25 REASONS WHY GUYS LIKE GIRLS?

This is the section of the chain letter I received that I made fun of in my last article. I decided not to add it as it seems like it should have a section all to itself. There are 25 of these and figure I should do as many of them as I possibly can. *NOTE---just like the last article, the email is in various colors while my comments are in white.

Here are a few reasons
why guys like girls:

1.
They will always smell good
even if it’s just shampoo

I wouldn’t put this on the list of what I like about girls. The only reasons we think they smell good is because we can’t ever bring ourselves to think that our girlfriend smells like shit. I thought one of my girlfriends smelled good…until afterwards I stopped and realized they just smelled like baby powder and dog shit. Guys will never think anything bad of their girlfriends like that.
2.
The way their heads always
find the right spot on our shoulder

I’ll put this on the list once I find someone who’s short/tall/willing enough to do this.

3.
How cute they look when they sleep

Even if they freak the hell out of you when they drool, snore, and talk in their sleep? I bet.

4.
The ease in which they fit into our arms

What kind of a dumbass reason is this? You can make anything fit into your arms with ease if you want it to. A teddy bear, a guitar, a gun, anything.

5.
The way they kiss you and
all of a sudden everything
is right in the world

At least for ten seconds until you wake up out of your daze and realize that you’re still up to your eyeballs in shit.

6.
How cute they are when they eat

…taking five hours just to eat one chip. Sometimes I never notice because I’m too busy eating what they won’t eat because apparently I’m the fucking human trash compactor.

7.
The way they take hours
to get dressed
but in the end
it makes it all worth while

And here’s the kicker. I’ve never been faced with this situation and I’m glad I haven’t and I’ll be damned if I ever do. Frankly, guys don’t want to have to wait around for women to get dressed. We’d be even happier if you decided to dress in something that looked like crap in 5 minutes. It doesn’t matter shit, because the only way it’s going to make waiting worthwhile is if they sleep with us in the end. And even then their clothes are going to end up on the floor.

8.
Because they are always
warm even when its minus 30 outside

I don’t like girls for this. I hate it. They sit there all warm and happy while I’m shrinking down to one inch every minute. And then they act all smug about it. I hope you’ll be happy when you find me lying dead from hypothermia.

9.
The way they look good
no matter what they wear

Translation: we’re too chicken shit of getting bitched at for expressing if we think something doesn’t look good enough on them.

10.
The way they fish for compliments
even though you both know that you
think she's the most
beautiful thing on this earth

Shit I hate it when women fish for compliments even though they already know that I worship the fucking ground they walk on. There are only so many times I can be asked “you think I’m pretty right?” before I get frustrated and tattoo it on their forehead.

11.
How cute they are when they argue

Hell no. They’re never cute when they argue. They’re scary as hell. Especially if they know that they’re losing. It’s at this time that it doesn’t turn into an argument. It turns into a fight that includes everything but a giant billboard that says “I’m right” being smashed over your head.

12.
The way her hand always finds yours

When this happens I’ll have an orgasm over it.

13.
The way they smile

What if they’re laughing at you when they smile? Oooohhhhh... I caught you there.

14.
The way you feel
when you see their name
on the call ID
after you just had a big fight

This is a big hell no. If we just had a big fight and I see their name on the caller ID my heart skips six beats and I have a seizure. You know damn well that she’s not going to apologize. And if she is going to call after a big fight you know it’s just because she has an argument that’s going to force you to surrender.

15.
The way she says
"lets not fight anymore"
even though you know that
an hour later....

I absolutely love this! There’s nothing I enjoy more than getting into a huge fight with my girlfriend, only to hear her say “let’s not fight anymore” and have to get into another fight an hour later. It just makes me want to go to my room and masturbate for an hour. Could someone please fucking tell me why this is on a list of what we like about girls? There’s nothing more I can say about this.

16.
The way they kiss when
you do something nice for them

*see comment to #12*

Usually the best I get when I do something nice for someone (which includes cleaning their toilet with my tongue if they ask nicely enough) Is a great big “wow!”. Thanks. I love you too.

17.
The way they kiss you
when you say
"I love you"

Or the way they look at you like you have three heads, only to tell you later that they don’t feel the same way or that it’s going too fast. Ok, I think I kicked this one the best I can. (I have a fucked up mind)

18.
Actually ...
just the way they kiss you...

Ok, this is just getting annoying…

19.
The way they fall into your arms
when they cry

*see #20*

20.
Then the way they apologize
for crying over something that silly

I don’t like when they apologize for crying over something so silly. In fact, I hate apologies to begin with. Because you know they’re going to do it again later on. The whole time through these ordeals I’m saying “it’s ok” while I’m actually thinking “You’re damn right you should be sorry. Honestly…Oh no…I said that you’re hair didn’t look good this time as much as it did last time. Shut the fuck up and stop thinking that you’re a gargoyle all the time.” (this goes up there with #9 and 10)

21.
The way they hit you
and expect it to hurt

This should be changed to “The way they are so fucking abusive all the time”.

22.
Then the way they apologize
when it does hurt.
(even though we don't admit it)!

If we don’t admit it then doesn’t that mean they don’t know it hurts? So wouldn’t that mean they’re apologizing for…nothing? Forget it.

23.
The way they say
"I miss you"

They don’t miss me. They just say that to make me feel better about myself. At least that’s what I think.

24.
The way you miss them

NOPE

25.
The way their tears
make you want to
change the world
so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore.....
Yet regardless
if you love them,
hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die
without them ...
it matters not.
Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to
the depths of their souls
and
you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life
is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart.
We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt.

This whole reason is pretty much a rendition of everything that I faced in my very first relationship with someone I “loved” and I have to say, reading this made me sick to my stomach. I hate highschool romances like this and all that lovey dovey bullshit. Where they say “I love you more than anything and anyone. You’re my everything and I’m lost without you. I’ll love you forever…etc.” then later on they say “I fell out of love with you. Sorry.”. Saying something lasts forever doesn’t mean shit until forever happens.

It seems to me that a girl wrote this and not a guy. First off, because no guy would take the time to write something so completely mushy like this, and secondly because most of these don’t seem like something any guy would actually like in a girl. I really would like to meet the person who takes time out to bombard us with all of this bullshit, so that I could piss on their shoes, because they’re fucking misinformed. Screw this. I’m out.

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