~~~~~~~

Say when you're alone
It's better 'cause nobody knows you
When no one's your friend
It's better 'cause nobody leaves you
So you turned your back
On a world that you could never have
'Cause your heart's been cracked
And everyone else's is goin' mad

But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you

~~~~~~~

Houses built of sand are destined to be washed away to the sea, destroyed, forgotten, and never to be seen again.

The life that Ric and Alexis built would suffer the same fate. If you fail to have a solid foundation to begin with, the waves will hit you from all angles until there's nothing left in their wake. In their case, the waves are created of lies, untold truths and betrayals.

However, lessons lived would be lessons learned. That which is destroyed can be rebuilt stronger, healthier, and in the end - better.

~~~~~~~

Lately, it seemed as if all they did was fight.

To Ric, it seemed like all Alexis did was lie to him. To Alexis, it seemed that all Ric did was protect everyone but her. That being said, if Ric were being honest with himself, he knew that he had no room to judge because lie was what he had done for the longest time. In turn, if Alexis were being honest with herself, she knew that Ric was doing everything within his power to keep her safe. To keep their family safe.

But they were both hurt. They were both tired. And neither one was communicating with the other. Words were spoken, but they weren't heard. Actions were done, but not seen by the other. Each one was acting as an entity of one instead as a team.

Ric thought they were past this. Past the lies, past the hurt, past the not knowing how to trust. Alexis was scared, he knew that. And when Alexis got scared, she did one of two things. She ran or she clawed her way out of whatever corner she was in. He had the invisible claw marks to prove it.

He couldn't do it anymore. He was being pulled into too many directions and Ric knew that with Durant out for Sonny's blood he would take down anyone in his way to get it - including Alexis. And no matter how much Alexis wanted him to, he couldn't keep Sonny in jail. Not for this crime. So he did the most unexpected thing he could think of. He quit his job.

"Ric, you can't just quit being the DA," she pleaded with him.

Ric shook his head angrily. Alexis didn't get it. If he didn't quit, he'd be forced to prosecute her. It was best this way.

"I can't keep Sonny in jail for a crime he didn't commit, Alexis."

She watched him angrily. "What about all the crimes he did commit, Ric? The ones he won't be prosecuted for?"

She watched Ric in disbelief as he continued to pack his belongings away in cardboard boxes.

"I can't believe you're going to let him go!"

"I can't believe you're asking me not to!"

"You mean you won't do it because it's Sonny. So much for automatically being on my side," she sighed.

"I am on your side! Durant is blackmailing you and if he comes forward he can let the world know you extorted the Cassadine funds. He can testify that you paid him to falsify evidence against Sonny and then what? You're looking at jail time and Sonny will pounce on that in a heartbeat. Not to mention our baby, Alexis, remember him?"

God, he was so angry with her.

"Everything I have done was done to protect you, Alexis. Everything I keep doing is being done to keep you safe. You hired John Durant to bring Sonny down and then you sat back and watched as he made himself co-prosecutor at the hearing just so he could put Sonny away and get my job in the process. You knew all of this, you knew his plan and yet you didn't say a word to me."

"I was being blackmailed!" she shouted.

"And whose fault is that, Alexis? You're the one that wanted to get the information on Sonny. You should have known that Durant would do anything to get what he wants, even if it means turning on the person who was funding him."

She stared at him in disbelief. "You stand there and judge me for things that I've done when you, Ric, have done a lot of worse. Where's my husband? The man I fell in love with? The man I let become a part of my life and my daughter's life? Where is he, Ric?"

"He's standing right in front of you where he's always been. You just choose to look in the other direction," he told her sadly.

"Then you tell me when did it become ok for nine people to be murdered in cold blood by a citizen? Instead of Sonny being prosecuted for it, he was applauded."

"They were criminals."

"He's the criminal, Ric! When did this town become vigilante where anyone can take out anyone? I mean we have a traumatized nine year old kill his father, but it's ok because AJ was slime. And instead of that little boy getting the help he needs, the murder is covered by everyone including you. Don't you see how wrong this is? At one time you would have agreed with me, but Sonny's word is gospel all of the sudden . . . When Sonny finally has his fill of me and decides to murder me because I have the nerve to question him and his family, will that be a crime or will it just be another one of those things?"

He shook his head at her unamused. "Alexis, that is not going to happen."

"You don't know that," she replied angrily. "You don't know your brother. You don't know him at all, Ric. If you're expecting a thank you, you're not going to get it. Not now. Not ever. You decided to choose him over our marriage, over our family." Tears were streaming down her face as she brushed them away in anger. "At this point you never have to come home. Stay wherever the hell you've been staying. I don't care anymore."

"Alexis, you don't --"

"I don't know what you've been doing these past few nights. Kristina worries. I worry, but not enough for you to come home. You cry foul because I've lied. Fine. I understand that. But don't act as if you have never done wrong before, Ric. It's insulting."

"I thought we were past the lies and the mistrust once you discovered I knew about Kristina's paternity. I don't want to go back to that again. I thought we moved on to a better place," he sighed sadly. "I'm fighting for our family, not Sonny."

"No, what you're trying to do is play mediator when that will never work for me and Sonny. He hates me and will stop at nothing to get full custody of my daughter."

"I don't believe that."

Her shoulders fell deflated. "I wish you had as much confidence in your wife as you do your brother. Sonny is not a good man. You think you can get to his center and see the good. I'm here to tell you that it doesn't exist. His has no heart. He has no conscious. But you want him in your life anyway. Do you honestly think Sonny is going to embrace you into his fold for trying to let him keep Kristina? I promise you that right now, he is thinking of any possible way to get her back permanently. He doesn't want to co-exist. He wants me to disappear because I have the gall to question his lifestyle. But you don't want to see that, Ric . . . Despite what you think I'm not being a royal bitch to Sonny because I want to win. Children were kidnapped from his home. His son committed murder. Are you going to tell me that Michael didn't learn that from Sonny?"

He couldn't answer her.

She sighed tiredly, rubbing a shaking hand to her forehead. "You claim that I'm not the person you thought I was. Look in the mirror, Ric, because you're the complete opposite of who I thought you were. I can't do this anymore. I am so tired and I have never felt so alone."

"What are you trying to say?" he whispered.

The tears were falling down her face and she quickly brushed them away. "I think we should get a divorce."

"Alexis, no."

"You're a good father, Ric," she smiled at him sadly. "You're just not a very good husband. You put your brother's needs and feelings ahead of your family's and that's not right."

The tears began to fall from his eyes as well. "I love you, Alexis."

"I love you too," her voice cracked. "But sometimes love just isn't enough."

He nodded looking towards the ground. "Maybe you're right," his voice cracking as well. "If you don't trust me, there's nothing to build on."

"You don't trust me either, Ric. And I stopped trusting you when you started to cater to Sonny's every beck and call."

"That's what you choose to believe, Alexis."

"It's what's true. I accept you flaws and all, Ric. I just wish you could say the same about me. I am not a perfect wife who will obey you and bake you brownies when you get home. I'm complicated. I know that. But don't make it seem like you're the easiest man to live with, because you're not."

She watched him for a few moments and then began to leave his office.

"Wait," he called after her.

She stopped, not turning back to face him. "You got to say your peace and now it's my turn." He came around from behind the desk and stood in front of her, his eyes glistening with tears. "Everything I have done, I've done to help you, Alexis, not hurt you. I have pleaded with Sonny to let you be. I testified on your behalf at the last custody hearing, because you are my wife and I will back you no matter what. I have begged you to let me deal with Sonny and you turned around and did everything in your power to stop him legally and illegally. You got in trouble with Durant and instead of coming to me for help, you continued to work with him. He blackmailed you and you still didn't say anything."

This time Ric's shoulders sagged. He could feel himself shutting down.

"I love you," his voice cracked. "I love Kristina, I love this baby you're carrying, I love our family. But you're right, if we don't trust one another, then we are doomed. The most important thing right now to you is keeping Sonny away at all costs including our marriage." He licked his lips in thought. "I guess I'm trying to prevent what happened to me, happen to you. All those times I went after Sonny. Pulling him into the station with no real grounds. I became obsessed with trying to break him."

"You're saying I'm obsessed?"

"No. I'm saying that you're letting him beat you without him even trying. And if I don't agree with your methods, too bad for me, too bad for us. Right? You say that Sonny's more important to me than you, but he's not. You just refuse to see that. Sometimes I feel like the only person invested in this marriage is me. I have made mistakes and I have hurt you, but you've hurt me too, Alexis. You keep running and running and I feel like I'm never going to catch you . . . I feel like you don't want me to."

She didn't answer him for a moment. "I wish I could trust you, Ric. At one time I did, but things changed between us. I've fallen from whatever pedestal you had me on and there's no way I can get back up, not in your eyes at least."

He nodded sadly as his eyes danced across her face. "You've made up your mind, then? No matter what I say right now or tell you how much I love you, you're going to choose to believe what you do. This is it?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

Ric bit his bottom lip trying to keep the sob at bay. He leaned in and kissed her softly on her lips. "I wish this wasn't happening," he told her against her mouth.

"Ditto." She cupped his face in her hands and took one last long look at her husband. "Goodbye, Ric."

She walked out of his office and Ric remained standing where he was, too hurt and sad to move.

~~~~~~~~~

Sonny came barging into Ric's office long after Alexis left. He took note of the packed boxes on the couch and the cleared off desk. Ric had his back to him, pulling down various framed documents from the wall.

"What's going on, little brother?"

"I quit my job as DA," he responded flatly not bothering to face Sonny.

"Huh. Well, whatever. I just wanted to tell you that Alexis is gonna pay for trying to use Michael to get Kristina back. I'm going for full custody of my daughter once and for all. I suggest you do the same."

Ric shook his head slowly as he turned around to face his brother. "When is this going to end, Sonny? Why can't you be happy with shared custody?"

"Cause I don't want my kid around her. I recommend you follow my lead, Ric. If we both petition for full custody of each of our kids, it gives us a better chance of winning."

Alexis's earlier words came back to him. "Why can't you be happy that you've been exonerated and Michael's home safe?"

"I won't be happy until my daughter is away from your crazy wife."

Ric stared at his brother in disbelief. "Alexis was right," he sighed. "This isn't about Kristina or what's best for her. This is about punishing Alexis for having the nerve to stand up to you."

Sonny winked and smiled at him cruelly, his deep dimples puncturing his face in a hideous way. "Same difference. For all I know, Alexis is telling Kristina you're her real father and that I'm the bad guy."

"You are a sad little man, Sonny," Ric told him finally. "Stay away from Alexis, stay away from me, and stay away from her children."

"Or what? You'll arrest me? Not anymore," he laughed and walked out of the office.

Ric stared at the closed door and threw the framed diploma that was in his hands against the wall. Shattered glass scattered across the carpet and Ric ran his hands through his hair. "Jesus."

He was becoming like his brother.

~~~~~~~~

Alexis walked onto the Haunted Star in search of freedom of prying eyes. What she really wanted, however, was a drink. But she would never put her baby in harms way. She made her way to the bar and took a seat on one of the empty stools.

"Natasha!" Luke called happily making his way from the other end of the bar. "So good to see your scrumptious self around these parts. What can I get you for?"

She smiled at her old friend. "Just a mineral water."

"Pah!" he huffed. "How's about a nice shot of vodka instead?"

"Luke," she looked at him, eyebrow raised. "If you haven't noticed I didn't put on extra weight, I'm pregnant," she told him pointing to her small belly.

"No kidding!" he replied taking note of her protruding stomach. "Huh, how'd I miss that?" he mumbled to himself. "So who's the daddy?"

"Don't be crass, Luke."

His crinkled eyes twinkled in amusement. "So the DA and the lady lawyer put a bun in the oven."

Her smile fell instantly. "I don't want to talk about Ric."

His eyebrows went up in surprise. Last he heard his friend and her newest hubby were doing fine. "Trouble in paradise?" he questioned.

"We're done," she told him sadly.

His face fell at her seriousness. "Oh, darlin', I'm sorry to hear it . . . I mean it."

"Thanks," she muttered.

"One mineral water coming up, on the house." He searched behind the bar and began to fill her glass. His eyes went to the entranceway and saw Sonny make his way towards them.

"Not to ruin your night even more, darlin', but daddy numero uņo is on his way over here."

"Oh, god," Alexis groaned grasping his hand. "Luke, I'm asking you for a huge favor. I can't deal with him, not right now. Make him go away."

"Anything for you, sweetheart."

Luke left the bar and stood in the pathway between Sonny and Alexis. "Can I help you, Corinthos?"

"No, I just need to see Alexis."

"Sorry, she's unavailable."

"Luke," he warned.

Luke's cold eyes bore into him. "Stay away from her, Sonny."

"Fine, but I'll see her eventually. She can't hide behind people all the time."

Sonny glared at Alexis's back and made his way out of the club. Once he was sure he was gone, Luke returned to the bar and took a seat next to Alexis.

"Thanks, Luke."

"Hey, I figured I owed you after all your genius lawyer work."

She smiled sadly at him and he quickly kissed her forehead. "Cheer up, Natasha. This to shall pass."

God, for once she hoped Luke was right. As soon as she left Ric's office she regretted what she had told him. She did love him and the last thing she wanted was a divorce. But Ric couldn't leave Sonny out of their lives. Nevertheless, she didn't want Ric out of her life either.

Why was this so complicated? Why couldn't she be happy for once in her life for more than a few months? Ric had made her happy. She rubbed her swollen stomach as her thoughts continued to focus on her husband. She would talk to him tomorrow and try to work things out again. They said things out of anger and hurt. And for once they had listened to one another. Maybe they just needed to keep doing that and they could rebuild their trust.

"Your daddy loves you, little one. He loves all of us," she stated softly. "And we love him just as much."

Tomorrow. They would work things out tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ric walked onto the Haunted Star looking for a place to hide from the world. At least for a few hours. Luke noticed the tightly wound man and watched as he strode to the bar, an angry vibe all around him.

"DA Lansing," Luke greeted.

Ric snorted in return. "Not the DA anymore, Luke. I'm out of a job, out of a wife, and out of a family."

"Hmm, you don't say?"

"I'll have a scotch . . . Make it a double. And leave the bottle."

Luke set the glass in front of him as well as the requested bottle. "If it makes you feel any better, she looked as miserable as you."

But Luke's comment fell upon deaf ears. Ric had stopped listening to everything as soon as he took hold of the bottle of alcohol.

God, he had been so stupid. He let the best thing that ever happened to him walk right out of the door and barely without a fight. But he was just so angry.

Tomorrow. He'd talk to Alexis tomorrow and try to work things out. They both said things they would regret and they could work this out. They could and they would. They loved each other. They just had to learn to trust one another again.

But for now, he would wallow in his misery. After the first two shots, Ric knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn't stop. It was as if he could smell her everywhere around him.

"Alexis," he whispered into the glass.

The bottle was nearly empty when Luke kicked him out. "Hey, get home to your wife," Luke ordered.

"Gots no home," he mumbled in reply.

Luke sighed and shook his head. Natasha sure picked a winner this time. "Well wherever you're staying you need to get there before you do something you regret. You hear me, Lansing?"

"The Court," Ric told him with a slur. "New home."

Luke rolled his eyes and began to call for a cab. "Whatever, man."

~~~~~~~

As horrible as he felt, all Ric wanted was his wife.

It had been years since he had such a horrible hangover. He couldn't even open his eyes, he was sure his eyeballs would fall out if he did. He felt the mattress shift next to him and his thoughts continued to center on his wife. "Alexis . . ."

Without opening his eyes he rolled over and found her. Her back was to him and he placed his arm around her waist as he did every morning since they began sharing a bed. As his arm went around her, it was then that he felt it. Her stomach was flat. Their baby was gone. His heart rate tripled its speed and his eyes flew open.

" 'Lexis?"

But it wasn't his wife. Reese looked up at him, the same look of horror on her face.

"Oh, god," he cried.

The impact of what had happened hit him and Ric rushed to the bathroom. Whatever contents he drank the night before came back up the way they went down. It wasn't until a half hour later that he emerged from the bathroom. The cold shower didn't help clear his mind or make him remember what had happened the night before. All he could remember was the horrible fight he had with Alexis. He had gone to the Haunted Star to drown his sorrows because he knew that she needed her space and so did he. He remembered catching a cab to the Metrocourt and going to the bar instead of his room. He didn't remember Reese coming in. He didn't remember anything.

It was no excuse. There was no excuse for what he had done. It didn't matter that they fought or what was said. He loved his wife and he had broken their vows. He had slept with someone else.

"They can't find out," Reese began anxiously. She was fully dressed and standing in the corner of the room away from the bed and from him.

"I have to tell Alexis," Ric began, trying to fight back the nauseous feeling and the tears. "She's my wife."

"Last night you said you broke up."

"But I don't want to lose her!" he shouted. "We can't work things out with this between us!"

"And you think telling her you slept with another woman will help? She'll never take you back if you tell her, Ric. Ever!"

Ric's eyes darted across the room. He had been staying here since he found out about Alexis and Durant. His home away from home. He dreaded coming here every night, but now it was so much worse.

Oh, god, what had he done?

"Ric," Reese began again.

This was a horrible nightmare and he was sure to wake up at any moment.

"Ric," Reese continued to pester him. "You can't tell Alexis about this. She'll never forgive you."

"Fine! This-this stays between the two of us," he hesitantly agreed.

"Agreed."

Ric buried his head in his hands. "God, I'm so stupid." The tears finally began falling from his red-rimmed eyes. "Oh god, Alexis . . . please forgive me," he whispered into the air.

Part 2

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