Some people seam to think I am crazy when I tell them this, but I am really not.

When I am listening to Korn I go into this trance where I forget all of my problems, all of the pain I have, and begin to fell the words that Jonathan is saying. It's like I am in him. I can feel Jonathan's pain as I listen to the words he is saying. I don't remember my pain at the time. Nothing matters anymore to me, I just understand Jonathan even more, and then the music stops, and I am back to reality, but for that time, I am truly happy. Many nights I have sit with a knife in hand wanting to kill myself, then I turn on Korn, and I realize that Jonathan made it so far why can't I? In the song Beg For Me off the Issues album Jonathan says "Who gives a fuck if my life sucks. I just know one thing. I won't give up!" I have taken those words to my head, and they are now what I live on. If it weren't for Korn, I would be dead by now. There is no question about it. Korn is my reason for living. Jonathan is my inspiration of life. My father was murdered by my uncle when I was two years old, now that these feelings of hate for my uncle have resurfaced in my life I now have turned to Korn to guide me into a new life. I use Korn as my crutch on life. I can barely stand to read the articles about how Korn nearly broke up during the Family Values 98 Tour. It kills me inside to think that my heroes, gods, and role models, were nearly through before it even started. When I think of Jonathan I worry he will be the next Kurt Cobain, and it won't be Trent Reznor like many speculate. When, not if I am ever to meet Jonathan the only thing I think I could say to him is "Thank You Jonathan, Thank You for saving my life so many times through your lyrics, through your soul, through your mind, and most importantly through your heart."