“God damn, I need some cereal.”
That’s what the catalyst for getting pissed off was. It’s ironic how something so awesome (cereal) could lead me to succumb into a brooding mood in which I continuously ask, “Why the fuck is this important?”
I usually like to read as I have my cereal. You’ll notice I didn’t say “as I eat my cereal”. It’s much more involved than that. I “have” my cereal, because eating something so incredible like “Honey Bunches of Oats” is more of an experience. So, as I experience my cereal, I’ll supplement it with reading. I’ll be honest though, there is more “cereal having” than reading going on. The opposite is the case when I drop a deuce. In that scenario there is FAR more reading going on than deuce dropping. Food for thought, I suppose.
I read the sports section of the Atlanta Journal Constitution earlier in the day when I experienced my eggs and toast, so I decided to read the front page. I expected some hardcore news. I was more than ready to obtain some big-breasted-news that would unfold itself all in my face. Something would have to be big, much like a beautiful pair of breasts, in order to be ‘front page worthy’. My nipples were actually hardening at the thought of being smacked with such newsworthy news.
You know what happened instead? A lack of news produced metaphorical blue balls.
The headline read, “Superheroes save a boy’s birthday”. I skimmed over the article to check out this “front page gem”. When I say “skimmed” I actually just read the captions to the pictures (I was experiencing cereal). It was a heartwarming story picture about this kid who is recovering from a bone marrow transplant. He really fucking wanted to see Spider Man 3. The bad news? He’s pictured with a Hannibal Lector mask on, and he’s been through three years of chemotherapy.
It’s like they were trying to ruin my “total cereal experience”.
Anyway, they cleared a movie theater out so he could go see Spider Man 3 (equipped with a face-covering mask) with his dad. That’s basically the story. On the front page.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel for the kid. My God, what he’s been through as a ten year-old; that’s rough. What I want to know is why the fuck this was more important than anything else in the world?
Five United States soldiers were killed early Saturday morning in southern Baghdad, three were missing. Dick Cheney travels around the world to give Iran a warning about blocking up sea lanes and their nuclear programs. A letter from the White House warns Democrats that any bills that will try and boost funding for domestic programs will be vetoed.
These subjects may not be sexy, but they affect every AJC reader’s lives more so than whether or not this kid gets to see a fucking movie. I mean, I get it; put a nice happy-ending-story up, get that “feel good” thing going on. I just think that there are more important things that should be broadcast to the AJC readers.
Some people in this country don’t know who the fucking vice president of our country is. Yet, those same people will know who got voted off American Idol the previous week. We’ve all heard this monotonous argument before, but it’s reality. If more people were cognizant of what was going on in our own country, as well as the world, then we would have a more educated populace. When everyone is more educated as a whole, they will understand how they will be affected by the actual “newsworthy” events. If you can understand what is happening to you, then you’ll be able to react in some kind of manner. Any kind of reaction is better than a non-caring plod through life.
So many people just don’t give a fuck. That may be the beauty of America; we don’t HAVE to care because others will be taking care of you indirectly. I just don’t see why news outlets can’t help matters.
Here’s a foreign idea: instead of trying to whore yourselves out for the sake of ratings or selling an issue, spread the fucking news that matters! Then maybe I can experience some cereal while reading the news in a paradoxal peace. With boobs.
