THIS SECTION IS DEDICATED TO THE OBSERVATIONS THAT I USUALLY MAKE IN THE COURSE OF A DAY. SO ENJOY READING WHAT I THINK ABOUT WHEN I’M MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.

 

OBSERVATION 1 APPARENTLY LOGICAL REASONING IS NOT NEEDED WHILE DRIVING This is a big problem to me when I'm walking down the road. On many occasions when I'm walking on the sidewalk, just minding my own business, at least once on the walk to where ever I'm going there's always some dipshit in a car who knows who I am so they decide to honk their horn at me, scare me shitless, wave their hand out the window, and then drive off without me ever knowing who it was in the first place. It just pisses me off to no end. I don't know what the hell is going through these people's minds. Look, to anyone who wants to honk at me while they're in a car and I'm walking, I don't mind you honking at me and waving, but could you at least slow down a bit so I can see who the hell you are, because there's obviously no point in waving me down if I don't know who it is that's trying to get my attention. Sometimes I feel tempted to give them the finger in hope that they'll get out of the car. That'll give me a chance to see who it is. Hell, half of the fucking time I don't even know what car it was that the honking was coming from. That's a little advice to anyone who actually gives two shits.

 

OBSERVATION 2 SKATEBOARDING IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION Has anyone else seen a bunch of people ridiculing someone because they're skateboarding down the street but not doing any tricks? And am I the only one who want's to push these idiots into the street in hope they get hit by a car because I'm sick of seeing dipshits who can't even skate themselves calling someone a poser because they're using a skateboard for what it was original made for? Is it a written law that someone can't use a skateboard as a mode of transportation and is forced to use it to show off to a bunch of girls who can't tell a kickflip from a hole in the ground but still cream themselves because somebody knows how to move their feet to spin a board around? Who gives a fuck if someone is skating down the street and doesn't do a trick at every opportunity? I constantly see dimwits showing off by making fun of people who're just trying to get from point A to point B faster than it would if they walked. "Hey look! A kid riding a skateboard with a helmet! Fucking poser! let's go home and masturbate!" Spare me your shit. You don't make fun of a guy riding a bike, or roller blading. Why is skating an exception? I think that anyone who can ride a skateboard isn't a poser. Anyone who's walking around with a skateboard in their arm but isn't actually skating (also stating they're gods at skating) is a poser. Man I hate people.

 

OBSERVATION 3 WASTE YOUR WATER, IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE I was reading a comic book the other day when I came across a small ad in it (as most comic books usually have for some reason) that had some stupid bullshit in it about environmental tips. Sounds pointless? Yeah, I thought so too. Anyways, I started to turn the page, because I'll be damned if I'm allowing some stupid corporation to patronize me and fill my head with propaganda bullshit, When I noticed that at the top of the page there was a message that read "DON'T WASTE WATER!" (Isn't it cute that they put it in capitols? Their way of catching the readers attention, not realizing that people probably don't even give a shit). This made me stop and wonder what the hell they meant by that so I decided to read what the article had to say (all of one paragraph and a "fun fact". If it were more I'd have to commit homicide to vent my anger) and when finished, I came away with only the knowledge that people are just as stupid as I feared. The article stated "Water is a precious resource! You can help save water if you seak out leaks in your home and have someone fix them! Just one leaky faucet can waste 3,000 gallons or more per year!" Just reread that and let it sink in. They state that you can actually waste water. What the fuck do they mean? That if we keep wasting water then eventually the Earth will be completely drained? Let me break it down for you slow minded tree huggers out there. There's no fucking way we'll ever be completely drained of water. The water that drips from leaky faucets goes down the drain, through a system, is filtered and then either empties into the ground/body of water nearby or makes it's way back up to the water system of your house to be reused. They had a picture on it of someone looking at a leaky faucet outside and the water was draining into the ground. Oh boo hoo, the water is going into the ground never to be seen again. I guess the whole idea of the water evaporating, going into the sky and coming back down as rain is totally void now. I suppose maybe this is another way of those bastards trying to catch us offguard so they can shove more "protect the earth" bullshit down our throats. This planet contains trillions of gallons of water that's been around since the beginning of time, and it doesn't matter how much you let go down the sink, it's still going to be around until our planet blows up (hopefully sooner rather than later). So I urge everyone to go to their kitchen and let the tap run for an hour just in spite of those bastards. I'm done, I'm going to go throw out some blank sheets of paper in my fight to piss off hippies.

 

OBSERVATION 4 MY GUIDE ON HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE WORLD Here's a little thing I noticed as I was walking down the street one day. Me and my best friend planned on crossing the street to go over to the store. After we waited for a good ten minutes waiting for the traffic to become minuscule enough so that we could cross, we finally found an opening so that we could run over as fast as we possibly could in order to not be run down by the other moving vehicles coming at us from both ways. I couldn't quite understand why no one would even stop to let us pass. So much for the milk of human kindness. Anyways, a few months later both of us were hanging out with these two bi-sexual females. We wanted to cross the road this time (which happened to be the exact same road with the same amount of traffic). Our bi-sexual friends linked arms, got the very first cars on both sides to stop and walked across in one hundred times less the amount of time me and my best friend were waiting. Me and my best friend walked behind them, figuring we could get by easier this way. Another such incident was when my best friend was telling me of how he waited to cross the street yet again (waited for the same amount of time), this time a car stopped for him, but as he was crossing the car started to rev up the engine, almost like he was about to run him over out of lack of patience. Once he got to the otherside he looked back and noticed a female who also wanted to cross the street. The first car stopped for her and she crossed. Equality my ass. Females can get an easier break than guys do and yet they still feel the need to bitch about getting the raw deal? Give me a break. In conlusion, I noticed that after these incidents, if you want to survive in the world just stand behind the lesbians.

 

OBSERVATION 5 GUYS SEMEN SHOULD TASTE LIKE STRAWBERRIES Face it, what is the one thing that guys hate most of all? Spitters. When guys get head, they like a girl who's gonna swallow it all, because we hate getting it spit back down on our chests, to which we'd have to clean our selves up afterwards. Girls love giving head, but they hate the taste of semen, so to solve the problem of bpth parties, our semen should taste like strawberries. I mean, afterall, what girl doesn't like the taste of a nice strawberry milkshake? Nothing like a nice smoothie after a great night of sex. That's it, I'm officially losing my mind.

 

OBSERVATION 6 SOCIAL INTERACTION IS A WASTE OF TIME Am I the only person who hates having to walk down the street (Or anywhere for that matter) and have some random person you've never met before walk up to you and start barraging you with more useless small talk? I was walking to a friends house once and some guy was walking towards me on the same sidewalk, I'd say he was roughly twenty metres away from me when I first looked up and noticed him. Once he finally got close enough he said "how's it going" to me as he walked by me. What the hell does it matter to him anyways? It's not like our lives are intertwined at that point. It's not like I can really tell him how it's really going, so I'm resorted to having to spew out more bullshit small talk such as "it's going good" and the like. Why do random strangers even talk to each others anyways? We should all just stick to what we do best, and that is being rude assholes. Whenever I walk down the street now I make sure to keep my eyes on the ground and only glance up when I need to. That way I can avoid any pointless small talk and can keep my mind focused on the things I need to think about. Take my advice, stop talking to random people, because those are the people most likely to be kidnappers, rapists, and murderers.

 

OBSERVATION 7 VALENTINE'S DAY CONNECTION Valentine's day is the day when a man and a women show each other that they love one another. Usually on valentine's day they show this by having sex together. The two words in "Valentine's Day" contain the initials "V.D." (Veneral Disease). Coincidence? I'll be damned if I know. Maybe a better valentine's day gift would be to get yourself tested just in case.

 

OBSERVATION 8 SILK BOXERS SUCK Why would any clothing company produce silk boxers? Are there actually people buying them? They're the most uncomfortable artical of clothing I can think of. Wearing silk boxers is like having someone squeezing your nuts all day. What's worse is that when you wear them they rub against you and give you a semi-erection, because they don't feel good enough to give you a full one. It's one thing to have a full erection because then it feels good to have one, as well as anyone who sees it would be amazed to see how endowed you are, plus you can sicken out girls you hate with it, but when you're walking around with half an erection it gets in your way too much, doesn't feel good, and people would think it's a whole one and think you're small.

 

OBSERVATION 9 HIPPIES KILLED OUR PLANET If you're wondering why I believe that a group of "political activists" that have a pacifistic nature and believe in "making love, not war" could possibly be killing our planet then bear with me for a second. Hippies would rather sit around and fuck all day than pick up a gun and kill someone. Not only are they having a large amount of sex but they are also having unprotected sex which increases the chance of pregnancy, therefore increasing our population at an alarmingly accelerated rate. Now, let's say that the hippy movement actually worked and all wars on the planet stopped and we had everlasting peace for all eternity. They'd be fucking at a much larger rate than people are dying, so the population would just skyrocket. But that didn't happen so that's not part of the final verdict. The point I'm getting at here is that if there were no such thing as hippies, then there would be more killing, and less producing, which would mean that our current population today would be much less than it actually is. Because of the large population due to the over producing of hippy spawn, out natural resources are being depleted at a faster rate, more companies are being created to give jobs to these new offspring (companies that polute our environment), and more and more people are being born today which increases the loss of resources and the other factors I mentioned. The truth is that if it were not for hippies then people like you and me would have a lot more elbow room and alot more food. So you see people, war is actually a good thing. It lowers the population quickly, therefore assuring that in another 25 years you won't have to push people out of your way everywhere that you go. I urge you people to go out and kill someone. You'll feel less crowded. Trust me.

 

OBSERVATION 10 THE TRUTH ABOUT THE FRENCH I was eating supper today and there just happened to be a bottle of plum sauce on the table and I noticed that on the english side it said "PLUM" (no shit) and on the french side it said "PRUNE". I thought that this was weird seeing as how prunes were already a fruit, but they were nothing more than just old and dried out plums. So by that logic, since "Prune" is French for "Plum" and prunes are shriveled, old plums that must mean that French people are just shriveled up English people. BACK