Summary: Grace convinces Will to phone Matthew from Banana Republic and he and Will go to a sports bar. Will gets worried when Matthew mentions that his ex-boyfriend didn't like sports, as Will is no sports fan.
When Matthew invites Will to play baseball that week, Will gets Grace to take him to the batting cages to improve his game. Will is terrible at it, but eventually improves enough to play.
However, Matthew decides to play basketball instead and Will is horribly beaten by him. When Matthew questions Will's love of sports, Will comes clean about not liking the game. Matthew assures Will that the reason he dropped his last boyfriend wasn't because he didn't like sports, but was because he liked different men.
Meanwhile, Karen decides to pay for Jack's apartment to be redone. After some thought, they decide to get Grace to do the job. When Grace storms out after an arguement with Jack, she leaves her datebook behind. Jack and Karen decide to look through it, but are shocked when they find a note that, unbeknowenst to them, Grace has forged to get out of jury duty, making her out to be pyschotic.
Jack and Karen immediately become fearful of Grace and decide to go along with every idea she has, just to keep her happy. At first, Grace is confused by their odd behaviour, but soon puts two and two together and realizes why they're afraid of her. Grace uses this to her advantage in order to get the job done.
After she finishes and gets the check, she confesses to the charade, but Jack and Karen still don't believe her, thinking it's a trick. She tells them "It was just an act", but they hear that as "ax" and run away screaming.
Quotes
GRACE: "He bugged the crap out of me. He kept asking me why I wouldn't smile. I finally had to tell him it was because I was born without smiling muscles like that kid in Wisconsin."
WILL: "I once told someone I couldn't have sex with them because--'cause Jupiter was in my rising house."
GRACE: "I know. It was me."
JACK (to WILL): "You're gonna blink, and you'll be 80 and alone in a caftan with a lap full of catnip saying "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." It's time to put the "sex" back in "homosexual," Will! So get a freakin' boyfriend! P.S., I ruined your new shirt, let's see a movie later!"
GRACE: "What about that cutie that you met at Banana Republic? The guy whose card you've been dating for the last two months?"
WILL: "What are you-- What card?"
[GRACE PULLS A BUSINESS CARD OUT OF WILL'S SHIRT POCKET.]
WILL: "Oh, Matt's card. Hmm. No, I don't think it's gonna work out, anyway. He's kinda square. Ha! You get it? He's kinda-- No wonder I'm alone."
JACK: "As you know, I recently acquired a prime piece of real estate in the greater Manhattan area."
GRACE: "I gave you my apartment."
JACK: "Whatever."
GRACE: "Oh, I see where this is going."
JACK: "We were hoping you would."
KAREN: "And, uh, since this is your area of expertise--"
JACK: "And we really need a good designer--"
KAREN: "We were hoping-- God, this is kind of hard to ask. Um... Do you know any?"
JACK [QUIETLY, TO KAREN, re: GRACE]: "She's not saying nothing."
KAREN [QUIETLY, TO JACK]: "That's because she's hypnotized by her own dress."
KAREN: "Why don't we ask Grace to do it?"
JACK [QUIETLY, TO KAREN]: "Is she any good?"
GRACE: "Hey, Boris, Natasha, I'm right here."
JACK: "I've taken the liberty to pull some pictures from magazines to give you an idea of what I'm looking for. [JACK HANDS GRACE SOME MAGAZINE PAGES.]
GRACE [SIGHS]: "Ok." [FLIPS THROUGH THE PICTURES] "Yup. Okay. These are pictures from an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog of men lying around with their underwear half off their asses."
JACK: "Yeah.... C-Can you do that?"
GRACE: "Jack, do I have to explain the difference between a decorator and a pimp again?"
GRACE: "You said that money was no object."
KAREN: "Honey, that's just a saying, like, 'Ooh, that sounds like fun,' or, 'I love you.'."
JACK: "Paprika! I've got it! A skylight."
GRACE: "Jack, we have already gone over this. You cannot put a skylight on the ninth floor of a 12-story building."
KAREN: [TO JACK] "Honey, look. She left her datebook."
JACK: "Let's look through it."
KAREN: "And change things."
JACK: "Ooh, it's a letter from her therapist. I feel bad reading it."
KAREN: "I know. It's terrible. Move your hand. I can't see."
JACK: [READING] "Personality disorder."
KAREN: [READING] "Job-related stress."
JACK: [READING] "Prone to aggressive outbursts."
JACK AND KAREN: [BOTH GASP] "Oh! She's a psycho!"
WILL: "Hey, I'm allowed to watch sports, ok? 'Cause I'm a guy. That's what guys do. Now get me a beer. Who am I kidding? I want a spritzer. I'll never pull this off."
WILL: "I told Matt that I'm sports nut, that I love watching sports, that I particularly love playing baseball, and that I'm really good at it."
GRACE: "How quick can you get out of town?"
WILL: "What should I do? I mean, do you think I can fake my way through this?"
[GRACE THROWS AN ORANGE TO WILL AND HE WATCHES AS IT HITS THE FLOOR NEXT TO HIM.]
GRACE: "I'd say no."
KAREN: "My mother's crazy. That's why I had her committed. Well, she's not crazy so much as she just bugged me. Heh. She's a bitch."
JACK: "I was watching 'Justice Files' last night, and they said that 90% of assaults are committed by someone you know."
[JACK AND KAREN PAUSE, THEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER SUSPICIOUSLY.]
KAREN: "Would you?"
JACK: "Maybe."
KAREN: "Me, too."
[JACK AND KAREN GIGGLE]
KAREN: "But Grace? I mean, come on. She doesn't even have one personality, let alone six or seven."
GRACE: "Oh! There's my datebook. I thought that Will took it to work with him. I was gonna kill him."
KAREN: "But you have it now, so no one has to die, right?"
GRACE: "Okay..."
GRACE (to WILL): "Hit the freakin' ball, you damn sissy!"
WILL: "Hey, see that? A blister from the batting cage. You're looking at my very first sports injury. Not counting the time that I got a groin pull reaching for a pair of sneaker clogs at Foot Locker."
GRACE: "I am so proud of you. I know you were embarrassed when we had to move to the kiddie area, but you felt like a man when the ball hit the clown, didn't you?"
WILL: "Yeah. He went down."
GRACE: "I've got this bit where I kiss the wall and hum. It freaks them out, and I love it."
GRACE: "Do you know why I'm laughing?"
JACK: "Someone in your head said something funny?"
KAREN: "Damn it! Why did I waste all that mace on Rosario?"
GRACE: "I'm not crazy. It was just an act."
JACK: "Oh, my God! She's got an axe!"
WILL: "That was pretty good. Oh, yeah. You know, I was a little rusty at first--"
MATT: "But then you warmed up and you just plain sucked."
WILL: "Hey! That's--that's not fair. I--I beat that one guy."
MATT: "He was four."
WILL: "He was seven if he was a day."
Did You Notice...
~In this episode, we learn that Karen had her mother committed not for being crazy, but just because she really bugged her. She also calls her mother a bitch.
~The dress Grace wears when talking to Jack and Karen about decorating his apartment is similar to the one she wears in "Big Brother is Coming (Part 2)" when talking to Will about Sam.
~Jack refers to his apartment as his "pomme de terre". Pomme de terre is French for 'potato' (and yes, I'm aware that it was a joke.).
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