"Well no, I've never actually met Paul or John but my second cousin once sold a used car to Ringo." Arvin Meltzer said trying hard to sound proud and nonchalant at the same time.

"Wow!" Mary Lou was impressed.

She was beautiful, a tall lithesome goddess, the kind of woman Arvin was not accustomed to being with. To be escorting Mary Lou Prosnick to his home left him so excited he was blithering like an idiot. His mind reeled as he tried to keep a steady stream of believable crap flowing from his mouth.

Fortunately, Miss Prosnick was extraordinarily drunk and a vacant, accepting grin was affixed to her lips. Her facial expression gave no indication of the tremendous struggle for balance her body waged beneath her. Arvin attempted to assist his lovely companion the best he could. With his arm around the much taller woman's waist Arvin guided her in the proper direction with only occasional minor derailments. When her well developed torso flopped towards him it was all he could do to maintain his footing. At first an extremely pleasurable arrangement Arvin was now wearing down from the repeated punishment.

Arvin had discovered Mary Lou at a local establishment called the Purple Peacock. He had sat down next to her and upon smiling timidly and mumbling "How you doing?" she poured out her heart to him. Arvin had listened intently to her desperate story of a broken promise, a broken heart and a broken radiator hose, none of which could be repaired until the morning. Her body swayed unsteadily as she spoke and her eyes squinted in an unsuccessful attempt to focus. Arvin gushed sympathetically for Mary Lou's pains and swore vehement opposition to those who had wronged her as he listened to her tale of woe. His sympathetic ear, coupled with a healthy dose of alcohol, soon succeeded in washing away the heartache, and a good portion of the memory, of Miss Prosnick's evening. When the opportunity finally arose to reveal something about himself Arvin considered the alternatives and lied.

"Yeah, I know a lot of stars." Arvin said. "The other day I had dinner with Al Lewis, you remember him? He was Grandpa on the Munsters."

They were climbing the stairs to his apartment now. With each tenuous step Arvin frantically tried to remember exactly how the apartment had looked when he had left for work that morning. How high was that pile of laundry? Was the sink still full of dirty dishes? Had he watered his plants this month? He didn't even dare try to picture the bathroom. His heart pounded.

"Here we are." he announced.

The apartment was dark as he opened the front door and they gingerly entered the kitchen. Arvin decided it would be best to just proceed directly through without turning on the light. It was a run down dingy apartment, far beneath what a ...what was it he had told Mary Lou he did for a living? He couldn't remember. Anyway it was far beneath what any human being should have. The less she saw of it the better. He clutched Mary Lou's hand firmly in his own and slowly began to cross the kitchen. Miss Prosnick followed close behind, extremely disoriented. What little space there was was filled with clutter but Arvin was adept at navigating it. A small dining room lay ahead and beyond that was a combination bedroom/living room. It was to this room that Arvin headed. The gentle 'oohs' and 'ahhs' that emanated from Miss Prosnick were interrupted only by an occasional 'oof' and an accompanying giggle. The farther they proceeded inward the darker it became.

Finally they arrived. Arvin stopped in the doorway of his bedroom and reached out for the light switch. Mary Lou, unable to see, collided into Arvin's back. She giggled as she bounced backwards and Arvin lurched forward a step. Regaining his balance, Arvin fumbled for the light switch. He was standing at the pinnacle of a dream and his hand trembled with anticipation.

The switch eluded him. He patted the wall in desperation finally locating it in its usual place. Now his hand paused for one last moment. In a second the lights would come on and he would turn to see his fantasy unveiled. A beautiful young woman standing in his bedroom door, grinning compliantly and swaying seductively. Arvin took a deep breath and flicked up the switch. However, before he could turn and face his newly found beloved he was awakened from his private revelry by an ear shattering shriek.

Wheeling about Arvin saw Mary Lou turned towards the wall sobbing into her right hand. Her left hand pointed into the bedroom, her finger twitching like the needle on a triumphant Geiger counter. Arvin traced its direction to the bed and discovered that indeed there was cause for Miss Prosnick's alarm. His bed was currently occupied by a strange looking figure that appeared to be almost human. It wore enough clothes to protect it from the harshest environments and lay face down on its belly. Long tangled black hair seemed to be coming out of the entire top half of its body, completely eliminating the pillow from sight. It began to rustle slowly, obviously awakened by Mary Lou's outburst.

As the figure on his bed started to turn and rise Mary Lou's sobbing intensified and she began blubbering incoherent pleas for mercy between breaths. Arvin, however, feared no danger from the situation as he now recognized that the figure was, as he had suspected, almost human. It was his good friend, Joe Germin. Joe apparently had let himself in with the spare key Arvin had given him and fallen asleep waiting for him (something he would surely have to remind himself to discuss with Joe at a later date but for now he had more immediate concerns). He rushed to the side of Mary Lou in an effort to comfort her and assure her that all was well.

"Don't worry my dear, Mary Lou. I know this man. It is my good friend, Joe Germin."

Arvin stammered trying to calm himself as well as his startled guest. Fortunately, being an understanding and an adventurous young woman, Mary Lou seemed already well on the way to regaining her composure. Joe, who was sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, was looking less strange and foreboding by the minute. Always one to try to make the best of a bad situation, although rarely one to succeed, Arvin took the opportunity to formally introduce Miss Prosnick to Mr. Germin. They shook hands politely while Arvin thought about how best to get Joe out of his bed and on his way. He turned to Joe and said sternly,

"Joe, what are you doing here?"

"I saw the David Bellman concert over at the Academy. Guess I fell asleep, huh?"

"Why do you sound so surprised? What did you think would happen when you laid face down on my bed?" Arvin said curtly.

"Wasn't thinking I guess. Hey you should of seen Bellman."

"Good huh?"

"Outstanding. He did a solo on 'Down The Road' that was fantastic. I wish you could have been there."

"Well, you know I wanted to, I just couldn't get out of work."

Seeing Arvin conversing naturally for the first time that evening had a calming effect on Mary Lou and as the excitement began to drain out of her so did the strength in her legs. Feelinq a sudden need to sit down Mary Lou pirouetted and, in one swift and inaccurate motion, flopped herself down, nearly landing on Arvin's lap. Arvin spilled over on his back as Miss Prosnick glanced off of him and settled comfortably at the edge of the bed.

No sooner had she sat herself down than she leaped up again and let out another scream of incredible tone and duration. Arvin hoped his neighbors were sound sleepers as he scampered back up to see the cause of Mary Lou's newest distress. Sure enough, there on the sofa was an extremely large man with long red hair and a bushy red beard. He lay totally motionless, clearly unfazed by either of Mary Lou's outbursts. He looked as if he were dead but Arvin dismissed that as wishful thinking.

"Don't worry, my sweet." Arvin quickly rose to comfort her. "I know this man. He is Big Fred Mcgirt a friend of Joe Germin's."

Arvin made a mental note to get his locks changed first thing in the morning as he put his arm around the visibly shaken Miss Prosnick. He gently pat her shoulder and her head slowly sank onto his shoulder. Mary Lou sobbed gently.

"You didn't tell me it would be so crowded here." her voice was muffled by Arvin's shirt.

"There, there, my dove." Arvin repeated softly. "There, there."

He slowly turned his head and glared at his friend Joe Germin. He wore a pained expression on his face and an unforgiving look in his eyes.

"I forgot to tell you," Joe said sheepishly. "Big Fred needed a place to stay. He was going to ask you if he could crash here tonight... when you got home."

Arvin looked at the couch where Big Fred lay flat on his back staring at the ceiling with closed eyes. His mouth hung open and his big feet hung over the arm at the opposite end. The old couch sagged in the middle under the tremendous strain.

"There, there." he continued patting Mary Lou who was once again beginning to regain her composure. Her tears had subsided and she was starting to breath normally again. Her head remained nestled in Arvin's body and his arm around her soft shoulder held her close. He stared at Big Fred Mcgirt with despair. Arvin had learned from prior experience that when Big Fred slept he slept until he was done and he accepted no input that would detour him. There was no moving him until morning short of a crane but he could still get rid of Joe. He turned back towards Joe to bid him adieu and saw him stammering sheepishly.

"There's something else..." he began.

For the third time Mary Lou Prosnick began to scream. Arvin saw Joe's head sag in guilt. Whirling his head back towards the couch Arvin saw the latest trigger to Mary Lou's now familiar alarm. Rising slowly from beneath the coffee table was a skinny, old, Indian man. Wrinkled, dry, dark skin stretched tightly over his rickety bones. Near transparent wisps of white hair painted his skull. His head bobbed groggily as he blinked his eyes, squeezing hard in an attempt to shake off the sleep. A man returning from the grave could have looked no worse.

Mary Lou screamed long and hard and Arvin fought off the temptation to join her. He wanted to comfort her but he couldn't. He had never seen this man before in his life. Besides, Mary Lou appeared to be inconsolable. She was bouncing up and down in a frenetic pattern and her hands flailed spastically about her head as if she were being attacked by a swarm of bees. Suddenly, as if her feet had finally gained the proper traction Mary Lou ran for the doorway and disappeared into the darkness. Arvin attempted to follow but after a few loud crashing sounds he could hear the front door slam and he knew he had seen the last of Mary Lou Prosnick. He plopped himself back down on his bed and hung his head dejectedly.

"Excuse me." said the dead guy from under the coffee table in a thick Hindu accent, "But could I please trouble you to let me stay here the night?"

"Yeah sure, why not?" Arvin mumbled without looking up.

The old man slowly disappeared back beneath the table.

"Thank you. I am extremely grateful to you." he said as he sank to the floor and passed out.

Arvin lay back crosswise across the bed and stared at the ceiling. He thought about Mary Lou who already was beginning to seem like a dream evaporating into the harsh light of morning. Joe sat next to him his feet planted firmly on the floor.

"That was Divu, he's a friend of Big Fred's." Joe said matter of factly.

Arvin maintained a steady gaze upward.

"He needed a place to stay."

She had actually been here...in his arms...in his bedroom...

"I told him I didn't think you'd mind."

But now she was gone and Arvin would never see her again. There was silence for a moment as both men reflected thoughtfully. Finally, Joe stood up and faced his friend.

"Do you think you have anything good in the refrigerator?"