Writer's note: This is a story about the first night I really got into Korn. its about the night that changed my life.

I put on my headphones, because my regular CD player won't play my Life Is Peachy CD. I skip to track 14. Hollow guitars begin, I think they're guitars. They catch me and they make me listen. He starts to sing, and the words make tears come to my eyes.

"Live your life, Don't you cry."
"My life, pain is God."

I start to sing along, looking at the poster before me of the rock god who sings this song. The rock god who looks just a little less than one. With a soft round face, sad brown eyes, and long shaggy tangles that were caused most likely from too much twirling and not enough brushing for hair. I listen to His song, and I start to cry.

"In denial, I tried to be your friend."

I have memories in my head. They are memories I don't want to talk about. They make me cry. They make me angry. I refrain from putting the first Korn CD into my CD player and skipping to track 12, knowing that it will kill me right now.

"Startle me, Someone save me."

I begin to really cry. The memories sting me.

"Now these memories, Steal my heart."
"They bury me."

I start to sing along with the chorus, looking at the poster.

"All I want to do, Is kill you."

The bridge breaks in and I start to scream at the poster of Him, screaming the words that He wrote, the words that He is screaming. The feelings He has. And what I have too. I move to rip my wrist open again, but I don't this time, because after countless attempts I've found that it doesn't help. It never solves my problems, just rearranges them. Besides, I feel better just knowing that someone out there, Him, feels like I do. He knows how I feel right now. Right now and at least 35 times before. The chorus ends again and the desperate screaming starts.

"Wish you were dead,"
"Now."

I look at the poster through my tears as the song dies down. He is smiling sweetly at me, reaching His arms out to me and opening His hands to mine.