her happy without a near-death situation involved.
Like on an everyday basis.
A near-death situation is involved in our current
predicament.
But its not mine nor Donnas near-death situation.
Look... I need to show Donna I can take care of myself
so that she doesnt, you know, think that shes going
to be taking care of me for the rest of our lives. I
need to be able to take care of her sometimes.
Thats a surprising amount of maturity coming from
you.
Im surprised myself.
But you picked her up from the airport, helped
rearrange her apartment so she can get along better in
the wheelchair, youre paying for the extra physical
therapy...
All of which is related to the near-death situation.
Weve already proven we can take care of each other
when one of us almost croaks. This is about everyday
stuff. You know, not an attempted assassination or
terrorist bomb.
Right, because I imagine those wont be everyday
occurrences for the next forty years.
Well, knowing our luck...
Couldnt you have... I dont know... built her gazebo
or something?
You think you and I would be better at that?
Probably not. Wed probably accidentally nail
ourselves to something.
Donna doesnt want a gazebo. She doesnt have
anywhere to put a gazebo. She wants a man who can
cook. Dammit, I want to be that man.
Then you should never have mocked me about Miss Julia
Child.
I regret that now.
Tobys face became determined.
Okay... side dishes.... do you have any rice?
That usually comes to me in a white carton.
Potatoes?
I dont know... Toby, weve lost!
No. No, I am not conceding. After seven years of
watching you sabotage dates and moan about inns and
whine about gomers, youre actually making a positive
move and I dont think you and I should be bested by
something as small as a side dish. Also, Miss Haley
out there, our new boss, should be put in her place.
Just so she wont ever quote a bastardized version of
a blues song to us again.
I agree, but I dont think I have any potatoes. And
if one of us goes out to the store again...
More ammunition for them.
Agreed.
C.J.... when you lost the bet and she told you you
had to cook her a meal, she didnt... specify the
amount of help, right?
Well, she immediately suggested you.
Figured that.
But no, she didnt.
Give me your cell phone.
*****************************************************
Charlie!
Apparently, my services are required. He was
carrying a large sack of redskin potatoes.
The college graduate with the redskin potatoes, huh?
C.J. took sip of wine.
Okay... you two have been drinking wine for awhile
now, right?
I dunno... couple of hours, it seems like... Donna
lolled her head towards Charlie.
I see. Well, keep drinking. Team Josh can use all the
help it can get.
He entered the kitchen.
Team Josh? Donna turned to C.J.
*****************************************************
I dont have to wear a floppy hat, right?
No, youre the ringer. Ringers dont have to wear
floppy hats, Toby answered.
Ill put on an apron if it helps Team Josh.
I dont have an apron, but I appreciate the thought,
Josh said.
How do we cook the potatoes? Toby asked.
In a pan, Charlie answered.
Do we need to marinate them like the chicken? Josh
asked.
We should probably cook them with some oil or butter
and some herbs.
Herbs?
Like oregano or basil or something... you guys dont
know anything about this? How do you feed yourselves?
Take-out, they both answered.
Everyday?
Were two single guys from the East Coast. Thats
just our way. Josh answered.
Im a single guy from the East Coast. Doesnt mean I
cant cook a killer Chicken Osso-Buco Style when the
need arises.
I knew the Osso-Buco was going to come back to haunt
us. Toby muttered.
So, Ill just start cutting the potatoes... Charlie
was quickly interrupted.
No! Toby and Josh shout in unison.
We have to do this ourselves, Toby explained.
I have to prove to Donna...
Say no more. What do you want me to do?
Keep them occupied.
Distract them until were done.
Do I get to eat, too?
Umm... Josh looked around. I dont know if weve
made enough food.
Thats okay. Im here for Team Josh, not for a free
meal.
Okay... so go out there and make sure they arent
saying mean things about us, Toby instructed.
Im not sure I can stop them from their favorite
pastime, but Ill do my best.
Charlie left the kitchen.
Herbs, Toby?
*****************************************************
Oh my God it looks edible! C.J. exclaimed as she sat
down.
Donna primly put her napkin on her lap. Wow... I
mean, I thought at the very least you guys would burn
the eggplant.
Toby and Josh exchanged satisfied grins.
And even though the potatoes went in late, they
look... cooked. C.J.s eyes were wide with amazement.
With herbs, Donna added.
Lets not be too hasty, Donna. We have to taste it
first. C.J. winked at her coconspirator.
You still have the menu, right, C.J.?
Enough! Josh intoned as he poured himself some wine.
One of you ladies taste the damn thing and Toby and I
will then bask in our glory while you wallow in your
defeat.
Donna, dear...
Oh no, C.J., I insist. It was your bet.
Hes your boyfriend!
Donna and Joshs eyes went wide.
Donna recovered quickly. Exactly. Therefore, I have
to be supportive and... um... to properly be
supportive I need to... uh... see if you live first.
Josh managed to look both elated and insulted.
I would point out that I cooked as well. I was an
integral part of seed removal. Toby grunted.
Josh leaned over to Donna. Yeah, but Im the one who
basted.
Just like the rest of us went to school on your
throw, right, Josh?
Hey, remember the team, Toby! Team Josh!
C.J. picked up her knife and fork. Okay, since none
of us have apparently graduated from kindergarten, I
will risk life and stomach and try your chicken with
vegetables. Donna, you can direct an ambulance here?
Hey, hey, hey!
No worries, C.J.
C.J. cut herself a piece and cautiously took a bite.
Toby and Josh stared at her, apprehensive. C.J.s eyes
widened; the men held their breaths. She chewed
thoughtfully, swallowed, than grimaced. The men
cringed.
Donna...
Yes, C.J.
Its actually delicious. We lost. I cant believe it;
we lost.
*****************************************************
It was really good, Josh.
Thank you, Donna.
They were alone in his living room.
Did you enjoy cooking?
Sort of. I mean, actually doing it wasnt bad. I just
wish...
What?
It would have been more fun if you had been helping
me instead of Toby. And easier. Cause you actually
know how to cook, although I hope Ive proven at least
that I can... You want a man who can cook. And I want
to cook for you, Donna. I mean, Im not ready to bake
yet and I still dont understand the concept of
preheat but I want...
Preheat means you turn on the oven.
See, I dont understand why they cant just say turn
on the oven.
Well, Ill make it clearer for you when Im teaching
you how to cook my chicken pot pie.
Youll... teach me how to cook?
Of course. Then we can cook together.
But I thought youd want a man whose already knows
how to cook.
I want a man whose willing to cook. Who doesnt
expect me to make all three meals, everyday, until
death do us part. But just because you dont know
doesnt mean you arent able and willing... thats the
most important part.
He kissed her softly.
You couldnt have made that clear before the side
dish part?
Well, I wanted to see you suffer.
Be careful, Donna. Toby and I already have plans for
our revenge.
You won. Why do you need revenge? She stroked the
side of his face.
Gender equality, Donna.
You are such the feminist, Josh.
I know.
So what are you going to force us to cook?
No cooking for you two.
Ever again?
Tobys already talking about attempting the Chicken
Osso-Buco Style.
So barefoot and pregnant, just not in the kitchen?
She grinned at him mockingly before kissing him.
Uh.. not until your leg heals and you know, we get
married and I think you should probably wear shoes
while you and C.J. are working on your project.
That project being?
How do you feel about building us a gazebo?