10) SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY IS A BITCH
Christmas stress is caused by decorating, cooking, baking, and lack of finances in order to buy your greedy family their christmas presents. So what better way to reduce stress by spending some quality time with your family. Sarcasm? You bet. It's bad enough that the family has to cram themselves in a small room with the rotting smell of pine needles on christmas morning while they rip open their gifts, but having to spend more time with them throughout the rest of this "season" is enough to cause deaths. You wonder why they always show horror films on TV on christmas eve, the reason is so people can end their blood lust by watching deaths, rather than causing them.
9) DECORATING THE TREE IS A WASTE OF TIME
You gotta love a time of the year in which people worldwide chop down half a billion trees, cover them in colors of red, gold and blue, then throw them out two weeks later to be picked up on trash day.Who the hell started this tradition? In fact, who gives a shit about any of the traditions at all? Santa Claus was created by Coca-Cola for their commercials and people buy into this shit? What a useless concept.
8) DECORATING IS HARD WORK AND CAUSES FIGHTS
My family almost suffered a complete breakup due to decorating of the house. My parents would always argue whether things were put up evenly, if things were right in the center as they should be, and so on. Decorating is the number one cause of divorce...at least in my books anyways. Just forget it. No one is going to judge you because you don't have a bunch of plastic and shit hanging on your walls.
7) NO ONE KNOWS YOUR SHIRT SIZE
How many people have gotten a shirt (or any article of clothing) for christmas from a friend, only to find out that it's too small for you? What is with it that people get you clothes that look rediculous if they're too small/big for you? Next time asshole, don't even bother, just get me something more convenient next time.
6) CHRISTMAS CANDY SUCKS
There is only one type of christmas candy that doesn't suck, and that would be honey roasted peanuts. Other than that, every kind of candy blows. Stupid chocolate santas, black licorice, etc. Just give me some beer, a shit load of honey roasted peanuts and I'm a happy guy.
5) YOU HATE HAVING TO GO AND LOOK AT CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
Piling into a small car with your family as you watch a bunch of losers trying to compensate for their shitty life by adding the only spark in it with a shitty display of lights that are supposed to represent poorly done pictures of santa claus, elves and a whole shitload of christmas bullshit is a shitty way to spend the holidays. If I decorate my house with lights and other shit, I'm going to have decapitated elves, santa with a shotgun (with the name "satan" on his shirt), charred raindeer, and the like. Damn, I should win an award for that one.
4) YOU HATE SPENDING YOUR MONEY ON PEOPLE AND GETTING SHIT IN RETURN
It's better to give than to recieve, right? WRONG! It's only better to give if you recieve something just as good in return. Why go out of your way to show that you care about someone enough to get them a gift if they're not going to do the same in return? Which reminds me, I hate getting cards. Birthday cards, christmas cards, to me they're just a "last thought" gift. Why would anyone spend three dollars on a piece of paper for someone else? If someone were to give me a card, I'd tell them to forget it. They're better off buying me a gift that's worth the three dollars. That way I'd be able to use it for something worthwhile.
3) SELFISH, GREEDY, RICH BASTARDS USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO CLEANSE THEIR SOULS OF ALL THE EVIL DEEDS THEY DID OVER THE COURSE OF THE YEAR
So apparently Christmas is the time of love and peace towards your fellow man. Bah Humbug. Anyone with money just spends it on themselves and friends, they practically bathe in the ill gotten money that they screwed millions of hard working people out of. And when Christmas roles around they decide that they'll be generous and give a few pennies to the santa claus with the bell and a pot for money that goes to charity. After they give a miniscule amount to the less fortunate, they feel better about themselves for a few minutes, then they jump into their convertable, screw their hookers, and then drive off to screw more people out their jobs and money.
2) IF YOU SEE "HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS" ONE MORE TIME YOU'RE SHOVING YOUR FOOT UP SOMEONE'S ASS
This goes double for any other shitty christmas special trying to show the love and compassion of the world, interrupted every ten minutes by a commercial put out by a heartless corporation extolling greed, hate, and commercialism. The grinch movie is supposed to be about how christmas isn't about the gifts or physical objects, but it's about love and togetherness, and then the people who made the movie pimp out the grinch shit all over everything such as cookies, toilet paper, and pregnancy tests, which totally destroys the whole point of the movie. I hate all of those freaky puppet characters in two dozen other christmas atrocitie, and most of all I hate the Charlie Brown christmas special. I don't give a shit if it's a classic or not, the show (as well as the comics or any specials that are related to charlie brown) totally blow. I haven't seen anything related to charlie brown that made me laugh, except when this one comedian made fun of the peanuts characters pimping life insurance, which is funny because I actually saw that commercial. Bottem line, christmas "specials" suck because they interrupt my regular programming schedule.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY CHRISTMAS SUCKS:
1) YOU'RE TIRED OF HEARING CHRISTMAS SONGS ON THE RADIO ALL THE FUCKING TIME
Not only does the radio pop out a half a billion shitty traditional songs, they also push out an equal amount of new versions sung by shitty pop singers. You can't go anywhere without hearing a radio in the background playing yet again another version of "white christmas" sung by that bitch celine dion when all you really want to hear is something that doesn't suck balls. And it doesn't matter how many versions of the twelve days of Christmas there are, it's still an incredibly stupid song. Once during class, the teacher felt the need to put on some christmas music, which turned out to be hip-hop versions of already annoying christmas crap. I'll be damned if I know who the hell was singing "The Little Drummer Boy" that day. I feel incredibly sorry for anyone who works in a retail store.
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