It seems to me that every single time that gwen stefani comes out with a new single it just pisses me off to the point where I want to write an article about each one. I've been holding back with writing the redundant article about how much I hate gwen stefani's songs because I didn't want to appear as if it was the only topic I could really talk about, but I reached my limit of tolerance, and hearing her shitty songs over and fucking over again on the radio is pissing me off more than a vegan hippy. Rather than just rant on and on about how shitty a musician she actually is, I decided to just give my commentary on each and every one of her singles that she's put out so far (I might update these if she decides to put out a few more shitty singles in the near future). So, Starting with her first single to the most recent one, here goes.
1. WHAT YOU WAITING FOR?
To start off here, I'd like to point out the fact I think that gwen stefani going solo is complete bullshit because I'm pretty damn sure that over ninety percent of her listeners didn't even know the names of the rest of her old band "no doubt". Why go solo if you're the only one in the band people actually know the name of? Unless it was to further yourself and to screw those who remained loyal to you despite the fact that you were hogging the spotlight for four albums (ie. the rest of no doubt). Personally I think that gwen stefani is a selfish, self centered, self indulging bitch who mooched off of her band's talent and then fucked them over to further her own ambitions without caring about what the rest of them felt. But that's just me. I think it's funny that she calls this her solo project when she doesn't even play her own music (Don't believe me? Check her website. She has a list of people who do all of the instruments etc. on her album, whereas she does none but vocals). If you call it a solo album why would you have other people to do the music for you? She's yet again using real musicians to do the work for her and she gets all the glory and fame? She's fucking selfish is what she is. To be honest, I checked out her website so that I could have a non-biased opinion of her, but I read one paragraph of her biography, and I said to myself "Fuck it. I'd rather be biased than to have to read any more of this bullshit". To quote her website:
"I remember being this 17 year-old girl, in love and really excited about my future with the boy that I thought was going to be my husband and we'd have babies and that, "she pauses, "was my passion. Then I learned that I could write songs and that is when my life changed. I went from being this really passive girl to 'Oh my God. This makes me feel so powerful when I write these words.' It was such a turning point to find that I had a talent and I had something to contribute, somewhere."
-gwen stefani (pompous bitch)
She "learned" to write songs? Anyone can write lyrics. It's not too hard to sit down with a sheet of paper, write a out a some lyrics, and then think it's good because you're too full of yourself for real self criticism. It's writing good lyrics (which she obviously can't do as seen in her first single "what you waiting for") as well as being able to actually play your own music that defines what a "talent" is. This entire paragraph just screams bullshit to me. I sat down one day and started writing music (as well as lyrics to go with all of the music that I write) and now have well over two hundred plus songs written that I've compiled into six albums that I will record when I get the financial support needed to fund the recording. Where the fuck is my grammy? Hell, I'd be happy just to be nominated for an MTV music award. My lyrics are meaningful not just to me, but to those who share my feelings of mental anguish that we all go through on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong though. I'm sure that many people are touched on a daily basis after listening to the thought provoking music in gwen's song "what you waiting for". Like this wonderful lyric:
LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW!
YOU'RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE!
YOU GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!
AND THEY'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK!
and let's not forget:
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
(La la la la la)
and finally, I get a shiver up my spine (and an ear ache) every time I hear the well thought out lyrics in the chorus:
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?
I guess she was too lazy or stupid to put the word "are" before "you". So I'm guessing a song about a girl who strikes it big with music is supposed to be thought provoking? The only thought that is provoked with me is that no one should give a shit about the fact that she is obviously singing about herself and it seems like she's rubbing it all in our face the fact that morons like her fans are actually giving her their money by buying her shitty albums. The music video is pretty stupid too. It starts out with her having writers block, and then there's something about an asian girl and then she writes out some shitty song like this and the rest of the video looks like it was ripped out of Lewis Carroll's "Alice In Wonderland". I don't know specifically at this point in time. I only saw the video once and I thought it was stupid then and I'll be damned if I'm watching the video again to get soe more insight. Final rating? 1/10
RICH GIRL (FEATURING EVE)
You know what's funny about gwen stefani? The fact that she's the whitest human being on this planet, yet she surrounds herself with more black people than the million man march and seems to try so hard to be a "black girl". That's what this song should be called. Anyways, back to the song/video. Not many people seem to realize that this song is mostly ripped off from the song "Rich Guy" from the play "Cat on a hot tin roof" (from what I'm told those na na's that she sings are in the song in the play as well). Good idea gwen. Rather than write your own song, take a song from a play a long while ago that none of your listeners know (mostly teenagers who love her "cool" nature and don't give a shit about plays), change the lyrics to conform to the fact you are a female (and an ugly one I might add) and give people the impression that you yourself wrote it. Congratulations. I'd clap my hands for you, but they're busy covering my ears in hopes to block out this bullshit you're feeding us all. It's funny how the song goes "if I was a rich girl" when you already are one. I guess they say write what you know huh? But why are people buying into this shit though? She's got to already have all of the things she's singing about buying in the song. The song isn't even all that catchy. As for the video, I only saw snippits of it because at the time I was in no mood to give it a try. ALl I can tell you is that everything in the video looks like it has something to do with pirates, and gwen stefani dances like she's trying to be black but is acting like an idiot in the process. Final rating? 1/10
HOLLABACK GIRL
Oh my god! A female musician using the word "shit" in a song repeatedly? How rebellious and unique? Ah, hollaback girl...what can I say about this piece of shit? Just that I guess. A song about pushing the extra distance so that you can rise to the top? Yawn*. How cliche. How boring. Why not a real song about no matter how hard you try, nothing will ever be as good as you want it to be? That's a real life lesson. As if the video didn't clue people in enough, this song sounds as if it was made for a highschool football game. Highschool football sucks. She sings about shit being bananas (She means crazy, but apparently singing and spelling bananas is funny to people and makes people like the song for some reason). The video is just as the song sounds like. Something as trivial as highschool football being turned into the be all and end all of the universe. It gives everyone who is retarded what they want. Girls get a song to motivate them with stupid girl power lyrics, and guys get to see a ghost wearing some kind of bathing suit that apparently is a turn on for some reason. She manages to sucker everyone into this song and didn't even have to pay too much in the way of instruments. Just recorded people clapping their hands and stomping their feet and threw in a few basic notes in here or there on some instrument I don't care to listen close enough so I'd know what it is and she has a low budget piece of shit song. I literally cringe everytime this song comes up on the radio. I don't care where it is, I hear this song come up on the radio and I have to leave the room as soon as possible otherwise it's stuck in my head for the rest of the day and I'm forced to kill someone to relieve my anger. Final Rating? -5/10 because I more than I hate it.
COOL
No. Not cool. Not cool. In all honesty, this song wouldn't be so annoying if not for the fact they play it on the radio and TV a bilion times a day. This song is about gwen still being friends with her ex regardless of the fact that he's banging someone else (why anyone is banging gwen stefani is beyond me, but then again so is why people like her to begin with). What a load of drivel. I hate my ex's because they treated me like shit. Why still be friends with them? What a load of feel good bullshit. I saw the video so I could see if she's gotten better, but I was wrong. The video is pretty much just her hanging out with her ex and his new girlfriend while gwen spends the whole time being the fifth wheel. The video ends with the three of them walking off into the sunset which looks rediculous seeing as there are three of them. I watched it on much music and after it was over, that suck ass pansy VJ Rick Campanelli said it was his favorite ending to a video for some dumbass reason. Hell no. I've seen so many other videos that have better endings to them than this shitty one. This one is just crap. I'm kind of glad though that she doesn't sing this song with her overly stressed whiney nasal voice, so I guess that gives it a few points, but it's still not enough to get a good review with me. Final Rating? 2/10 (it wasn't too self indulging).
LUXURIOUS (FEATURING SLIM THUG)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. That's all this song and video screams to me. I saw it once. That's enough for me. Even once was too much. The song was so boring, monotonous, and didn't even have any direction or style to it. It sounded as if someone decided to blow into a microphone and call it a song. Oh Look! Gwen Stefani in skimpy clothes? Let's masturbate to to her piece of shit video. And as if she wasn't already losing enough credibility, enter yet again another black rapper to make this pasty face bitch attempt at being black but in the process looking more white than she is. There's an over abundance of white rappers out there, all with a ghetto like alias in order to sound badass but actually sound retarded. Slim Thug. Who the fuck is he? We never knew until he started sucking on the tit of gwen in this colaboration in hopes of being seen by someone who might give him an oportunity to enter mainstream. And what are the lyrics about? Her rubbing it all in our faces about how we'll never be as rich as her? Or her using a metaphor for how much love there is involved in an imaginary relationship? We all know that one thing is for sure though. Either way, it's just a load of bullshit. Writing talent my ass. Write about something thought provoking or something that sends a message or something that touches us all in either a positive or negative way. Why the fuck is she even alive? Final Rating? -1/10 (because I'm bitter enough as it is.
I hope she dies before a fifth video can be made. Actually, wait. Scratch that. I don't want the TV to be bombarded with news reports and the like about how another "musical icon" died in a "tragic" accident. I also think that whoever compiled the songs onto her album should be fired. Unless they were unsure as to what the singles on the album would be, then the person who chose the singles should be shot. It was real creative on their part to put all of the four singles as the first four songs on the album in the exact order that they came out in. I don't know anymore. I hope this subject is exausted.
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