Title: How Do You Think I Feel

	Author: Strange Music

	Date: 21 September

	Pairing: male/male ;)

	Summary: We dream our hopes and hope in our dreams. And sometimes in
	between we live them.

	Archive: yes. ohh please!

	Email: Strange_music@hotmail.com

	Series/Sequel: A definite nooo! If you wonder read it ;)

	Web Page: 

	How Do You Think I Feel
	By Strange Music-;

	He looked down at the man lying in front of him.

	How long they had known each other?

	Many years and still there was so much unsaid between them. And never
	before he had seen this like today. They had saved each other's life, knew
	each others secrets, yet there was still a part that seemed to prevent them
	from actually talking with each other. About a certain problem that lay
	between them. Known only to them both. Not to the rest of the Team, that
	was blissfully unaware of the trouble that Murdock seemed to be in.

	"So, why did you come here today?"

	A smile a shrug and those brown eyes that once a time convinced him that
	there was more to this man then they told him. That the others rumoured.
	The eyes were laughing now. And in a way he was proud that it was at least
	to a part his accomplishment.

	A twinkle. "Was having a holiday and thought of visiting you," followed by a
	theatrical pout, "However if you don't want to see me... Throwing out the Mad

	He turned around. But didn't go to the door quickly showing how much of
	this was only show.

	"You can't fool me Murdock. You never could. You might be able to fool
	people who don't know you. But never the people close to you... They always
	have and will see something more."

	This time when Murdock turned around his statement had changed. "And what
	is it that you see."

	"They see a person who has been through too much in his life."

	There was a frown on Murdock's face that wasn't played anymore. And without
	the jokes and the fool around he asked in a strange strung voice.

	"I asked what you see. Not the others. Not my mother, not my father. Not
	the rest of the Team. I want to know it from you!"

	"I see someone I care about, because even in all in troubled life he has
	yet not given up trust on people. A man that with all the horror he had
	seen still is able to see the beauty life has given us as if through the
	eyes of a kid. And a man that despite all the betrayal that he had felt still
	is able to care. It is a man *I* care a lot about."

	The doubt in Murdock's eyes was so clear that he knew the question even
	before it had been spoken.

	"Do you? Do you really care about me?"

	It was so disbelieving as if the words would mean nothing.

	"You didn't know?" It was meant to be as a joke. But it came out more
	serious that he had wanted it to be.

	And the disbelieving look in the other man's eyes was proof enough.

	"You really didn't know."

	He saw Murdock turning his head away, as if to prevent to let his eyes
	give away more of his feelings.

	"I care a lot about you Murdock. More that I should considering the
	Situation we are in."

	A slight smile appeared on the one half of the mouth that he could see, it
	was sarcastic and in a way not even a smile when he started to shake his
	head. "I have been in a situation for as long as I can remember. My life
	always was full of situation, if I let them rule my life it would be even
	more out of control as it already is."

	"So what you are saying is?"

	Murdock turned back, the twinkle back... he was playing but yet serious
	enough for the situation. "Well tell me. That's what you have been doing
	for so long. Aren't you supposed to know what I am thinking?"

	Brown eyes locked with his.

	"Maybe I am not sure. Maybe I would like to know what we are talking about
	before I say anything." He felt unsure if it was even the same subject that
	they were talking about. There was too much to loose than to risk it in an
	uncertainty. He had lived with this love for so long without it being<
	repeated that he could life for a lot longer. All do's and doesn't kept
	swirling through his head, making the answer uncertain. To little time and
	too much to loose.

	But before he could make up his mind he felt the other man lips touch
	briefly with his. No more that mere air that breathed them. Too little to
	actually call it a kiss, but too much to see it as a slip.

	Again those souldeep brown eyes looked at him for answer, like they had so
	many times before. Waiting for his answer.

	And suddenly all thoughts went out of the window. The ones that told him
	that he might be making a mistake. The ones that told him that he shouldn't
	do this. They were all silence up as he answered the unspoken question by
	leaning forward ad capturing these wonderful lips in a kiss. Deep and
	reassuring of the feeling that he couldn't yet say in words.

	"I love you Murdock," he whispered when they stopped. "I have for a long

	There was so much still unsaid and unknown. But the first step was down.
	And so others would follow. In their time when they would be ready.

	Lips red, eyes glanced a smile on his lips Murdock only winked.

	"And here I though you did put up with me because I gave you a secure Job."

	A slight shake of his head.

	"You are one of a kind Murdock. Did I ever tell you that?"

	"All the time Doc... and I am really grateful for the compliment

	Relieved and happy for the first time in long Dr. Richter simply lay his
	head back and broke into laughter.

	Everything would be all right.

	The End!!!!!!!!!



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