Author: coffeeplease
Rating: PG
Category: General, AU, Angst
Spoiler Info: Everything up to A Good Day
Disclaimer: WB, NBC, John Wells, Aaron Sorkin....
owners. I just lease and try not to stain the carpet.
Lawsuits dont look good on me.
E-mail address for feedback: jamhandy1@...
Archiving permission: Sure, just tell me first
Notes: This is the same universe as Grocery Store,
Race Car,Wills Glasses, Gin Gimlets and Bar
Stools. This one has a serious subject and more angst
for our heroes, but it will all work out in the end.
Small reference to Back To The Future (see title).
Thank you everyone who has given feedback; Im
incredibly grateful. Please tell me what you think of
this one.
C.J. Cregg, step away from the bouquet!
Grinning, C.J. turned around. Come on, Donna, I think
red and green would be perfect!
Donna walked over to the table and wrinkled her nose.
The green is spray-painted on.
Guess these are Christmas leftovers. C.J. walked
over to another table in the florist shop. They had
been there for over an hour and C.J. was beginning to
feel a bit lightheaded. What about this? This is
magnolia, ranunculus, orchid and lisianthus.
Isnt that a Simon and Garfunkel song? Donna put her
hand on her forehead. C.J. wondered if Donna was
feeling a bit dizzy as well. Itll go well with the
bridesmaid gowns, but it seems a bit... much. I dont
think youd see me over the flowers.
Here we go... poinsettia, rose and pine... perfect
for the right after Christmas wedding. C.J. looked
down at the table. And its half-off.
Donna pursed her lips at the bouquet. She sighed
deeply. I hate this, C.J. Im hating planning this
wedding. Arent most women supposed to be excited
about wedding plans? Dont they stay up nights hoping
the cummerbunds match the carpet of the church? Am I
that unusual that I wish I was looking at media
markets or gearing up to battle a rider on a bill?
Honestly, C.J. hated it, too. She loved doing this for
Donna and Josh, she loved spending the free time with
Donna. The ring shopping with both of them had been
fun, the bridesmaid dresses had been quick and
planning the menu for the reception had induced hunger
pains, but the flowers had been boring. Boring, and
C.J. was beginning to feel her sinuses clog. She was
hankering for a milk shake or fries or that trout with
lemon herb butter from the reception menu.
She put a comforting hand on Donnas shoulder. I
dont think its that unusual. I think that you are a
modern, independent woman and a modern, independent
woman wouldnt necessarily swoon over all that crap.
They make it overwhelming so that women who have doubt
about who they are marrying are too busy to think
about it. You have no doubt, so all of this is
annoying.
We really, really should have eloped, C.J.
C.J. smiled. Yeah, but President Bartlet and Leo want
to be there. Your parents and his mother want to be
there.
President Barlet had the fanciest private jet in the
world. He wouldve flown to Vegas for us. Couldve
picked people up along the way.
The taxpayers probably wouldnt have been so
thrilled.
Donna smiled the first smile C.J. had seen in the hour
at the florist shop. No, probably not.
C.J. began to lead Donna out of the allergy
attack-inducing store. They could find the bouquet
another day. Besides, thats what Im here for. These
are all maid of honor-type duties. That includes
telling the stressed-out bride-to-be to take a break.
Once they were outside, C.J. steered Donna towards a
nearby coffee shop. They needed massive amounts of
fortification. There were all the flower arrangements,
guest lists (and accompanying that, secret service
arrangements), types of invitations, the photographer,
the band, the cake.... It was never-ending. Invading
Kundu didnt take this much work.
The women sat down with steaming cups and carefully
discarded their winter wear. Donna rubbed her hands
together before she took a sip. Mmmm... coffee. Ive
missed it.
C.J.s head perked up as she sipped. You missed it?
You were trying to work on a national campaign without
caffeine?
Well... Donna looked sadly at her half-empty sugar
packet, then darted her head around the room. Um...
The wheels in C.J.s head spun quickly. You dont...
you dont have to tell me.
No, its okay, Donna took a long sip. We thought I
was, but it turned out that I wasnt.
Was...
Pregnant.
Oh... The wheels were flying off the wagon in C.J.s
mind as she pictured Josh, with the longer hair of
yore, bouncing around the bullpen with a baby his
shoulder. Of course, in her fantasy, he was still
screaming curses at Republicans and traitorous
Democrats. Are you okay?
Oh, Im fine, Donna pushed her hair back away from
her face. Im sort of relived that I wasnt. I didnt
want it to overshadow the wedding. I dont want anyone
snarking that its a shotgun-type thing.
But the two of you want kids...
Yeah, we do. Donna took another sip. C.J. could tell
she was enjoying it immensely. But theres no great
rush. When it happens, it happens.
Howd he take it? C.J. asked.
Donna sighed. Well. I mean, he took the idea of me
being pregnant well. We were both excited. I took a
home pregnancy test and everything.
False positive, obviously.
Yeah, these things happen. Donnas eyes looked dark
to C.J. C.J. tried to put herself in the younger
womans shoes. Would she really be as blas about this
as Donna was being? Maybe. They still had plenty of
time. They could focus on the wedding instead of the
wedding and a baby.
Still, C.J. felt sad for them for some reason. The
picture of the bouncy politician with the bouncy baby
wouldnt leave her head.
How long did you think you were...
Two months.
Are you sure youre okay with other...
Yeah, I went to the doctor and everything. Im fine.
She took another long sip of coffee and it occurred to
C.J. that she was inhaling the coffee down at an
alarming rate. Donnas tongue and throat must have
been scalded by now.
They sat in silence for a few moments and sipped
coffee. C.J. recognized one of her former deputies and
waved quickly as the young man went to buy a latte. A
jaunty wave that said, dont come over here. She knew
that Donna was hiding something, whether it be an
emotion or a fact. She knew her, knew when she was
uncomfortable...
C.J. couldnt rewind time. It was never in her power.
They didnt give instructions for that when you became
Chief of Staff. Her and Donnas relationship had
completely recovered since that damn shutdown, but if
C.J. could just hop into a DeLorean and change that
night, she would. She would also make sure that Donna
never got on that plane to Gaza and that Josh never
went to Rosslyn.
Make sure Simon never left to buy the damn flowers.
Tell Mrs. Landingham to drive the other way. Give Leo
salads everyday for lunch. The list was long and for
all the awful death and senseless pain, the shutdown
conversation was at the top. C.J. didnt know why.
C.J.... Donnas voice sounded small. I need....
Okay, I havent been exactly truthful.
C.J. closed her eyes. Something was wrong with Donna
and now she had a new destination for the DeLorean.
Maybe time travel couldnt cure whatever disease she
had, but she could travel to the beginning and drag
Donna to a doctor.
Taking a deep breath, C.J. realized she was leaping
too far. Maybe Donna wasnt being exactly truthful
about the type of caviar she wanted at the reception.
You can tell me whatever you need to, Donna. Im
totally here for you. C.J. tried not to sound scared.
Okay... Donna looked down at her hands. Its not
that... I wasnt... it wasnt a false positive. I was
pregnant.
Okay.
I... um... had a miscarriage about a month ago.
Little less then a month ago.
Oh, God. C.J. resisted the urge to touch Donnas
hand. Although, she noticed that Donna now looked as
if the weight of a thousand planets had been lifted
off her shoulders. Im so sorry, Donna.
It really is okay, C.J. It feels good... to talk
about it. With someone other than Josh.
Hows he doing with... it?
You know us, we both thought we had done something
wrong. It took awhile before we... we understood that
neither of us had done anything wrong. That sometimes
these things happen. But we talk about it. I think, as
twisted as this sounds, that it made us closer.
C.J. remembered an event three weeks prior and seeing
Josh and Donna talk to almost no one but each other.
Gripping each others hands and leaving twenty minutes
into the party. When C.J. had said a quick hello, she
noticed that all four eyes in front of her appeared
red rimmed. Leo had said they were both tired from the
campaign.
Does anyone else know?
Leo. We had told him about the pregnancy. We were
just about to tell the rest of you.
My God, C.J. took a sip of coffee and tried to
process everything. But youre okay now, right? The
two of you... you can try again.
Donna smiled fully. Absolutely. The doctor said... he
said that Im in excellent health and everything is
working perfectly. Josh and his, you know, little
swimmers are fine. There really wasnt any reason...
Donna stopped suddenly and took a deep breath. No
reason at all that the next time I wont be able to
carry to term.
C.J. could tell that Donna was telling the truth. Her
eyes brightened at the words next time.
Can I ask a girly question thats kind of sad? C.J.
was curious.
Sure.
What would you have named it? I mean, I guess, what
are you thinking of naming the future little Lymans?
Donnas smile widened even more. Well, Noah for a
boy, obviously. Probably Noah Josiah. And for a girl,
were kind of stuck between Abigail Joan and Claudia
Joan.
C.J. felt tears spring to her eyes without her
permission. Jeez... Claudia Joan... you know what
that shortens to, right?
It was my suggestion.
And what if you have two boys?
It definitely wont be Toby or Leo, I can tell you
that much. Charlies kinda nice, though.
Noah and Charlie... what if they inherit Joshs
energy?
Donnas grin was nearly splitting her face. Then Ill
have to drink a lot of coffee.
Josh and Donna would have children, C.J. thought to
herself. She could visualize it, she could see it. If
she had that stupid silver DeLorean, she could fly
into the future and watch them slowly grow. This, like
so many things in their long history, was just a
setback and although it was painful, they would
overcome it. Donna seemed lifted, just by talking
about with C.J.
Tapping her fingers on the counter, Donna looked out
the window for a moment and then looked back to C.J.
I dont really think that hardest part of what
happened was that we lost the baby. That was hard, but
once we were reassured that nothing was wrong...
What was the hardest part? I mean, again, you dont
have to tell me if you dont want to.
Donnas grin was gone. She took a very deep breath and
blew it out slowly. No, its okay. I need to talk
about it. The hard part for me and I think for Josh as
well... we were asleep in bed when it happened and we
woke up and there was so much blood....
The acid from the coffee bounced around C.J.s
stomach. For a second, she felt like she was going to
throw up.
And I saw the blood on him and he saw the blood on me
and... I mean, after fifteen seconds you rationally
know what happened and why theres all this blood but
those fifteen seconds were so long and the first thing
I heard in my head was Tobys voice saying Josh was
hit.
C.J. almost couldnt breath and she saw Donnas
younger, pale face answer Hit with what?
Josh told me later that he saw me in a hospital bed
and... I mean, any couple would panic, but I think for
us it was... weve had to deal with blood too much
already. I think that upset us more than losing the
baby, although were still pretty... sad about the
baby.
DeLoreans were useless machinery. C.J. didnt need a
time travel machine to see Joshs eyes as she told him
about the explosion in Gaza. She could shake her fist
up to the heavens again, as she had so many times in
the past seven years. Again? They had to be hurt
again? After theyd finally found each other, someone
upstairs decided to show them more blood?
It hardly seemed fair.
C.J. found her voice, trying her best not to cry.
Donna needed strength, surely, and more fortification
than was in a cup of coffee. Im... sorry isnt
enough, Donna. If theres anything to two of you
need...
Were doing fine. Like I said, we talk about it...
that really helps. And I know Josh has talked with Leo
about it. And it really feels good to talk to you
about it, C.J.
Well, thats what the maid of honor is there for,
Donna. C.J. brushed her eyes with her hands and
smiled a small watery smile. Gives me a chance to
make up for that conversation during the shutdown.
Donna giggled slightly and put her head in her hands.
Good God, C.J., youre not still feeling guilty about
that!
No.... well, yes.... I just... He was crushed when
you left.
We both... got over that. Even Josh will now say that
my quitting was a good thing. Otherwise, wed have
stayed on until the end and then we would have started
a relationship. And it wouldnt have been as strong a
relationship as the one we have. I needed to leave
him.
Yeah, but I couldve been nicer about it. And telling
you to have a one-night stand... he would kill me if
he knew.
He knows.
Well, I know he knows that you slept with Colin.
No, he knows that you said that.
Donna!! C.J.s eyes bugged out of her head. She was,
however, enjoying the change of subject. Not that she
wouldnt have spent five hours talking about the
miscarriage with Donna, but she had been on the verge
of bawling.
Relax, relax. Hes not at all mad at you about it.
Not after I explained it.
And what spin did you put on it, my favorite press
secretary?
I said that you meant I should have my fun before the
inevitable happened. And that by one-night stand you
meant a firm handshake.
C.J. smiled. Thats kind of what I meant at the time.
Not the firm handshake part.
I dont think he bought that, either.
I guess inevitable is the wrong word, because
nothings inevitable. But, you know, I was never
against...
Oh, yeah you were, my favorite press secretary.
The press secretary was against it. C.J. Cregg
thought it was as close to inevitable as anything
else. Thats whats getting me through all this
wedding planning crap. It really feels... meant to
be.
Donna gave the biggest, most beautiful smile C.J. had
ever seen. I have no doubts.
I know.
No doubts that poinsettia, rose and pine is not the
way to go.
C.J. laughed. A DeLorean couldnt take her away from
this moment.