by Joseph Anderson

Joxer, Aphrodite, Velasca and all elements from the TV series, Xena: Warrior Princess are the property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringment is intended with this fan fiction, which may be copied for personal use only, may not be sold, and must contain all notices of copyright.

There's a small amount of violence and no bad language, but this story contains some fairly explicit straight sex (no, you're not seeing things, a man having sex WITH a woman).

Tripping over a large root which protruded from the ground, Joxer fell loudly. He was used to it though and it didn't bother him particularly. As he raised his eyes from the leaf covered earth, spitting a few twigs and leaves out, he saw a beautiful white foot before him wearing sandals which seemed to glimmer. Some sort of diaphanous material swirled around the lovely long legs. Gulping, he looked up at the ravishing face surrounded by blonde hair smiling down at him.

"Hello Aphrodite," Joxer said. He got to his feet though tripped over the root again, backward this time to land on his behind.

The beautiful eyes twinkled. "You make me laugh, Joxer. Girls like that. You've GOT to work on that wardrobe, though. Why didn't you just lose the crapola armor like you did when I cast that spell on you, huh?"

He managed to make it to his feet and stay on them this time. He put his hand on his sword and said with dignity. "That wasn't really me, Aphrodite. As a mighty warrior I have to wear armor in case I meet any monsters or evil warlords to fight."

"You just don't have a clue, do you?" she said. "Well, I can't look at you that way." The goddess reached out and wrapped on his battered old helmet which had belonged to his great-grandfather. It suddenly changed to a sleek and dangerous looking Corinthian, like Joxer saw on vases. It was inlaid with silver and brass which formed a stylized seashell and it had a horsehair crest. He looked down and saw that his great-uncle's old breastplate had been transformed into a gleaming chest piece that matched his helmet--Joxer noted with embarassment the brass nipples. Under that he wore a soft black leather shirt that also had seashell designs on it in dark grey. He wore short tight black pants, bronze greeves over his shins, and sandals.

Now THAT'S my boy, Joxer!" Aphrodite said with satisfaction.

Joxer smiled. He had no idea what was going on, but she was so beautiful he could stand there all day and just look at her. The goddess held her hand out with a medallion and Joxer took it and looked curiously at it. It also had her seashell on it.

"Put it on Joxer. Okay, dude, I'm not gonna make the same mistake I did last time with the bell. THIS spell won't just turn off at any old ringing you hear, so you shouldn't wipeout." As Joxer slipped the chain over his head and put the medallion under his shirt, he was suddenly transformed.

"Oh, beauteous queen of love and goddess of passion, I am yours to command in all things." He kissed her hand with a flourish as Aphrodite giggled.


Cursing, Velasca clambered up the side of the rock face. She saw a small lizard looking at her and grabbed it and threw it to its death in the lava below. "What are you looking at?" she muttered. After an hour she finally reached the top. The gods had simply taken Callisto somewhere. Artemis was mad at Velasca though so they left her stranded in the middle of the lava on a small outcropping--minus her godhood, of course. Finally she had just leaped for the cliff wall and stopped her slide into the lava just as the bottom of her sandals touched the molten flow. She instantly pulled her feet up, looking at the smoking footwear. Without wasting any time she began the climb up the sheer cliff.

Now she had pulled herself up over the edge and sat for a moment looking down at where she had been imprisoned with Callisto. Velasca was furious. She knew she was getting a raw deal. She deserved to be queen of the Amazons and that had been stolen from her by that weakling outsider Gabrielle. She had become a goddess because she deserved to be one but now THAT had been stolen from her. She wished she could kill everything in the world: all the gods, all the people, all the animals, all the plants. Well maybe not all the people at once, then what would she do later? She would pace herself killing all the people. Velasca stood, enjoying the thought of killing everything in the world and turned to begin the trek back to the Amazon capital. Have to start killing somewhere. She heard a sound and turned, her sword instantly in her hand.

What Velasca saw took her breath away. A warrior like she thought never really existed. The armor was as beautiful as it was deadly. She could see its efficiency at a glance; it wasn't just for show. His face was hidden in the shadows of the Corinthian. The cheek pieces extending out. Almost thrusting, she thought. And that crest was just so, so ERECT! The strange warrior drew his sword, which gleamed in the morning light, and began walking toward her. The coming fight excited her and she felt something deep inside at the thought of her sword ripping open that beautiful body. Then she thought of his sword entering her, again and again, and she got even more excited.

"You would be Velasca, the Amazon general," the warrior stated in a confident voice.

"That's right," the woman warrior answered. "Who are you, so I know who I've killed?"

"You're overconfident. I will soon break you of that bad habit. I am Joxer."

He stopped a few yards from her. They leaped simultaneously and their swords met with a clash, they soon were slashing and parrying, then they leaped apart, to study each other. "You fight well, Velasca of the Amazons. I shall have to fight you with my sword in my right hand, not my left. I'm right-handed." He tossed his sword high in the air and caught it again with his right hand. Velasca could've killed him then, she thought, but she wanted to fight him. She was so excited she was afraid it would effect her fighting.

They began circling each other, feinting with their weapons, looking for openings. Velasca attacked savagely and saw her sword easily parried by the strange warrior. She swept down with her blade though and managed to wound his leg. She thought she had him, but suddenly there was a terrible pain in her side and her sword was flying from her hand. She staggered and fell, and looked up at the male warrior standing over her, his weapon just inches from her half open mouth.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" she said. Her voice was ragged and husky.

Joxer sheathed his sword. "Impatient, aren't we?" he said ironically. He backed away from her and examined his wounded leg. Velasca looked down at her hand holding her side, it was covered with blood. "We aren't enemies. We have a shared foe but I wanted to see what kind of warrior you were--if I could depend on you in a fight."

Velasca was looking at Joxer. She was feeling weak now from the wound and from her racing heart. "And who is that?"


Velasca felt herself fainting from her wound but before she passed out she said, "I don't need you to kill Callisto. I don't need anyone for anything!"


The coarse material irritated her nipples. Velasca opened her eyes to firelight. She could make out the walls and ceiling of a cave. She saw she was lying on a bedroll near a fire and there was another bedroll nearby. She felt her side and it was bandaged. She was naked under the blanket. She awkwardly sat up, letting the blanket fall away.

"I'm glad you're awake." Velasca pulled the blanket to cover herself, then just let it drop. She wasn't a child though she was a virgin. Most Amazons were until their leaders found someone to father a child for them. She looked at Joxer who was approaching from the cave entrance carrying firewood. He was just wearing a light shirt now and she could see his leg was bandaged. In the firelight Velasca saw he was naked under the shirt. She pulled the blanket up to cover herself as she felt her nipples harden.

She saw his beautiful armor and weapons were next to his bedroll. "Weren't you afraid I would wake up while you were gone and catch you unarmed?" she said. She disapproved of that. Either he wasn't careful or he didn't fear her. Velasca disliked both scenarios.

Setting the wood down near the fire-- which made his shirt completely transparent--Joxer said, "No. I felt we were past that. Besides," he smiled dangerously at her, "even if you had my sword I could simply take it away from you."

Velasca angrily flushed and stood up, naked now and tried to strike him, but Joxer caught her hand, and forced it behind her back. Velasca's heart was beating fast. Her side was hurting and she looked down and saw the bandage was getting bloody. She kicked Joxer in his wounded leg and he grunted in pain and pushed her arm up behind her. He pulled her close.

"Do you still want my sword, Velasca?" he said, angrily. Velasca was baring her teeth. With her free hand she pulled his face to hers to kiss him hungrily.


"What do you think?" Aphrodite said to her companion.

"It's good though it bothers me." The speaker was a tall muscular woman, who wore a simple leather garment that left one breast bare. She wore a crescent moon on a tiara in her simply worn auburn hair, and carried a bow and quiver of arrows.

"Artemis, you came to me and wanted to punish Velasca for destroying your temple. Well, Joxer got her cherry and that's a pretty big thing for an Amazon--don't ask me why--am I right?"

"Yes, Aphrodite, you're right. This whole thing makes me uncomfortable though. I should've just turned her into a hind and set hunters on her. She was one of my people. I was so angry I didn't want her to even have the honor of a death in the hunt. But now I feel I went too far."

The goddess of love exploded, "You virgin goddesses make me sick, you know that? You're never happy! Only you're even worse than Athena. At least she knows what she wants. You and your Amazons are only virgins because you can't make up your mind. Well, you and me are even-steven now, Artemis. You wanted Velasca popped and now she's popped!"

The goddess of the hunt looked with dismay at Aphrodite, "Don't be angry at me Aphrodite. You did exactly what I asked and I appreciate it. I wasn't criticizing you, just myself."

Somewhat mollified, the beautiful blonde was still pouting but then smiled brightly. "Okeydokey. Later!" She disappeared in a swirl of ocean mist.

Artemis was relieved she was gone. She didn't understand Aphrodite at all. The moon goddess began planning her next hunt.


The voices coming out of the cave were echoing through the canyon.

"Oh, Oh, Yes, Yes! Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!!"

"Ah, my sweet Velasca, so pure and yet so PASSIONATE..."

"Don't Stop, Joxer the Mighty!"

"Ah, Velasca, I wonder if you realize how blessed you are to have ME as your first man."

"I DO, I DO! Oh, Joxer, Mighty Joxer!

"Well, my Amazonian innocent, the only thing that could drive you any madder with passion would be THIS!"



Velasca reached across Joxer to the water bottle, her breasts scraping over his chest. "What's that?" she said as she returned to her position next to him with the water.

"What?" Joxer said tiredly.

Reaching over she flipped the medallion he wore around his neck.

"Merely a trinket, my Amazon kitten." He said with his eyes closed. He felt her get on top of him. Ah, he thought, well the mighty Joxer cannot disappoint her. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain as she yanked the chain over his head and examined it.

"This is Aphrodite's token. What are you doing with it?!" There was something almost hysterically enraged in her voice.

What's going on? Joxer thought with a start. He had no idea where he was, but a beautiful naked girl was sitting on him and looking at something on a chain. She was baring her teeth as she looked from that to him. "Uh, hi. Guess it was really great, right?" He grabbed his nose, "OWWW! What'd you do that for?" She was pacing around now. They seemed to be in a cave. He was naked too. Joxer grinned and winked at the girl then again said, "OWWW!" He found himself looking at a sword a few inches from his face.

"Tell me what you are doing with Aphrodite's token," Velasca commanded him. Somehow her being naked didn't make it any less dangerous sounding. Joxer tried to concentrate; he had to close his eyes for that, what with that naked girl right there. He suddenly realized what had happened.

"Once before Aphrodite gave me a token, a bell, that changed me into a great warrior and lover--even more than I usually am--so that must be what that is. I kinda remember her giving it to me though it's sorta vague."

"Where did you get your armor there?"

"That's not my armor. Sure is nice, though...OWWW! Hey, what did I do?"

Velasca was so angry she hadn't been able to focus enough to kill the MAN. She just kept punching him in the nose. She had to get a grip so she could kill him. Tossing the token aside, she began breathing deeply trying to calm down. Artemis, this must have been the doing of Artemis. Velasca had never offended Aphrodite that she knew of but she had certainly offended Artemis by destroying her temple. When she finally had calmed down enough to commit mayhem she opened her eyes and Joxer was gone.

Joxer was running down the path as fast as he could. He'd grabbed his pants and the token and crept out of the cave while that crazy lady had her eyes closed and seemed to be breathing funny. She reminded him of Callisto except she seemed meaner. You could tell Callisto could be a lot of fun in the right mood. This lady seemed like she'd never be in a fun mood. He'd just turned a corner in the path when a slender ankle extended itself and he went flying. He managed to hold onto the token but his pants were up a tree. He scrambled back up and was going to keep running but a hand touched his shoulder and turned him around.

Aphrodite looked him up and down--then down again. "Well, Joxer. I knew I sensed something that kept me using you. Now I know what it is. Don't ever let Ares see you naked. He's way insecure about that. Come over here and sit down next to me."

"Um, can I get my pants from the tree first?" Joxer said nervously.

"No. Having you naked helps me concentrate on business." She led him to a little spot by the trail that suddenly had a blanket and picnic basket. As they sat down she reached over and Joxer yelped. "Just be quiet. This relaxes me," she said as she rhythmically worked her hand. "Where's my token?...Ah, good, at least you have that. What am I going to do with you, Joxer? Do I have to put my token inside of you to keep you from losing it, huh?"

Joxer didn't answer though he tried, "Well, um, um...." Aphrodite was looking at him, smiling.

"Okay, don't worry. You close?"

"Yeah...gods!" Joxer looked at the top of the beautiful blonde head which was in his lap now. "Ah, Ah, Ah, gods!!!"

Aphrodite sat back up and daintily dabbed at her mouth. "I needed that. Okay, Joxer. I want you to put my token back on and KEEP IT ON this time. I didn't think I needed to tell you that before but I guess I do. I have a feeling a lot of your brainpower wound up a little lower down. Come on, dude! I know it was the best you've ever had, but I've got other things to do! Here's your pants."

Joxer was suddenly wearing them as he was still trying to recover and listen to what the goddess told him.

"You know, Joxer. That's good for me to do. Maybe I'll just start doing that once a week or something with you so I don't get blocked up. Don't worry about Hephaestus. I can handle him."

"Whatever you want, Aphrodite."

"You got that right. Anyway, back to what I want you to do with Velasca."

"Who's Velasca?"

"The girl whose maidenhead you took back there."

"WHAT? That poor girl!"

"Don't worry about it. She had a better time than Artemis wanted probably. But back to business..."


Methodically hunting, Velasca had been going over and over in her mind exactly what she would do to Joxer when she found him. She didn't bother worrying whether he was just a tool for Aphrodite or the fact that SHE had actually made the first move on HIM. She was no longer a virgin, and rather than an honorable arranged coupling for children negotiated for her by her leaders, it had happened passionately with an agent of the goddess of love. She felt defiled and she would make Joxer pay for that. Velasca had never tortured anyone; Amazons thought it was cowardly. But she would make an exception in this case.

She was bent over the trail now, examining the jumbled footprints when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She whirled drawing her sword, but the blade was taken from her hand just as she had it out of her scabbard.

"Nice, Velasca. Is that how you show your gratitude." Joxer had jumped back from her and was holding her sword. He was only dressed in his black leather pants.

The Amazon said to him "You are back under Aphrodite's spell but that's not really you. Joxer is a clown, not like you. You have ruined me as an Amazon."

Smiling sardonically, Joxer began throwing her sword high in the air spinning and catching it without even looking at it. "You should probably stop thinking of yourself as an Amazon, since they all view you as their worst enemy. Hasn't that occurred to you? Artemis asked my mistress, the goddess of love, passion and beauty to punish you. But you and I both know it didn't feel like punishment did it?" He turned slightly and Velasca could see her nail marks on his back. She blushed. When Joxer caught the blade this time he tossed it lightly back to Velasca who caught it. She didn't attack him though. Joxer walked up close to her, and she held the sword to his throat. Joxer smiled and said. "How do you like me better, this way or the other way? You can't kill me now because of Aphrodite's spell but if you take the medallion away again I'll change back to the buffoon. Is that what you want?"

Her sword was shaking in her hand as Velasca kept flashing back to the previous night. Her honor as an Amazon demanded she kill him. But Joxer was right. She wasn't an Amazon anymore. She lowered her sword then sheathed it, staring into Joxer's eyes. She reached her hand out to touch his face and Joxer kissed her palm. She felt the pain in her side disappear and she could see Joxer's leg was healed. Then he simply picked her up and began carrying her back to the cave as she began passionately covering his face with kisses.


The stately beautiful goddess rose from her throne and approached her visitor. The peacock near her fanned out it's tailfeathers.

"Hi Hera. Is that a new bird? He looks a little bigger than I remember; it's rad!"

"Aphrodite. No, he is the same. Thank you, I suppose. What do you want?"

"I want somebody to get a bun in the oven. They're getting it on right now. I'll owe you one, Hera."

"Tell me about it, Aphrodite."

The End