I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Sometimes I’m thinking while naked, and I think it helps. No seriously, I’m naked more than is reasonable. I’m naked more than is humanly acceptable. The crazy thing is, is that I don’t have a lock on my door. So at any time, anyone could mosey on into my room, and be blasted by full frontal, or rear if you prefer. Usually, I’ll just stop and think, “Man…I am so naked right now. It’s hard to imagine anyone else being more naked than I am right now.”

            I’m not joshing around; the other day, I had to end an instant message conversation. I simply said, “I am entirely too naked for this conversation.” I wasn’t inquired about it, they simply understood. It’s good to have this kind of understanding with people, because you usually don’t have it with being naked. I feel like people, as a whole, usually don’t understand much. I’d go so far as to agree with Socrates in saying that people fear what they don’t understand. Judging from these statements, we can all agree that Socrates meant that people fear nudity.

            I don’t know what Socrates did with his down time, but I’d be willing to bet that it wasn’t spent fearing nudity. This is a guy that didn’t fear death because of the possibilities it could bring. Who’s to say that he wasn’t just walking around with his dick hanging out? I’d be willing to bet that ol’ Socrates was hung like a fucking stallion. Can we find that information? I don’t want to hear about The Apology and Euthyphro. I don’t care about his trial, his defense, or his inquiry about being pious. I simply want to know how fat his sausage was. Ten inches? How big is Peter North? You know Socrates would be in the “Big Sausage Pizza” videos. He’d be part of that uncircumcised crowd, right? I had a friend once who would let his uncircumcised dong fall out of his shorts. Yeah, like, on purpose. He could pull it back between his butt cheeks. Now, given those butt cheeks weren’t that big, but it’s still an admirable feat, yes? Oh yeah, he could fart on command too. Some times he did it against the door so that it would project easier. The acoustics would sing.

            Do you think Socrates could fart on command? You never know with that uncircumcised crowd…

            So let’s review; Socrates would make a good friend to someone like me because he A) loves nudity, B) sword fights with his uncircumcised johnson, and C) can fart on command. I wish he were alive today…