~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who am I, what and why
Cuz all I have left is my memories of yesterday
Oh these sour times

Cuz nobody loves me
It's true
Not like you do

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You ok?"

Ric looked up at him blankly swiping away at his tears. "No," he answered dejectedly. "Alexis is never going to forgive me. She can't even stand to be touched by me."

Jax sighed and sat on the bench beside him. "You knew this wasn't going to be easy, Ric. You hurt her a hell of a lot."

"I know," he sighed running his hands through his hair. "But she's starting to rebuild her walls and that's what I was most afraid of."

"Did she speak to you?"

"Yeah," he muttered.

"Well I would say that's a step in the right direction, wouldn't you? Just last week she couldn't bear to look at you."

"You're not helping."

"Sure I am. You knew this was going to take time. There's no instant gratification here, Ric."

"I know that," Ric told him somberly. "I just wish I knew what to tell her or do or . . . something."

"You need to do what you're doing now. Remind her that you love her. That you want to work out your problems. That you're not going to give up on her . . . or has that changed? Maybe I was wrong about you, Lansing. If you loved Alexis the way you claim, you wouldn't give up so easily."

Ric turned to him angry. "I'm not giving up. I'll never give up."

"Good," Jax nodded, glad that he had managed to stir Ric up.

The two men sat there silently for a few minutes before Jax spoke again.

"I think I have the perfect opportunity for you and Alexis to come face to face again."

Ric raised his eyebrows at Jax an unsettling knot forming in the pit of his stomach. "What would that be?"

"My wedding."

Ric's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, no, Jax. You can't be serious."

"Why not?" he frowned.

"First of all, we're not friends. You think Alexis won't be suspicious about why I'm there?"

Jax nodded in contemplation and finally dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a $50 dollar bill. "Here," he told him handing Ric the money.

"What's this for?" he asked him curiously.

"I just hired you as my lawyer."

"Are you trying to piss Alexis off as much as I have?"

"No," he chuckled slightly.

"Jax, think about this. Alexis is your lawyer, you hate me, she hates me too - nothing about this combination can end well."

Jax grinned slyly at him. "You leave everything up to me, I know what I'm doing. My wedding is next week barring any other disasters and Alexis will be there. She might be miserable, but she'll be there. And you, my friend, will be there too."

Ric shifted in his seat nervously. "I don't think--"

"You need to be there, Ric," he interrupted. He realized then that Ric needed some ray of hope to convince him. "She'd kill me for telling you this, but she misses you."

His eyes darted to him quickly, his face hopeful. "She told you that?"

"Yeah. She hates that she misses you, but she does."

Ric nodded his head slightly, considering his options. "I guess I'll be at the wedding," he finally sighed.

Jax clapped him on the back roughly. "Good. It's black tie, Lansing, so look sharp."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ric walked over to Jax quickly tugging at his collar as he did so. He wore a suit practically every day, but today he felt like his tie was going to suffocate him.

"Jax," he called.

Jax turned to him, a happy smile plastered on his face as he straightened his own bowtie. "Here to wish me luck, Lansing?"

"No, I'm here to tell you that I'm leaving. I can't do this."

Jax's smile didn't waver. "Sure you can! It's my wedding day - anything's possible."

"Jax, this isn't a good idea." Ric recalled his last conversation with Alexis a week ago and shook his head slightly. The way she pulled away from him still haunted his dreams. This really was not a good idea. "Alexis should be allowed to be here and not have to be reminded of me."

"She'll be reminded of you regardless. This is a wedding and she's in the process of debating whether to file for divorce. Your being here or not isn't going to stop Alexis from thinking of you."

"Jax . . ."

"Ric, you're staying and that's final . . . now, how do I look?"

Ric rolled his eyes at him. "Like a groom."

"Good." Jax's face crinkled in amusement as he looked Ric up and down. "Thank God we won't be related," he told Ric with a small laugh. "Can't have two brother-in-laws that I hate."

"You don't hate me," Ric finally grinned.

"Yeah, that's slightly true," Jax chuckled. "You are starting to grow on me for some reason."

~~~~~~~~~~

Alexis walked towards the gazebo where Jax and Courtney's wedding was to take place. The faint music from the small orchestra began to grow louder as she approached. She was not looking forward to this and she momentarily regretted the fact that she told Jax that she would be there. It was too painful a reminder of her failed marriage to Ric. She frowned slightly to herself. Was it a failed marriage if they still loved each other?

She finally came upon the gazebo and looked about at the decorated area. It was beautiful in its simplicity. Her thoughts went back to Ric and their small ceremony in the hospital chapel. She sighed sadly trying to push the thought of her husband out of her mind. When Alexis finally began to feel she'd be able to succeed for the night, she spotted Ric standing near the bushes alone and looking miserable. As if on their own accord, their eyes met and he smiled at her faintly. She looked away quickly trying to force herself away from his pull. Every time she saw him, she missed him even more. She finally spotted Jax speaking with Ned next to the gazebo and she walked over to them hurriedly.

"Hello, beautiful," Jax grinned at her.

She accepted the kiss from him as well as the one from Ned. "When did you get back in town?" she asked Ned.

"This morning." His eyes traveled over Alexis. "I heard about you and Ric," Ned began. "Though I can't say I'm surprised," he muttered under his breath.

Her eyes narrowed at her ex-fiancée. "Ned, please, not now."

"Sorry," he told her truthfully.

She turned her attention back to her ex-husband. "Jax," she began, a plastered smile on her face. "Why is Ric here?"

"Oh, I invited him," he told her with a happy smile.

"Why?"

"He's my new lawyer."

"I'm your lawyer."

"You certainly are, but I figured I needed another one. You never know what may come up."

"Jax, please tell me you're joking."

"I'm not. You don't have to speak to him, Alexis. Just ignore him, you'll be fine." He kissed the top of her head. "How do I look?" he asked her, tugging at his cuffs.

"Like a jerk," she muttered.

"I love you too," he grinned.

He saw Mike trying to grab his attention near the archway and Jax nodded at him nervously. "Looks like this is it," he told his two best friends.

Alexis smiled at him softly and straightened his bowtie. "I do love you," she told him with a smile, "even though half the time I want to kill you."

"I know. I'm glad you're here, Alexis."

"Me too," she grinned. "Good luck," she kissed his cheek and made her way to her seat, a few rows in front of Ric she noted.

She sighed uneasily as she sat down. It was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Following the short ceremony in the park, the reception was held at the Metro Court restaurant. Alexis had been able to busy herself with Ned and Jax, but her eyes always seemed to drift to Ric during her conversations. She still missed him like crazy and the impact of that fact hit her harder whenever she saw him.

"Natasha can't say I'm surprised to see you here," came the whisper in her ear from behind.

Alexis lifted an eyebrow as she turned to face him. "I, however, can say that I'm surprised you're here, Luke. I didn't realize you and Jax were friends."

"We're not," he told her. "Skye dragged me here against my will."

She smirked at him in return. "Fun for you I'm sure."

"Right." His eyes wandered over her intently. "I heard about you and Lansing."

"I'm the one that told you about me and Ric."

"No, I mean about him doing the nasty with Corinthos's flavor of the month."

"Luke, that's disgusting even for you. And for your information, everyone in this town knows about that. It's old news."

He frowned at her. "You're taking it better than I thought."

She shrugged in return. "What am I supposed to be doing? Sitting at home crying into my pillow?"

"Not Natasha Cassadine."

"Damn right."

He looked her over once again.

"Stop ogling me."

His eyes crinkled in amusement pointing at himself. "Pig, remember? But I have to say, pregnancy suits you, darlin'. You remind me of Laura when she was pregnant with Lucky. She just . . . glowed."

Her eyebrows rose at his sincere compliment. "Thank you . . . You miss her don't you?"

"Everyday," he told her sadly. He quickly cleared his throat and changed the subject. "I'm sure if your brother the bat was here he'd have Lansing tied up somewhere pulling out his fingernails one by one."

She grimaced at his detailed theory. "Luke, please."

"I'm just saying," he shrugged. "Look, Natasha, I'm not one to make excuses for guys like Lansing, but he was pretty far gone when he left the Haunted Star and if he was drinking more when he got to the hotel, I don't think the man had one brain cell working at the time."

"You're making excuses for him."

"I know it sounds like it, but . . . the guy loves you." His eyes darted to the man in question standing alone in a far corner of the restaurant. "If he was as messed up as he was when he left, he couldn't have gone anywhere but down. All he kept muttering was 'tomorrow'."

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. "What?"

"Tomorrow. He kept saying tomorrow."

Alexis raised her hand to her throat. She had said the same thing that night as well. Maybe he was telling the truth when he wrote in his letter that he wanted to work things out the next day.

"Darlin', you ok?" he asked her after she remained silent for a moment.

"Yeah," she smiled at him. "I'm fine."

He nodded slowly, once again looking her over.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Luke, stop acting as if you've never seen me in a dress before."

He winked at her. "But you've never filled it out quite so well."

She couldn't help but laugh slightly. "Go find your date."

He kissed her quickly on the lips. "Take care of yourself, Natasha."

"Always."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jax continued to survey his surroundings, accepting congratulations as his guests passed by him. From what he had been able to observe, Ric and Alexis hadn't spoken to one another all night. Granted it was hard to keep track of them on this day, but he had a feeling that they were avoiding each other like the plague. He corrected his thought, technically Alexis was doing the avoiding. His eyes traveled to his new wife who was speaking to Sonny and a smile touched his face. Now if he could get his ex-wife to be as happy as he was in that moment. His thoughts went interrupted as Skye approached him.

"Congratulations, Jax," she began her smile lighting up her face.

He smiled in return. "Thank you, Skye."

"Courtney is a lucky woman, I hope she realizes that."

He placed a hand on her shoulder in thanks. "That's very generous of you to say."

His eyes involuntarily flickered to Ric.

"Jax," she began. "Why did you invite Ric to your wedding?"

"He's my new lawyer."

"You fired Alexis?" she asked him in disbelief.

"Of course not! You just never can have too many lawyers."

"Uh huh." Her gaze went from Jax to Ric and back again. His true intentions finally became clear to her. "I never thought I'd see the day when Jasper Jacks played matchmaker."

His gaze went back to her. "Hey now, that's not completely true."

A delicate eyebrow went up.

"Well ok, maybe it is, but I'm failing horribly here. They haven't said a word to one another and Ric looks like he's at a funeral instead of a wedding."

"Well considering what's going on between them, I'm not surprised."

"True," he reluctantly agreed. "I just need them to get to talk to one another."

An idea came to him and his face brightened in excitement. Skye immediately recognized the look on his face.

"Jax . . ."

"Skye," he interrupted, "do me a favor."

"No way are you dragging me into this."

"Ask Ric to dance with you."

Her mouth fell open in surprise. That wasn't what she was expecting him to say. "What? Why?"

"Because I have an idea."

"Jax, this cannot end well."

"It can, trust me."

"And just how am I supposed to convince Ric to dance with me?"

"You'll think of something. Go on."

She continued to stare at him in disbelief.

"Please, Skye?"

She never could say no to him. She bit her bottom lip in contemplation as she made her way toward Ric. He was standing in a corner staring into his glass of champagne.

"Hi, Ric," she began.

"Hey," he answered not looking up.

"Listen I know this is going to sound weird, but . . . will you dance with me?"

His eyes finally traveled to her and a frown came across his face. "Why?"

Her eyes darted about and landed on her wayward date. "I want to make Luke jealous. He's been ignoring me all night."

"I don't know, Skye," Ric sighed. "That might not be such a good idea. Believe me - you don't want to rock the boat unnecessarily."

Ok, bad idea. Another excuse came to mind in its place. "The truth is, Ric, I really want to dance and Luke hates dancing in public and I hear that you're an exceptional dancer."

"Skye, I don't . . ."

"Please?" she interrupted.

His eyes darted about the room not seeing Alexis anywhere in sight. He finally turned to her again. "Ok," he conceded. "One dance."

She smiled at him happily and he set his champagne flute on a nearby table as they made their way to the space cleared for dancing. Shortly thereafter, Jax and Alexis joined the other couples on the dance floor. Jax made eye contact with Skye and she realized what he was planning. She easily maneuvered herself and Ric closer to Jax and Alexis and 'accidentally' bumped into the other couple. Jax grinned happily and asked to dance with Skye leaving Ric and Alexis standing there staring at one another.

"We don't have to," Ric began, not knowing what else to say.

This was a test Alexis reasoned with herself. If she could touch him and not want to kiss him, she knew she could move on with her life.

"No, it's--it's ok," she answered.

He nodded and wrapped his arm around her waist. Alexis realized she failed her own test as soon as he took her in his arms. She wanted to melt into him right then and there.

Damn him.

She still loved him. She still missed him. She still wanted him so much that she could taste it.

Jax would pay for this.

Ric felt like he was going to burst with happiness. He wanted to kiss her so badly that he had to bite his lip from trying to do so. All he needed to concentrate on was that he had the most beautiful woman in the room in his arms.

It felt like coming home.

God, he missed her.

They moved together at ease. They're steps in sync with another as they always were.

He cleared his throat and smiled at her lovingly. "You look beautiful, Alexis. You're glowing."

"So I've been told," she answered, looking past his shoulder trying to keep her wits about her.

He furrowed his eyebrows and had to bite his tongue to keep from asking by whom.

"I miss this," he told her softly.

"I know," she replied, again looking everywhere but at him.

He noted to himself that at least she was allowing him to hold her. That was a step in the right direction if nothing else.

"I'm surprised Jax hired you," she finally told him breaking the silence between them.

"You and me both. Honestly I think he did it just to have me around to punch again when he gets the urge."

She bit her bottom lip trying to keep her laugh at bay. "I did hear he clocked you."

"Yeah, so did your nephew. I'm surprised there isn't a line formed out there to protect your honor."

She snorted in reply. "I sincerely doubt that would happen."

"Not that it isn't deserved," he told her sadly.

"True," she agreed. "You have been something of an ass."

"You won't get any arguments from me."

He spun her around and they settled back into each other's arms.

"Look, Alexis, I know I said I'd give you all the space you needed, but I just wanted to tell you again how much I love you. How much I miss you."

Alexis bit her bottom lip as her eyes traveled back to his own misty ones. And in that moment, all Alexis wanted was for Ric to hold her closer and to forget the nightmare they were in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why did you even invite him, Jax?" Ned questioned him angrily as he watched Ric and Alexis on the dance floor.

"Alexis still loves him and he loves her too, Ned. He regrets what he did and he wants to try to win her back . . . and I'm helping him."

"You're helping him? Are you insane?"

"No," Jax told him, his anger beginning to match Ned's. "I love Alexis and I want her to be happy. For as long as I've known her, I have never seen Alexis happier than when she was with Ric."

Ned glared at Jax, not missing the underlying dig at his own relationship with Alexis. "He's Sonny's brother."

"And Courtney's Sonny's sister. It doesn't matter! Alexis loves him and she may hate him right now but she's missing him like mad. If you want to see Alexis truly happy, you'll understand why I'm doing this."

"I don't understand, Jax. She deserves better."

"She has better and his name is Ric Lansing," Jax told him his warm blue eyes piercing into Ned. "And right now I'm willing to pay the devil himself to help her."

"This is a mistake, Jax. Let her move on with her life."

"Look at her!" Jax shouted at him pointing towards Alexis and Ric on the dance floor. "That is the first time in the past two weeks that I've seen her smile like that. I'm not about to let that happiness she feels drift away if I can help it. They're about to have a baby, Ned. They still love each other. Are you going to tell me I'm wrong for doing this?"

Ned shook his head after a moment. "She can do better."

Jax snorted in return. "I'm sure plenty of people said that about you. Including myself if I recall."

Ned smirked at him and his eyes once again traveled to Alexis and Ric. Both of their smiles were mixed with happiness and sadness. Anyone in the room could tell that they still loved each other. Maybe Jax was right. Maybe Alexis finally found her happiness with Ric.

"I still want to hit him," Ned told him after a moment.

"Go for it. I popped him one and so did Nikolas."

Ned laughed softly. "I take it Alexis hasn't had her moment yet."

"Not yet, but I think it's coming soon."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So what have you been doing with all of your extra time?" Alexis asked Ric, her eyes again traveling away from him.

Ric shrugged slightly. "Aside from Jax hiring me, it's been pretty uneventful."

Alexis nodded at his response, her focus back on his face. "I heard ADA Jones has been named Interim DA until further notice."

Ric snorted in reply. "Jones couldn't win against a newbie law grad if his life depended on it . . . you must be loving that."

She couldn't help but grin. "It has made work much easier on me."

He laughed in return. "Nice little vacation for you I'm sure."

"It is," she laughed.

"Then again you could beat any of those chumps."

"All but you," she smiled in remembrance.

"Yeah," he smiled softly.

And as quickly as that, the song ended and they both reluctantly pulled away from one another.

"Thanks for the dance," Ric told her, his hand in his pocket clutching her heart.

"It was nice," she smiled. She caught herself from falling further into his web. "Well--"

"I should--"

"Yeah, me too."

"Ok, then."

"Ok."

They stared at one another and Alexis finally walked away with a smile on her lips. The loss of contact of his arm around her made her shiver lightly and she wished that she could be back in his arms. She shook her head slightly and decided to clear her mind on the terrace. The warm summer air would calm her nerves. Ric watched her walk out onto the terrace and fought himself from following her. He wouldn't crowd her. He promised her space and that was what he would give her.

Alexis rested her arms on the stone parapet and closed her eyes, her thoughts once again drifting to Ric. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't keep him off of her mind.

"Hey," came the call from behind.

Alexis turned around quickly peering into the darkness trying to spot him among the shadows. "Sonny?"

He stepped forward and into the lighted area of the terrace. "Alexis," he greeted somberly.

"Why are you hiding back there?" she asked him, placing a hand over her stomach protectively.

The motion did not go unnoticed by Sonny and he frowned slightly. The thought that Alexis felt she needed to protect herself against him hit him hard. He shrugged slightly after a moment. "I just wanted to see how you were."

"Were you following me?"

He shook his head softly his eyes finally turning from the floor to her face. "No."

"Ok," she stepped back and began to walk back into the restaurant.

"I saw you and Ric dancing." She froze in place. "You looked happy. The both of you."

"What are you doing, Sonny?" she finally asked him angrily turning back to him. "Are you spying on me?"

He looked down at the ground and then back at her. He reminded her of a little boy at that moment. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Talk or gloat?" she asked him angrily. "You're so happy with yourself that you caused me pain, right? Is there another secret out there that you want to tell me?"

He wouldn't answer her.

"What, Sonny? What do you want?"

"I . . . I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"Run that by me again."

"I'm sorry, Alexis . . . really. I shouldn't of told you about Ric and Reese, it wasn't my place."

"But you did anyway and with a smile on your face to boot."

"I was pissed. At you and Ric and Reese. I wanted you to be miserable too."

"Thanks," she replied sarcastically. "You achieved your goal, Sonny, you should be proud. You caused me misery during my first pregnancy I guess it's only natural for you to do the same during this one. You can leave me alone now."

They started at each other for a few moments, neither of them moving.

"What happened to us, Alexis? Just a few years ago you were my best friend and now we treat each other like worst enemies."

"What happened?" she scoffed. "You're not the same man you were three years ago, Sonny. My best friend stopped existing and became a cruel and callous man that I no longer recognize."

"You're not the same either," he whispered.

"You're right, I'm not. My sister was killed because of your line of business, Sonny. I have been witness to too many unnecessary deaths and I don't want our daughter to be the next. I became a mother and no one was more important than Kristina. My eyes were opened to your world. The blinders came off and I realized what everyone told me for years was true. You're dangerous and it's no life for me or my babies."

He nodded slowly. "I love her, Alexis."

"I know you do," she interrupted. "I'm not questioning that. What I am questioning is what you choose to do for a living. I don't want Kristina exposed to that danger, can't you see that?"

He shook his head at her slowly. "I can't get out, Alexis, you know that. I'm in too deep."

Alexis was surprised at his admission. He always yelled at her or cut her off at this point in their well-talked about conversation. "You did it before," she answered softly.

"Yeah," he nodded in acknowledgment. "When I was alone. I didn't have to worry about protecting my children or their mothers or other family. Now, there are too many people I care about Alexis, too many people that I can't protect if I tried to get out. Kristina, Michael, Morgan, Carly, Courtney, Mike, you . . . even Ric. All of you would be targets and I can't . . . I won't risk it."

She nodded softly. "We're all targets now, Sonny. I don't understand why you refuse to see that."

He scratched an eyebrow, not knowing what to tell her. "Did you come here with Ric?" he asked her changing the topic of conversation.

"Are you here with Agent Marshall?" she asked him in turn knowing full well that he wasn't.

"Agent Marshall isn't in Port Charles."

"Really? Of her own violation or yours."

He shrugged slightly. "I haven't seen her. She left town when she found out I knew what she had done."

"Hmmm, you don't say?"

He couldn't help but grin. "You don't believe me?"

"I just find it odd that the woman you were interested in a few short weeks ago is now no longer in town."

"Not so surprising considering what happened."

"Maybe."

"Yeah, maybe." He watched her silently for a moment. "Night, Alexis," he finally told her and walked back into the shadows he came from.

Alexis sighed and leaned back against the parapet. Her mind began to travel in every which way direction. Sonny. Ric. Divorce. On and on. Her hand went to her throat feeling her bare neck. She missed his heart. She shook her head slightly. She missed more than his heart. Once again her thoughts traveled to Ric and Sonny and Jax's earlier words from a week ago hit her.

"So why did he do a 180?" he asked her softly.

"I don't know, that's the whole problem."

"Did you ask him?"

Her mouth opened to respond, but snapped shut after a second. "No."

"No," he repeated.

Her gaze flickered back to the Metro Court restaurant and saw Ric standing in the doorway watching her sadly.

"Alexis, I'm the last person on this earth to defend Corinthos, but . . . he's Ric's brother."

"We both know what it's like to have brothers that others don't approve of."

"He knows how you feel about Sonny," Jax began softly. "Maybe he felt you wouldn't understand."

Ric smiled at her faintly before turning away to leave. She was safe. Sonny had left the restaurant and it was his time to go as well. Alone. Back to his impersonal hotel room where he would stare at the ceiling and dream of his wife. He gave her a short wave and walked away.

Alexis moved to go after him, but changed her mind. She rubbed her stomach as she bit her bottom lip. It was time for them to talk.

Part 7

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