WHAT CAN I DO TO WATCH A
MOVIE IN PEACE OTHER THAN KILL EVERYONE ELSE?
I tried to hold
back on writing another article about a movie that I watched, but something
happened to me the other night that I believe could use some honorable mention,
and needs to be commented on. I recently watched the movie “Not another teen
movie” over at a friend’s house. I have to say that it was a pretty good movie
(It made a whole bunch of points about teen movies that I would’ve pointed out
had I made a movie like this) but it could’ve been better. I only say this not
because the people who made the movie, but because it was another movie that I
always wanted to see that was ruined by the talking of annoying loud mouthed
adolescent females. I was watching with my best friend, another guy, and two
females. One of them wasn’t so bad, but the other seriously deserves to be
kicked in the throat repeatedly until she realizes that while a movie is
playing she should shut the fuck up. The movie could have been funnier only if
she didn’t say the punch line to every joke one second before it was said. I’m fucking
serious. She felt the need to repeat pretty much everything in the movie that
would have been funny had she not said it every fucking time. I mean, I know
you’ve seen the movie a dozen times, but that doesn’t mean that you have to try
and impress us all by showing that you remember it off by heart. You aren’t impressing anyone. All you’re doing is making me want
to kick you in the stomach repeatedly until you pass out. But I guess you’re
too self-absorbed that you can’t really think about other people. Forget about
the other people who haven’t seen a movie yet, forget about respect, forget
about other people who might want to watch a movie they’ve seen before without
a shrieking voice in the background. If it’s fun for you then that’s all that
matters, right?
As if the movie
wasn’t ruined enough for me she decided she would sing along with the musical
section of the movie. The movie was making fun of any teen movies that ever had
a musical number (mainly grease) and she yet again decided she’d show off her amazing
“memory” and amazing “pissing me off” skills. I don’t give a fuck if you know
the words, and I also don’t give a fuck if you think you can sing good when you
really just sing like you were kicked in the box, you’re not in the movie, I don’t need to hear you. I want to fucking hear the actors
singing, not you. So do us all a favor and shut the fuck up. And that goes
double for the billion times you felt the need of pointing out the obvious in
the movie, like the rest of us couldn’t understand what was being said. Thanks
detective dipshit, thanks to you, I now know that the
person got hit by a bus, like I couldn’t see it for myself. Thanks for the
verification. And I’d also like to thank you for the numerous times you
repeated a line that someone said because you thought it was funny. I didn’t
catch it the first time and I was really glad you were there to repeat the ONE
word that I missed. Congratulations, you win a prize. You win a backhand to the
face.
Now, here’s the
icing on the cake. Could someone please explain to me why they decided to get
Marilyn Manson of all people to make the song for the soundtrack? Or why they
got him to do the song for the soundtrack of a goddamn comedy nonetheless. Am I
the only person who thinks it would’ve been better if they had gotten someone
like...I don’t know...Blink182 or New Found Glory to do the song for the movie?
I mean, both bands have comedic antics. Marilyn Manson already got to do the
video for pretty much all of the Matrix movies, why does he get to do another
one? Why doesn’t someone give a chance to one of the punk rock bands instead?
Most teen movies have a punk rock vibe to them. Since we were watching the DVD,
I was forced to sit through the commentary about the making of the music video,
and then I had to sit through the video itself. I wasn’t the least bit
surprised to see that his music video was just like all of his other ones. It
was Satanic. That’s all I can really say about it. It just looked too evil to
be the video for a comedy movie. As if this wasn’t bad enough, I had to sit
there and listen to both of the girl’s we were with drone on and on about how
hot Marilyn Manson was and how they wanted to do him (as they were both big
fans, which is why we had to sit through it in the first place). This actually
makes me completely confused about why one of them dumped me 7 months ago. I
mean, holy shit, I was ready to stab myself in the eyes repeatedly I was that
frustrated. I mean, this guy doesn’t even look human. What the fuck is it about
demon like people and bullshit Satanism that turns women on? I think anyone who
becomes a Satanist just because their favorite singer is one should be killed
so they can go to where they’re going anyways. Everywhere I go I see people
saying that they love Satan or worshipping him just because they think “God is
a prick” or because they believe there is no god. I have a better idea for you
goddamn sheep. DON’T BELIEVE IN ANYTHING! It’s easier that way. I mean, do you
believe that worshipping Satan is easier than worshipping god or that if you
worship Satan then when you die and go to hell then you won’t be tortured for
all eternity? If so then you’re an idiot either way. They say that Satan’s real
goal is the corruption of mankind. If this is the case I don’t think he’d give
a fuck if you killed people on his behalf or worshipped him any harder. I bet
he’ll probably torture you twice as much for being such a lazy twat. The bottom
line is that you Satanic teenagers are idiots and don’t know what you’re
talking about. If you don’t believe in organized religion then stop worshipping
Satan, because that’s still organized.
As for the
movie, I thought it was pretty good regardless of the noise I had to endure
while trying to watch it. I give it four and a half stars.
I always get off
track.