| Meant to Be By: Jeannette I know the damage that he's done/ I know the damage that he'll do... I wonder if the people that own this place know the walls aren't as insulated as they think they are. What was it this time? Too loud while he was working? Woke him up before he was ready? He wants to, but you don't? What? Do you remember the last time you two fought this bad? You came to my room all bloodied and bruised. Of course, they were all strategically placed so you could only find them if you were looking. You held out your hand to me. I think I started crying then, too. He ripped out a mass of your curls, your crowning glory. We cried as we sheared the rest of your head, and tried to think of something, anything, to tell the others and the press. You convinced yourself, and then me, that it was a one time thing. That he wouldn't do it again. I guess we were wrong. I guess love is blind. Right now confused is how you feel/ Afraid to face this on your own I can't hear what you two are saying now. Whispers are the only thing that I can't make out. Funny, isn't it? Secrets are always told in whispers, so nobody can steal them away; you told me, without the hushed tones and quiet words, about you and Josh. I could have sworn I saw disappointment in your eyes when I smiled and said I was happy for you. I bet you wish you would have kept it a secret now. I might have been the only one who knew at first, but I'm sure the others know about you and him by now; they won't say anything though. Well, at least not yet. The chemistry between the five of us is still strong; the bond unbreakable. Still, another scare like this could be the turning point. Are you crying? Oh. My. God. The entire wall is vibrating; my bed is rocking in time to your rhythm. Sweet Jesus, I don't know how much more of this I can stand. Love/hate relationships are one thing, but beating/fucking? It's insane. Wide-eyed, hand-wrenching, body rocking insanity. You two never were good for each other. Finally. I'm guessing, since my bed has stilled and the yelling ceased, that you guys have once again made it okay for the night. The clock says it is almost three in the morning. Wow. This one was the longest yet...almost 45 minutes. I hope you don't look as bad as I think you will in the morning when we are having breakfast. I think I'm going to sit down and have a talk with you soon. This has got to stop. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I know the way you hurt to heal/ And I know the empty of alone Congratulations. The two of you are civil and the others have no idea what happened. If things are so good, then why do I feel like I'm teetering on a cliff? I know too much to let it continue, but you seem happy enough to keep it the same. You. Happy. That's what I want. I'd rather have a bazillion happy Justin's rather than one happy me. I catch your eye and smile weakly. I think I see you smile, but maybe it was a wince. There. I see it now...a faint purple streak extending clear across your cheekbone. Yeah, I bet it does hurt to smile. You aren't looking at me anymore. You know that I know, don't you? Now you do look, and I just want to scream and wrap you up in my arms and tell you that I'm what you need. That you would never be hit, hurt, or hated; you would be treated like the angel you are. How can you stay with someone that steals the sparkle in your eye and fills them instead with fear and doubt? How? I excuse myself quietly. This, even for me, is too much. I'm your friend but you are happy with him. End of subject. I can't help but steal a glance one last time; I should have never looked back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So take my shoulder, take my hand/ Take what you need, I'll understand... I'd love to be the way your heartache ends/ But 'til it does we can't be more than friends... It's almost three when you finally find me. Wait, why would I assume you were looking for me? Wishful thinking, I bet. "Is this spot taken?" Well, duh, Justin. I'm sitting under a tree by myself. Unless I've started talking to imaginary friends, then the spot is free. With a wave of my arm you sit down close to me. Too close to me. "Lance, about last night..." What? Last night? Is that a new cologne you're wearing? Damn, I know I should be listening, but my body has just went into sensitive mode. I look up at you and I see your mouth moving. Why can't I hear what you are saying. And now you are looking at me. "Lance, okay?" "Okay, what?" Now you are crying. What did I do? You reach over and grab my hand; fire and ice never went together so well. I hate seeing you cry. I always have, even when it was because we were babies and homesick. Without thinking, I pull you into my arms and squeeze until I think you can't breathe. I'd let you soak up every last drop of my soul if I knew it would get you away from him. Did I ever tell you I think you are adorable when you sniffle? You mumble something into my shirt, and I cringe as the air hits the warm spot you've made against me. "Lance..." What the hell? You're kissing me, and I'm not pulling back. It's the forbidden fruit. So tempting, within my reach; if I don't stop this all hell is going to break loose. "Justin. Stop. What about Jace?" I know I didn't touch you, but you look as if I threatened to kill your family while you watched, and then off you. No explanation. Nothing. I can't get up and follow you. We're just friends. Some things are just meant to be. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just don't take more that I can give/ And leave my heart out of this... I can't believe you guys knocked the picture off my wall. From your room. I swear, if I hear you say you're sorry one more time, I'm gonna come over there and stop it myself. Two nights in a row. Now that is something that never happens. You still didn't tell me what last night was about. I hear a door slam. Or maybe someone was slammed into a door. Nope, I was right the first time. My door cracks open, and there you are. "Lance?" "Come on in, J." I'm standing at the foot of my bed, waiting to see the damage. Well? Hello, Justin? Are you coming all the way in or not? "Justin? Are you okay?" I'm still not sure if I should go to you or wait. And you are crying again. Geez, you have nothing to cry over. You are rainbows, and sunshine, and butterflies; you just need someone to show you that. "I told him, Lance." "Told who what?" Now you are in front of me. "It's over between us. I want you. God, Lance, I've always wanted you." Now I'm in shock. "No, Justin, you're confused. You just want something that isn't Josh. Justin, why on earth..." And you kiss me. This is nothing like the park; this is deliberate, possessive...sure. Why'd you stop? "I gave you a chance, Lance. I know when you gave me your blessing; you actually wanted to cry. I was hurt, but I didn't say anything. I thought I may have read you wrong." I'm still reeling from your lips on mine, the burn in my groin, and the fireworks you are sending through my body just by stroking the back of my hand. I know you are right, so I just nod. "Please, Lance. Just give us a shot. I know it'll take time, but this is what I want. Tell me you want it, too." The sparkle is back; then again, maybe it is just the wetness glistening. I don’t think you feel any pain even though you are smiling wider than I've seen in months. You seem happy. You almost look like the old Justin. Even if things don't work out between us, you would still be away from him. That thought makes me happy. And tonight, my happiness comes before yours. "I do, Justin. I want it." I let you hug me back as you start crying again. Finally. Tears of joy. It's about time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lyrics from Bryan White’s “Leave My Heart Out of This” BACK |