Quotes >Quotes
Saturday
Lucy: "What about me? What's my punishment?"
Eric: "Next time you're asked to watch the kids, watch the kids."
My Kinda Guy
Eric: "I'm sure all the kids'll get along with Guy just fine."
Ruthie: "I don't like him."
Eric: "Except for Ruthie."
Eric: "Why not?"
Ruthie: "He's a chauvenist pig."
Annie: "Ruthie! I don't think you even know what that means."
Ruthie: "Well, I know what pig means!"
The Legacy
Ruthie: "I'm a slave to the muse."
Mary: "You don't even know what that means, you just heard it somewhere."
Ruthie: "For your information, muse is short for music. It's musician talk. And you are so L7!"
Mary: "What?"
Ruthie: "Put an L and a 7 next to each other. What do they make?"
Mary: "A square? You called me a square?"
Ruthie: "Dig it, hip cat."
Johnny Get Your Gun
Mary: "Do you think Dad would mind if I drove around the parking lot a couple of times?"
Eric: "Don't do anything stupid!"
It Happened One Night
Eric: "Mary! Lucy! Keep up the good work! Remember, cleanliness is next to Godliness!"
Lucy: "Like God cares if our bathtub is clean!"
Say A Little Prayer For Me
Woman: "I will pray for you, young lady."
Lucy: "Do me a favor, pray for yourself, you old bag!"
Busted
Eric: "Could my night get any better?"
Ruthie: "I hope not."
Broke
Matt: "I'm Bernie. Mary Camden's attorney."
Lady: "Mary Camden can't afford to pay a $50 bill, but she has an attorney?"
Matt: "Yeah."
Lady: "Fine. Do you have a last name Bernie?"
Matt: No, no last name. Just Bernie. Bernie the attorney. And I'll tell you what we're gonna do. Mary's gonna send you $1 a month until her balance is paid."
Lady: "But her minimum payment is $50."
Matt: "Well, she doesn't have $50. So, she'll pay you $.25 a month."
Lady: "Bernie, with all due respect, that's just completely unacceptable."
Matt: "Fine. You want to play hardball, she'll send you nothing!"
Lady: "She's already sending us nothing!"
Matt: "Then why you bugging me lady? I got other clients."
Gossip
Girl: "Some guy who has a brother who works at the hospital swears Mary came in and she was pregnant."
Lucy: "Some guy who has a brother? What a reliable source."
V-Day
Priscilla: "Valentines Day is just a lame holiday invented by the card companies. Who needs it?"
Matt: "She's right. You know she's right."
John: "Shut up."
Chances
Mary: "Robbie told me not to, but I really need to talk to you and Dad. Where is he?"
Ruthie: "Probably out with his girlfriend."
Annie: "Your father's at the church."
Ruthie: "Yeah, with his girlfriend."
Mary: "Dad has a girlfriend?"
Ruthie: "Serena." Annie: "What is going on with them?"
Ruthie: "Don't you have enough to worry about? Your boyfriend."
Teased
Nurse: "Camden! It's for you. Hotlips."
Matt: "Don't come crying to me when you get fired for sexual harrassment."
Nurse: "Am I harrassing you?"
Matt: "No."
Broken
Ruthie: "By the power vested in me, by me, I now pronounce you a couple. Congratulations, you may now kiss your ex-girlfriend's sister. You guys should really be on a talk show." Ruthie: "Aunt Julie says I should never get married because men are selfish pigs."
Prodigal
Ruthie: "Hey, I warned them. So go ahead. Let her rip."
Annie: "You knew it was wrong and you went ahead and did it anyway?"
Ruthie: "Well, I had to. Or else I'd miss this."
Consideration
Lucy: I'm not 'not calling Jeremy' because you told me not to call him."
Ruthie: "Yes you are."
Lucy: "No, I'm not."
Ruthie: "Yes you are."
Lucy: "You're 11."
Ruthie: "So?"
Lucy: "I'm a woman. A woman of the world. And a woman of the world doesn't listen to a child when it comes to life-altering decisions regarding men and marriage."
Ruthie: "1, you live in Glenoak. And you went to New York for the summer. So, you're not even a woman of this country, let alone the world. And 2, you listen to me all the time. I give you great advice about all the losers you date and you know it!" Lucy: "Did dad say you could leave the house?"
Grandpa Charles: "Young lady, I am not a child. And your father does not tell me where I can or cannot go, or if I can or cannot go. And neither do you. You got it?"
Ruthie: "Yeah. You're not the boss of us. You're not even the sister of us. I took a vote and Sam & David don't want you as their older sister either. And Happy doesn't like you."
Ruthie: "Pouting. How woman of the world of you."
Annie: "Oh, when I find you I am going to, ERIC WHERE ARE YOU?!"
Pathetic
Ruthie: "Unbelievable. Truly unbelievable. She found me. After all the work we went through to get me away from her she found me. And then she smiled at me like nothing ever happened. What's that all about?"
Eric: "Who found you?"
Ruthie: "Ms. Riddle."
Eric: "Ms. Riddle? The teacher who called you stupid?"
Ruthie: "That's the 1. I can understand if they want her to muck the barns, but teach?" Robbie: "Why aren't you at work?"
Matt: "Let's see. Why am I not at work? Because I don't have a car moron!"
Hot Pants
Annie: "Hello?"
Eric: "What are you wearing?"
Annie: "Eric?"
Eric: "Yeah, it's me. So, what are you wearing?"
Annie: "What do you mean, what am I wearing?"
Eric: "I mean, what are you wearing?"
Annie: "I'm wearing my clothes."
Eric: "What kind of clothes?"
Annie: "The same clothes you saw me in this morning."
Eric: "Are you sure you don't want to take off your sweater?"
Annie: "No I'm cold. Are you okay?"
Eric: "I'm sick."
Annie: "You're sick?"
Eric: "Yeah, I'm lovesick for you baby."
Annie: "Baby?"
Eric: "Listen, if you don't want to play my game, would you at least tell me what your big surprise is for tonight? I'm dying to know."
Annie: "You'll have to wait. Ruthie! Don't you want to talk?"
Ruthie: "Not anymore."
Lip Service
Simon: "You're supposed to be an example of mixed marriages and after tonight, they might ban marriages of all kind!" Lucy: "If you continue to take advantage of this unfair situation, you could do permanent harm to our relationship. Think before you respond!"
Mary: "Ma'am, if you keep on hounding us with these high-pressure soliciting tactics, I'm gonna have to call your boss, the solicitor general. You could lose your job!"
Mary: "You are so immature."
Lucy: "I'm immature? You had him chained against the wall like you were some hairy predator on the Discovery Channel!"
Monkey Business
Eric: "Any chance Ben could fly in on 1 of your buddy passes and have dinner with us?"
Mary: "No."
Eric: "What about tomorrow night?"
Mary: "No."
Eric: "The next night?"
Mary: "No." Annie: "You could give the boys their juice and then read them a bedtime story with me."
Eric: Fine, but it's gonna be a quick 1 because I'm not leaving Romeo & Juliet alone in the living room all night."
Eric: "Not the eyeroll. She's too young for the eyeroll. Ruthie just gave me the eyeroll. I thought we had at least another year before that."
Eric: "I'll be up in a minute."
Annie: "Okay, but in that minute, you should think about whatever it is you're gonna do and don't do it."
Monkey Business Deux
Annie: "Oh Eric! You talked to her!"
Eric: "I had to."
Sam: "He had to."
David: "He had to say something." Kevin: "Morning Ruthie!"
Simon: "What did you hear?"
Ruthie: "Nothing, except 'Morning Ruthie!'"
Kevin: Doesn't anyone check to see if Ruthie's outside the door begin they begin a conversation?"
Ruthie: "Fortunately not."
Simon: "Lots of 16 year olds have their own apartments."
Annie: "In what world? In what world do lots of 16 year olds have their own apartments Simon?"
Sam: "In what world?"
Simon: "Okay, that may be slightly inaccurate."
Bowling For Eric
Eric: "I can't just look them in the face and tell them I may not be around after next week."
Doc: "Where you going?" Robbie: "I'm good with Camden women. I speak fluent crazy."
The Heart Of The Matter
Ruthie: "Now, you both understand why it's a bad idea to put your brother in the dryer."
David: "What about the closet?"
Ruthie: "That's bad too."
Sam: "Why are you angry at Daddy?"
David: "Yeah, why?"
Ruthie: "Because."
David: "Why?"
Ruthie: "Just because."
Sam: "Why?"
Ruthie: "If you stop asking me questions about Daddy, I'll let you lock me in the closet." Ruthie: "It's not going to work."
Sarah: "What's not going to work?"
Ruthie: "What you're trying to do."
Sarah: "What am I trying to do?"
Ruthie: "You know."
Sarah: "No I don't."
Ruthie: "Yes you do."
Sarah: "No I don't."
Ruthie: "Yes you. Hey, stop talking like them!"
Peer Pressure
Eric: "You drove."
Richard: "Because you made me. I told you I didn't want to drive."
Eric: "But you did."
A Cry For Help
Lucy: "Okay, I give up. No more Candyland for me."
David: "Why?"
Lucy: "Because you cheat."
David: "I don't cheat."
Ruthie: "Yes you do."
Sam: "No, I cheat!"
David: "Yeah, he cheats!" Ruthie: "How about a healthy snack? Mommy left us some carrots and celery."
Sam: "Yuck!"
David: "Double yuck!"
Ruthie: "How about I lose the healthy snack in the trash and we all have ice cream?"
Sam & David: "Yay!"
Ruthie: "Can I move to a foreign country?"
Annie: "No."
Ruthie: "I'll write!"
Sunday Peter: "Come on. I thought you were a minister. Why aren't you at church?"
Eric: "Why aren't you at church?"
Peter: "We don't go to church."
Eric: "Well, maybe you should."
Peter: "Maybe you should."
Lucy: "Sunday has turned into a bunch of picking up guys at church and watching sports!"
Eric: "Don't forget worshipping at the mall. That's also a favorite."
Back In The Saddle Again
Lucy: "What kind of clothes was she wearing?"
Kevin: "A shirt and pants." Kevin: "I'm going home. Evidently, Roxanne's turned into Lucy and if I'm gonna deal with Lucyness in my life 24 hours a day, I'm gonna need my rest."
David: "16! Simon, he's 16!"
Smoking
David: "Where's our kiss?!"