The Mulla Nasrudin
The Value Of Truth
"If you want truth", Nasrudin told a group of Seekers who had come to hear his teachings, "you will have to pay for it." "But why should you have to pay for something like truth?" asked one of the company. "Have you noticed", said Nasrudin, "that it is the scarcity of a thing which determines its value?"
A Wasted Life
Nasrudin, ferrying a pedant across a piece of rough water, said something ungrammatical to him. "Have you never studied grammar?" Asked the scholar. "No." "Then half of your life has been wasted." A few minutes later Nasrudin turned to the passenger. "Have you ever learned to swim?" "No. Why?" "Then all your life has been wasted - we are sinking!"
Perfection
An admirer of his once asked the sage "Master, why did you never marry?" "Well," he replied, "In my youth I searched for the perfect woman. I spent time with many women, but they all had a flaw. One would be beautiful, but cruel. Another intelligent, but lazy. I had almost given up hope, when I met her; the perfect woman. Healthy, intelligent, sensitive, witty, beautiful, talented... she was everything I was looking for." "So why did you not marry her?" "Odd thing," replied the Hoja, "She was looking for the perfect man..."
The Moving Friend
"Nasrudin," a friend said one day, "I am moving to another village. Can I have your ring, so that I will remember you every time I look at it?" Nasrudin replied, “Well, you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don’t give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don’t see a ring, you will definitely remember me.”
Clothes Shopping
Nasrudin was shopping for clothes. He tried on a coat, and then took it off, and said to the storeowner, “Well, I don’t really want this. Take it and give me a pair of pants instead.” The storeowner did, and then Nasrudin put the pants on and began walking out of the store. The storeowner stopped him and said, “Sir, you forgot to pay me for those pants.” Nasrudin replied, “I exchanged the coat for these pants.” The storeowner said, “But you did not pay for that coat, either.” Nasrudin responded, “Of course I didn’t—why would I pay for something I chose not to take!”
Can I Borrow Your Donkey?
A man knocked on Nasrudin’s door. When Nasrudin opened it, the friend asked, “Can I borrow your donkey?” “I would love to help you,” Nasrudin replied, “but I have already lent it to someone else.” Just then, a loud donkey noise came from Nasrudin’s yard. “Hey,” the man said, “I just heard the donkey make a noise from your yard!” Nasrudin quickly retorted, “Do you mean to tell me that you are going to take the word of a donkey over mine?”
The Donkey Seller
Nasrudin brought his donkey to sell at the bazaar, but every time a customer wanted to inspect it, the donkey began biting and being uncooperative. One man asked Nasrudin, “Do you really expect to sell a donkey that behaves like that?” Nasrudin replied, “Not really; I just brought him here so other people would experience what I have to put up with every day!”
The Stranger’s Request
One day, Nasrudin was repairing his roof, and was interrupted by a stranger knocking on his door. “What do you want?” Nasrudin shouted down to him from the roof. “Come down so I can tell you,” the stranger replied. Nasrudin climbed down the ladder. “Well!” Nasrudin snapped at the stranger, “What is so important?” “Can you spare some money for this poor old man?” asked the stranger in a near whisper. Nasrudin started to climb up the ladder and said, “Follow me up to the roof.” When they both reached the roof, Nasrudin turned to the stranger and said, “No, you can’t have any money.”
Nasrudin Defends Himself in Court
Nasrudin was in court for stealing a watermelon. The Judge exclaimed, “Nasrudin, I must give you a fine for what you have done.” “There is no need to do that,” Nasrudin said. “You can just use this against all the credits I have accumulated for the times I didn’t steal anything.”
The Punishment
Nasrudin told his son to go get some water from the well. Before the son left, Nasrudin slapped him and shouted, “And make sure you don’t break the jug!” The boy began crying, and a bystander noticed this and said, “Why did you hit him? He hasn’t done anything wrong.” Nasrudin replied, “Well, better to hit him now than to hit him afterwards if he does end up breaking it. That would be too late.”
Tiger Repellent
Nasrudin was throwing handfuls of bread all around his house. "What are you doing?" someone asked. "Keeping the tigers away." "But there are no tigers around here" "Exactly. Effective, isn't it?"
Donkey's Lament
When Mullah Nasrudin's donkey died he was inconsolable. Eventually his friends remonstrated: "We know you loved your donkey, Mullah, but you are grieving more than you did for your late wife and this is not seemly". "Yes" sobbed the Mullah, "but when my wife died everyone came round and promised to find another for me."
Borrowing Money
One day Nasrudin asked a wealthy man for some money. "What do you want it for?" "To buy an elephant." "If you have no money you will not be able to maintain an elephant." "I asked for money, not advice!"
Almost Lost
Nasrudin loved his donkey. One day the townspeople came running, "Effendi, Effendi, your little donkey is lost!" Nasrudin replied, "Praised be to Allah! Why, if I was on him I would have been lost too!"
Whatever You Say
One day the King invited Mulla to his palace for dinner. The royal chef prepared, among others, a cabbage recipe for the occasion. After the dinner, the King asked, "How did you like the cabbage?" "It was very delicious," complimented Mulla. "I thought it tasted awful," said the King. "You're right," added Mulla, "it was very bland." "But you just said it tasted 'delicious,'" the King noted. "Yes, but I'm the servant of His Majesty, not of the cabbage," the Mulla replied.
The Turkish Bath
One day Mulla went to a Turkish bath but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn't pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel. When Mulla left, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As he had not complained of their poor service, they were very surprised. They wondered had they treated him better whether he would have given them even a larger tip. The next week, Mulla came again. This time, they treated him like royalty and gave him embroidered towels and a loin cloth of silk. After being massaged and perfumed, he left the bath, handing each attendant the smallest copper coin possible. "This," said the Mulla, "is for the last visit. The gold coins are for today."
Under Attack
One day Nasrudin was walking along a deserted road. Night was falling as he spied a troop of horsemen coming toward him. His imagination began to work, and he feared that they might rob him, or impress him into the army. So strong did this fear become that he leaped over a wall and found himself in a graveyard. The other travelers, innocent of any such motive as had been assumed by Nasrudin, became curious and pursued him. When they came upon him lying motionless, one said, “Can we help you — why are you here in this position?” Nasrudin, realizing his mistake, said, “It is more complicated than you assume. You see, I am here because of you; and you, you are here because of me.”
The Imposter
The Mulla was thirsty as he walked on the seashore, and he stooped down to take a drink. The water tasted horrible, and he rushed to the village well, a good mile away. 'Quick, give me a pitcher of water!' he gasped out to a woman who was drawing some. 'Why, Mulla, are you thirsty?' 'Yes I am, but first I have to show an impostor what real water is like!'