How many of you people know someone who says that autumn is their favorite season of the year because of all of the beautiful colors? If there is anyone in your life who has told you this before, do them a favor and give them a kick in the ass. Autumn is the shittiest season ever and there's no reason for anyone to ever enjoy it. It's boring, cold and shitty. I'd take Winter over Autumn any day.

Why do I hate Autumn so much you might ask? Because it sucks. There's nothing fun you can do during Autumn. In the summer you can go swimming, in the winter you can go skiing and make snowmen (and then knock their heads off with baseball bats, great stress reducers), in the spring you can go out in the rain, what the hell can you do in Autumn? Go jump in a leaf pile? Please, what a pile of uselessness. Jumping in a pile of leaves is boring. And what's worse is that you'll end up being covered in slugs, dirt, dog shit, and god knows what else someone might have put in there for you. It's a complete waste of time. And Raking leaves is the worst. At least during the winter you only have to shovel your driveway (and that's why they have snow plows and snow blowers). When you have to rake your leaves you have to rake the whole goddamn yard. And if you try using a leaf blower to blow it into your neighbor's yard you'll end up getting bitched at (which is nothing a decent karate chop won't settle). And you're not allowed to burn your leaves anymore because it's bad for the environment. Such a crock of shit.

I hate hearing how people say it's the best season because of all the pretty colors of the leaves. Big fucking deal. The leaves are dying and you think that the color changing is beautiful? You wouldn't think a dead human changing color is beautiful. Big deal if there are colors flying around of red and yellow and orange and shit like that. Sounds like a damn disney movie to me. Who really cares? You're going to have to get rid of your leaves anyways, why the big fuss? I hate all the stupid colors. Let's just burn all the damn trees down so I don't have to put up with this shit again.

And the holidays in Autumn suck too. The only decent one during it is Halloween and even that is starting to suck. Everyone I know is telling me that they're getting too old to go out and get free candy. What the hell? You're never too old to get free handouts. Maybe this year I should go and scare a bunch of little kids shitless...but then their bitchy parents who are dragging them around won't shut the hell up about it. Anyways, The best holidays are during the other seasons. Christmas kicks ass because I don't have to think or do a damn thing and I get free shit. Summer kicks ass because there's free vacation time (regardless of the fact that everyone is vacationing too so you have to put up with stupid people), and Springtime contains my birthday (which really should be declared a national holiday and everyone should give me gifts, cake and brownies)