Claimed

I went to the police station through the tunnels. I lurked in the foyer and listened to the conversations, as I figured that a girl who turned herself in for murder would be pretty big news in Sunnydale. When it was clear to me that she hadn’t done it after all, I left and made the way back to my crypt. As I smoked and walked, I thought. I thought of Buffy, and how she made me feel. The things that she’d said. What she’d done. I tried to sleep, but my bed seemed cold and musty. I pressed a soft pillow to my chest, and pretended it was Tara. I thought of her scent, her smile, and her softness. I stared at the ceiling and tried to recapture the feeling of her.  When I finally woke, it was after dark. I made my way to Buffy’s house. A familiar figure walked down the other side of the street in the opposite direction. “Tara!” I called out as I crossed the street to her. She startled. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” She looked down at the ground, and seemed unwilling to look at me. “About last night…” I began. She looked up at me, and her face was a rosy pink. She was flushed, embarrassed. “Just forget it ever happened.” “Tara…” I began. “You don’t have to say anything,” she said sweetly. “It was just the spell, and the drug I gave you, and I felt so alone and…” She stopped and bit her lip. “I’m sorry,” she said awkwardly. “I didn’t know.” Her face crumpled and she ran away. “Tara!” I yelled after her, confused. She ran swiftly and never looked back. I continued on to Buffy’s determined to get this over with. I knocked on the front door. She opened it, saw me, and slammed it in my face. “Open the door.” There was no response. “Open the fucking door, Buffy!” I screamed loudly, fed up. She opened the door and crossed her arms in front of her. “What do you want?” “Are you alright?” I lowered my voice. “What happened with the, you know, accident?” “Not your problem, Spike,” she said briskly. “The Scoobies and I are on it. I didn’t hurt anyone.” I smiled at her in relief. “Well, that’s great, Slayer.” She looked at me coldly and raised her chin. “Is that all?” The smile slid from my face. “I will always love you, Buffy.” She rolled her eyes and started to shut the door. “Will you just give me one second,” I said angrily. She stopped the door halfway and looked at me. “I will always love you,” I repeated. “If you need me, I will always be there for you. You can always count on me.” She stared at me blankly. “I won’t be coming around any more. I’d rather you left me alone too, unless you need me to help you.” I tilted my head and looked at her. “I was wrong.” “Wrong about what?” she asked, with only a hint of real interest. “You don’t always hurt the one you love,” I said. “Real love doesn’t hurt at all. I never knew that before, but I’m learning it now.” I turned my back and walked past the tree where I had spent too many nights watching, always on the outside looking in. I knocked on the door of Tara’s room, but there was no answer. I knew she was inside. I could hear her heartbeat. “Tara, it’s Spike,” I called. “Can you let me in?” There was no response, but I could hear her breathing erratically. I smelled salt. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a thin metal shim. I jimmied the door and walked in. The room was dark and appeared empty except for a lump underneath the covers on the bed. “What’s wrong, love?” “Go away, please,” Tara said softly. Her voice was thick with tears. If I had any doubt before, now I knew exactly how she felt. “I’m sorry that I took advantage of you,” I said to her. She began to cry louder. “I’m sorry that I’m an idiot. I try not to be one. But you’re very beautiful, and you are so sweet, and I respect you so much. What we did last night, you being with me, it was the happiest I’ve ever been. The closest thing to heaven an evil bastard like me could ever hope for.” She pulled off the covers. Her hair was in disarray, and her face was puffy from crying. “It’s very sweet of you to say that,” she said slowly, “but you don’t have to pretend.” “Pretend that you mean something to me?” I asked her. She closed her eyes. “I know that you l-l-love Buffy,” she said sadly. “I love Buffy, just like you love Willow. Someone that you care for, but can never be with.” Tara looked at me with confusion.  “I saw Buffy tonight, and she told me that you were… together.”