(Just a note to any visitors that still pass through my old gates, this archive will remain here so that you won't get 100% frustrated by the mostly empty review archive at the Vault's new location. I'm slowly but surely rebuilding my archive and giving all of my old reviews a facelift, or a complete rewrite in some extreme cases. So bear with me and thou shalt be rewarded! In the meantime, scroll down the page and check out my older reviews!)
#
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Currently No Reviews
| N/A |
N/A |
|---|
A
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Alien Predators (1987)
|  |
Three American tourists and a NASA scientist battle aliens in Spain. |
|---|
| Alien vs. Predator (2004)
|   |
Two vicious alien species duke it out in a secret underground
temple in the Antarctic. Naturally some unlucky humans get caught between the warring factions and must find a way to
survive the onslaught. [This was my contribution to the VS. Roundtable.] |
|---|
| The Alligator People (1959)
| |
A woman searches for her missing husband at a
strange mansion in the Louisiana bayou, only to find that he's mutating into an alligator! The
main attraction in this film is Lon Chaney Jr.'s performance as a hook-handed drunk that hates
alligators and women! |
|---|
| The Ape (1940)
| |
Boris Karloff stars as a mad scientist who
prowls at night in a gorilla costume, in search of spinal fluid for his experiments. |
|---|
| A*P*E
|  |
An embarrassingly bad movie about a giant Ape stomping its way through Korea. |
|---|
| Arcade
| |
A virtual reality game steals the souls from all those who play against it. |
|---|
| Arena (1989)
| |
Young Steve Armstrong attempts to become an intergalactic boxing champion! Does this
puny human have what it takes to go the distance against alien beings?! [Part of the Boxing of the Future Team Up with the KO Picture Show.] |
|---|
| Army of Darkness
|  |
Ash is trapped in medieval England and must do battle with an undead army. |
|---|
| Army of One
| |
Wellman Santee tries to clear his name while taking revenge on the corrupt
detective that framed him. |
|---|
| Artie Saves the Hood |
|
A quiet neighborhood is besieged by interdimensional
invaders; now it's up to the local idiot, Artie Guy, and his friends, to stop the otherworldy
marauders! |
|---|
| Attack of the Super Monsters |
|
Dinosaurs with special powers attempt to destroy humanity in this odd mixture
of animation and suitmation. |
|---|
B
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| The Battle in Outer Space
| |
The nations of Earth unite to fight off an alien
invasion in this somewhat sequel to Toho's The Mysterians. |
|---|
| The Beast of Hollow Mountain (1956)
| |
A carnivorous dinosaur gives an American cowboy and his Mexican neighbors some grief in this
grand-daddy of all dino-western films! |
|---|
| The Beast Within
| |
Years after a woman is raped by a monster, her teenaged
offspring begins going through a 'monstrous' case of puberty. |
|---|
| Beware! The Blob (1972)
| |
This is the embarrassing sequel to 1958 classic The Blob! The man-eating slime from outer space devours the denizens of a small town until it is frozen on an ice-skating rink. [This review is part of the BLOB FAMILY PICNIC roundtable!] |
|---|
| Blood Beach
| |
A giant monster sucks beachgoers down through the sand. |
|---|
| Blood of the Dragon
| |
The White Dragon must put his fighting skills to the
test when drawn into a rebellion against an evil Mongol tyrant. |
|---|
C
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Cannibal: The Musical!
|  |
Hilarious musical based on the true story of Alferd Packer, the only person
in the U.S. ever convicted of cannibalism! |
|---|
| Carnosaur
| |
A female mad scientist plots to wipe out humanity so her genetically
engineered dinosaurs can rule the Earth! |
|---|
| Chosen One: Legend of the Raven
| |
Carmen Electra reluctantly becomes a Native
American superhero who enjoys pouring milk all over her bare breasts! |
|---|
| Christmas Evil
| |
Young Harry witnesses his mother gettin' busy with Santa under the
mistletoe at a young age. Unfortunately, this event causes poor Harry to become mentally
unbalanced and dangerous once he's older. |
|---|
| The Clay Witch Project
| |
Hilarious claymation mixture of "South Park" and "The Blair Witch Project." |
|---|
| Conan the Barbarian
| |
The movie that set the standard for barbarian films! Conan uses his immense
strength to avenge the death of his people at the hands of Thulsa Doom. |
|---|
| Crater Lake Monster |
|
An aquatic dinosaur snacks on the local residents of Crater Lake, Oregon. |
|---|
| The Crawlers |
|
The careless disposal of radioactive waste in a forest creates carnivorous,
mutant killer tree roots! ARRRRRGH! |
|---|
| Creature From the Haunted Sea
| |
Treasure diving gangsters are attacked by a ridiculous looking seaweed monster. |
|---|
| Crocodile |
|
A fake looking Crocodile feasts upon bad actors and actresses. This film is further
proof that Tobe Hooper is an untalented director. |
|---|
D
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Dawn of the Dead
| |
A group of people trapped in a mall fend off zombies and raiders in
George Romero's classic zombie epic. |
|---|
| Day of the Dead
| |
People in an underground military missile silo try to survive the continuing zombie plague. |
|---|
| Dead-Alive
| |
A zombie epidemic starts in New Zealand when a young man's mother is bitten by
a "Sumatran Rat Monkey!" |
|---|
| Dinosaurus!
| |
Two dinosaurs and a caveman emerge from suspended
animation and menace an island community. |
|---|
| Double Dragon
| |
The Lee brothers must stop Koga Shuko from obtaining both halves of the
"Double Dragon" medallion. |
|---|
| Down to Hell
| |
A group of murderous kidnappers find that the
tables are turned once their most recent victim comes back to life. This flick is a prelude to
the greatness of Versus! |
|---|
| The Dungeonmaster (1985)
| |
A computer nerd uses his technical know-how (and handy supercomputer) to
defeat Satan in mortal combat! |
|---|
E
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| The Evil Dead
| |
A group of friends in a secluded cabin, fight for their lives (and souls) against
demons. |
|---|
| Evil Dead II
| |
Ash battles those pesky demons with his
trusty chainsaw and sawed-off shotgun in this awesome sequel. |
|---|
| Evil Ed
| |
Evil demons that inhabit the worlds goriest films cause a film editor to
go on a murderous rampage. |
|---|
| Evil Tales III: The Final Chapter
| |
The third (and final?) chapter in 4th Floor Pictures'
horror anthology series. It features "four tales, straight from the book of the dead." |
|---|
F
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Faust: Love of the Damned
| |
John Jaspers becomes a powerful demon that seeks vengeance against Satan. |
|---|
| The Fear
| |
A group of people on a "fear therapy" retreat are terrorized by a wooden
mannequin. |
|---|
| First Men in the Moon
| |
The British beat the rest of the world to the moon
and encounter giant bugs! |
|---|
| The Fog (1980)
| |
John Carpenter's creepy supernatural classic! A small
seaside village is blanketed by an eerie fog full of vengeful ghosts! |
|---|
| Frankenstein vs. the Creature from Blood Cove (2005)
| |
William Winckler's loving homage to classic creature films from
the 1950s! Frankenstein's Monster is once again resurrected and dukes it out with a rampaging, biogenetically
engineered Gillman! |
|---|
G
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Gamera: Guardian of the Universe
| |
Gamera is back and better than ever! This time out, the newly revamped kaiju
saves Japan from the voracious Gyaos! |
|---|
| Gamera vs. Barugon
| |
Gamera dukes it out with an ice-breathing lizard in this Japanese monster flick! |
|---|
| Godzilla
| |
A giant mutant iguana burrows it's way through Manhattan with a reckless
military in hot pursuit! |
|---|
| Godzilla vs. Mothra
| |
Godzilla rises from a long slumber and begins
trashing Japan. Only Mothra and her silk-spitting offspring can halt Godzilla's reign of terror! |
|---|
| Going Overboard
| |
A cocktail waiter on a pleasure cruise yearns to be the ship's comedian. |
|---|
| Gorgo
| |
A prehistoric beast wreaks havoc upon the British Isles while searching for its kidnaped offspring. |
|---|
| The Guyver
| |
A young martial artist uses an alien suit of armor to battle evil mutants! |
|---|
| Guyver 2: Dark Hero
| |
The Guyver returns to stop the evil Zoanoids from obtaining alien weaponry. |
|---|
H
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Halloween
| |
John Carpenter's classic slasher flick! Michael Myers escapes from a mental
institution and returns to his hometown. Bloodshed and terror ensue! |
|---|
| The Howling
| |
A reporter at a psychiatric retreat discovers that it's a safe haven for werewolves. |
|---|
| Humanoids From the Deep (1980)
| |
Mutant fish-men rape and pillage the town of Noyo. |
|---|
I
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| The Incredible Hulk
| |
After extremely high doses of Gamma Radiation, Dr. David Banner must control
his anger, or else he becomes a green skinned Lou Ferrigno... I mean... the Incredible Hulk! |
|---|
| Infra-Man (1975)
| |
When Princess Dragon Mom appears and threatens
the existence of humanity, only a kung-fu fighting cyborg called "Infra-Man" can stop her and her
army of monsters from conquering the world! |
|---|
| The Invincible Barbarian
| |
Bad Italian rip-off of Conan. Gunan must avenge the death of his people (and
his brother), by killing Nuriak and the Ungats. Confused? Yeah so was I... |
|---|
| Island Claws (1980)
| |
The residents of a small Floridian isle find themselves
under attack by legions of angry crabs and one, giant, roaring crab-monster. (This review is part of the
B-Movie Beach Party Mega-Roundtable.) |
|---|
| It Came From Beneath the Sea
| |
A giant, six-armed octopus rises from the deep and attacks San Francisco. |
|---|
| It Came From the Lake
| |
A pollution spawned monster snacks on the Colombian villagers of Chimayo. |
|---|
J
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Jack Frost
| |
A mixture of genetic acid and snow turns a murderer into a killer snowman! |
|---|
| Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
| |
The homicidal snowman returns to wreak havoc on a tropical island. Watching
this sequel is about as much fun as eating yellow snow. |
|---|
| Jaws: The Revenge
| |
The final sequel to Jaws in which a gigantic Great White shark terrorizes the Bahamas and nearly destroys Michael
Caine's acting career. |
|---|
| Johnny Mnemonic
| |
After downloading too much information into his brain, Johnny must deliver
the data before it kills him. This proves to be a hard task since the Yakuza and a murderous Street
Preacher are chasing him! |
|---|
| The Johnsons (1992)
| |
Movies don't get much weirder than this! Seven
evil sons must impregnate their sister. The resulting offspring is prophesied to be an ancient Amazonian
god that will destroy the world! |
|---|
K
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Killer Me
| |
This isn't your run of the mill independent slasher flick! This twisted tale focuses on
a serial killer and the stalker that loves him. |
|---|
| King Cobra
| |
A giant snake that's half King Cobra and half Rattlesnake, kills off the denizens of a
small town. |
|---|
| Komodo
| |
Large, carnivorous lizards hunt and devour the residents of an island. |
|---|
L
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Loan$hark
| |
The directorial debut of indie film maker Jay Jennings.
This gritty film chronicles the rise and fall of a violent loanshark. |
|---|
M
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Monster Dog
| |
Alice Cooper stars in this gloriously strange werewolf film. "Cause I've got an image out of control,
Identity Cri-sis-is!" |
|---|
| The Monster Squad (1987)
| |
A group of misfit kids puts their courage (and monster
knowledge) to the test when their small town is invaded by Dracula, a Wolfman, a Mummy, a Gillman,
and Frankenstein's Monster! |
|---|
| The Monster That Challenged the World
| |
In an age of atomic mutants and a variety of giant
insects, a new threat arises. This time, enormous prehistoric sea snails are the culprit. |
|---|
| Moon of the Wolf
| |
A wolfman terrorizes a small Louisiana community. |
|---|
| Mortal Kombat
| |
A group of mortals enters the tournament of "Mortal Kombat" to decide the fate of
the "Earth Realm." |
|---|
| Mothra
| |
Japan is attacked by a giant silk worm! Can the Japanese military stop it
before it becomes a giant Moth?! Nope! |
|---|
| Munchies
| |
Small Peruvian aliens menace the residents of a small town in this cheap Gremlins knock-off. |
|---|
| My Bloody Valentine (1981)
| |
The tiny Canadian town of Valentine Bluffs is terrorized by
a pick-axe wielding killer that hates Valentine's Day. |
|---|
| The Mysterians
| |
Japan is under siege from alien bachelors that
need Earth's women to procreate. Of course you do know... this means war! |
|---|
N
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| The Nest
| |
A genetics company creates a strain of large carnivorous cockroaches that infest
a small island resort. |
|---|
| Night of the Living Dead (1968)
| |
George A. Romero's horror classic! A group of people in a farmhouse fend off flesh-eating
zombies. |
|---|
| Night of the Living Dead (1990)
| |
The recently deceased rise from their graves and feast upon the living in this
great remake. |
|---|
| Night of the Zombies
| |
An accident at a government "Hope Center," releases a green gas that turns
people into zombies. |
|---|
O
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Octopus
| |
A giant mutant octopus attacks and devours the crew of a submarine. |
|---|
| Orgazmo
| |
The world's only Mormon/Porn-Star/Superhero fights against an evil stag film director! |
|---|
| Orochi: The Eight Headed Dragon
| |
A young prince becomes "The Champion of the Gods" and saves the Earth from
the evil Sukiomi! |
|---|
P
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Pulgasari
| |
A metal eating monster aids an army of peasants against their tyrannical king. |
|---|
| Pumpkinhead
| |
A hillbilly calls upon a sadistic demon to avenge his son's death. |
|---|
| The Punisher
| |
Frank Castle exacts vigilante justice against mobsters and Yakuza
thugs as "The Punisher." |
|---|
Q
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Q: The Winged Serpent
| |
FONT FACE="verdana" SIZE=2>An ancient monster that's been resurrected through human sacrifice, terrorizes New York City. |
|---|
R
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Rebirth of Mothra
| |
Mothra takes on Desghidorah to save the Earth's ecosystem. |
|---|
| Rebirth of Mothra II
| |
Mothra does battle with Dagahra to save the Earth's oceans. |
|---|
| Reptilicus
| |
A giant rubber snake with amazing regenerative powers, attacks Copenhagen. The title creature
must be seen to be believed.
| The Return of Captain Invincible
| |
Captain Invincible comes out of retirement to save the world from the evil
Mr. Midnight. |
|---|
| The Return of Swamp Thing
| |
Swamp Thing returns to thwart the evil plans of Dr. Anton Arcane and finds true love
along the way. |
|---|
| Revenge of the Dead
| |
An author attempts to discover the secret of the "K-Zone." If anyone figures out
what this movie is about, please let me know. |
|---|
| Robocop
| |
A deceased police officer is built into a powerful crimefighting cyborg. |
|---|
| Robocop 2
| |
Robocop returns to take on a drug cult and the Robocop 2. |
|---|
| Robot Ninja
| |
A frustrated comic book artist attempts to fight crime, while disguised as
the "Robot Ninja!" Sounds better than it actually is. |
|---|
| Rodan
| |
Giant caterpillars and two gigantic prehistoric pterodactyls terrorize
a mining town in Japan. |
|---|
|
|---|
S
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Scream of the Wolf
| |
Two hunters go after an alleged werewolf in this made for TV mystery. Watch
out for that crazy twist ending! |
|---|
| Shark
| |
Burt Reynolds carries contraband to the Middle East and nearly becomes shark bait in the process. |
|---|
| Shark Attack
| |
A shark expert goes to a small African village to research
a recent slew of shark attacks, only to discover a horrible secret! |
|---|
| Showdown in Little Tokyo
| |
Two L.A. cops take on Yakuza drug lords ... Feet First! |
|---|
| Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th
| |
A Killer stalks the youth of Bulemia Falls High School in this goofy
parody of teenage oriented horror movies and T.V. shows. |
|---|
| Silver Bullet
| |
A crippled teen and his drunken uncle must save
their small town from a bloodthirsty werewolf! |
|---|
| Space Amoeba (1970)
| |
An alien entity hitches a ride on an unmanned space probe that falls to Earth. The evil "space amoeba" lands near a tropical paradise and begins terrorizing the natives by mutating various sea creatures into giant monsters! (This review is part of the
B-Movie Beach Party Mega-Roundtable.) |
|---|
| Space Specks
| |
During an emergency medical mission, a starship
is attacked by miniature aliens. |
|---|
| The Story of Ricky
| |
Awesome and extremely gory kung-fu flick! Ricky battles the evil inmates and wardens of a jail! |
|---|
| Super Mario Bros.
| |
The Mario brothers attempt to halt the evil King Koopa from conquering
the Earth! |
|---|
| Swamp Thing
| |
A scientist is doused in his chemical serum and leaps into the murky bog, only
to become ... SWAMP THING! |
|---|
T
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| The Terror Within
| |
A woman gives birth to a hideous monster which soon grows in size and
terrorizes the crew of an underground military bunker. |
|---|
| Them Damn Zombies
| |
The small town of Beaverfalls is overrun by the undead. Can the local
redneck population fend off this zombie menace?! |
|---|
| The Third Society
| |
A tough-as-nails cop wages a personal war on
the druglord that killed her mother and kidnaped her sister, in this extremely cheesy, independent action flick. |
|---|
| The Toxic Avenger
| |
New Jersey's first superhero battles corrupt politicians and criminals in
the small town of Tromaville. |
|---|
| The Toxic Avenger Part II
| |
Toxie battles the evil Apocalypse Incorporated from Tromaville to Tokyo! |
|---|
| The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie
| |
Toxie continues his battle against Apocalypse Inc. and its leader... the Devil! |
|---|
| Transformers: The Movie (1986)
| |
Optimus Prime and the brave Autobots continue
their battle against Megatron and the evil Decepticons. Unbeknownst to both sides, they will soon
have to fight for their lives against a planet-eating entity named Unicron, and lots of 80's music! [This
is my contribution to the "Reviewers in Disguise" team-up with Badmovies.Org! Read Andrew's review HERE!]
|
|---|
| Troll
| |
A troll tries turning an apartment complex and its residents into a kingdom
of fairies! All that stands in his way is Harry Potter Jr.! |
|---|
| Troll II
| |
A family visiting the town of Nilbog soon learns that it's the Kingdom of
the Goblins. Was this movie purposely made this bad? |
|---|
U
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Uncle Sam
| |
A soldier killed by "friendly fire" during
the Gulf War returns to his hometown as a homicidal patriotic zombie! "Draft dodgers, tax cheats,
crooked politicians, and flag-burners beware: Uncle Sam wants you... DEAD!" |
|---|
| Uninvited (1988)
| |
A killer mutant cat (puppet) escapes from a
laboratory and stows away on a cruise ship, where it begins picking off the passengers, one by
one. This movie scared me when I was a kid?! |
|---|
V
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| The Valley of Gwangi (1969)
| |
Cowboys attempt to capture prehistoric monsters from "The Forbidden Valley" in
order to gain a profit. Naturally things go wrong and soon, a very aggressive (and hungry) Tyrannosaurus(?) is on the loose! Ray Harryhausen rules!
|
|---|
| Varan the Unbelievable
| |
Anti-saline tests conducted on a lake awaken a prehistoric monster, and it's up to one
American General and a "secret weapon" to stop the creature. |
|---|
| Versus
| |
Reincarnation, resurrection , and kung-fu zombies!
Need I say more about this extremely cool flick? |
|---|
W
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Currently no reviews.
| N/A |
N/A. |
|---|
X
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis |
|---|
| Currently no reviews.
| N/A |
N/A. |
|---|
Y
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis | Date Reviewed |
|---|
| Yor, The Hunter from the Future (1983)
| |
In this delightfully cheesy Italian post-apocalyptic
fantasy adventure, a blonde warrior (Reb Brown) battles his way across a world full of dinosaurs,
cavepeople, and robots in his quest to discover his true identity. |
|---|
Z
| B-Movie Title | Rating | Synopsis | Date Reviewed |
|---|
| Zombie
| |
The inhabitants on the island of Matool are attacked by the undead in this Lucio Fulci classic. |
|---|
| Zombie Dawn
| |
Great short film! After nuclear, biological, and chemical warfare decimates
the Earth, zombies take over. It's up to an "elite force" to find and rescue any survivors,
and hopefully find a cure to the deadly zombie virus! |
|---|
My Rating System: The b-movies
and cult films reviewed here at the Vault are rated according to their "radioactivity." The more radioactive a film is, the better it is!
Anything that doesn't cause you to glow in the dark or mutate is probably not worth watching, but then again, to be a well-rounded
b-movie enthusiast, you have to watch bad movies from time to time.
| Rating | Measurement on the Geiger Counter | In Other Words... |
|---|
|
| Highly Radioactive! You may grow a new appendage primarily used to rewind a movie of this caliber, over and over again! |
This movie is the best of the best! Tons of fun and highly rewatchable! |
|---|
|
| Very Radioactive! May cause you to grow a third eye, thus making your viewing experience even more enjoyable! |
This movie makes for a worthwhile viewing experience. |
|---|
|
| Radioactive! The T.V. will bask in your glow! |
This movie is a good way to kill some time on a boring evening or rainy afternoon. |
|---|
|
| Somewhat Radioactive. More radiation and enjoyment can be had by sticking your head in a microwave at ten second intervals. [Note: Doing so is, in reality, hazardous to your health! Don't try it at home kids!] |
This movie is a waste of your precious time. Still, it probably has a few redeeming
qualities... |
|---|
|
| Partially Radioactive. Hardly any detectable amounts of radiation. [You'll find more radioactivity in a septic tank, which is where these
types of movies belong!] |
OUCH! This movie is painful to watch; may cause medical problems. |
|---|
|
| Hardly Radioactive. A brief blip on the
geiger counter that is usually ignored for the betterment of humanity. |
This rating is usually used in conjunction with others, however, if
a film registers at only a "half-rad" then dispose of it immediately or suffer the consequences! |
|---|
|
| Not Radioactive. Since our geiger counters can't detect these flicks, many still hide in obscurity to
this day. That's probably for the best. |
Certain death awaits all who watch this! Ye
have been warned! |
|---|
|
