Because I Loved You

Jonathan was pacing in the tiny living room of the house he shared with his band mates. It was 6:30 in the morning and he was the only soul up. He had some many thought going into his brain that he could not think straight. He nonchalantly put his hands in his Adidas track pants. He fingered the familiar shape of a medicine bottle, which contained speed, in his right pocket. He quickly took his hand out of his pocket leaving the medicine bottle behind. The thoughts ran though his head about popping some pills. In pure frustration he kicked a near by folding chair. It moved about two yards way from ware it once was. He took the chair and pulled it up to the makeshift kitchen table and sat in the chair. He then took the bottle out of his pocket and set in on top of the table in front of him. The erie quietness of the house made Jonathan a bit paranoid. He stared at the container in front of him. His hands slowly made there way up to the bottle.

He opened it and the chemically smell was released and found its way to Jon's nostrils. He peered inside the container, the bottle was under half way gone. Just the sight of the speed made his body yearn for them. He finely gave in to the craving and took out six, of the little white pills, out. He when to old beat up refrigerator and opened it. The refrigerator really only had one major content, beer. Jon took out one of the open bottles. He put the pills in his mouth and rased the caramel colored bottle to his lips and took a sip. He swallowed the contents in his mouth. "Why did I just do that?" Jon asked himself. Several tears ran down his face. He wiped them away with the back of his hand. He recapped the bottle and placed it in his pocket.

He took the bottle of beer over to the couch with him. He turned on the TV thinking that he would watch the news to see what the weather would be like for that day. When the picture finally came up it was on PBS. "Who was watching this gay ass channel last night?" He thought to him self. Then he remembered David was watching 'Are You Being Served?' for some odd reason. His leg started to bounce up and down. He did not know why he was still on that channel. All he could do was sit and watch the commercials for all the 'scary' children's shows. Then the scariest of them all came on, 'Mr. Rogers Neighborhood'. Jon's dilated eyes grow larger. He pulled his legs up to his chest and started rocking back and forth. "I fuckin' hate you, dude! You told me every one was my neighbor and every one was my friend as a child! You know what happened? It got me fuckin' picked on!" Jon said hysterically.

Jon then got off the couch and ran over to the tape cabinet and got a blank tape out. He then ran back over to the television and popped in the tape into the VCR and hit recorder. He returned to his rocking on the couch. "Mr. Rogers, you pussy. Do you even know what you are talking about?" Jon said to the TV like Mr. Rogers would say something back. He felt like throwing up. Watching Mr. Rogers made him feel ill. "Dude, what the fuck is up with that sweater and tie, man?" he said directing it to the TV once again. A big smile grow on his face. "Man, you are one evil fucker, do you know that?" He started laughing hysterically and bouncing on the couch like a little kid. His whole body stared to sweat. As he was jumping he was chanting "Evil fucker! Evil fucker!" Everything in the room was a blur to him, except his lyricist note book and pen. He stooped jumping and looked at the TV. "Oh, I am going to write a fuckin' song about how evil your ass is!"

He jumped off the couch and ran over to his note book and pen. Giggles came out of Jon as he was jotting ideas down on his paper.

Someone was moving around in one of the rooms. Jon stood still for a second. Them he ran over to the TV, the show was ending, he stoped the tape and rewined the tape. He quickly unplugged the TV and the VCR and he started to roll the TV cart to his closet like room that he shared with Fieldy. Brian came into the room, waring only boxers and socks, rubbing his eyes still mostly asleep. "Jon, dude what the hell are you doing? It's 7:30 in the morning and you are in here giggling your fucking ass off!" Brian said annoyed and sleepy. Jon didn't say anything. He grabbed his note book and the TV cart and started to move his way to his room, mumbling nonsense words under his breath. "Fine, fuck you, you freaked skizo!" Brian said and shook his head in disgust and went back to his room.

When Jon got to his room it was dark inside, all he could see was the little bit of morning sun showing threw the cretins. Fieldy was still sound asleep with drool coming out of his mouth on to the pillow. Jon switched on the light. Fieldy abruptly woke up, very pissed. "What the hell? Jon what the fuck are you doing?!" Fieldy inquired loudly, wile wiping the sleep from his eyes. Jon had already started to set up the TV, not paying a damn bit attention to Fieldy's inquiring. Feildy got up out of the bed, warring only black boxers, and went over to Jon. Jon had just finished plugging in the TV, when Fieldy tapped him on the shoulder. Jon turned around to see who had just tapped him. As soon as Fieldy saw Jon's eyes he knew this was one of his schizophrenic times. "Fuck, Jonathan! You took speed again didn't you?" Fieldy said. Sweat had started to run down Jon's face as he gazed at Fieldy's face of disappointment. Jon took his eyes away form Fieldy's and didn't say any thing. "Damnit Jon, why? Don't you know what that shit is doing to you?" Jon started to cry. He sank to his knees and cried. "I need it! I need it to write!" Jon cried out to Fieldy. "No, Jon you don't..." Fieldy's voice broke off in Jon's head. Fieldy left the room to leave Jon alone with his thoughts. He shut the door behind him. After Five minutes of crying Jon got up and locked the door and pushed play on the VCR. He stayed locked in that room with his tape, pen, paper, and speed for six days. When he emerged form the room he handed a sheet of paper to David. "What's this?" David asked. "It is about Mr. FuckenMcFeely, all because I loved him as a child." Jon answered. David read it and looked at Jon. "This was drug induced wasn't it?" David asked his friend. "Won't you be my neighbor?" Jon said and left the room laughing...