I recently recieved yet another email from friends that is pretty much just a survey that you have to fill out and send to your friends so that they can know more stuff about you. I was in one of my moods so I decided to fill it out accordingly and send it to all of my friends. I decided that I wanted to post what I said in the email, so, enjoy.
Note to anyone I send this to, don't ever send me one of those emails where I have to fill it out about what I know about YOU. The last thing I need is to fill out 20 of those. Cuz I usually get pissed at about the third one. thanks.
~*THE BASICS*~
1) Single or Taken: I've never understood why we use the phrase "taken" or "single". It's not like we join some type of collective when we start going out with someone. And taken? It's almost as if we're placing having a significant other taking us hostage. Stop asking me this and start being politically correct.
2) Sex: Only with goats. jeez, why the hell do they always put this question on these things? it's as if the people aren't sure I'm actually a guy and they need to see it written in an email to verify it. Look, the only people I'd send these to should already know my gender.
3) Birthday: May 8th. Not like you'd remember...unless you kept this email...but who the hell does that?
4) Sign: I'm a Taurus. That's right. So appropriate as I usually do spurt out loads of bullshit. If I put my birthday down, wouldn't common sense usually help you figure out what my sign is...do some research.
5) Siblings: 3 brothers, all conveniently named jesse, joel, and jon. yeah that's right. My parents are possums.
6) Hair colour: Blond, blue, red, brown, etc.
7) Eye colour: grey. That's right. Nothing but fucking grey! It does not change color according to my mood like all you other godlike figures. There are probably only 6 or 7 eye colors out there, and hundreds of moods. There's no way you can be able to match them up with colors. So just please state what your natural eye color is.
8) Shoe size: Whatever size I want it to be.
9) Height: between 5'3 and 5'7. Yeah I know. I'm a fucking midget. Eat me
~*RELATIONSHIPS*~
1) Who can u tell anything to?: No one. There are always things that you can't tell to certain people. Even people that you trust more than anything. Like how annoying it is when your best friend makes the weirdest noises when he sleeps or eats. (just an example darcy, don't get pissed)
2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: yes. eat me. It's not like you have a chance or would even want to have a chance to have me. So don't cry yourself to sleep over me. Because I'm not worth it. I have a small penis and a hairy ass. Is that really someone to like?
3) If not, who do you like?: In what way? Cuz there are some people I like that you'd never know of. Granted some of them I'd like if they got decapitated right now. But that's a different kind of like.
4) Did you send this to your crush?: No
5) Did your crush send this to you?: LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP WITH THESE DUMBASS QUESTIONS!!!
~*FASHION STUFF*~
1) Where is your favorite place to shop? Does shopping have to include actually purchasing something? Because if so then my favorite place would be around my own group of friends who have shit that they think they're too good for and want me to have it. Meh, they're loss. I still like transformers.
2) Do you have any piercing: My ear twice. And I soon hope to get my lip and eyebrow done. And while I'm at it I'll get five pens stuck through one ear, my navel pierced, my nipples pierced with barbells, and my dick pierced with a chain attached to it going over to the piercing I got on my asshole, that way I can hook my keys down there so I'll never lose them.
*~THE EXTRA STUFF~*
1) Have you ever done drugs?: What business is it of yours? I get it. The government is on this. They tapped into my internet account. Even if I answer no, they'll still have my info on file as a potential drug user. Oh you smarmy little bastards. You won't catch me!!!
2) What kind of shampoo do you use?: ...Cat urine mixed with a little duck shit, to give it that extra shine. seriously, does it really make a difference?
3) What are you most scared of? Robots killing me before they have the chance to make me the supreme overlord of Earth.
4) What are you listening to right now? The Offspring- Kick Him When He's Down. For all you uneducated people out there, it's off their second album "Ignition" dated back from 1992. So now I won't have to listen to anyone thinking they're just a one hit wonder. Eat me.
5) What is your dream car? Optimus Prime. Seriously. That would fucking rock
6) Who is the last person that called you? Steph. Keep that on mind people. It might be on the test. Jeez.
7) Where do you want to get married? A Live Offspring concert. That way I can watch the blushing bride come down the aisle looking all beautiful, and then they'll strike up with "come out and play". oh yeah. I can see it now.
8) What would u change about u if u could change 1 thing: My bitter outlook on life and my sarcasm and rudeness when it comes to commenting on the world that I observe around me...*Snort*. Yeah right. I'm having too much fun to do that.
~*FAVORITE THINGS*~
1) Color: The color of bat shit...but black is cool too.
2) Boys name: Aidyn (I think it's the name of a demon or something)
3) Girls name:Clover. (don't ask me why. It just sounds different. Don't judge me)
4) Subjects in school: My Computer class and sleeping class (my global history for those of you confused people)
5) Animal: Tigers. They could kick all your sorry asses if you had no guns.
6) Song/Music: Punk, Heavy Metal, Heavy Punk, Rock, and Classical (Classical kicks ass. Bite me)
~*HAVE YOU EVER*~
1) Taken a bubble bath? yes. and if you want it back, then leave two million dollars on the front step of the memorial park statue. I will have an associate watching my every move. Once I am safely away with the money, then he will release it. Any wrong moves and he will kill it immediately. (ok, that was lame, but still, it's not a very well worded question)
2) Bungee jumped?: Not yet. I was planning on doing it naked from a helicopter. But then again there are laws about dropping large objects out of flying vehicles arent there?
3) Broken the law? Does pissing on a church count?
4) How far have you ever went with a guy/girl? wouldn't you like to know. well I don't feel like giving out that information as I'm probly the only one with a boring and shitty answer for it. So all of you can blow me. Then once you're done with that you can add that into the answer to this question as you already know it.
5)Gone skinny dipping?: And get my junk bitten off by an eel? sometime in the future.
6) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: Yeah, but the cop thought I was hitting on him, so he let me go.
~*FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND*~
1) Red: boobies
2) Moo: sweater cows
3) Socks: Television at 3 in the morning
4) Pineapple: boobies
~*WHAT'S WORSE*~
1)A lie that draws a smile or a truth that draws a tear? Why the hell does this catagory have only one question? It's like it's not important enough to be part of the other ones. That's just typical. Just because it's different it gets excluded. Well I'll fix that for all you Nazis out there.
~*FINAL QUESTIONS*~
1)A lie that draws a smile or a truth that draws a tear? that's better.
1) Do you like filling these out?: I never used to. But now I find that it's my only purpose in life, is to tell people what I already know about myself. Once I'm done these I kinda expect people to remember, but they rarely do, so next time I'm gonna send an email with a quiz on it. If you get the answers wrong, I hunt you down and kill you. Or bitchslap you. Whichever I prefer.
2) How many people are you sending this to?: Who the fuck is asking me this? The person who sent it to me or some deity who's watching my every move? I'm not going to answer this because not only is it not an important question to anyone's life, but because if you really wanted to know, and you didn't have the intelligence to look at the section right above this email, then you don't deserve to even know a damn thing on this questionaire.
3) Who will send it back first? ummm....i can't tell the future, so I don't know. But if I could see the future, I would like to see if I'm going to get myself a car that looks like Optimus Prime. That would still rock.
5) What is the last movie you saw?: ...I seriously don't remember...I think it was Debbie Does Dallas, or ninja turtles. I wish it was.
6) Favorite cartoon character: michaellangelo, Chris Griffon, Ghandi, And Unicron.
7) Favorite word? I hate the word fuck now. It's no longer unique to say it's you're favorite word because it can be used in so many ways. it's boring now. Now my favorite word is dipshit. It's just fucking hillarious to call someone that.
8) What do you have for breakfast:? Endangered Eagle's eggs with a side of kangaroo.
9) Who would you hate being locked in a room with?: Anyone who wants to know this can ask me themselves as the person I would put down may be a friend to some I send this to (although I highly doubt that) and then I might have to listen to the person's constant ranting. And if I had to pick between that and having a screwdriver shoved up my ass I'd ask "Philips or Flathead?"
10) Who would you like being locked up in a room with?: Randall Flagg From Stephen King's book "The Stand" Because he is the most kick ass character of all fiction. I'd have him teach me how to use dark magic and then I'd have a shitload of fun with it.
11) Something random? If you learned anything about me from this little essay you just read, it would be that I'm a naturally bitter and pissy person. But that is only to things that I feel like giving my completely honest opinion about. EAT ME!!!
Send it back............