FAN MAIL
From : Kyle Baker
Sent : September 26, 2004 11:41:44 PM
To : chrono__black@hotmail.com
Hey there. I don't know if you're going to classify this as "wasting" your time but I don't care. I'm just writin' ya to tell you that I love your site. It's hysterical and I agree with a lot of your views on things. You're a smart guy and have really good arguments.
Thanks for the amusement, Kyle.
This isn't exactely my first email I've received, but I'll consider it my first because I accidently deleted the actual first one...that and I would like to think of this as the better one. The first email I received was from someone that said they liked everything that I had to say, EXCEPT no doubt. I don't mean to be rude but it makes no difference to me if you agree with everything but disagree with me on one little subject. This email didn't state that I was wrong on anything (and if he thinks so at least he had the decency of keeping it to himself) and that he agrees with a lot of my views on things. It's always nice to know that my work is appreciated without the bullshit. Smart guy and have really good arguments, and best of all this email contained next to no typos, misspelling, bad grammer, and he not once substituted the word "you" with "u" (something that annoys me to no end. It's only two extra letters people, it won't kill you). It's emails like this that actually sets me in a good mood. Most people don't even bother to correct their grammer, but this guy took the time to make sure there were no mistakes either because he likes it perfect or he had forsight that I would be pissed had there been a shitload of mistakes. This guy did however made me realize that I didn't specify what I consider "wasting" my time when it comes to emails. So thanks to him I will break it down for anyone who would like to know:
1)Emails that require twenty minutes just to work my way through the terrible grammer. I can't stand reading things that just make no sense to me. If you can't spell worth shit, then run it through a spell check first just so I can at least think I'm talking to someone with an IQ higher than 100. Otherwise don't send it to me.
2)Emails that are so unbareably long that I have to put on a pot of coffee to last me through it. Don't bother sending me an email that puts down my views and puts up your own if you're going to do it for multiple articles. If you have something to say then choose the article that pisses you off so that I have more time to do other important matters.
3)NO EMAILS ABOUT YOURSELVES (You really think I care about what goes on in your life? You don't come here to read my autobiography so spare me yours)
4)No emails with attachments. I'll be damned if I'm opening my email only to find a shitload of pictures that I'll probably recieve on my other email I have, so why bother?
5)Don't send me an email with a request for a topic to write about. This website is dedicated to everything I think, see, feel, and observe throughout my life and feel the need to comment on. I don't need hints or help, because I have plenty of things to bitch about as it is.
Well, that's all I can think of for now. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read my website and actually walks away with some knowledge as to what I'm talking about. I hope to recieve more emails like this down the road.
From : Nicole Haines
Sent : October 19, 2004 2:13:43 PM
To : chrono__black@hotmail.com
Subject : About your website.....
Well done. Really really well done. May I ask how old you are? Your strong vocabulary and opinions are that of something rare, and I have to wonder of what age you are to be blessed with such gifts. Im Nicki. 19 from Sydney Australia.
Nice to meet you......????
I need more emails like this. Remember, compliments are always welcome. I asked her how she found out about my site (just out of curiousity) and she replied with this:
I was given the link to the address from some no name, pissed of about your opinion of The White Stripes. Telling everyone to send you hate mail. Rather sad really. Anyway, I clicked, I read and I was impressed. So here we are.
I seriously laughed my ass off when I read this one. I couldn't believe someone was telling random people to send me hatemail. Especially because of my white stripes article. My white stripes article was the first one I ever wrote on my site. Why would this person read this one and tell people to send me hate mail because of that one article and not the rest? Was it the only one he/she read? That can't be likely considering my article is at the bottem of a page I'm sure that no one reads anymore (27 articles). There's no way to justify this without this person looking like an idiot, which they clearly are considering he tells everyone to send me hatemail regardless of the fact I still haven't recieved any hatemail yet. Where's your hatemail for me asshole? Fucking coward is all you are. Anyways, this was yet again another satisfying email. Keep them coming.
From :
Sent :November 14, 2004 10:12:55 PM
To :chrono__black@hotmail.com
Subject : (no subject)
your a great writer... i like the things you bitch about... you seem like a funny guy and your page is great...Sarah
Agreed.
From : Anonymous
Sent : Saturday, February 26, 2005 1:48 AM
To :chrono__black@hotmail.com
Subject : Website fanmail
Hi I just read all the articles on your website and I thought you would be a real good stand-up comic. You need to keep up the articles.
I was actually thinking about going into stand up comedy...either that or pornography. Either way I'd be standing up and someone would be laughing.
Got something to say to me? Drop me a line at: chrono__black@hotmail.com
BACK