TP Characters Would Never Say...
If you would like to add anything e-mail it to me at janes_guidett@yahoo.com.
Alanna:
1. Where’s my wonderbra? How can I fight without it? ~Kiana
2. Roger, you sexy little sorcerer, you! I just love the whole dark duke get-up! ~Kiana
3. The secret to attracting devilishly handsome and powerful men? Emotional retardation, a big sword, and a good slay. ~Kiana
4. Jonathan, I'm so sorry, I never should have gotten into a fight with you, please forgive me!
5. Jon…I *totally* agree with you. *shakes head for emphasis, then leans on table, eyes pasted on Jon, sparkling with attention.
6. I’m giving up my shield and pursuing the life of a Mithran priest!
7. Neal…I love you.
8. Why does *Keladry* get *such* a cool shield? Am I not the woman who screwed the Prince to get my knighthood? Am I not the woman who’s tiny? I want a female device on my shield too! WHAAAAA!!!
9. You make me feel bad…
10. Wyldon…come here and gimme a kiss!
11. Hey Roger, wanna go out? We can go to my chambers aferwards... ~Alanna Rockwell
12. Hey, all i want to do is be a house wife. I can't stand violence. ~Jaycee
Alex:
1. Part-time gigolo. ~Kiana
2. Like the Duracell bunny, I just go on, and on, and on...until the Lioness pounds my brain into small splinters. ~Kiana
3. Killing my friends is just an expression of my love. Some people say it with flowers. I say it with betrayal. ~Kiana
4. You think I’m good with a sword – wait till you see me with my Supersoaker 2000! ~Kiana
5. I wasn’t Roger’s squire just because of my disturbingly seductive presence – I knit well too... ~Kiana
Badger:
1. Hello Daine! It's a lovely day isn't it? Oh *hello* Numair! How do you do??? ~Huffelwilda
Buri:
1. But I'll get my skirts wet! ~Junipertree
2. Does this look too butch? ~Junipertree
3. That armor needs more lace ~Junipertree
4. Bandits attacking? Just let me finish putting on my lip rouge ~Junipertree
Cleon:
1. I’m not in love with Kel! I’m actually just using her to get to Neal... ~Sara
Coram:
1. Alanna, I can't stand it anymore!!! The way you look at George... It was *torture*!!! I'm leaving! I cannot restrain my deep feelings of homosexuality any longer!!! ~Huffelwilda
Daine:
1. My father is actually Rolf Harris ~Kiana
2. All those talking animals? I hired the Muppets. ~Kiana
3. God, I love psychotic men in black eyeliner. ~Kiana
4. Screw you, Numair! Oh wait…I am. ~Kiana
5. Oh look, a kraken! Aw...it’s so cute...look at it’s ickle mile long tentacles...can I keep him? ~Kiana
6. Do I talk to animals? Nooo...Why does it seem that way? PIXIE STICKS! POWER TO THE PIXIE STICKS! Pixie sticks set me free! They let me behold the power of Sugar! What about the animals you ask? You think I can talk to them? Noo...They're pixie sticks in disguise! PIXIE STICKKKSSSS!!! ~Kiana
7. Numair, I'm eloping with Neal ~Junipertree
8. Eeek! a mouse! ~Junipertree
9. Shame I killed Ozorne- that makeup made him look sexy ~Junipertree
10. Numair, Tristan could kick your ass any day ~Junipertree
11. Daine's animal physic hotline- $4.99 a minute ~Junipertree
12. Numair, I’m gonna whip your lil’ ass!
13. Alanna, you bitch! How *dare* you screw Numair!?!
14. Ewww…Tahoi, get away, get * away*! You’re getting me all slimy! Ewww!!!
15. Animal abuse? I’m all for it!
16. Now that I think of it, Tristan was one sexy beast. And closer to my age, too.
17. Aww…look at the lil’ kitties…k’mere you cutsie-wootsies. Aww… c’mon you adowable kittie-wissies!
Delia:
1. So what if I put everyone's lives in danger, forced Thom to bring Roger back to life and ruined Jon and Alanna's sex life??? I was feeling *so* crummy!!! After all, I'd lost my hair spray!!! Who wouldn't feel that crummy!!! [turns and pouts] ~Huffelwilda
Eda:
1. Where’d I leave my teeth? ~Sara
George:
1. Alanna, marrying you was just a way to get closer to Jon ~Kiana
2. No, no, no, Claw, please *take* my chair. And let me be your personal slave... ~Kiana
3. In my spare time, they call me 007. ~Kiana
4. And everyone thought it was the staff stealing all those statues from the palace... ~Kiana
5. The best things in life are free – if you swipe them quick enough. ~Kiana
6. The name’s Swoop – George Swoop ~Laurie
7. Call 911! I’ve been hit!
Jonathan:
1. No, Zahir, I don’t sleep with *all* my squires. ~Kiana
2. People say I’m a good king and ignore the fact my country is in a permanent state of war. ~Kiana
3. Everyone thinks it was Roger who killed my father...but think about it...who was next in line to the throne? ~Kiana
4. Magic, looks, intelligence...if only I *was* Numair. ~Kiana
5. Who cares about the poor, the homeless, and hungry? I lost my colored-contacts…*how* am I gonna show my face???
6. Ever wonder *why* I have *such* long lashes? I use mascara!!! Power to mascara!!! Yipee!!!
7. I hate Thayet, but marrying her was the only way I could get a sane wife and sleep with Buri. ~Alanna Rockwell
Joren:
1. Oil of Olay keeps my skin looking soft and beautiful ~Kiana
2. I’m gay. ~Kiana
3. I express my inner trauma through wanton acts of prejudice and violence. ~Kiana
4. Keladry, marry me! ~Kiana
5. I’m actually a natural brunette. ~Kiana
6. Why was I mean to you, Kel? Well...You see * blush* I'm actually a girl in disguise...I admire you, Kel! ~Kiana
7. I’m a pretty, pretty princess! ~Sara
8. Does this shade of blusher make me look too girly? ~Sara
9. I'm actually a cross dresser and I love the attention that it gets me!!! So if you’re looking for a sexy, blue-eyed blonde, you can find me from 3 to 5 singing Britney Spears songs at the Dancing Dove Inn. I'm the person standing on the bar counter in that powder blue dress. ~Sara
Josiane:
1. Maybe I should have gone for sanity instead of stronger, healthy looking hair... ~Kiana
2. Catch me in So I Married An Axe Murderer 2! ~Kiana
3. I’m in the business of making cat food. ~Kiana
4. She may be a knight, and a witch, and one of the Goddess’s own, but the voices talk to *me*! ~Kiana
5. Siam, you are the weakest link – goodbye! ~Kiana
6. Do you think this dress makes me look slutty, Delia? ~Kiana
7. I'm considering joining AMA-Axe Murderers Anonymus. ~Alanna Rockwell
8. I'm related to Lizzie Borden. ~Northqueen90@aol.com
Kaddar:
1. The dinosaurs did *what* on my carpet? ~Kiana
2. What do you mean someone’s trying to kill me? ~Kiana
3. I gobble when I eat. ~Kiana
4. Despite appearing to be a complete idiot, if you kill my uncle and put me next in line to the throne, I suddenly turn into the King everyone dreams of. ~Kiana
5. Max factor: the make-up of emperors. ~Kiana
Kel:
1. Oh no, did I really throw up on Garvey from the top of that mountain? I feel *so* horrified. ~Kiana
2. Joren, you sexy beast! ~Kiana
3. My secret benefactor? I forged the notes myself and made the money doing embroidery at night. ~Kiana
4. Lord Wyldon is my role model. I too want to be a chauvinistic prejudiced bald man. ~Kiana
5. A fearsome clifftop battle with almost certain potential of extra kudos and conquering of my great fear, not to mention saving the day and earning the admiration of everyone present? But it’s that time of the month! ~Kiana
6. Fight Joren? But I might get bruised! Geez, can't I just tell Wyldon? ~Junipertree
7. Can you * believe* that cute little outfit wasn't in my *size*? *Now* what am I gonna wear to dinner? ~Quartz
8. Eeek!!! I broke a nail!
9. In truth, I am nothing but an unfeeling, cold, arrogant bitch…gosh, Joren really *does* influence people!
10. Don’t cry for me all my lover-boys! You know that I’ll always screw you! Once on Monday…three times of Friday…I’ve kept my promise, don’t keep your distance! (Sung to the melody of ‘Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina!)
11. This is too hard. I give up.
12. So, how much does it cost to live up in Balor’s Needle? I can pay!
13. Go Joren, go Joren, go Joren!
14. I’m gonna lapdance on Neal today! Eeek!!! I can’t wait!!!
15. Going to high places to counquer my fear of heights? No, they're great babe lookouts. ~Alanna Rockwell
16. Cleon, I'm leaving you for Lord Wyldon. Goodbye! ~Alanna Rockwell
17. Oh Lord Wyldon, you sexy old thang, MARRY ME!!!! ~Huffelwilda
18. I'm *soooooooooo* jealous of Joren! Cross-dressing * and* singing Britney Spears at the Dancing Dove??!! I wanna do it, too!!! ~Huffelwilda
Lalasa:
1. Hey Neal, lookin’ sexy, gimme a kiss? ~Kiana
2. What Kel doesn't know is that at night I dress up in a cape and fight crime in the streets of the Lower City ~theladysong
Neal:
1. Yo, wassuuuuuuup! ~Kiana
2. I can’t actually read, but it’s a great girl-puller. ~Kiana
3. My true calling in life is to be a WWF wrestler. ~Kiana
4. I only went to University for the booze. ~Kiana
5. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, thou—I’m talking to a wall? Damn hormones! ~Kiana
6. Love sucks. I'm gonna be a priest. ~Kiana
7. Uline, I am through with this! Do you realize I'm the one who's been writing you terrible soppy poetry? I just can't believe you've been this blind...I can't take it any more!! ~Kiana
Numair:
1. $5 an hour for kids’ parties. ~Kiana
2. Supreme Sorcerer™ - batteries and respect for age gaps not included. ~Kiana
3. I’m only a black robe because it doesn’t show stains. ~Kiana
4. That hawk thing? It’s remote-control operated, but it looks impressive as hell. ~Kiana
5. I’m actually Roger of Conte. This is just a latex mask. Bet you didn’t see *that* one coming! ~Kiana
6. Daine, I do not love you. and the baby I carry? It is Antonio's! I'm leaving you for Kally. goodbye, Daine. ~Kiana
7. Why do *I* have to wear a black robe? My favorite color is pink!
8. Excuse me? Illegal? Dude, I’m a pedophile and proud of it!
9. But I don’t know how she got here. *Honest*.
Onua:
1. *Ohhhhhhh*, do I *have* to muck out the stables * again???* ~Huffelwilda
Ozorne:
1. Maybe I *shouldn’t* try to be an evil dictator... ~Kiana
2. Did all that violent murdering smudge my eyeliner? ~Kiana
3. You have no idea how hard I work to keep my image this squeaky-clean ~Kiana
4. Making evil flesh-eating monsters? Maybe it was a bit over the top. ~Kiana
5. I’m actually just a big softie really. ~Kiana
6. Maybe I *was* born with it, or maybe it’s Maybelline ~Becks
Ralon:
1. Kissing pigs? Just call me Kermit. ~Kiana
2. Maybe having a distinctive set of acid burns *was* just asking to be identified and killed... ~Kiana
3. I was born Rowena. ~Kiana
4. Emotionally repressed – physically possessed. ~Kiana
5. Just because I want everyone to be my personal slave doesn’t mean I’m a * bad* person. ~Kiana
Raoul:
1. In truth, I am related to Hagrid. I don’t know *who* he is, *where* he comes from, or *why* I think so, but I am 100% certain that I am half-giant too.
Rikash:
1. Let’s all be friends ~Teardrop
2. I really don't want to hurt anyone ~Teardrop
3. These aren’t steel wings, they’re those fairy kind you buy at the Disney store! ~Teardrop
Roald (Prince):
1. My fiance got killed in an earthquake? Quick, crack open a keg, I’m single again! And in keeping with family tradition, there’s a female squire right there! ~Kiana
2. I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby, looking for willing maidens, baby. ~Kiana
3. From now on, I want to be the artist formerly known as Prince Roald ~Kiana
4. Roald: Recipient Of A Land’s Difficulty ~Kiana
Roger:
1. Maybe I shouldn’t leave my evil voodoo dolls lying around. ~Kiana
2. I use L’Oreal. Because I’m worth it. ~Kiana
3. Inoculation ruined my world take-over bid. ~Kiana
4. Phenomenal magical powers...complete lack of common sense ~Kiana
5. Next time I forge my own doom, the Lioness doesn’t get to take the credit.. ~Kiana
6. I didn't really want to kill Squire Alan. In Truth - I wanted to love him - Yes... I am a bisexual. ~Kiana
7. Hello. My name is Roger. I have a problem. I want to destroy the world because no one will have sex with me. ~Kiana
8. Therapy's great! We sing songs all day long, and watch a lot of Barney cartoons -- and, oh yeah, I'm down to killing one person a day now! ~Quartz
Thayet:
Thom:
1. And you thought David Copperfield was good. ~Kiana
2. Wizard, qualified, seeks home. Requires large space, preferably near convenient cemetery, with fireproof floor. Will provide own heating. May disrupt fabric of reality occasionally. ~Kiana
3. I wonder what happens if I push this large metaphorical button marked ‘mass destruction’... ~Kiana
4. No, dammit Liam, I do *not* want your number, Alanna is over *there*. ~Kiana
5. I may be incredibly stupid, but my shield designs are pretty damn nifty. ~Kiana
6. You know, I'm actually just depressed, that’s why I continually put people in danger and raise the dead. So why does everyone say I did it for Delia? ~Kiana
7. I like to compare Alanna and myself to Mary-Kate and Ashley. Yep, the Olsen twins are our heroes. They’re famous, we’re famous…maybe we could get together and start our own sit-com!
Tkaa:
1. My low, whispery voice is great for obscene phone calls. ~Kiana
2. Just call me Skippy, mate. ~Kiana
3. My ability to turn everything into rock makes singing in the shower a pain in the ass. ~Kiana
4. Talk about getting stoned... ~Kiana
5. You have no idea how long it takes buffing with a pumice stone to get my scales this shiny. ~Kiana
Tristan Staghorn:
1. I’m in a completely different branch of life now. ~Kiana
2. 100% recyclable. ~Kiana
3. Battle-magic, bloodrain, poisoning my best friend...what gave me away? ~Kiana
4. Deep down, I’m really sappy. ~Kiana
5. No, I would *not* make a good mantelpiece! ~Kiana
Weiryn:
1. Horns growing from my head? Only a loincloth? Geese, I'm baffled. Either the artist thought he was painting a Renissance nude picture or there's been a typo. ~Lady Elise
2. Hunt God? Naaah. I can't stand killing animals. I'm a vegetarian, really. ~Huffelwilda
Wyldon:
1. I cross-dress at weekends. ~Kiana
2. Prejudiced, cruel, bald and arrogant...but I have my bad points too. ~Kiana
3. I stalk in my spare time. ~Kiana
4. Girls? As squires? Count me in! And let’s give them the vote while we’re there! ~Kiana
5. I ride around with a big lance to make up for other deficits. ~Kiana
6. Hey! I heard that toupees were available for 99 cents this week… ~Sara
7. Contrary to popular belief, I am not sexist or mean. ~Sara
8. I wear pink tights and a tutu when I go to sleep ~Sara
9. If I had hair, I’d want to tie it up in pigtails. ~Sara
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