| "I don't want to do this," he sighed, sitting down at the edge of the bed and cradling his face in his hands. "You have to. Please." "Lance. Why? Why do we have to get separated for EVERY awards show?" Justin asked as he rested his head on Lance's shoulder, his lips reaching to taste the skin at the curve where his neck met his shoulder. Lance sighed, taking Jusitn's hand in his own. "Because Justin. It's just easier this way. You know it, I know it. Look at what happened at the VMAs. We were there, together. And we were separated to the point where we had a row of people between us." "That was torture. If I wasn't able to feel your elbow against mine as we were saying our 'Thank you' speeches, I would have felt completely lost," Justin said, lowering his eyes. Lance toyed with Justin's thumb, rubbing the top of it with his own. Justin loved when Lance did this. He loved holding hands for this reason. Lance always managed to make it so much more sensual than just flesh against flesh. "Be strong for me, please," Lance pleaded, his index finger slipping beneath Justin's chin and pushing his face upwards so he could look at him. Justin nodded. "So. Which one of us will go?" Lance asked as he stood. Justin's arms were still wrapped around his waist and they quickly slipped from his body with the motion. "Well... Apparently, the choice has been made. I've got to be at the awards so I can sit beside her and look like the fucking happy soul she makes me out to be," Justin sighed. "Don't be like that. None of us are too fond of her, but with her little fascination and penchant for running her mouth, she's keeping US in the clear," Lance said in a sincere tone. "I know," Justin whispered, his head lowering in defeat. "It should be me and you going to New York, dressed in matching tuxedos and smiling for pictures." "One day, Jus. It's for one day," Lance said as he slid his jeans on. "How many times have I heard this SAME conversation, Lance? The Teen Choice Awards. 'Let's send Chris, JC, and Justin. Justin's gonna win, and he has to do this skit. What? Why can't Lance go instead of Chris or JC? We need to get Chris more fans, more exposure. JC makes sense to be there.' Then came the Much Music Awards. Luckily, you got out of going to that so you could come to Memphis with me for the weekend. Joey being in town already and JC needing to go for recording reasons helped us out right there. Then came the Radio Music Awards. 'It makes sense to have you and JC stay behind, work on the record. Besides, to have those three gets them more exposure. You and JC don't need it.' And now this. 'People may catch on.' Catch on to WHAT Lance? Like people won't catch on to the fact that we've YET to be at an awards show together if we're not all there as a whole group? Joey and JC represented us for one. Chris has been at all BUT one. Me and JC at one. Now me, Joe, and Chris. Yeah, people won't catch on to the fact that they're trying to separate us at any possible time." Justin had finished his rant with a sarcastic snort and turned his head towards the window. "Justin, don't do this to yourself. You're going to go to the awards. Walk on that carpet with a smile on your face. Wait for her to latch on to your hand like we know she will, and smile for all the cameras and reporters that will turn this into a big deal." Lance ran his fingers through the curls he begged to touch when apart form him. "At least you don't have to go and sit on a plane cross country. Talk about jet setting." "We shouldn't have to do this. We just shouldn't," Justin said, shaking his head as it remained lowered, his eyes focused on the sneakers his lover wore. "No, we shouldn't. But, we're not about to out ourselves, so for the time being, this is our life." Lance sighed a deep breath of resentment with the statement. "Thankfully when we close THAT DOOR, it's all left out there and I can hold you, cuddle you, kiss you, say your name over and over with love wrapped around each breath I takem" Justin said, his hands tracing the fine hairs that surrounded Lance's belly button. Lance giggled at the sensation, his arms wrapping around Jusitn's shoulders and pulling him close as Justin rested his head against Lance's abdomen, his hands sliding around his body to rest in the back pockets of his jeans. "I could stay like this forever, Lance. I love you. I don't love her, and everyone keeps insisting that I do. And what do I do? I have to stay silent because I'm afraid if I speak I'll blurt out 'I love LANCE BASS' instead. A small price to pay for what little sanity I have left, but when will it end?" "*Why* are you so depressing tonight?" Lance laughed. "Baby, listen to me. The questions will come up. We talked about this. You know the truth, I know the truth. She knows it, but getting her to admit that fact and getting her to accept it is another issue. Let her think she can change your mind, she creates a diversion. But, remember the promise. When it gets out of hand and you feel like you've lost control, that's it. I'm not running the risk of walking into our room and hearing you sobbing into your pillow from the pressure again. That's the whole reason we decided you should just go along with it and PUBLICLY admit it." Lance admonished. Justin's curls rubbed up agianst Lance's skin as he nodded his head in agreement. "I never want to feel like that again. You'd think people would have just left it alone. If I was asked "off camera", I'd say 'yes,' depending on who it was. 'Hollywood's best kept secret' my behind. That's what's right here. How's it a secret if half of the "secret" is blabbing all over town?" Justin laughed. "OK, enough of this merry go round of bashing and trying to make sense. We're gonna be fine. It's one night. I'll see you in San Diego the next evening. It's not like we're going to a place with no phones. You won't be forgotten, trust me. Just smile, try and look like you mean it, and know that I'm missing MY angel while sitting at The Angel Ball." Lance smiled, leaning his head down to kiss Justin's lips tenderly. "For you, Lance. Anything." Justin smiled, wrapping his arms around Lance's waist tighter, afraid of what will happen when he let go. *************** "Here goes nothin," Justin said as he inhaled a deep breath of courage and strength and exited the limo. "She's here already," he thought to himself as he took notice to her standing off to the side. "Alright, come on now. Smile. You promised," Chris said as he rested a comforting hand on the small of Justin's back. Justin nodded his head and smiled as she walked towards him. "I"m so excited for this," she giggled quietly as she twined her fingers in his. He looked away from her, from the cameras already snapping their pictures. Part of him hoped they'd caught him rolling his eyes in disgust and pity for the person attached to him like a leech. They neared the sea of reporters screaming their names. Microphones and cameras of all kinds pushed into their faces once they were within an arm's legnth. Justin shot an apologetic look to his friends who were all but forgotten in the frenzy to catch the "Romance made in heaven" on tape. They took their seats, the lights dimming as soon as they were settled. She reached for his hand, but he turned to Joe and began a discussion, shrugging off the gesture. As with most awards shows, most of the jokes weren't funny. The ones that were, he'd laugh with his friends and try to forget the pain brought on by the fact that there were two missing. Justin looked over at one point of his laughter and saw the blank look on her face. He laughed to himself. "You didn't think that was funny?" he asked as he leaned over slightly. Ahh, the familiar flash. That'll be in US, Enquirer, Star and People next week. The "lovebirds" sharing a quick moment during the show, he thought to himself, as she gave her usual response. "Sure, just not that funny." And she gave him that smile. That sickeningly sweet smile that she wore all the time. "Chew your gum, twit" he said to himself as he turned back to Joey, the one who actually understood the jokes. Justin felt the familiar vibration of his pager and looked around before reaching into his pocket to retrieve it. "Angel-less at the Angel Ball. Misses and kisses" was what it read out to him. To anyone who may have caught a glimpse at the message, they'd have been clueless. All vowels were removed from the words. A smile spread across his face as he replaced the pager in his pocket and turned to see that same smile on her face. "Who was that, Justy?" she asked in that sappy voice. "Ryan." His answer was flat and uncaring and he quicly turned his attention to the stage as No Doubt was being announced. A gopher came to retrieve them to rehearse for the small skit they'd perform to introduce the last award of the night. He excused himself as he brushed past her, thankful to finally be able to breathe. "It's like when you unbutton your pants after Thanksgiving, isn't it?" Chris laughed, slpping his arm around his friend's shoulders, giving it a supportive squeeze. "Just don't stick your hand DOWN them and start adjusting, because that's the last kind of publicity we need," Joey laughed as they neared John Leguizamo and listened to some of his less than humorous comments towards them about their careers. They performed the small skit flawlessly and returned to the backstage area and waited for the show to end. "Almost done, almost over," Justin whispered to himself as he reached for his pager. He pressed in the cryptic message and quickly returned the device to his pocket. She rounded the corner swiftly, as if on a mission, and found him instantaneously. "We're gonna go now," he said. Justin nodded to Lonnie and watched as he took her by the hand, escorting her out of the building and towards the line of limousines that awaited the house of celebrities. Justin walked slowly behind them with Joey. "This, was damn near impossible. Justin shared a laughed with his friend as they watched her get escorted into a different car than they'd be taking. "Now, I just have to get through all day tomorrow on a tourbus with THIS one, and I'm good," Justin smiled. "Then, we come to the next problem." *********** "Lance, I thought you said no business during the event," JC said as he leaned over upon hearing the familiar chirp of his friend's pager. "I know, I forgot to turn it off. I'll do it now," Lance whispered as he reached into his pocket and read the message. To the lover's eyes it read "Over and done, needing you now" Lance smiled as he shut the electronic device down and continued with the night as planned, memories of what he'd been missing all night and what he'd find again the next day helping him to get through the feeling of emptiness that surrounded him, despite one of his best friend's sitting beside him. BACK |