Have you ever met anyone who could actually hurt a fly?

How come when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they
are invisible?

How come you fill out a form by filling it in?

How come an alarm clock goes off by going on?

If writers write why don't fingers fing, grocers groce, and hammers ham?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil comes from corn, what does baby oil come from?

How did a fool and his money get together?

How do they get a deer to cross at those yellow road signs?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream containers?

What do they use to ship Styrofoam?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that 
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models 
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
 
And Asians disoriented?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an Algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How do I set my laser printer on "stun"?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order?
 Is it because of the song?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, 
why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

If most car accidents happen within five miles of home, why doesn't 
everyone just move ten miles away?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

And whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a 
Phillip's Screwdriver?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?
Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put in your 
two cents, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who 
drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. 
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Did Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if you tell someone that there are 1 billion stars in the 
universe he will believe you, but if you tell him a wall has wet paint he 
will have to touch it to be sure?

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland
called "Holes"?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he 
become disoriented?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn 
down the volume on the radio?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just 
whipped out a quarter?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
 
How many weeks are there in a light year?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
 
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
 
How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is opposite of progress?
 
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold 
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
 
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
  
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
 
Is there another word for synonym?
 
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
 
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
 
How come roosters crow and crows roost?
 
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
 
Why do we wash bath towels?
 Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it Is called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
 
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
 
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 
How come noses run but feet smell?
 
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?

What happens when none of your bees wax?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

Why does slim chance and fat chance mean the same thing?

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of a plane?

If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?

Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together?

Is atheism a non-prophet organization?

Why do we say something is out of whack?
 What is a whack?
 What is in it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
 It's just stale bread to begin with.

Here's a zen koan for you:
"If a man speaks alone in a forest and his wife isn't there to hear him, is he still wrong?"

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?