MOVIES THAT SUCKED

Just to make a long story short, this is a list of Movies that I've seen that I really hated to no end. I've decided to give a short review on each and then rate them on a scale between one star and five stars.

· MEN IN BLACK 2---This movie amazed me a hell of a lot. I loved the first movie, and I was really looking forward to a sequel, and why not? It seemed like the movie was set up for a second one. An equivelent to this movie would be to take bread, lettuce, salami, mayo, tomatoes, cheese, pepper and some salt for a sandwich, throwing it into a blender, and then choking it down. It has all of the things that you ever wanted in a movie and yet they still managed to fuck it up, by throwing it all together without any thought or direction. It wasn't as funny as the first because the only funny thing about the first was that Will Smith was still learning the ropes. In this one he's too goddamn serious. On top of that, they decided to make an alien, disguised as a lingerie model, that was made out to be the most powerful alien in the galaxy or some bogus shit like that, and it was still so easily destroyed that you could've killed it with a handkerchief. The chase scenes were boring, the fight scenes were boring, and the script really could've done with a rewrite. I've seen this movie only once two years ago and I refuse to watch it again because I simply think it's just not worth my time or effort.

FINAL RATING: *1/2

· THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY---I only have a few problems with this movie. First off, I hate Ben Stiller. Second off, I don't understand why everyone's fighting over Cameron Diaz, when it seems to me she's quite slutty in it (she goes around without a bra and a white shirt) and also considering I don't find her very attractive anyways. And finally, it won way too many MTV movie awards back in 1999 that it didn't deserve. It won an award for best fight sequence, beating Wesley Snipes and his fight against the vampires in Blade with that shitty ass fight with Ben Stiller fighting that goddamn dog. I could not have been more pissed off. Oh my god! Ben Stiller was fighting against a computer generated domesticated pet? Give him an award! Matt Dillon also shared the spot of "best villian" with Stephen Dorff (you know, that kick ass bad guy in Blade). And It also beat both Saving Private Ryan and Armageddon for "Best Movie". These may not seem like good reasons to hate the movie, but I still didn't much like it to begin with.

FINAL RATING: **

· AUSTIN POWERS 3---I guess we all saw this one coming. I hated everything about this movie.The begining, the middle, and the end. I hated it all. This movie was nothing more than the first two movies, mixed together with some pig shit and Michael Cain. There are some movies where they take elements of the first movie, completely change the jokes in them, and they turn into a success (American Wedding), and then you have this movie where they just recycle the old jokes, try to make them look new and fail doing so. I somewhat liked the first two movies (regardless of the horrible acting of that Heather Graham bitch in the second movie), but this just didn't cut it. It wasn't funny, witty, or even worth my time to watch. And as if it wasn't bad enough that I had to put up with the pointless sexual innuendo, Mike Myers shit eating grin, or beyonce's sub-par acting, they decided to throw Britney Spears in the first scene as a fembot. I'll be honest here. I don't find Britney Spears sexually attractive at all and don't give a shit either way. The only part of this movie that mad me laugh is when they showed Britney Spears blowing up after her one minute bit part (but was soon disappointed yet again when I learned it was fake). At least my favorite actor (Seth Green) was still in it, other than that, 100% recycled bullshit.

FINAL RATING:-*(that's right, I can give negatives if I want)

· MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2---At the time I watched this movie I was the type of person who rarely said if a movie sucked or not, and yet this movie still bored me to tears. I've watched it twice since watching it in the theatre (Against my will) and it still sucks so much ass. The intro was coma inducing, and I still don't believe that Tom Cruise was actually climbing a real mountain. The fact that he jumped from one rock to another, as well as slipping and almost falling to a bloody death just seems way too planned to me. Isn't it funny how he managed to catch himself with one hand on rock and still hung there (with one arm) for that time period with no exasperated look on his face? Anyone who was faced in that situation would be shitting themselves. This just screamed out "fake" to me. But above all else, I really hated the ending. When I watch a movie I usually wonder how the enemy is going to die. This has got to be the stupidest way to finish off the enemy of the film. After showing what seemed to be a fight scene (at least that's what I think they were trying to pass it off as) that seemed to take up a large portion of my life, Tom Cruise was about to land the finishing blow to the villian until he saw some asian chick he liked throughout the movie come down from a helicopter. He stands up, and walks over to her, only to hear from behind him the enemy picking up a gun, pointing it at him and screaming "You should've killed me when you had the chance". Tom then stood there for some time thinking (In which the enemy could've shot him, the asian chick, and enough bullets into the helicopter to blow it up) just before he tossed something into the girls hands, kicked a gun up from the sand into his hand(this was probably done to make sure that all the girls in the audience creamed themselves after watching Tom Cruise's oh so cool moves), turned around, and shot the guy three times. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!! What a shitty way to die. The point here is that if I were the enemy, I wouldn't have even screamed anything. I would've just shot him and said to hell with it. Why do all bad guys feel the need to have some kind of dry cool wit before they kill someone? It's a time waster. In conclusion, this movie was just pure coma inducing dog shit. I can't believe that Metallica decided to make the song for this movie. Anything but this.

FINAL RATING: *

· LOST IN SPACE---Poor acting, poor storyline, poor action scenes, and a piss poor job at grabbing my attention. If there's one thing that I hate more in a movie than anything else, it's a movie based off of an old 70's TV show, as well as bad actors. If that kid wasn't in the movie (We all know kids are naturally bad actors to begin with anyways) then the worst perpetrator in this regards would be the overdone "acting" of that horrible father. I don't know who he is, and I'll be damned if I'm wasting my time trying to find out out of curiousity. The best actor in this movie was the guy who played Smith, and even then he slightly overdid it. Actually, now that I think about it, the best actor in it was that one spider on the ship that got it's shit ruined. What a great death scene. That's it, I'm done.

FINAL RATING: *

· GODZILLA---Yet again another movie that would've been good if not for the shitty acting in it. I don't give a damn about what anyone says, but I can't stand the poorly done acting of Matthew Broderick. He was bad in Godzilla, Inspector Gadget (not that this was a good movie to begin with) and Ferris Bueller's day off. The only good actors in this movie were Jean Reno (Rollerball, Ronin), Harry Shearer, and Hank Azaria, both voiceovers from the Simpsons. Other than that, these were the only actors that didn't make me laugh my ass off at their pathetic attempt. This movie has some good action and special affects. Although I would've prefered to see Godzilla eat more people. They should make a movie where Godzilla goes around and for the whole two hours and just eat people. That would rock.

FINAL RATING: **

There are more movies than this that I hated but I'm too lazy to state so.

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